Never Judge A Cover By The Book

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

(I’m new, and my boss has just introduced me to the owner. To my relief, he seems like a calm, likeable man. One day, I hear loud voices from his office so I stop to listen.)

Owner: “Why did you hire [My Name]? She doesn’t do anything and it’s a waste of my money!”

Boss: *placating* “We needed extra help since [Old Employee] left, and [My Name] has experience.”

Owner: “Well, don’t you think it’s too much of a coincidence that the pipes froze and burst the day after she’s hired?! I mean, really?!”

(At that moment, the two men burst out of his office. I busied myself, to seem that I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I was shocked that I would be blamed for some pipes bursting! The owner was always super nice to me after that. It’s surprising that he would be so nice to my face and then try to blame me for something beyond my control behind my back. I guess you can never judge a book by its cover works in the opposite as well!)

That Manager Is A Good Egg

| CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pets & Animals

(About a dozen of us are in a meeting, video conferencing in from multiple locations, to check in on status of projects. The manager in charge of the meeting opens the conversation a little differently to usual.)

Manager: “Are raw eggs bad for dogs?”

(We all pause, and then start laughing.)

Coworker: “Only if they have salmonella. Otherwise, I think it’s fine.”

Manager: “I left an egg on the counter, and the dog ate it, shell and all!”

(More laughter from everyone. Finally we got the meeting started.)

Lunch Freak

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

(I work a very early shift, from 5 am to 2 pm. My coworker picks up the second half of the day, so our hours don’t overlap much. We don’t see our supervisor much as he works on a different floor. One day he comes by my station as I am getting ready for lunch.)

Supervisor: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m getting ready to go to lunch. I always take my lunch around now.”

Supervisor: “No, you can’t go to lunch. It’s only 11 am. It’s far too early to be taking breaks on the job. Wait until 12 pm at the least, or better yet 1 pm.”

Me: “Um, my shift starts at 5 am. I’ve already been on-shift for over six hours with no break. Working for more than five hours in a single shift without a lunch break is actually against regs, but I don’t go to lunch until my coworker gets here to cover the desk. If I waited until 1 pm to go to lunch, I’d just go home, since my shift would be over by the time I got back. But that would still be against regs.”

Supervisor: “But it’s too early for lunch.”

Me: “It’s not early for me. As long as the desk is being covered, why does it matter?”

Supervisor: “I really think you need to develop a better work ethic.”

Your Wait Time In Pieces

| USA | Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

(I’m the stupid coworker in this story. I sit one cubicle down from the office printer. On this day, it is down and a gentleman is fixing it. He is literally standing 5 feet from where I was all morning. We had even talked about the printer being broken. I select a document to print, stand up, and walk next to the printer.)

Repairman: “Need anything?”

Me: “No, thanks, I’m good. Just waiting for my report to print.”

(At this point, the machine was open, parts were laid out on towels all around it and the gentleman was sitting on the floor working.)

Repairman: “I think you’re going to have to wait a while.”

Me: “Should be coming out any minute. It sometimes takes a while.”

(The repairman just stared at me until I realized what was happening, much to the amusement of my neighboring coworkers.)

Has To Work Through Fire And Water Before You Go Home

| OH, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(My coworker is known for attempting to leave work early whenever possible. We are civil, but not particularly friendly, towards one another because she tends to stir up trouble on purpose. This particular Friday, she would like to leave at noon, but my boss has already refused her request to leave early.)

Coworker: “Oh, my gosh! [My Name]’s office is on fire! I can see smoke coming from the outlet! Let’s go! Everyone out! Call the fire department!”

Me: “WAIT! It’s just water vapor from my humidifier, see?”

Coworker: “Oh. Well, I’ve never seen that before, so how should I know?”

Me: “You could have asked?”

Boss: “Give it up; even if we had evacuated the building I would have made you stand in cold and rain while we waited for the ‘all clear’ to return.”

(After about an hour, my coworker begins to “sniff” loudly in her office. Three minutes later, she emerges and begins to address my boss and coworkers.)

Coworker: “Is anyone else bothered by that scent? I can’t stand that smell. What is it? [My Name], are you diffusing oils in your office with that humidity thingy? I can’t stand that smell. I have such a headache. My migraine is kicking in. Any time I smell oils, my migraine starts up. Oh, no! I’m out of medication! I’m going to have a migraine, but I have no medicine! What am I going to do?!”

Me: “No, it’s just a humidifier. It’s literally just tap water in a vaporized form. Anyway, I’m sensitive to strong scents as well, so I don’t bring anything scented into the office.”

Boss: “GO. SIT. DOWN! You’re being paid to work, not to cause problems!”

(My coworker returned to her office with a huff, but sat there quietly for the rest of the day. I’m not sure if she actually worked, but she stopped causing problems and certainly didn’t leave early!)

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