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A Hug(e) Sinus Problem

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’ve been coughing, sneezing, and sniffling a lot the past few days. It’s only sinus drainage, so I’m not contagious, but one of my coworkers is a bit of a germaphobe.)

Coworker: “Um… do you mind stepping back a little, please?”

Me: “Would you like a hug?”

Coworker: “GET OUT OF HERE!”

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Probably Doesn’t Like Obamacare Either

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Coworkers

(I work for a company that stores and processes information for certain Medicaid plans. One of the plans is in New Mexico. We use the United States Postal Service website to verify members’ addresses that are not showing valid in our systems. A coworker is asking me a question about our New Mexico plan.)

Me: “All right, so their address isn’t valid in the system. You’ll need to look it up online to see what it should be.”

Coworker: “Is there a website we can use like [Other Plan]?”

Me: “Yeah… You need to use USPS, same as the other plans.”

Coworker: “We can use that even in New Mexico?”

Me: “[Coworker], what does ‘USPS’ stand for?”

Coworker: “Oh! Yeah, I forgot New Mexico was part of the US.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: “Because I don’t like Mexico.”

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Revenge Is A Dish Best Delivered By The CEO

| MI, USA | Bosses & Owners

(I sit through a long and boring “vision” meeting where various executives explain that because our company has “an organizational budget shortfall,” we are facing cuts in staffing and benefits. At the same time, we are spending untold thousands of dollars on a rebranding initiative. I manage not to make any comments that would get me fired, but I am seething. Then I find a way to calm my nerves and get revenge. After the meeting ends, I approach the boss.)

Me: “[CEO], can I ask a favor?”

CEO: “Um, sure, what can I do for you?”

Me: “I normally send an overnight package to [Coworker] in the central office every week. But since there are a lot of people here today who will be back at the central office tomorrow, it seems like a poor use of our resources to have UPS deliver it. Could you give this to [Coworker] when you get there tomorrow?

CEO: “Um, okay.”

(I may have lost my health plan, but the CEO is my errand boy!)

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What Are You Tolkien About?

| CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

(My coworker and I are total nerds, and we have been good naturedly messing with each other via sticky notes for a while. My coworker has several boxes of ‘Star Wars’ marshmallow cereal in his cube, along with lots of other nerdy toys and such. He is also the Dungeon Master for a Dungeons and Dragons game that my husband and I are part of. There has been a lull in sticky note exchanges, until today.)

Me: *via sticky note* “The computer gnomes demand sacrifice. Cereal will do… for now. Do not disappoint us again, human.”

(The rest of the conversation carried on over IM.)

Coworker: “How am I supposed to know that the computer gnomes are displeased?”

Me: “How should I know? You’re IT. That’s your area of expertise, no?”

Coworker: “The magic blue smoke inside the computers still eludes me… and I never learned gnomish… Apple Products and such… PCs are clearly goblin infested, not gnome infested.”

Me: “Must have been carried over when that auditor brought in her Apple laptop.”

Coworker: “Oh crud, cross contamination… Soon we will have gnoblins!”

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An Inappropriate Meal

| USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(The small business I work for has just been bought. My previous boss was short-tempered, informal, and had a vocabulary that could make a drill sergeant blush. I’m meeting with my new boss — a very professional, calm woman who’s a proponent of yoga. We’re just wrapping up when she glances at the clock.)

Boss: “I had no idea it was so late! Do you mind if I call [Popular Restaurant]? Looks like I’m picking up dinner tonight.”

Me: “Of course.”

(My boss picks up her phone and pauses.)

Boss: *laughs* “I don’t suppose you know their number off the top of your head?”

Me: “Let me see the number pad.” *I look at the phone* “It’s [prefix] “2… 7… 2… 7.”

Boss: “What were you looking at?”

Me: “The letters. Their number… spells… something.”

Boss: *studying the keys* “It does? What?”

Me: *panicked but seeing no way out* “It spells c***.”

Boss: “It does?” *looks closer at keys and suddenly becomes excited* “Oh, my GOD! It DOES! That’s fantastic! I’ll never forget that now. Do you suppose [Restaurant manager] knows? Oh, I can’t WAIT to tell him!”

(Working with my new boss has been lots of fun.)

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