The Sum Of What’s Wrong With Humanity

| Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

Me: “How much are these CD cases, please?”

Shop Assistant: “40 pence each.”

Me: “I’ll take ten, please.”

(The shop assistant pulls out calculator. I stand there in disbelief with £4 ready in my hand.)

Shop Assistant: “That will be £4, please.”

(I hand over £4, thank him, and turn to go.)

Shop Assistant: “Hang on, I may have got that wrong…”

(I turn around in utter disbelief, shake my head once, and leave. My friend is waiting outside.)

Friend: “What happened? You look weird.”

(I explain.)

Friend: “We need a coffee to restore our faith in humanity.”

Me: “Should we order separately… just in case they need a calculator for two coffees?”

Service Is Not Up To Scratch

, | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

(In this record shop, they put empty CD boxes on the shelves and store the CDs in cardboard wallets behind the till. I took a box to the counter, and told the assistant how happy I was to have found it, a rare CD that I’d wanted for a while. She rang up my purchase, found the cardboard wallet, SHOOK OUT MY NEW CD ONTO THE COUNTER, PRINTED SIDE UP, AND SLID IT OFF THE EDGE TO PICK IT UP. When she gave it to me, I opened the box, looked at the disc, and sure enough, it had several deep, parallel scratches.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but… I don’t want this now that you’ve scratched it.”

Assistant: *looks at disc* “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Me: “…”

(Her manager refunded my money, but I never did get a copy of that CD.)

Blow Them Away

| Houston, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Liars/Scammers

Caller: “May I speak to Joe Blow?”

Me: “Joe Blow is a pseudonym that my boss uses to confuse telemarketers.”

Caller: “Well, I’m calling to talk to Mr. Blow about accounting services.”

Me: “…and clearly it’s working.”

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