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Dude Or Dude Not, There Is No Try

| UT, USA | Bosses & Owners, Funny Names, Language & Words

Boss: “So, if you have any suggestions for me, dude, just let me know.”

Me: “To be honest, as a modern woman, I really am not fond of being called dude.”

Boss: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Boss: “Okay. If I call you dude, I owe you a dime.”

(Sure enough, I’m at my desk later…)

Boss: “[My Name], dude… Agh!”

(She comes over and drops a dime in my change jar. A few days later…)

Me: “I finished status checks and appeals for the day.”

Boss: “Dude, you’re killing it! Agh!”

(A dollar comes flying my way.)

Me: “Dime, not a dollar.”

Boss: “Now I’m covered for the next nine times. How much have I spent so far?”

Me: “Enough to give my friends gas money.”

(A few weeks and several dollars later…)

Me: “If you can go one week without calling me dude, I’ll put away my change jar.”

Boss: “Let’s make it interesting. If I do that, you buy me lunch twice. If I don’t, I buy you lunch twice.”

(We shake on it. She puts up a sign to say “don’t call [My Name] dude!” I put one up that asserts “be so good that [Boss] calls you dude!” The following day…)

Boss: “[My Name], dude, we have so much due today. I’m going to run the reports and send you the email.”

Me: “Sure. You lasted fifteen minutes and owe me two lunches.”

Boss: “Dude! Seriously? I hate my life.”

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When They Expect You To Hold The Presses

| Dublin, Ireland | Coworkers, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m an administration assistant in an accountancy firm, and part of my job involves dropping various deliveries to people as they arrive throughout the day. Many people, especially higher-ups, seem to have no idea what my day-to-day actually involves, so I’m frequently brought queries about things that I’m not responsible for delivering, like newspapers. This one starts with an e-mail.)

PA: “[My Name], we didn’t get a [Newspaper] for [Ill-tempered Partner]. Can we source a spare or send someone out to get one?

(I head to said partner’s department, and see him in his office reading a different newspaper, which he also gets on a daily basis. It’s just about lunchtime, so I wait for him to storm off, which he does with a demand for his ‘missing’ paper. I’m five seconds in his office.)

Me: *to PA* “Found it.”

PA: “Where?”

Me: “Underneath the one he was reading.”

(Later that day, I get an email from one of our accountants in another office, asking about a file that was sent in to another partner and seems to have not arrived. The email thread before I am included holds his comment that he never got it. While I wait for him to leave his desk – it’s just about finishing time – I cover my bases by visiting everyone who got a delivery around the same time, to check if I left it with theirs by accident. Two trainees are also searching the whole floor. When I come back, the partner is gone. Two minutes later I call the accountant who emailed me.)

Me: “I found that file.”

Accountant: “Where was it?”

Me: “Underneath a bunch of others at the corner of his desk.”

(Naturally, no apologies were offered, at least not by the partners whose items ‘I’ had lost.)

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Slacking Off On Problem Solving

| AB, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring & Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

(It’s performance evaluation time. I’d been putting in some long hours lately, and I made a note of it.)

Boss: “In here, you mention the long hours you’ve been putting in.”

Me: “Yeah. It seems like I’m always coming in early and going home late just to stay on top of things.”

Boss: “Well, have you tried not doing that?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Boss: “Do you really think this place would fall apart if you showed up late every once in a while or ducked out early on Friday afternoon? If the problem is you’re working too hard, maybe you should stop working hard.”

Me: “Are you really saying that my problem is I don’t slack off enough?”

Boss: *shrugs*

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When The Disability Comes From Others

| Australia | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(Our team has recently been majorly shaken up with changes. It’s also worth noting I have a number of health conditions which require me to have a desk I can sit and stand at interchangeably, I also start later in the morning (9:30) and have done for several years. I’ve been pulled into a meeting with the new manager.)

Manager: “So, I don’t see you fitting in. You’re not ‘living the team.’”

Me: “I’m sorry, what? I don’t know what you mean.”

Manager: “Well, you refuse to sit with the team.”

Me: “Yes, because I have to have a sit/stand desk. It’s an OHS requirement due to my back injury.”

Manager: “And what? That desk doesn’t exist where the team sits?”

Me: “There is one but it’s up against another desk. It’s incredibly claustrophobic to work at.”

Manager: “So, basically you refuse to sit at desks with others and insist on sitting separately.”

Me: “That’s not what I said! My desk is no more than 10m away and I regularly come over. I’m working within HR’s requirements.”

Manager: “I just don’t see you interacting. You’re not part of the team and you come in late everyday!”

Me: “You are aware I’ve had a verbal agreement with all my managers to start at 9:30 for the last four years?”

Manager: “No.”

Me: “Well, I do. My health issues are the worst in the morning so I need that extra time to get here. Are there any other reasons you think I’m not fitting in?”

Manager: “I don’t have to provide you with a list! You’re not fitting in and we need to move you to a team that can work with your limitations.”

(And that is how I realized my new boss is against people with disabilities and began looking for a new job!)

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