Laptop Flop, Part 8

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Technology

(At our company, most people still use desktops, but we can issue laptops to people who need to travel, work remotely, or present a lot of meetings. We have a limited number of laptops to give out, so they are always in high demand, but I think this request took the cake…)

User: “I do work at two different departments within the company, so I need to travel back and forth inside the building frequently. I would like another desk to be set up with monitors, mouse, and keyboard, and a phone at my second location. In addition, I’d like a second laptop, so that I don’t have to carry my laptop between desks.”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 7
Laptop Flop, Part 6
Laptop Flop, Part 5

Welcome To ROCKS Operating System

, | WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Coworker: *with the phone on mute* “Why are you working on a computer?! Stop. Go get a hammer, and break rocks into smaller rocks. Don’t do anything that involves technology!”

(Unmutes the phone.)

Coworker: “Yes, sir. I want you to click the button that says ‘open.'”

Multiple Email Fail

| WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Employees, Technology

(I am the only IT support in an office of 35. It is day one of our conversion to a new email spam filter. Some staff don’t adapt well to change.)

Supervisor: *irritated* “I am expecting an important email and I haven’t received it and it’s not in my junk list.”

Me: *sending a message to ISP* “Supervisor missing important email and still cannot login to new spam filter page to check.

ISP: “Okay, let’s see if we can resolve this spam filter issue once and for all today.”

Me: *sending a message to various staff* “Please attempt to login with your FULL EMAIL ADDRESS (e.g. [email protected]) and EMAIL PASSWORD, not network password.”

Staff Member #1: “I DID use my full email address and it didn’t work.”

Me: “Let’s try adding the @organization.org part and tell me what happens.”

Staff Member #1: “OH! Okay, it works now.”

Staff Member #2: “I saw those emails about trying to log in and I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything.”

Me: *thinking* “So instead you forced me to hunt you down via phone and walk you through it.”

Staff Member #3: “Nope, can’t login.”

Me: “Will you share your credentials with ISP so they can test from their end.”

ISP: “We have no problem logging in with these credentials from this end.”

Staff Member #3: “It works now!”

(I go to the supervisor, after two hours of these inane individual conversations with 18 staff members.)

Me: “Everyone but you can successfully log in to the new spam filter page. Could we please double check that you are using your FULL EMAIL ADDRESS, as in [email protected], and your EMAIL PASSWORD, not network password?”

Supervisor: “I AM using my full email address and email password. Still don’t have that important email!”

ISP: *to me* “Can we get the sender to verify the date/time/address sent. Unlikely but possible it was mis-routed. We could try tracking from this end if we had some more details.”

Me: *to Supervisor* “Do we know for sure this important email was sent? Can you give me the contact name and phone so I can verify?”

Supervisor: *to me* “I will contact him.”

ISP: *to me* “Can you please attempt to observe Supervisor login to new spam filter and verify he is using the correct credentials?”

(Supervisor enters “first name” and “password”)

Supervisor: “See, it doesn’t work!”

Me: “Okay, but how about if we use your FULL email address? Can we try adding the @organization.org part?”

(Logs in successfully.)

Supervisor: “Well, I never had to put that part in before!”

Me: *thinking* “What part of ‘FULL EMAIL ADDRESS’ did you not understand?” *actually saying* “”Well… now you do. And now you know it works.”

(Hours pass…)

ISP: *to me* “Any news on the missing important message? We’d like to clear this trouble ticket.”

Me: *to Supervisor* “Any update on verifying details about this missing email?”

Supervisor: *to me* “I have sent a fax and an email message and haven’t heard anything back.”

Me: *thinking* “What the h*** is wrong with using a TELEPHONE?”

(Later I am talking to the big boss.)

Big Boss: “I don’t like the new spam filter interface as much as the old spam filter. And are you going to do some staff training on how to use it?”

Me: *eye twitches*

Time For A P Break

| USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I’m trying to set up my online account for the local public transport system via phone, and it isn’t working.)

Me: “Yeah, so I entered my email and the password, and it keeps saying it’s invalid. Am I doing something wrong?”

Employee: “No, that should work, as long as you’re using the information you told me. The email is xxxhamster4, right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s it. And the password is [password].”

Employee: “I don’t know what to tell you. It just doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Well, is there something else I could do? I’m going to be using this card every day; I need to be able to fill it up without going to the main store all the time.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this system is relatively new. It may just be a glitch.”

Me: “Just to be sure, can we maybe double-check that you have my information down right? It’s x-x-x-h-a-m-s-t-e-r-7, with the 7 as a number, not spelled out, and the email address is @[website]—“

Employee: “I think I know what’s wrong. You forgot the ‘p’.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee: “The ‘p’. In hamster. No wonder it hasn’t been going through.”

Me: “Um… there isn’t a ‘p’ in hamster.”

Employee: “…oh.”

(Once she corrected the spelling on her end, the account worked perfectly.)

An Opposing Opposable Thumb

| CO, USA | Technology

(I’m on the phone with tech support.)

Me: “So tell me what to do, please.”

Tech: “First, press the star key.”

Me: “Okay, I did that, but nothing happened.”

Tech: “Please tell me, how did you press the star key?”

Me: *deadpan* “With my thumb.”

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