The Cinema Just Got X-Rated

| Devon, England, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have just had a meeting where our general manager has announced she is leaving to work at another cinema, which was unexpected news. Almost everyone has left and I am chatting with some of my coworkers who I am close friends with. I should also point out that Coworker #1 is openly gay.)

Me: “I wonder who our new GM will be. Do you think it will be someone new from another site? Wait, do you think [Manager] will go for it? It would be good.”

Coworker #1: “I think Dee—” *another manager* “—should get it.”

Me: “She’d get it if she wanted it, but I don’t think she does… so that’s why I said [Manager].”

Coworker #1: “Well, I’m just going to be her cheerleader, anyway. I’ll just be like, ‘Dee! Dee! Dee!'”

(Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 start chanting ‘Dee’ together.)

Me: *to Coworker #3* “I don’t think they realise what they sound like, chanting Dee like that.”

(Coworker #3 bursts out laughing and tells Coworker #1 and Coworker #2 who stop chanting.)

Coworker #3: “What do we want? D!”

Coworker #1: “When do we want it? Now!”

Managers Improving Their Shelf-Life

| Devon, England, UK | Bosses & Owners

(I am the longest-serving staff member, and am also one of the oldest. I usually spend every shift making sure everything is organised, and that people have signed the deployment rota so everybody knows where they are supposed to be. As a result, I often joke that I feel like everybody’s mum.)

Supervisor: *putting non-recyclables in the recycling bin*

Me: *teasing* “[Supervisor]? Did you just contaminate the recycling? Again? If we get fined again, I’m telling [General Manager] it was probably you. She’ll make you pay it.”

Supervisor: *trawls through the bin taking out multiple pieces of rubbish he’d been putting in throughout the day* “I keep forgetting which bin is which!”

Me: *teasing him a bit more* “Do you need me to quiz you on the shelf life on the food again?”

Supervisor: “Bloody h***!” *runs into the office*

(Fast forward to the next day, while on the close with the same supervisor and his twin brother.)

Me: “Well, this is a proud moment for me today!”

Supervisor: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I didn’t have to ask you to sign the deployment rota today! Same with [Twin].”

Supervisor: *smiling*

Me: “And… you didn’t mess up the recycling once today!”

Supervisor: *looking proud of himself* “And I know the shelf life of the foods!”

The Age-Old Problem

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Popular, Trending

(Two women who look to be in their late-20s to early-30s come in to buy tickets for an R-rated movie. Since company policy is to ask for ID for customers who look under 25, and they both look quite a bit older, I don’t bother asking for ID.)

Customer #1: “Just out of curiosity, why didn’t you ID us? Nobody here ever IDs us.”

Me: “Oh, well, as long as guests look over a certain age, we usually don’t ask.”

(A grim look grows across Customer #1’s face as she turns to Customer #2.)

Customer #2: “I know I don’t wanna hear the answer, but how old is that age?”

Me: “25.”

Customer #1: “Ok, I know I REALLY don’t wanna hear the answer to this, but how old do you think we look?”

Me: *feeling bad* “Oh, I dunno… 24 or 25. Right around the limit.”

(Both girls look disheartened and pull out their ID’s. One has only JUST turned 18 and the other is only 19.)

Customer #1: “I should have figured. Anytime there’s a party, our friends send us to get booze since nobody at the liquor stores IDs us, either.”

Me: *feeling like the biggest jerk on the planet and not knowing what to say* “Well… at least there’s that, huh?”

I Am The Slush-Master

| USA | Coworkers, Technology

(We recently got a slushy machine, but it’s really cheap and we frequently have problems with it.)

Coworker: “The slushy machine is clogged up.”

Me: “Geez, not again!”

Coworker: “I’m gonna just tell the customer that it’s down and offer him something else.”

Me: “No, wait. I have an idea.”

(I grab a straw and jam it up the nozzle. The slushy starts gushing out.)

Coworker: “Wow, that was amazing.”

Me: “Yeah… please don’t ask me how I knew that would work.”

That’s Some Real Broken Spanish

| Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

(This area has a big Hispanic population. I speak a tiny bit of Spanish but I’m terrible at it and forget words all the time. The following takes place in Spanish.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “Are you showing ‘Planet of the Apes’ at 1:30 pm? It said it was, online.”

Me: *crappy Spanish* “Yes, we have that movie. It is first movie at 1:30 pm and second movie at 3:30 pm.”

Customer: “Oh! Okay. It isn’t on your sign.”

Me: “I am sorry. It is a problem this week. The computers are… are…” *realizing I can’t remember the word for ‘broken’ in Spanish* “…s***. The computers are s***.”

Customer: “S***?”

Me: “…Yes.”

(Pause.)

Me: “I do not remember the Spanish word for…” *in English* “Broken.”

Customer: “It’s ‘roto’, but ‘s***’ is a good word, too.”

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