Sleeping On The Job

| Vista, CA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

(My coworkers and I have been discussing the French language. I speak it reasonably well; they, not at all.)

Coworker #1: “What’s that French song, parlez-vous français or something?”

Me: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi”?

Coworker #1: “Yeah, that’s the one.”

Coworker #2: “What does that mean?”

Me: *pause* “Would you like to sleep with me?”

(There are some things I never thought I’d wind up saying at work.)


By My Reading You’re Up For The Count

| Wichita, KS, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(My coworkers and I are occasionally given extra projects to do when things are slow. Sometimes we work separately; other times we work together in a sort of assembly line. The manager leaves it up to us how we get things done, just so long as it’s done correctly and on time. One week, we’re given one that requires a lot of both reading and counting; everyone gets to work on their stacks, and we all talk while we work. I’ve never enjoyed math, and one of my coworkers doesn’t like reading, so we often crack jokes about how bad each of us are at those respective tasks.)

Coworker: *because she’s taking longer on the reading parts* “I don’t like this! I can’t read!”

Me: “Well, I can’t count! Hey, [Coworker], if we worked together on this, we’d be an entire functional employee!”

(I was only joking about working together, but we realized it would actually go quicker if we did. Our manager expected the project to take us a week. We had it knocked out in two days. This sort of stuff is why I love my team so much.)


Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 9

| OH, USA | Coworkers, Pokemon

(I am on my way into the office to grab some paperwork and I usually leave my phone out on my seat with the ‘Pokémon Go’ app up and running to get as much distance as possible to hatch my eggs. As I am turning into the parking lot I hear the spawn noise and pull to the side so I can stop and see if it’s anything interesting.  I click the Pokémon and pull into a parking spot before trying to catch it. Then I leave everything else I need in the car to run into the office.)

Me: “There’s a Wartortle in the parking lot!”

(Two of the three people working grabbed their phones and ran off while the other just doubled up in laughter.)

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 8
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 7
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 6


Doesn’t Have The Drive To Work

| Canada | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(My assistant is working one of our three locations for the day, and has driven there in the work vehicle. They are notorious for working incredibly slowly, and have exhibited suspicious behaviours regarding their time management when not being supervised. On this day they showed up at my location 40 minutes before the end of the work day.)

Me: “[Assistant], hi! What are you doing back so early?”

Assistant: “Oh, we finished at [Location #1] early today. I just dropped [Coworkers] off at [Location #2].”

Me: “Ok, cool. Are you leaving early today? Or are you finishing the day here at [Location #3]?”

Assistant: “Oh, no, I’m going back to [Location #2]. I just figured I would drop the work vehicle off here and then walk to [Location #2] so that I can catch the bus right at the end of the day.”

Me: “Wait, you’re walking back to [Location #2]? But that’s a 30 minute walk… and there’s only 40 minutes left in the day.”

Assistant: “Yup! But I can make it there in time.”

Me: “…in time to clean up. Take the work vehicle and drive there instead.”

Assistant: *looks disappointed* “But how will I get it back here at the end of the day?”

Me: “Drive it back here.”

Assistant: *looking even more disappointed*

Me: “Look, if you walk there you will only be able to work for 5-10 minutes. If you drive you can work for 30+ minutes. Take the work vehicle and get moving. You’re running out of time and they need your help over there.”

Assistant: *visibly deflates, shuffles over to vehicle key, and literally takes 10 minutes to walk down to the work vehicle*


Almost The Droids You Are Looking For

| Vista, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(In my office, we often abbreviate our names with our initials and then the number 3, i.e. DK3. My supervisor is writing something down, then whites out her initials, which are CS.)

Me: “Oh, you’re not [Supervisor] today?”

Supervisor: “Nope.”

Me: “Who are you, then?”

Supervisor: “CS3-PO.”

(We laugh.)

Me: “You know, if [Coworker whose initials are RD] cloned himself, he’d be R2-D2…”

(It’s nice to have fellow geeks in the office.)

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