Discretion Is The Better Part Of Disclosure, Part 2

| South Australia, Australia | Employees, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I’m a customer waiting in line. The young woman in front of me is being served by a nice but somewhat ditzy cashier.)

Cashier: “Oh, whoops! These aren’t scanning. I’ll just get a price check.”

(The cashier holds up a little blue box and starts waving it around, then shouts to a coworker in one of the aisles.)

Cashier: “Yo, [coworker]! I need a price check on these [brand] condoms in XXL size!”

Young Woman: *blushes* “Oh my God, don’t worry about them. I’ll just get these.”

Coworker: *shouts back* “WHAT KIND?!”


Young Woman: *looks mortified and practically runs out of the store*

Discretion Is The Better Part Of Disclosure

His Name Is FTW

| USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

(At the supermarket where my boyfriend works, he has to sign his initials each time he finishes with a job. His initials just happen to be “WTF”. One night he gets a call from his manager, who is notoriously mean-spirited.)

My Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Manager: “Do you think this s*** is funny?!”

My Boyfriend: “…Excuse me?”

Manager: “Do you think I have time to waste from you and your bulls***? You put those letters down like it’s a joke?”

My Boyfriend: “That’s my name, [manager]. W***** T***** F****.”

(The manager is silent on the line for a few moments.)

Manager: “…Umm, okay. Carry on. See you at work on Sunday.” *hangs up*

Driving Customers Away

| KY, USA | Employees, Top

(I am a twenty-three-year old college student, but I can’t drive for medical reasons. On this particular day, I’ve ridden to the store with a friend to keep her company. She’s paying for groceries while talking to me when the cashier starts up a conversation.)

Cashier: “College students?”

My Friend: “Oh, yeah. We go to [college name]! Did the ramen and energy drinks give it away?”

Cashier: “Heh. Yeah, kind of. Actually, I go to [other college] right now. Sucks to have to drive an hour to get there.”

Me: “Yeah, I kinda get that feeling. I used to have to walk an hour to class before I transferred to [college name].”

Cashier: *confused* “Why didn’t you just drive?”

Me: “I can’t drive, actually.”

Cashier: “You can’t drive?”

Me: “Nuh-uh.”

Cashier: “And you go to college?”

Me: “…Yes?”

Cashier: “You are destined to fail!”

(At this point, my friend and I are just staring at her, speechless.)

Cashier: “What’s wrong with you?! You should just quit school right now. People who can’t drive can’t be a part of society. You absolutely HAVE to have a car to do anything!”

Me: “Er… I’ve… actually never had any problems out of it.”

Cashier: “But you WILL! What if you get a job two hours away?”

Me: “… I move two hours away? I moved two hours away to finish college.”

Cashier: “Do you have a job?”

Me: “I’m a receptionist.”

Cashier: “How do you get to work?!”

Me: “I walk?”

Cashier: “Drop out or learn to drive!”

(As we’re walking out, my friend stops and turns to me.)

My Friend: “I have no idea what just happened, but I think everyone involved is dumber for the experience.”

Illogically Theological

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Religion, Theme Of The Month, Top

(My coworker and I are doing a child safety promotion in front of a supermarket on Easter weekend. The neighborhood happens to be predominantly Jewish, and 95% of the customers coming in are wearing yarmulkes or headscarves. The vast majority of the men also have the traditional peyot—the curled sideburns.)

Me: *to a customer* “Hi, did you want us to fingerprint your kids? It’s free, and it’s just for you to take home.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

Me: “Okay, have a great day!”

Coworker: “…and have a happy Easter!”

Customer: *gives my coworker a weird look and walks out*

Me: *to my coworker* “I don’t think they celebrate Easter.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Me: “They’re Jewish.”

Coworker: “How can you tell?”

Me: “Did you see the those hats the men wore? Those are Yarmulke. It’s part of the Jewish religion.”

Coworker: “Okay…”

(The next customer comes out, the scenario repeats, and again, my coworker says “Happy Easter” to someone in a Yarmulke.)

Me: “You know, if you keep doing that, you might offend someone.”

Coworker: “But who doesn’t love Jesus?!”

Plan On Pointless Paranoia

| Manchester, UK | Bigotry, Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

(A young (white) man has come into our supermarket with a very large, heavy-looking sports bag, which he leaves near the front of the shop so he can do his shopping.)

Deputy manager: *to me* “Whose is that bag? Did you see whose bag that is?”

Me: “I think it’s that man’s over there. He just put it down to do his shopping.”

Deputy manager: “Did you see him put it down? Are you sure it’s his?”

Me: “I didn’t, but there’s nobody else in the shop, so I assume it’s his. He looks sporty and it looks like a sports bag.”

(At this point, I assume my DM will let it go. The man doesn’t look suspicious, and there’s no reason to suspect anything. Then my DM shows just how worried and paranoid he is.)

Deputy manager: “You’ve got to be careful in these times! There could be anything in there! You hear about bombings and other things all the time!”

Me: “Calm down, it’s fine. It’s 5 pm on a Sunday, in a tiny discount supermarket in a nothing town. There’s nobody here. Who would want to blow us up?”

Deputy manager: “I tell you, if he had a turban on you’d be feeling a lot different. You never know what they’re planning.”

Me: *utterly speechless*

(Thankfully, he quit that week!)