Three Dimensions Of Stupidity And Bigotry

| NJ, USA | Bigotry, Lazy/Unhelpful, Movies & TV

(My fiancée and I, both male, recently went back to the ‘big’ movie theater in our local mall. We stopped going because after a renovation their prices jacked up to almost twice the cost of everywhere else in the area, but having gotten a gift card for there as a birthday present, we give them another shot. About two minutes into the premier of a new movie, we get up to complain.)

Me: “Excuse me, there’s an issue in theater two. The projector has the 3D lens on but it’s supposed to be a 2D movie.”

Employee: “How do you know?”

Fiancée: “Because everything’s blurry, out of focus, it’s about half as bright as it should be, and this exact same problem happened last time we were here and we had to tell you how to fix it THEN, too.”

Employee #2: “You’re in a 3D showing, sirs.”

Me: “Nnnnnoooo?” *shows ticket stub* “It says right here, 2D.”

Employee #2: “Well, on this listing here it shows 3D.”

Me: “Then the listing’s wrong. I wouldn’t go to a 3D showing because my left eye’s messed up and won’t focus right to make 3D work. It’s also at least $10 more per ticket. It should be 2D, but the lens is messing it up.”

Employee #1: “Sir, please just stop trying to get free tickets.”

Fiancée: “WHAT!? We WANT to see THIS movie, just not messed up!”

Employee #1: “We get people pulling this nonsense all the time; they get a 3D movie but think it costs too much so they complain, just—”

Me: “It’s NOT a 3D movie!”

(My fiancée’s about ready to jump across the counter, and apparently there’s been enough of a ruckus that the manager’s already on the way over without being asked for. One of the employees apparently hears me call my boyfriend ‘babe,’ and says the following thinking I won’t hear.)

Employee #2: “Figures; they’re a couple queers.”

Me: “EXCUSE ME!? You want to repeat that?!”

Manager: “Yes, I’d love to hear it again, too!”

(The two ‘customer relations’ workers turned white as sheets and spun around to see him. Needless to say, the manager got the projectionist to take off the lens, comped us the free tickets to another showing that the other workers thought we were trying to ‘scam’ out of them, and made sure the listings for the workers were reprinted to not show 3D on ALL MOVIES that have both 3D and 2D!)


The Key To A False Arrest

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Ignoring & Inattentive, Movies & TV

(My keys fall out of my pocket at the movie theater today. I realize this when I get to my car. I walk back to the theater and enter intending to go to my seat and retrieve the keys when the manager confronts me.)

Manager: “Sir! Sir, did you buy a ticket?”

Me: “No, I dropped my keys in the theater. I was going to go retrieve them.”

Manager: “Well, I can’t let you in there.”

Me: “I dropped my keys in there; I’d like to retrieve them.”

Manager: “I don’t know that; you could just be trying to sneak in to a movie.”

Me: “Then you can come in with me and see that I get my keys.”

Manager: “No, sir, you are not going inside the theater.”

Me: “Yes, I am. Excuse me.”

Manager: “I’m calling the police.”

Me: “That’s fine; I’ll only be a moment.”

(I go in, go to my seat, find the keys tucked into the cushion and came back out. Sure enough, the manager is on the phone with the police. I walk over and take the receiver from her.)

Me: “Hello? Yes, I’m the gentleman she’s calling about. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve gotten my car keys out of the movie theater and am leaving the premises. Thank you for your assistance.”


When Movie Theaters Get Too Immersive

| Northfield, NJ, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(My friends and I are seeing Star Wars at a theater where you could reserve your seats. We walk up to the box office to order our tickets.)

Me: “Uh, five for Star Wars in IMAX 3D.”

Ticket Worker: “Okay…” *presses some buttons on the computer in front of her* “Do you guys want the G-spots?”

(My friends start losing their minds.)

Me: *holding back tears* “The what, now?”

Ticket Worker: “The spots in row G, in the middle of the theater. Close enough so it’s not small, far enough so you don’t have to bend your head up—”

(Her coworker is in stitches.)

Ticket Worker: “What’s so funny about— Oh. Oh, my god.” *starts laughing, too* “I should have realized.”

Me: “It’s all right. We’ll take the G-spots!”

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