Those Are Some Pretty Smart Guinea Pigs

| SK, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m nine years old. I’m about to get my first pets — guinea pigs. My mom made me research them before we got them, and my research said it was best to get two guinea pigs who were sisters. I call my chosen pet store to see if they have guinea pigs.)

Me: “Hi, do you have guinea pigs?”

Clerk: “We sure do! We’ve got quite a variety right now!”

Me: “That’s great! Do you have any sisters?”

Clerk: *without a pause* “I do have sisters. One’s a nurse and one’s a teacher.”

Me: “I meant… do you have guinea pigs who are sisters?”

Clerk: “…Oh. Yes, we do.”

In Soviet Russia, Hamster Buys You

| USA | Popular, Trending

(Though I don’t consider myself an expert of any kind, I have kept hamsters for about ten years, and am familiar with them. I am picking up some supplies at a pet store when I overhear this exchange between a woman and — according to her name tag — the small animal expert.)

Woman: “I’m just not sure what kind to get her. She’s only six, you see, so I want something that would be good for a child just learning about animals. But she LOVES hamsters.”

Expert: “Well, I’d recommend the Djungarian hamsters. They’re dwarf hamsters, and it’s always better to get a hamster more their size.”

Woman: “Are you sure?”

Expert: “Absolutely sure. I am an expert in small animals.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to butt in, but actually I would never recommend a dwarf hamster for a smaller child. The Russian dwarfs are better than the Chinese dwarfs, but get a Syrian hamster. They’re the bigger, classic hamsters. They’re a lot more tolerant to being dropped, and they’ll forgive you if you squeeze them a little harder than is comfortable, or pet them a little too roughly. Russian dwarfs aren’t vicious, but if you pet them too hard, they feel threatened and bite. You don’t want to encourage children dropping their pets and stuff, but mistakes happen, you know? Syrians are much better for smaller children.”

Expert: *scoffs* “Dwarfs are cuter.”

Me: “I actually think the Syrians are cuter, personally. But, I just was making a comment about their age-appropriateness. And Syrians are better for smaller kids than Russian dwarfs.”

Expert: “Well, maybe. But these aren’t Russian dwarfs. They’re Djungarians.”

(I point to the info card which reads: “Djungarian hamsters, also known as Siberian dwarfs, or Russian winter white dwarf hamsters..”)

Me: “Yes, they are. Just giving my opinion.”

(I walk on. Later, I see the mother at the check-out. I’m very pleased to see that she bought a Syrian.)

Her Own Brand Of Crazy

| Stockholm, Sweden | Employees, Pets & Animals

(My fiancé and I are out to buy a certain brand of cat-food, which has been recommended by both our veterinarian and the breeder, for our five-month-old kitten. We’re entering a small pet store and search around for a bit, but fail to find the section with cat food. The shop owner then approaches us.)

Shop Owner: “Hello! Can I help you find anything?”

Me: “Oh, yes, please. We’re looking for the cat food.”

Shop Owner: “It’s right here.” *gestures behind the counter* “Is it for adults or kittens?”

Me: “It’s for kitten… but I notice you don’t have the brand we want, sorry.”

Shop Owner: “…Are you talking about [Brand]?”

Me: “Uh, yeah? Why?”

Shop Owner: *suddenly changing to a more angry tone* “That brand is terrible! Is bad for your kitten! Filled with chemicals and no nutrition!”

Fiancé: “Er… I think we’ll stick to it anyway… The vet thinks it’s good for him.”

(We’re about to leave at this point when the shop owner speaks up again.)

Shop Owner: “Hold on!” *grabs a bag of cat food for kittens and holds it out for us to take* “Here! Free sample! Your kitten will like this better.”

Me: “Thanks… but no thanks. We’re good.”

Shop Owner: “How can you say no to a free sample?! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CAT?! THIS IS BETTER FOR IT!”

(Yes, she did indeed begin to scream, so we quickly left the store. It didn’t strike us until later that the pet store and the brand of cat-food she tried to give us had the same name, so she was clearly just trying to promote her own brand.)

Not As Clear As Glass

| USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(A friend and coworker of mine surprised me with a case of Coca Cola in glass bottles for my birthday, so the both of us decide to drink one with our lunch. Our manager comes in and sees us drinking them.)

Manager: “Are you two drinking beer at work?”

Coworker: “No, it’s Coke. See?”

(She holds it up so he can see the label.)

Manager: “Don’t lie to me! Coke doesn’t come in glass bottles! You’re drinking beer, aren’t you?”

Me: “But Coke does come in glass bottles! They sell them at the [Grocery Store Chain]!”

Manager: “I go to the [Grocery Store Chain] all the time and I’ve never seen them selling Coke in glass bottles!”

Me: “Okay, fine. We’re not drinking Coke; it’s ‘Nuka Cola.'”

(Nuka Cola is a radioactive soda from a video game.)

Manager: “Oh, well, why didn’t you say so? Sorry to interrupt your lunch break. Make sure one of you reorganizes the shelves in the reptile section before you get off your shift. They’re a mess.”

Brain At A Low Dollar Value

| Winchester, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m at a well known pet store looking at fish since I have recently upgraded my aquarium. I notice that one of the fish that I’m looking at is currently running under a 5 for $5 deal with the store card.)

Me: “Okay. So I think I’ll go ahead and get some of these since they’re 5 for $5. But I want 10.”

Employee: “What? No. You can’t do that. It’s 5 for $5. Not 10 for $5.”

Me: “I understand that. I want 10 fish for $10.”

Employee: “No! It’s only 5 for $5! You can’t do 10 for $10!”

Me: “Just go ahead and give me 10. Let’s just see what happens at the registers.”

(Sure enough when we go to the registers, I am right and I get my 10 for $10. She seems extremely confused by this.)

Employee: “I really didn’t know it worked like that.”

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