CCTV: Crazy Cashier Television

| Bay Area, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Musical Mayhem

(I am checking out on a slow night at a grocery store. The cashier is away from her checkstand, busy with other duties; she directs me to her register as I approach. As she moves to the checkstand, she starts singing after the music playing in the store, which has just finished a very repetitive chorus.)

Cashier: *singing* “Watchin’ you, watchin’ you, watchin’ you…”

Me: “Oh, are there cameras in here?” *looks up* “I guess there are.”

Cashier: “Yeah, there are.” *blowing a raspberry in the direction of the cameras* “I don’t think they ever watch them, though. Or I wouldn’t be doing that.”


Small Talk, Small Behavior

| Madison, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I have to stop at the local grocery store to pick up some supplies during a time of great stress for me due to an illness in the family. I am trying to remain composed. The woman who is the cashier appears to be of post-retirement age and comments on everything the two college-age boys in front of me purchased and engaged in lengthy conversation about their events and day.)

Cashier: “Good afternoon, did you find everything today?”

Me: *keeping it short but polite* “Yes, it was fine. Thank you.”

Cashier: “So, what are you doing today?”

Me: “I really don’t want to engage in small talk today, please. Thank you.”

(I specifically recall the phrasing, and saying please and thank you.)

Cashier: “Fine! I was just trying to be nice!” *continuing in mutinous silence until she stops and stares at me*

Me: *looks over and notices the charcoal on the line was not scanned or in the bagging area* “Do you want me to pick that up or do you want to scan it?”

Cashier: *refuses to say anything, just picks the handheld scanner up and waives it at me*

Me: *adjusts the charcoal (it is about six pounds, not too heavy for her to lift)* “Okay, is this all right?”

Cashier: *waves scanner at it while refusing to speak, and then stops and stares*

Me: “Okay, is that the total?” *looking at the credit card machine display to get the number that she refused to tell me* “All right, I will run my card.”

Cashier: *stares at me while I run the card then turns the bag thing around so I can get my stuff*

Me: “Bye, now!”

(Overall, I have never had a more confusing, childish, and less pleasant reaction to simply asking not to have to make small talk.)


Calling For Police (Distr)Action

| Canada | At The Checkout, Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I realize about 12:30 am that I am out of some essential items so I head off to the nearest 24-hour supermarket. As I pull in I notice two police cars parked out front, and a third one pulling in. They don’t appear to be in urgent mode so I go in. As I pass the bakery section I see that they have a guy pinned to the wall and cuffed. The situation seems to be under control so I do my shopping, and get in an unusually long line for the time of night. As I get to the one lone cashier:)

Cashier: “I apologise for the long wait.”

(I assume it is due to other staff having to leave their stations to deal with the situation.)

Me: “Yeah, must have been something, with all those police showing up!”

Cashier: *looks at me, confused* “What police?”

(She had a clear line of sight down to the bakery waiting area, so I have no idea how in our sleepy city, she missed probably the biggest action of the day in a nearly empty store. I don’t hold out much hope for her survival in a zombie apocalypse.)


Failed The Name Game, Part 3

| Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Employees, Funny Names

(My older sister and I are out shopping. My first name is relatively normal, but my sister, whom my parents believed to be a boy right up until she popped out, was given the neutral name they’d intended for my ‘brother.’ Fortunately, she loves her goofy name, even when stuff like this happens.)

Me: *we’re waiting in line at checkout* “Okay, we have everything.”

Sister: “You’re sure?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Sister: “Because we both know who will have to come back and get anything we missed.” *hands her card and ID to the cashier*

Cashier: *condescendingly* “Sweetie, I’m going to need YOUR ID, not your daddy’s.”

Sister: “That IS me.”

Cashier: *stares at her as if she’s stupid* “‘Tyler’? I don’t think so, honey.”

Me: “No, seriously, that’s her name.”

Cashier: “Look, if you’re going to be lesbo, do it on your own time. For now, your real ID, or you’re kicked out. Understand?”

Sister: *pulls her driver’s license out with her full name AND very recent picture and shows it to her* “Isn’t it funny that my parents gave me a boy’s name? It’s almost like they spent nine months calling me that and then decided choosing a new one would take too much effort when I turned out to be a girl.”

Me: “Oh, right, that actually happened.”

(The cashier hurls the ID back at us as she slams our groceries through the scanner, thankfully being more gentle with the fragile stuff. She continues to glower at us the whole time and Tyler decided she has to get one final jab in as we left.)

Sister: “TYLER, over and out, Ashley, my friend! See you next week!”

(The look of rage on the cashier’s face was priceless.)

Failed The Name Game, Part 2
Failed The Name Game

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