Give Me A Break!

| MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am a young woman in an office environment. I am also naturally very thin and small. One day the manager calls me to his office.)

Manager: *seriously* “[My Name], we need to talk. We’re cutting your bathroom breaks.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Manager: “You’ll thank us later.”

Me: “Is it my record? I’ve been very good; I help with the sales.”

Manager: “No, it’ll be fine. Just take things as normal and we’ll get back to you.”

(I leave, confused. Unfortunately, I’m on my period and it’s extremely inconvenient. I spend the whole day in pain at my desk. My supervisor comes to me at the end of the day.)

Supervisor: “What’s going on? I heard you didn’t do very well today. Is anything the matter?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: *looking concerned* “Okay. Well, I’m here for you, all right?”

(I go home, puzzled by what happened. Next day, I’m suffering heavy bleeds and I have to go to the bathroom numerous times. The manager calls me in the office with the supervisor.)

Manager: “[My Name], we’ve been noticing that you’ve been having a LOT of bathroom breaks and I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go for a while.”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Manager: “Now, understand that this is only temporary. We have the numbers of some very good people who can help you and we’ll even let you have time off with pay if things come to it…”

Me: “Wait. ‘People who can help me’?”

Manager: “Here.”

(He hands over some leaflets on eating disorders.)

Me: “[Manager], I’m fine. I’m a healthy weight.”

Manager: “Well, you were sick after [Coworker]’s birthday when she brought stuff in the other week, plus you’re really skinny.”

Me: “I had the flu! I didn’t even know I had it at the time. Listen, I’m on my period. I’m not bulimic!”

(My two male superiors were very embarrassed.)

Temp Madness

| Buffalo, NY, USA | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

(I am a temp working on a big project. My boss is walking me through what I need to do, and the  spreadsheet isn’t populating correctly, so he’s mumbling under his breath as well. I am sitting next to him, but behind the cubicle wall, not visible.)

Coworker: “Are you talking to yourself, [Boss]?

Boss: “No, I am talking to my temp.”

Coworker: “Does your temp have a name?”

Boss: “No, we don’t use names so we don’t get attached.”

Directing Us Into Another Recession

| Salford, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a financial leasing firm which deals with a major electronics store. In this company we have two directors who like to think they know our jobs better than we do. In reality, they do little more than interfere and make an a** of themselves to the extent our manager has told us to ignore them. One day when dealing with an application from a store, one of the in-store advisors calls us to see why customer has failed ID check. After asking a couple of questions it appears that the customer only just moved address and hasn’t had to time to update everything. Happily he agrees to come back and do it in 30 days. When I get off the phone I see both directors sitting on either side of me shaking their heads.)

Me: “Err… Hi!”

Director #1: “What was all that about?”

Director #2: “Why didn’t you process that?”

Me: “We couldn’t ID him. He had only just moved house and not everything was updated.”

Director #1: “So why weren’t you more helpful?”

Director #2: “Surely there other ways of getting around this; what is the normal process?”

Me: “Well, if we can’t ID someone then we can’t proceed to a credit check, and that could potentially be fraud if we ignored it.”

(The two directors just look at each other, then one of them stares at me like I am a complete moron.)

Director #1: “I’m concerned here…”

Director #2: “We should be processing EVERYTHING that comes through. You can’t just turn clients away.”

Me: “I understand, but we have protocol to follow to prevent fraud because there have been a couple of reported case over the last year!”

Director #1: “But how is it practical to deny a customer finance?”

(I don’t bother answering because I am honest confused; what do they want here?)

Director #2: “Right, here’s what YOU are going to do. You will pass all those details onto [Credit Manager] and get her to process this and will personally call this person to apologize!”

Me: “But we can’t—”

Director #1: “Don’t argue, just send it. We’ll wait here so we make sure it’s done.”

(I send the details to the credit manager, who loathes these two even more than I do. Within minutes of doing so she is walking across the room looking very annoyed.)

Credit Manager: “Why are you bothering [My Name] with this? This can’t be processed!”

Director #1: “We have to make sure that—”

Credit Manager: “Look, why do you think we have these measures in place? TO PREVENT FRAUD!”

Director #2: “We just think what’s being done here isn’t practical.”

Credit Manager: “And approving finance to a guy we can’t identify is? Seems a little skewed in my opinion, lads!”

(Immediately the two of them go quiet, one of the directors refuses to look at her.)

Credit Manager: “Why don’t you let [My Name] just do his work? There are other deals we can actually process.”

(The two directors hightail it away muttering to each. The credit manager just shakes her head in disbelief.)

Credit Manager: “Couple of bloody idiots!”

(From then on our manager told them that if they had a problem they were to take it up with her, not just confront the staff directly. Those two never spoke to us again.)

Funny Because It’s True

| OK, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(I set up items in our system for salespeople to put on order. I have a conversation via email with a salesperson near the end of the day.)

Salesperson: “Please set up attached item?”

Me: “Can I do this tomorrow? I’m reading funny stuff online.”

Salesperson: “Sure.”

Me: “LOL! You believed me!”

Salesperson: “Well, it really can wait until tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, good, because I really am reading funny stuff online.”

Only Knows His QWERTYs

| UK | Language & Words, New Hires

(I’m in my office when my receptionist comes in.)

Receptionist: “[My Name], have you been in the personnel files? They’re a mess.”

Me: “No. I told [New Guy] to take a look at them last week, though. Maybe he hasn’t gotten around to it.”

Receptionist: “No, he told me he finished yesterday.”

Me: “Well, it’s only us three who have access to them.”

(We decide to double check with the new guy and he confirms it has been done. I decide to check the files myself while the receptionist looks amused. They’re sorted correctly up to G, and then it goes completely insane.)

Me: “Well, either someone’s playing a joke or he’s lying.”

Receptionist: “I wonder…”

(She leaves the room for a moment and comes back with a confused expression.)

Receptionist: “He… doesn’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “…”

(We ended up putting sticky notes on the walls with the alphabet on them; one note for each letter. It really helped the guy, and our boss found it hilarious.)

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