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Let’s Hope He Has Onion Representation

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, New Hires

(I am training a new cashier. He has yet to learn most of the produce codes, so he often looks them up in an alphabetical list provided to us. The list can be somewhat confusing, as something like “red peppers” would be listed as “peppers, red,” and so on. He comes upon red onions.)

New Cashier: “Are these under ‘R’ for red or ‘U’ for onion?”

(I’m not sure how long he’ll last.)

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Singing For Your Supper

| MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Musical Mayhem

(My mom, brother, and I are babysitting my elementary school-age cousins. We take them out to eat at a pizza place where they can also play games. Afterwards, we stop at the supermarket for some much needed groceries. At the checkout, the cashier, a woman in her sixties, is watching my brother intensely as he is singing to my cousins to entertain them. Right after my mother pays, the cashier is about to hand the receipt to my mom when she suddenly pulls it out of my mom’s reach.)

Cashier: “Young man, it’s been a long day. Can you sing me a love song? I won’t give you your receipt until you do.”

(My brother turns bright red.)

Mom: “Please do it. I need the receipt.”

(My brother sings the beginning to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ by Bonnie Tyler. He stops after singing the chorus. By this time his face is beet red and he isn’t putting much effort into singing the song because he’s embarrassed.)

Cashier: “Stop. You’re not singing with enough emotion.” *reluctantly hands over the receipt to my mom* “Have a nice day.”

(We left the store and on the car ride home, the kids couldn’t stop singing the song. They told their parents to let us babysit them more often.)

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The Key To Not Oversleeping

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Coworkers, Time

(I am a supervisor for the service desk, but because I live close to the store, I am also a trusted key holder for the store as well. At about 4:45 am I am woken by the phone ringing.)

Me: “Hello?”

Baker #2: “Hi, it’s [Baker #2] here. Just wondering, do you have a key for the back door?”

Me: “Yeah. What’s wrong?”

Baker #2: “[Baker #1] overslept his alarm and is two hours late and there is no-one in the store to open the door so we can’t start work.”

Me: “Okay, give me about five minutes and I’ll be down there.”

(I travel to the store and find Baker #1, Baker #2, and Bakery Manager all out the back waiting for me to open the door. I open the door and disarm the alarm system. Before leaving, I say to Baker #1:)

Me: “If you ever cause me to have to take a phone call like that at 4:45 in the morning again, I will jam this key far up you a** and turn your heart off.”

Bakery Manager: *doubled over laughing*

Baker #1: “Righto, sounds fair.”

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