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    Shoulda Woulda Coulda

    | WI, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I work in a factory that makes paper products such as plates and napkins. This takes place between a coworker and another employee who is being trained to operate a machine. The wrapper on the machine is currently being worked on by maintenance. The operator is watching the repairs while the trainee is wandering around sweeping when he should be learning.)

    Operator: *to trainee* “You should be over here watching them fix this.”

    Trainee: *looks over and continues what he is doing*

    (About ten minutes later:)

    Operator: *to trainee* “You should really be over here watching this.”

    Trainee: *continues sweeping*

    (The operator, who I know is one of the most patient operators in the entire plant, continues working with maintenance on the wrapper until the department supervisor shows up and he has a chance to relay what happened to her.)

    Supervisor: “[Trainee], why didn’t you go over and watch what they were working on?”

    Trainee: “Well, he said I SHOULD, not that I HAVE to.”

    Don’t Pull Any Punches With God

    | MI, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Religion

    (I have just finished briefly talking to one of my coworkers, who is a bit obnoxious at times. I’m headed back to my station when another coworker leans over to say something to me as I pass by.)

    Coworker: “I’m going to punch him.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Coworker: “I don’t know. I mean, God told me to do it. I have to punch him.”

    Me: “Well… I guess I can’t stand in the way of God.”

    I’ll Have An Explanation On The Side

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (After a long day at work I decide I’m too tired to make dinner and opt for getting food from a well-known fast-food drive-thru on my way home.)

    Server: *over drive-thru speaker* “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Me: “Hi, could I get [Burger] as a small meal?”

    (The screen comes up with my order, saying ‘large meal.’)

    Me: “Oh, sorry, but I wanted a small meal, not a large.”

    (Screen changes to ‘medium meal’ and I decide that’s good enough.)

    Server: “What sides do you want?”

    Me: “Um… fries?”

    Server: “Which two sides do you want?”

    Me: “Um… well… fries and I take [Soda-pop] as the drink.”

    Server: “Yes, but which two sides do you want?”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about and frantically start scanning the menus around me for a clue.)

    Server: “… Hello? What two sides do you want?”

    Me: “Ah, sorry, but what can I choose from?”


    Me: “Um, sorry? What options do I have?”

    Server: “What do you want for your two sides?”

    Me: “What can I choose from?”


    Server: “Please pull forward to pay.”

    (I am really confused at this point, pull forward, pay, and get my food soon after. When I open it up at home I look inside and see that I did get a mini cheeseburger and a box of popcorn chicken as sides. Only then do I vaguely remember an ad I had seen weeks ago about how you can create your own meal with your own sides. But why couldn’t that server just explain it to me?!)

    Joke Is Older Than He Is

    | Birmingham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I’m a woman in her mid-forties, proud to look my age.)

    Me: “Just this bottle of wine, thanks.”

    Cashier: *looking at me quizzically* “Can I see some ID, please?”

    Me: *flattered and smiling* “Here you go!”

    Cashier: “Just kidding! You’re old!”

    Big Guy Posse Meets Big Sky Country

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Employees

    Security: “ID, please.”

    Me: *I give the guy my ID*

    Security: *slaps an intercom button* “Security, all hands up front.”

    Me: *about to s*** my pants* “What? What?! Wha—”

    (Five big guys show up at a run.)

    Security: “Everybody! This is what a Montana ID looks like.”

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