Throw In A Few Pun-kin Seeds

| Orlando, FL, USA | Coworkers, Pun

(I am well-known for making puns/bad jokes. I have to go check a room for a guest that checked out but it still staying nearby, specifically looking for food and finding a few different varieties of potato chips and one stick of butter in the fridge.)

Me: “Here’s everything.”

Coworker: “They made you go into the room just for chips? Jeez, man, that’s nuts. That is completely nuts.”

Me: “No, [Coworker], they’re chips. They’re clearly chips.”

(Cue groan/half-hearted laugh from Coworker.)

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Oh, [My Name], you’re on a roll.”

Me: “I know. That’s why I brought the butter.”


New Hire: Baptism Of Fire

| USA | New Hires

(It is very early in the morning, and a young new hire is cooking the breakfast for the guests. A smoke smell comes out.)

New Hire: *panicking* “FIRE!” *runs out the door*

(I’m dumbfounded, but I get ready to pull the fire alarm, as we’re trained to, and then her trainer go into the kitchen, grabs an extinguisher, and sprays. The fire is put out.)

Trainer: “It’s okay. It was small.”

Me: “Where did [New Hire] go? Did she really just leave?”

Trainer: “I’ll go get her…”

(Turned out, New Hire was deathly afraid of fire and jumped in her car in a panic and drove off! The manager told her that the job probably wasn’t a good match for her, and she got… fired. Heh.)


Your Tip Is Toast

| Bonn, Germany | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

(This happened to my parents in the 80s. They are at a table in the half-empty dining room, waiting to be served breakfast. The waitress comes and puts their plates down with two slices of toast for each of them and some spreads. When my parents try to order more toast this happens.)

Mom: “Hello, could we have some more toast, please?”

Waitress: *curt* “No.”

Mom: “We are willing to pay if that costs extra.”

Waitress: “You shouldn’t eat so much toast. It makes you constipated.”

(My parents left and bought some pastries at a nearby bakery.)


Cooking Up A Resignation Letter

| BC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Non-Dialogue

I work in a new hotel setting up and running the breakfast bar. My boss, the owner/manager, has interesting ideas on how things should be done and will make “suggestions” that she expected me to implement. Some of the time they work fine, but others, not so much.

For example, the time she told me to use a plastic bin in the convection oven because you aren’t supposed to use metal. Yeah, no. I opened the oven to see a river of molten plastic running down the racks, with half-cooked scrambled eggs mixed in.

Another time it was cook the scrambled eggs that came in an oblong plastic bag in the microwave. Should work, right? Well, since the bag was too long to turn on the turntable, it cooked partially and exploded all over the microwave.

Of course, since I did it, it was my fault when things went wrong. And I got to clean up the mess every time!

Love it when the boss hasn’t a clue how to cook!


No Room For This Scam

| OK, USA | Liars/Scammers

(I work the front desk of a hotel for years. Confidentiality is an extremely important part a desk clerk’s job but that doesn’t stop scammers from trying to obtain information.)

Me: *answering phone* “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, this is [Name] from [Hotel]’s corporate office in Alabama. We have had to reset all systems and so I need you to give me the names of all guest staying in rooms.” *rattles off a small group of room numbers*

Me: *immediately suspicious because our corporate is closed on the weekends and is not located anywhere near Alabama* “I apologize, but why are you needing this information?”

Caller: “We lost some information while resetting your hotel’s system. Now I need you to give me the names of the guests in those rooms and their information.”

Me: “And who did you say you were with?”

Caller: “I am a front office expert with your company. Now, please, I need the names of the guest in–” *repeats room numbers from earlier* “–and their information so I can replace the data that was lost while the system was down.”

Me: “I am sorry, but I am not at liberty to give out guests’ information. Surely being a ‘front office expert’ you can understand why.”

Caller: *hangs up*

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