The Cure Is More Painful Than The Disease

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

(I have a condition which causes terrible pain for a couple weeks, and inevitably, lots of lost work and medical fees. The treatment is simple, but I can’t get it without a diagnosis, which can only be done with a test when I’m symptomatic. I figure that if I only have to go through one more terrible fortnight of vomiting, pain, hospital visits, and being near broke, it would be worth it to never go through it again. I call the doctor’s office.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve been calling about that test. Is is back yet? It’s spelt P-O-R-P-H-Y-R-”

Receptionist: “Uhhh, yep. Found it; it’s back. Would you like to book an appointment? We’ve got this morning available, at 11 am?””

Me: “Absolutely. I’ll take time off work. See you soon!”

(When I arrive at the office, my doctor tells me it’s not back after all, and tries to stretch out my fifteen minute slot. As I’m paying, I speak to the receptionist who I suspect made the mistake that morning.)

Receptionist: “That will be $88. Thank you. Swipe here.”

Me: *while swiping my card* “You know, I called this morning to check if a specific test result had returned. I certainly wouldn’t have wasted the time and money to cut a shift short to come in if I’d known it wasn’t. Can you please clear up the correct procedure with your staff members, so everyone knows what they’re doing, and this doesn’t happen again?”

(The receptionist doesn’t acknowledge anything I’m saying, and keeps her eyes trained on the computer.)

Receptionist: “…and now, swipe a savings card, please.”

Me: “Did you hear me? Are you going to speak with your team?”

Receptionist: *finally giving me a deadpan, unconcerned stare* “Sure. Next, please.”

(Later that day, I get a call from the pathology lab, after having been asked by my doctor why it’s taken so long.)

Pathologist: “So, uh, can you come in tomorrow morning to give us another sample?”

Me: “What? I can’t! I’m better now. The results will be normal. What happened to my test?”

Pathologist: “It was damaged by light. You know, you’re supposed to protect it from light.”

Me: “I KNOW! It was wrapped in foil at the lab where I gave it, right in front of me. I saw the guy put in fridge. Who the h*** unwrapped it, and left it in light?!”

Pathologist: “Yeah. I don’t know. You can come by tomorrow morning, or you can choose to take the test when you experience the symptoms again.”

Me: *devastated, begins crying* “What? Fine, I’ll come in tomorrow. Maybe there’s some chance they’ll still show the results I need.”

Pathologist: “Great. Each one is $80, by the way.”

If It’s Not Flu Then Shoo

| SC, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Lazy/Unhelpful

(After feeling bad and coughing for two days, I am running a fever over 100 degrees and having trouble breathing, so I decide to go to urgent care since something is obviously wrong.)

Doctor: “Well, it’s flu season, so it’s probably just the flu. We’ll test you for that.”

Me: “It doesn’t feel like the flu, but go ahead so we can be sure.”

(After test results come back negative for the flu…)

Doctor: “Okay, it’s not the flu. You probably just have a really bad cold. I’ll give you a prescription for cough medicine and you go home and rest.”

Me: *while gasping* “This is not just a cold. I’m running a fever over 100 and I never run fever. I’m having trouble breathing. Can we please try to test for something else?”

Doctor: “No, I’m sure it’s just a cold. Besides, it’s the end of my shift so I don’t have time to run any more tests.”

Me: “…”

(I went home and tried to rest as he saidm, but could hardly sleep since I couldn’t breathe. After two more days, I returned to urgent care, and got a much more competent doctor who determined very quickly that I had a severe case of pneumonia!)

Couldn’t Spell It Any Clearer

, | Greeley, CO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work IT in a health care clinic. We have multiple sites. I get a call from a user. During the call, this happens:)

Me: *I say exactly this wanting the user to type ‘I:\’* “Type I, colon, the slash that goes from the upper left, to the lower right, next to the enter key.”

User: “I, colon, s,l,a…”

A Very Therapeutic Solution

| USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

(I went through a rocky marriage. We tried couples therapy but it didn’t help. After we split up I kept seeing my 70-year-old therapist by myself.)

Me: “I am totally depressed and I have been drinking way, way too much. If I am awake, I am drinking.”

Doctor: “Are you under the influence of alcohol right now?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Doctor: “You aren’t driving are you?”

Me: “Of course not. I got a ride here from a friend. He’s waiting for me outside in the lobby.”

Doctor: “You know what; I met with you and your wife many a time. She was an evil b****. I think it’s perfectly understandable if you fall off the wagon for a bit, just don’t wallow in it for too long. Now I know this is incredibly unethical, but screw it, I should already be retired years ago. I don’t care if I get fired. Let’s cut this session short, grab your friend in the waiting room, and let me buy you a drink.”

(Best / worst therapist EVER!)

Group Fail

| Reno, NV, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(My doctor’s office is part of a large local “franchise” with lots of different departments and offices, so they have a central line that goes to an operator and directs from there. I’ve called it to find a fax number.)

Operator: “Thank you for calling [Franchise] Central Operator. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, can I please have the fax number for the endocrinology department?”

Operator: “Sure, one second.”

(There is a very long pause.)

Operator: “I have… the endocrinology GROUP? Is that what you’re looking for?”

Me: “…Yes, that’s the one. Thank you.”

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