Not Driving Solo On This One

| MN, USD | Technology, Transportation

(I am using live chat with a tech support agent. My phone randomly stopped working one day and it is urgent I get a new one as it is the middle of winter and I have a six hour solo drive ahead of me. I have just gotten off the phone with tech support who told me I have to get a new phone, so I am now speaking with someone in sales.)

Me: “I would like to get this resolved before I leave as I am making the six hour drive alone.”

Sales Rep: “That would not be good. Give me a few minutes.”

Me: “Thank you for understanding how hardcore crappy that would be. The last guy I talked to in insurance didn’t seem to get that.”

Sales Rep: “He doesn’t get out much…”

Logged As An Idiot

, | Gothenburg, Sweden | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

(At our factory we have computers at each machine we use to enter the final measurements of a product we create. Each computer has a specific login so you can access the necessary files needed to input the final data. While you can use another computer’s login to access the necessary files, it’s best if you use the proper login. On this particular day, one computer is having issues with the login credentials. We decide to call up tech support since we can’t figure out a way to get around the login to access the data. The tech support is kind of… bad. It’s pretty terrible, actually, and no one wants to deal with them. After a lot of discussion it is decided that I should make the call. This is the conversation that follows when I call them up and explain the issue we have. The phone is on speaker mode:)

Tech Support: “Thanks for calling tech support. How can I assist you?”

Me: “Hi! We’re having issues with a computer here. It’s saying the credentials cannot be verified. We’ve tried bypassing it but it won’t work, not even with another computer’s login. I think it’s something with the domain it’s connected to. Think you can take a look at that?”

Tech Support: “Absolutely. What is your computer’s name?”

Me: *I rattle off the eight-digit number of the computer to the techie*

Tech Support: “Okay. I have your number and it’s legit. I need you to log in for me.”

(There’s a moment of silence as I am waiting to see if he’s going to process what he just said.)

Me: “Uh, we CAN’T login. That’s the issue…”

Tech Support: “I understand. But I need you to log in so we can fix the issue.”

Me: “No, no. You aren’t listening to me. I CAN’T login because the credentials of this computer cannot be verified on the domain I am trying to log in to.”

Tech Support: “I still need you to log in so we can sort this issue out.”

Coworkers: *roll eyes*

Me: “Dude, listen to me real good now. We can’t log in. Okay? Do you understand? The computer’s credentials are not being verified. It won’t let us pass the login screen.”

Tech Support: “I still need you to log in…”

Short-Tempered Coworker: “What part of ‘We cannot log in’ do you not understand? WE CANNOT LOG IN!”

(There’s a moment of silence before the tech support guy speaks up.)

Tech Support: “Oh, you cannot log in. I will send someone out to fix the issue from your end. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

(I end the call then and there.)

Me: *to short-tempered coworker* “Next time, you call.”

I’ll Do It With Me, Myself, And I

| IN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m working tech support with one of my friends. A slightly annoying, but not particularly unpleasant task comes up that needs done.)

Coworker: “Would you like me to do it, or shall I?”

Me: “Well, if you really want to do it that badly, go right ahead.”

(She realized what she said after a couple seconds and we had a good laugh and she went to take care of it.)

Doesn’t Speak A Paid Programming Language

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Technology

Caller: “Hi, the program I use to give demos to customers has stopped working.”

Me: “Okay, what is the program that you use?”

Caller: *names third-party free trial program that our company doesn’t use*

Me: “And what’s the problem?”

Caller: “It’s asking me to pay to use it.”

Me: “Okay… there’s nothing I can actually do about that. That is a third-party paid service. Our company does not have any accounts or contracts with that vendor, so we don’t have a company account we can use.”

Caller: “But it worked before.”

Me: “They have a free trial, but once that trial is over you would need to pay for an account.”

Caller: “It’s not working. They told me to call Help Desk.”

Me: “I’m afraid this is not a technical issue that we can help with. This program requires a paid account to use it, and our company doesn’t have one. You’d need to work with your department head to put in a purchase order for an account for this program. That doesn’t go through us.”

Caller: “But all my coworkers use it, and they don’t pay for it!”

Me: “Better not mention that to Legal.”

Needs To Contract An Understanding In Contracts

| CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

(I recently finished an extensive project to install several computer systems for a new business. Afterwards, the owner paid me half of the agreed upon money with a check marked ‘full payment’. This is our conversation.)

Me: *handing it back* “I think you made a mistake. This is half of what we agreed to.”

Owner: *cheerfully* “Well, you see, the project ran over-budget, and since we were paying you so well we decided to just take the excess out of your paycheck.”

Me: *stunned* “That’s not how this works. We signed a contract for an agreed sum and you’re trying to rip me off for half of it.”

Owner: *laughing* “Oh, that silly thing! Yeah, I forgot to mention, my wife looked at it and said it was all wrong and that she could fix it easy.”

(He pulls out the contract from a drawer, where I can immediately see about a dozen ‘corrections’ made in pen and pencil, cutting my pay in half as well as including a clause for unlimited on-call repair work for the next 15 years.)

Me: “No. You owe me [total amount], which is due by the end of the week, and I clearly stated when I took this job I would only offer a two-year warranty for repairs.”

Owner: “You can’t do that! You already signed the contract!”

(I ended up going to small-claims court over this, where the judge openly mocked the business owner and his insistence that his ‘corrections’ to the contract were all perfectly valid and legal. The case was very quickly ruled in my favor.)