That Greeting Was Fleeting

| Denton, TX, USA | Bosses & Owners

(At my job we have to do this thing called “table touches” where we’re supposed to walk around the lobby, checking on customers to make sure they’re happy. My manager loves doing table touches. It’s after I clock out and I’m eating while I wait for my ride. My work hat is off and my back is to the rest of the lobby so no one can see my shirt.)

Manager: “So how’re we doing back here?”

Me: *turns around so she can see my face*

Manager: “D*** it, I wasted a whole greeting!”

Intolerant Of Your Gluten-Tolerance

| Italy | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m ten, and have been diagnosed celiac for two years. The first gluten-free certified pizza place has opened in my city, and as an Italian, it’s quite a big deal for me to be able to eat non-frozen pizza again. I’m still afraid it won’t taste any good so my father order a gluten- free pizza too, to keep me company. The waitress has taken our food orders, and is asking about the drinks.)

Dad: “I’ll have a medium blonde beer.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t serve any gluten free beers.”

Dad: “Oh, it’s not a problem; I didn’t want one. I’ll have a normal one.”

Waitress: “It has gluten in it. It’s harmful for you.”

Dad: “Ah, no, I’m not celiac.” *he points at me* “She is. I just want to know how her pizza taste like.”

Waitress: *raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing him* “Sorry, sir, but I can’t serve you a beer! You can’t drink it!”

Dad: *in a very sarcastic voice* “Okay, not a problem. I’ll drink nothing, however my wife will have a Radler AND a medium blonde beer.”

Waitress: *raising her voice* “WELL, IF YOU GET SICK AND NEED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE, DON’T SAY I DIDN’T TELL YOU!”

(The pizza was very good, but surprisingly we didn’t come back!)

They Cashed Out A While Ago

, | Streamwood, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Money

(I go into a popular fast food place and order a chicken sandwich…)

Cashier: “Okay, swipe your card when you’re ready.”

Me: “Um, I’m paying with cash?”

(The cashier looks confused for a moment, then says hesitantly:)

Cashier: “Okay! Swipe your cash when you’re ready!”

Me: “…?”

Will Be Hearing About This For Months

, | BC, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’m about seven-months pregnant, although it maybe only looks like I’m five months. I walk everywhere because I don’t have a car, and my town doesn’t have transit, so I’m fairly active. The owner of the restaurant comes down for our staff meeting. I am on my break when he walks in.)

Owner: “Stand up.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Owner: “Just stand up.”

Me: *stands up*

Owner: “You’re not almost due. [Manager] said you’re almost due!”

Me: “Yeah, my due date is the middle of August.”

Owner: “No! What, is it a hamster?! I look more pregnant than you do!”

(I had to show him my ultrasound pictures. Everyone that was in the break room had a good laugh about that.)

Served With A Side Order Of Flayed Nemo

| UK | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

(I am a foreigner working in the UK for a period of time. While fairly fluent in English, I sometimes have problems with specialized vocabulary, such as the words for different things you come across in the fancy restaurant where I work. Luckily I’m not afraid to ask for explanations.)

Me: *to chef* “What is venison?”

Chef: “It’s Bambi.”

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