Secretary Providing (Breaking) Bad Service

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

(My father’s friend has a remote hunting cabin on a corner of his property. One winter, he goes out to check on it only to find that some criminals have broken into it and set up a meth lab. Naturally, he calls the police. Not seeing it as an emergency, he calls the local RCMP detachment directly and talks to a secretary.)

Friend: “Yeah, I’m at [gives legal land location], and someone broke into my cabin and set up a meth lab.”

Secretary: “Oh, another one. Boys will be boys, am I right?”

Friend: “Um… yeah. Anyway, what should I do with all this drug stuff?”

Secretary: “Just gather it all up and throw it out.”

Friend: “WHAT?”

Secretary: “Yeah, this is so common these days; it’s really nothing to worry about. Just clean out your cabin and chuck it.”

Friend: “Don’t you need to send an officer out here to check it out?”

Secretary: “Well, if you’re THAT concerned about it, you can box it all up and bring it down to the station.”

Friend: “But… from what I’ve seen on the news, there could be all kinds of hazardous chemicals in there!”

Secretary: “Nonsense. You’ll be fine. Box up it and bring it down.”

Friend: “Okay.”

(Needless to say, my father’s friend was still rather concerned, so he decided to call 911 right away. The 911 operator was VERY concerned, and a couple of officers and a hazmat crew were soon on the scene.)

I Just Swan To Get Out Of Here, Part 2

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(In the communications center, we have some new hires on the floor in their first phase of training. I’m talking to one for the first time. We’re trying to see if we have any mutual interests.)

Me: “I have a tendency to spend a lot of money on books.”

Trainee: “I don’t read much.”

Me: “Not even Harry Potter?” *this is usually my go-to series with people, with it being so popular*

Trainee: “I never really liked Harry Potter.”

Me: *jokingly* “We can’t be friends then.”

Trainee: “But I do like Twilight!”

Me: *after a pause* “We REALLY can’t be friends then.”

I Just Swan To Get Out Of Here

Quebec To The Drawing Board

| NB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Geography, Transportation

(In Quebec, there is no law stating that a car needs to be inspected every year, or that a car needs a license plate in the front. These are required in a car from New Brunswick. The police have set up a checkpoint to see if people have had their car inspected.)

Me: *stopping* “Everything all right, officer?”

Officer: *looking at my dash, and taps where the inspection sticker usually goes* “Not for you! You don’t have an inspection sticker!”

Me: “The car is from Quebec. We don’t need one.”

Officer: *looks at front bumper then sing-songs* “We don’t have a license plate! I’m going to need your license and registration please.”

Me: “Ma’am, the car is from Quebec. I’m just a student here.”

Officer: *ignores me and goes to see my rear bumper and sees the Quebec plate, then comes back to my window* “License and registration.”

Me: “Okay. Here is my French license and here is my French registration.”

Officer: *looks at them thoroughly then looks at me* “Here. Move along.”

Me: “Okay, have a good day!” *leaves*

Will Have To Twi-Hard To Like You

| Dallas, TX, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

(Several new trainees have come onto the floor after classroom training for our communications department. I’m getting to know one.)

Coworker: “I don’t like Harry Potter.”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, we can’t be friends, then.”

Coworker: “But I love Twilight.”

Me: “We really can’t be friends, then!”

The Number One Student

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(I work for one of the local police departments. I’m also in training at the time. The trainers mark us on a scale of one to four, four being the highest. The graveyard shift has been slow all night. ‘Law and Order: SVU’ is playing on one of the televisions. Several coworkers are watching the episode, which I have already seen.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], wanna know how it ends?”

Coworker: “What? No! Don’t do that.”

Me: “All right. All right.”

(A few minutes pass.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker].”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “Somebody gets caught.”

Coworker: *to my trainer* “Give her all ones tonight!”

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