icon_extrastupid

You Did Right Wrong

| NC, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid

(I’m going to see a movie with my aunt, and we approach the ticket-taker once we’ve gotten our snacks.)

Employee: *tears ticket* “It’ll be on the left.”

(He awkwardly points with his right hand over his left shoulder.)

Me: “Wait, my left or yours?”

Employee: *points again* “I, uh, pointed that way.”

icon_fooddrink

I’d Drink To That If I Had One

| Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m in a long line-up at the concession stand just to buy some plain soda water or juice. My partner has gone to get seats. My movie is starting in a few minutes so I’m a bit worried I’ll be late. Finally I get to the front of the line.)

Me: “Can I get just a plain soda water?”

Server: “Yes, on the machines you just push the button on the top for plain soda.”

(He points to some machines on the side which also have lines at them.)

Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize fountain drinks were self-serve. My movie’s starting so I don’t want to wait in another line. Could you just sell me one of those bottles of water please?”

Server: “That line won’t take long. It’ll be about the same amount of time, so you’re better off with that. What size do you want?”

Me: “I don’t want to miss the beginning of the movie, so I’ll just take the bottled water instead.”

Server: “No, you should use the machine. What size do you want?”

(Long story short, I get to my seat as the lights dim, with no drink.)

Partner: “What happened?”

Me: “I think they must make way more money on the fountain drinks.”

icon_newhires

Wish You Could See What You’re Saying

| Portsmouth, England, UK | Movies & TV, New Hires

(A new colleague and I are screen-checking a film that is about to start and making sure people aren’t disturbing others or fooling around when the ‘strobe lighting’ warning comes up on the screen to alert anyone who is sensitive to light effects that they are in the film. The warning is white text on a black background but no speech.)

New Colleague: “What’s that for?”

Me: “To warn people the film contains strobe lighting in case they need to leave.”

New Colleague: “Why would they need to leave?”

Me: “Well, strobe lighting can cause seizures in people with epilepsy, for example, so they put a warning on it.”

New Colleague: “Oh, okay.”

(Pauses.)

New Colleague: “There’s no sound on it.”

Me: “No.”

New Colleague: “What about the blind epileptics?”

icon_ruderisque

The Cinema Just Got X-Rated

| Devon, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have just had a meeting where our general manager has announced she is leaving to work at another cinema, which was unexpected news. Almost everyone has left and I am chatting with some of my coworkers who I am close friends with. I should also point out that Coworker #1 is openly gay.)

Me: “I wonder who our new GM will be. Do you think it will be someone new from another site? Wait, do you think [Manager] will go for it? It would be good.”

Coworker #1: “I think Dee—” *another manager* “—should get it.”

Me: “She’d get it if she wanted it, but I don’t think she does… so that’s why I said [Manager].”

Coworker #1: “Well, I’m just going to be her cheerleader, anyway. I’ll just be like, ‘Dee! Dee! Dee!'”

(Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 start chanting ‘Dee’ together.)

Me: *to Coworker #3* “I don’t think they realise what they sound like, chanting Dee like that.”

(Coworker #3 bursts out laughing and tells Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 who stop chanting.)

Coworker #3: “What do we want? D!”

Coworker #1: “When do we want it? Now!”

Page 1/1412345...Last