Rent Out Of Shape

| Delmar, MD, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’ve been getting a lot of telemarketing calls on my cell phone even though I’m on the ‘“do not call” list. As annoyed as I am about it, most of the time I simply state that I don’t have student loans, or I don’t have credit cards, or simply that I want to be put on their “do not call” lists. Usually they’re pretty nice about it as long as I’m polite to them. This chap from one of the solar power companies, however… Well, he took the cake and pushed my last button.)

Solar Guy: *goes through his five-minute spiel* “So, are you interested?”

Me: “No, sorry. I don’t own my home; I’m a renter.”

Solar Guy: “Yeah, sure. That’s what they all say. If you’re not interested just say you’re not interested. You don’t have to lie.”

Me: “Dude! I have a 400 credit score. I couldn’t get a loan for a used [marital aid] much less a house!”

Solar Guy: *click*

Carry Yourself Out

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(My husband and I decide to call and order pizza for dinner, from a franchise a few blocks away. I’m sitting next to him when he makes the call, so I can hear both sides of the conversation.)

Husband: “Hello? I’d like to place an order for carry-out, please.”

Employee: “For… what?”

Husband: “Carry-out. I want to order pizza for carry-out?”

Employee: “Uh… Is that pick-up or delivery?”

(My husband doesn’t handle dumb questions well, and I can tell he’s determined to get his point through to this employee, maybe in an attempt to educate them.)

Husband: “You don’t know what carry-out means? It means I want to order a pizza, and you make it, and then I go over there and CARRY IT OUT of the store myself. Hence the term ‘carry-out.’ It’s self explanatory.”

Employee: “So… pick-up, then?”

(We both roll our eyes.)

Husband: *silently mouthing to me* “Oh, my god.” *to the employee* “YES.”

(Unsurprisingly, the rest of the order went in a similar fashion, with my husband asking for items off their menu and the employee on the phone having no idea what he was talking about. For example, when he asked for a pepperoni pizza with “double the pepperoni,” the employee was completely lost. Finally he completes his order and hangs up.)

Me: “You can’t expect everyone to have common sense, [Husband].”

Fret About Debt

| MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body, Money

(Due to health issues, my debts and bills have begun to pile up. Most places are understanding and often hold off on collecting a payment, or let me make a smaller than minimum payment after I explain the situation. My phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Debt Collector: “Yes, is Miss [My Maiden Name, but mispronounced] there?”

Me: “That was my maiden name, yes. My married name is [Married Name].”

Debt Collector: “This call may be recorded. The last four of your social are [numbers]. I’m calling to collect a debt from [School I went to years ago].”

Me: *taken aback by the casual nature of giving out any part of my social security number* “Uh… yeah. I’m on a payment plan. I know I’ve missed last month’s payment and probably this month’s as well. I’ve already called and worked it out with them.”

Debt Collector: “Well, I have wonderful news. If you just pay $600 right now, you’ll be back on track. This is a great opportunity to get your credit up!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry but I don’t have that kind of money right now. I’ve been in the hospital and–”

Debt Collector: *interrupting* “What can you give today? $500?”

Me: “No, I don’t have any money.”

Debt Collector: “You have something. $400? $300?”

Me: “I don’t have anything. All of my money has been going to hospital bills and rent.”

Debt Collector: *angry* “Look, I’ve heard it all before. I need $200 from you right now, and more tomorrow. Borrow some money from someone.”

Me: “I don’t HAVE two hundred dollars, and I’m not borrowing money to get out of a debt! I’m hanging up now.”

(The next day:)

Debt Collector: *flatly* “Miss [Mispronounced Maiden Name], I’m a debt collector. I have wonderful news for you. If you can send $900 right now, your debt with [School] will be nearly caught up. This is a great opportunity.”

Me: “I told you yesterday, I don’t have that kind of money. I’m not going to have that kind of money this month, or next, period. I’ve already worked it out with [School].”

