He’s A Scuffy-Looking Nerf-Herder

, | NC, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work as a kennel assistant at an animal hospital. On this particular day, a stray kitten had been brought in for a health assessment. Vet #1 and one of the vet techs are examining the kitten while I stand by in case they need me to fetch anything else, since it’s been a slow day. Vet #2 enters the treatment room.)

Kitten: *squeaks indignantly*

Vet #1: “Oh, you’re just so cute!”

Vet #2: “Did you just call that thing ‘cute’?”

Vet #1: “He’s very cute!”

Vet Tech: “Eh, he’s a little scruffy-looking.”

Me: “He looks like somebody used him to scrub a toilet.”

Vet #2: “Exactly! That’s exactly what he looks like!”

Vet #1: *leans in and stage-whispers to kitten* “Don’t worry, I think you’re cute.”

(We gave the kitten some food, a flea pill, and a clean bill of health; the person who found the kitten came back later that day, having decided to keep him.)

The Name Doesn’t Go Down Smooth

| NC, USA | Employees, Health & Body

(I’m in the treatment room of our animal hospital, holding the leash of a dog while my coworker grabs nail clippers for the dog. One of the doctors rushes in with a dog.)

Doctor: *to Coworker* “Can you hand me some…” *gestures to the basket of various sprays and bottles*

Coworker: “The what?”

Doctor: “The squeeze!”

Coworker: *tentatively reaches for the isopropyl*

Doctor: “No! The goopy-goo!”

Coworker: *grabs the Quik-stop*

Doctor: “AUGH! Just hand me THE LUBE!”

Cat Should Have Caught Her Tongue

| Tampa, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Pets & Animals

(We have just had to put our cat to sleep after being diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and having seizures as a result of being unable to breathe well. Months later, we have decided to adopt another cat who we see on an adoption site, and we take her to get a full exam and work-up to make sure she’s healthy. We’ve been going to this vet practice for years because the whole staff is amazing. Today we’re seeing the owner’s daughter, who is a recent graduate and addition to the practice. I’m waiting with my cat in the exam room when I suddenly hear her loud voice from the back room.)

Doctor: “Who’s in there? Oh, my God! You know they just had their cat put to sleep like THREE MONTHS AGO? Can you believe she already GOT A NEW ONE? It’s like, oh, wow, I loved that cat so much; can’t wait to replace it!”

Assistant: “Well, she and her husband have been coming here for years. They take such good care of their pets. That’s one lucky cat they’ve adopted. They fought heart failure for a year and a half with the cat before that last one with us. I wish everyone did as much for their pets as they do.”

Doctor: *in a flippant, mocking tone* “Apparently they mean SO MUCH to them they can’t wait to pick out a new one!”

(A minute later she comes in all smiles and friendliness, apparently completely unaware I’ve overheard.)

Doctor: “And how are WE today? And who is this you have?”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to do the exam in the hallway?”

Doctor: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “I mean, these walls are so thin, you could communicate everything to me just fine from back there and I’d hear every word. And yeah, you’re right, you ARE sorry.”

(I was fuming, but speaking in a low, hard voice. The doctor went white as a sheet and started stammering before saying she had to “go check on something.” Unsurprisingly, she never came back, and instead a different doctor we’d seen before came in. When I told her what happened, she was immediately horrified and apologetic, and said the owner had already had to reprimand his daughter before about her “bedside manner.” We still go every year to take my cat for checkups and shots, and surprisingly, that doctor is still there, but whenever I see her, she always turns bright red and ducks into the back room. Hopefully she’s learned to be a bit more empathetic in the future… or at least how to keep her opinions to herself.)

Looks Like This Is Your Cat Calling

| TX, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(We’d just adopted two adult cats from our local shelter and took them into the closest vet’s office for a general checkup. The vet first looked at our quiet, black cat and quickly announced she was extremely sick. What we’d taken as quietness was actually her masking her illness. Ten minutes later he’s run a bunch of tests and determined that, with a course of strong antibiotics and rest and food, she’ll be fine (and she is!) but had she been in the shelter even a day longer, she probably would have died. After that panic he turned to our other cat, a huge 18lb sweetheart. He poked around for a while and then pressed and held his finger right at the cat’s stomach.)

Vet: “That’s weird.”

Me: *every worried thought running through my head*

Vet: “No, that’s really odd. I don’t know…”

Me: “He’s sick, too, isn’t he?”

Vet: “Sick? Oh, no, not at all. It’s just that most cats won’t let you prod them like that.”

(He’s still the chillest cat I’ve ever known. The other cat, the one we got because she was so quiet, turned out to be part Siamese and tells us so at one in the morning. At least she’s healthy now!)

Different Ways Of ‘Facing’ The Morning

| NC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

(Working at the vet’s office one morning, one of my coworkers has been in a grumpy mood. I’ve already told people about my kitten trying to wake me up way too early this morning.)

Supervisor: “What’s up with you today, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “I dunno. I just woke up this morning with a frown on my face.”

Supervisor: *half-joking* “You should try to wake up with a smile on your face!”

Me: “I woke up with a cat on my face!”

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