I Just Swan To Get Out Of Here, Part 2

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(In the communications center, we have some new hires on the floor in their first phase of training. I’m talking to one for the first time. We’re trying to see if we have any mutual interests.)

Me: “I have a tendency to spend a lot of money on books.”

Trainee: “I don’t read much.”

Me: “Not even Harry Potter?” *this is usually my go-to series with people, with it being so popular*

Trainee: “I never really liked Harry Potter.”

Me: *jokingly* “We can’t be friends then.”

Trainee: “But I do like Twilight!”

Me: *after a pause* “We REALLY can’t be friends then.”

I Just Swan To Get Out Of Here

Quebec To The Drawing Board

| NB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Geography, Transportation

(In Quebec, there is no law stating that a car needs to be inspected every year, or that a car needs a license plate in the front. These are required in a car from New Brunswick. The police have set up a checkpoint to see if people have had their car inspected.)

Me: *stopping* “Everything all right, officer?”

Officer: *looking at my dash, and taps where the inspection sticker usually goes* “Not for you! You don’t have an inspection sticker!”

Me: “The car is from Quebec. We don’t need one.”

Officer: *looks at front bumper then sing-songs* “We don’t have a license plate! I’m going to need your license and registration please.”

Me: “Ma’am, the car is from Quebec. I’m just a student here.”

Officer: *ignores me and goes to see my rear bumper and sees the Quebec plate, then comes back to my window* “License and registration.”

Me: “Okay. Here is my French license and here is my French registration.”

Officer: *looks at them thoroughly then looks at me* “Here. Move along.”

Me: “Okay, have a good day!” *leaves*

Will Have To Twi-Hard To Like You

| Dallas, TX, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(Several new trainees have come onto the floor after classroom training for our communications department. I’m getting to know one.)

Coworker: “I don’t like Harry Potter.”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, we can’t be friends, then.”

Coworker: “But I love Twilight.”

Me: “We really can’t be friends, then!”

The Number One Student

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(I work for one of the local police departments. I’m also in training at the time. The trainers mark us on a scale of one to four, four being the highest. The graveyard shift has been slow all night. ‘Law and Order: SVU’ is playing on one of the televisions. Several coworkers are watching the episode, which I have already seen.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], wanna know how it ends?”

Coworker: “What? No! Don’t do that.”

Me: “All right. All right.”

(A few minutes pass.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker].”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Somebody gets caught.”

Coworker: *to my trainer* “Give her all ones tonight!”

Has Already Been Seen By The Doctor

| London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Health & Body

(It is my first month working in the police. One colleague says he doesn’t understand what my high-functioning-autism is, and keeps trying to get me to sit with him and his friends at lunch. I and several others (including the disability liaison) explain again and again about neurodevelopmental disabilities, but he keeps saying he doesn’t understand. Eventually, they give up and lie, saying ‘he’s just crazy, leave him alone.’ The next day he comes up to me sitting alone on a coffee break.)

Coworker: “[Coworker] just told me that all your disability stuff is because you’re crazy. That’s not true; your exam scores are really high. You’re not crazy, right?”

(At this point I decide to play along and quote Ood Server from ‘Doctor Who.’)

Me: *deadpan* “The Beast and his armies shall rise from the Pit, to make war against God.”

Coworker: “Oh, so you ARE crazy! That’s great! Now I get it!”

(Then he walked off smiling. He’s never bothered me again.)