Losing The Loser Contest

| Canada | Bosses & Owners

(One of the managers at my hotel is very sarcastic. He’s joking around with my coworker.)

Manager: “[Coworker], you’re a loser.”

Me & Coworker: *laughs*

Manager: “But not the number one loser. You’re the second loser. That’s even worse because you’re not even enough of a loser to be the first loser.” *walks away*

You’re In Hot Water Now

| MN, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work at a hotel. It is a cold winter’s day, and a window happens to freeze up.)

Me: “We need to scrape it off; I’ll get the scraper.”

Coworker: “Can’t we just melt it with hot water?”

Me: ”No, the water would just freeze.”

Coworker: “But it’s hot water.”

Me: “It still freezes; I’ll get the scraper.”

(I go to get the scraper and come back seeing my coworker pouring hot water on the ice.)

Me: “What are you doing?!”

Coworker: “I’m melting the ice.”

Me: “I told you not to!”

Coworker: “But it’ll melt faster!”

(Thermodynamics happened; melting didn’t.)

Throw In A Few Pun-kin Seeds

| Orlando, FL, USA | Coworkers, Pun

(I am well-known for making puns/bad jokes. I have to go check a room for a guest that checked out but it still staying nearby, specifically looking for food and finding a few different varieties of potato chips and one stick of butter in the fridge.)

Me: “Here’s everything.”

Coworker: “They made you go into the room just for chips? Jeez, man, that’s nuts. That is completely nuts.”

Me: “No, [Coworker], they’re chips. They’re clearly chips.”

(Cue groan/half-hearted laugh from Coworker.)

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Oh, [My Name], you’re on a roll.”

Me: “I know. That’s why I brought the butter.”

New Hire: Baptism Of Fire

| USA | New Hires

(It is very early in the morning, and a young new hire is cooking the breakfast for the guests. A smoke smell comes out.)

New Hire: *panicking* “FIRE!” *runs out the door*

(I’m dumbfounded, but I get ready to pull the fire alarm, as we’re trained to, and then her trainer go into the kitchen, grabs an extinguisher, and sprays. The fire is put out.)

Trainer: “It’s okay. It was small.”

Me: “Where did [New Hire] go? Did she really just leave?”

Trainer: “I’ll go get her…”

(Turned out, New Hire was deathly afraid of fire and jumped in her car in a panic and drove off! The manager told her that the job probably wasn’t a good match for her, and she got… fired. Heh.)

Your Tip Is Toast

| Bonn, Germany | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

(This happened to my parents in the 80s. They are at a table in the half-empty dining room, waiting to be served breakfast. The waitress comes and puts their plates down with two slices of toast for each of them and some spreads. When my parents try to order more toast this happens.)

Mom: “Hello, could we have some more toast, please?”

Waitress: *curt* “No.”

Mom: “We are willing to pay if that costs extra.”

Waitress: “You shouldn’t eat so much toast. It makes you constipated.”

(My parents left and bought some pastries at a nearby bakery.)

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