Debt Collector: “Your insurance will pay your hospital bills, [Mispronounced Maiden Name]. $800 today and your problems go away. Now, how would you like to pay? I’ll just call you back if you hang up on me again, so don’t try it.”

Me: *losing my temper* “Okay, LOOK. My name is not [Maiden Name]; it’s [Married Name]. I told you yesterday that I don’t have several hundred dollars lying around, and the reason I don’t is because most insurances don’t pay for chemo. I’m more worried about fighting for my life than I am my credit score right now, PLUS [School] and I have an arrangement worked out already.”

Debt Collector: “I’m doing my job. Give me whatever you have or I’ll call you every hour.”

Me: *click*

(The next day:)

New Debt Collector: “Hello, is [Mispronounced Maiden Name] there?”

Me: “Nope.” *click*

Email Fail, Part 10

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Ignoring & Inattentive, Technology

(I’m currently four months pregnant and have found the best OB-GYN ever. However, before finding him, I went to this other doctor once whose office help is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. I’m told that I owe a balance that I never received a bill for, so I call them to clear this up.)

Rep: “[Doctor]’s office.”

Me: “Hi, apparently I owe a balance but never received a bill. Can I have one sent to me so I can make sure everything’s correct before making a payment?”

Rep: “Oh, I don’t have that information. You’ll have to talk to billing.”

Me: “Okay, what’s their phone number?”

Rep: “It’s [email address].”

Me: “Sorry, I need the phone number.”

Rep: “Yeah, it’s [email address].”

Me: “No, that’s an email address. I need a phone number to call them.”

Rep: “That’s how you call them.”

Me: “So I’m supposed to dial an email address on my phone?”

Rep: “Yup!

Me: “Alrighty, then…”

Email Fail, Part 9
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7

Making You Grit Your Teeth

| NC, USA | Health & Body, Money

(I’m 21 years old, pregnant, and one of my wisdom teeth has become dangerously infected. I visit my dentist, but he tells me to come back after I’ve delivered. Normally when I go to the dentist I take my mother with me, as I’m autistic with sensory issues and I get overwhelmed easily by the tools. I receive a call two months after getting the tooth pulled.)

Caller: “Hello! I’m looking for [My Name].”

Me: “That’s me.”

Caller: “Hi, [my Name], I’m calling from [Dentist]. Are you aware that you have a bill for $300?”

(At this point my daughter is crying and my mother is asking who it is, so I hand her the phone to tend to the baby. I calm her down enough to hear what’s being said.)

Mom: “I’ve talked to [My Previous Insurance] and they’ll cover the cost if you’ll file the claim correctly. It was a medically necessary procedure, which is covered. This is the third time I’ve told you to re-file the claim. If you’d done it right the first time, you’d have your money.”

Caller: “Well, it will soon be sent to collections. Even if it is covered, that’s only $100 from her bill; still needs to pay for the cleaning.”

(At this point I’m confused, because all we’d ever been told was that the $300 was for extracting my tooth. Furthermore, I had neither asked for nor discussed a cleaning with the dentist, as I was only going in to have that tooth pulled. It takes me a minute before I realize that he did clean my teeth, without warning or my consent, to see what all damage there was so I would come back, which I had no plans of doing.)

Mom: “[My Name], did he clean your teeth?”

Me: “Yes, but I didn’t ask for it or agree to it, and didn’t even know he was going to do it until he started. We never discussed a cleaning, just the extraction.”

Caller: *practically screaming* “Well, she can say that all she wants, but she sat in that chair and had her teeth cleaned, so it’s her responsibility, and if she doesn’t pay it will be GOING TO COLLECTIONS.”

(The caller then hung up as I started fighting tears. I had seen this dentist as a teenager, and he knew of my issues. Every time my mother had gone in with me for wisdom tooth removals he had done the procedure without a cleaning — but the one time I went in alone they wanted to spring a surprise cleaning on me, then charge me $200 for it. I won’t be returning there, or taking my daughter to see them.)

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