As Long As You’re Rockin’

| Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Musical Mayhem

(I’m 11, doing inventory in a music store that belongs to a friend of the family. I’m working with a friend going over individual sheet music.)

Friend: *pulls out Jailhouse Rock*

Me: *pulls out Schoolhouse Rock*

Both: “Same thing.”

Pre-Order Disorder

| Maple, ON, Canada | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive, Musical Mayhem

(I go into a CD store to preorder an album, something I’ve done at this and other locations several times.)

Cashier: *finishing process* “Okay, we’ll have your copy waiting for you on the release date. You can come in and pick it up that day and we’ll call you to confirm that it’s in.”

(Fast forward to the release day. Six pm rolls around and still no call. Thinking I’ve been missed on the call list, I decide to stop in.)

Me: “Hi, I have a preorder for [Album] under [My Name].”

Cashier: *checking preorders* “I can’t find it. Did we call you?”

Me: “Honestly, no. But I figured you may have gotten busy and didn’t get a chance. It’s not a problem, though.”

Cashier: “If we didn’t call then it isn’t in yet.”

Me: “Okay, well, I was told it would be in today. Do you have a sense of when it might be in?”

Cashier: *doesn’t make an effort to find out* “No, we’ll just call you when it comes in.”

(I wasn’t angry or upset when I came in, but after that I am a little ticked. I decide to look around, if only to mellow out a little. I happen across a display with at least 12 copies of the CD I am there to pick up.)

Me: *sets CD on the counter* “Hi. You had said these weren’t in yet.”

Cashier: “They’re not. We’ll call you when they come in”

Me: “So that display over there isn’t for sale yet?”

Cashier: “I don’t know, but if we haven’t called you then it isn’t in.”

Me: “Well, then, just ring me up for this copy and cancel my preorder.”

Cashier: “I don’t know if I can even do that but I can try.”

(Lo and behold, everything went smoothly. I got the call five days later that my preorder had come in.)

The Sum Of What’s Wrong With Humanity

| Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

Me: “How much are these CD cases, please?”

Shop Assistant: “40 pence each.”

Me: “I’ll take ten, please.”

(The shop assistant pulls out calculator. I stand there in disbelief with £4 ready in my hand.)

Shop Assistant: “That will be £4, please.”

(I hand over £4, thank him, and turn to go.)

Shop Assistant: “Hang on, I may have got that wrong…”

(I turn around in utter disbelief, shake my head once, and leave. My friend is waiting outside.)

Friend: “What happened? You look weird.”

(I explain.)

Friend: “We need a coffee to restore our faith in humanity.”

Me: “Should we order separately… just in case they need a calculator for two coffees?”

Service Is Not Up To Scratch

, | Aberdeen, Scotland, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

(In this record shop, they put empty CD boxes on the shelves and store the CDs in cardboard wallets behind the till. I took a box to the counter, and told the assistant how happy I was to have found it, a rare CD that I’d wanted for a while. She rang up my purchase, found the cardboard wallet, SHOOK OUT MY NEW CD ONTO THE COUNTER, PRINTED SIDE UP, AND SLID IT OFF THE EDGE TO PICK IT UP. When she gave it to me, I opened the box, looked at the disc, and sure enough, it had several deep, parallel scratches.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but… I don’t want this now that you’ve scratched it.”

Assistant: *looks at disc* “Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Me: “…”

(Her manager refunded my money, but I never did get a copy of that CD.)

Blow Them Away

| Houston, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners, Liars/Scammers

Caller: “May I speak to Joe Blow?”

Me: “Joe Blow is a pseudonym that my boss uses to confuse telemarketers.”

Caller: “Well, I’m calling to talk to Mr. Blow about accounting services.”

Me: “…and clearly it’s working.”

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