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    Taking Credit For Social Insecurity

    | Fairfax, VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees

    (I’m trying to open a bank account at a large national bank. I have what I believe to be the required items: two pieces of ID and a check to deposit.)

    Teller: “Okay, all I need now is two forms of ID.”

    (I hand her my drivers’ license and social security card. This is listed as acceptable forms of ID on their website.)

    Teller: ” I’m sorry, but I can’t accept your social security card as a second form of identification.”

    Me: “I don’t understand. How that is not a form of ID?”

    Teller: “I don’t know if this is yours, so I can’t accept it.”

    Me: “But your website lists it as an acceptable form of a secondary ID. My picture is on my license and my name matches my social security card. If a government issued card isn’t accepted, what else can I show to confirm my identification ?”

    Teller: “I can accept a credit card if you have one.”

    Me: “…”

    (At this point, I told her to cancel my application. I refuse to use a bank that accepts a credit card over a social security card as a form of identification!)

    What Came First, The Pun Or The Egg

    | England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I am talking to some colleagues about a job some of us have been put on.)

    Me: “I hope it doesn’t eat into the weekend.”

    Coworker #1: “I can’t let it do that.”

    Coworker #2: “You have plans?”

    Coworker #1: “Well, it’s a friend’s birthday and we’re doing an Easter Egg hunt. I missed last weekend when she was making the eggs because of work so I can’t miss this weekend as well.”

    Coworker #2: “No, you should definitely go.”

    Me: “It sounds great.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah. Now all we need is a pun to go with this.”

    (We fall silent for a few seconds.)

    Me: “Well, if you let them cancel this weekend as well, you’ll just be egging them on to cancel all your weekend plans.”

    Coworker #1: “Exactly! This kind of punning ability is why you’re going to go far!”

    Leave Them On A Nail-Biting Cliffhanger

    | USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

    (I bite off part of my nail, and it starts bleeding. I put a bandage on it, but it keeps falling off. I see a coworker near the supply drawer, and call over to him.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], can you hand me some tape?”

    Coworker: “Uh, sure.”

    (He hands me the roll, and watches me take a piece off.)

    Coworker: What do you need to tape, anyways?

    Me: “My finger. I was biting on it and guess bit too much off.”

    Coworker: “You… bit… WHAT?!”

    Me: *suddenly realizing* “MY NAIL! I bit the nail off!”

    Coworker: “I shouldn’t have asked.”

    Green Food Makes Him Green

    | Tulsa, OK, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Cashier: “What’s this?”

    Me: “That’s an artichoke.”

    Cashier: “Oh, I don’t like those.”

    Me: “How can you know? 10 seconds ago you didn’t know what it was.”

    Cashier: “Um… I don’t like green food.”

    Managed By A Busybody

    | IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners

    (There are just two cashiers working and no manager on duty when everyone on the highway decides they need to stop and fuel. Diesel and gas registers are both busy, and the phone is ringing nonstop. There are two lines for the fuel desk, one for the restaurant, and one for the garage. The restaurant and garage never use their own lines to call out.)

    Garage: *over phone intercom* “Hey, you guys have a call on line four.”

    Me: “Okay, thanks.” *picks up* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

    General Manager: “Why couldn’t I call through on lines one and two?”

    Me: *clearly waiting on customers* “I’m guessing the restaurant and garage are on them. They’ve been lit up for a while.”

    General Manager: “Are you sure you girls aren’t talking on the phone to your boyfriends?”

    Me: “Very sure. It’s very busy and we have lines almost to the door.”

    General Manager: “Because I called two or three times on each line.”

    Me: “Then maybe you should tell the other managers to stop their employees calling out on our lines. Did you need something? We’re really busy.”

    General Manager: “Are you sure you aren’t on the phone with someone else?”

    Me: “No, [Manager], I am NOT on the phone with someone else and neither is [Coworker]! Did you need me to do something or not because [Coworker] needs help!”

    General Manager: “No, I’m just calling to check on you. See you tomorrow.”

    Me: “Bye!”

    (I guess he must have checked the tapes when he came in the next day, because I didn’t hear anything else about it!)

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