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    Can Put A Lot Of Processing Power In Her Voice

    | NY, USA | Employees, Technology

    (My roommate is tiny, quiet, and shy, and she is not comfortable speaking English. I am going to buy a new laptop for college courses, and she comes along. A tall and imposing salesman pounces on us.)

    Salesman: “Hi, I see you are interested in some laptops, we have the best ones over here.” *points to lower end laptops*

    Me: “I really need the extra power; I was looking at the newer processors.”

    Salesman: “Well, now, here is how the new processors work…” *starts into technical description with a lot of jargon*

    (My roommate tries to say something but is too quiet. After a few minutes, she has had enough and shouts:)

    Roommate: “KNOW HOW WORKS!”

    (The sales man looks shocked.)

    Salesman: “What would you know, little girl?”

    Me: “She worked in manufacturing the processors and is currently working on a Ph.D. in processor design.”

    (The salesman storms off and shouts back:)

    Salesman: “Well, I’m from [Company] to sell printers!”

    The Owner Got Owned

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (Our theater is privately owned by a man who is somewhere in his early to mid 70s. He is about to leave for the day.)

    Owner: “See you next time, [My Name].”

    Me: “Okay. Bye.”

    (He quickly turns around and heads towards the manager and two other employees who are behind the concession stand.)

    Owner: “What’s going on here? Why is everyone standing back here talking when there’s no one ushering or working in the box office?”

    Manager: “But [Another Employee] is in the box.”

    Owner: “Well, then who’s our usher?”

    Manager: “[My Name] is.”

    Owner: “Where is he?”

    Manager: “He’s standing right behind you.”

    (The owner turned around and saw me as I waved at him. We all worry about him sometimes.)

    They’re All Irresponsible For This

    | WA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Language & Words, Technology

    (I work as a general staff member at a university. My department constantly has to liaise with the enrollment department to ensure both sides are up to date with all procedures. Colleague #1, in the enrollments department, and I are noted to be the youngest employees in the University as we are in our very early 20s. Both of our departments are very relaxed and good natured with each other.)

    Me: *walking in and seeing a manager in the enrollment team’s room* “Um, can I interrupt?”

    Manager: “Sure.”

    Me: “I need help. I am looking for a responsible adult.”

    (There is a short pause and the team and manager start laughing.)

    Manager: “Well, you’ve come to the wrong place.”

    Colleague #2: *still laughing* “Such a hopeless quest.”

    Colleague #3: “There is no one here that can help you then.”

    (Everyone starts to come down.)

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. I am sure [Colleague #1] can help me.”

    Colleague #1: “Sure.”

    (Everyone starts laughing.)

    Colleague #2: “She’s the youngest here!”

    Manager: “It must be about technology.”

    Colleague #1: *with a big smile on her face* “How can I help you?”

    Me: “Oh, I just need help with this ‘interwebs’ thing.”

    (The manager is now cracking up.)

    Colleague #3: “See, it was a technology thing! I don’t even know what that is.”

    Colleague #4: “Interwebs? What is that?”

    Me: “Um, it’s another way to say Internet that will confuse people.”

    (There was a short bout of silence before Colleague #3 and #4 cracked up about the ‘interwebs’)

    A Lack Of Military Intelligence

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I am a female active duty sailor, eating out with my boyfriend. As I order a drink with our meal I give the waitress my military ID to verify my age.)

    Waitress: “Is this a joke?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Waitress: “Do you think I’m stupid? This can’t be real!”

    Me: “Um, no, it’s real. Why wouldn’t it be?”

    Waitress: “My boyfriend is in the Marines. I know women aren’t allowed to be active duty! This is a fake. You’re probably trying to scam a military discount out of us.”

    Me: “No, women aren’t allowed in spec-ops or on submarines yet, but there’s a f***-ton of us in other jobs. I’m an engineer on a carrier and that is NOT fake. Give it back. I’ll just use my driver’s license.”

    Waitress: “No can do.”

    (She proceeds to whip a massive pair of shears out of her apron and cut my ID in half.)

    Me: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

    (A manager that hears me yell comes over immediately.)

    Manager: “What’s the problem here?

    Me: “Your waitress just cut my military ID in half because, apparently, women can’t serve.”

    Manager: “Oh, my god. I’m very sorry, ma’am. Your meal is on us tonight.” *he glares at the waitress* “My office. Now.”

    (The waitress got chewed out and we got coupons towards another meal on top of free food. Both my boyfriend and my division officer thought the whole thing was hilarious.)

    Incompetent By Any Estimate

    | NJ, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money

    (On every monthly electric bill it’s noted whether it’s an ‘actual’ reading or an ‘estimated’ reading. Typically “estimated” means that the reader came around but wasn’t able to access the utility closet for some reason. While it shouldn’t be a big deal to just have someone come out and re-read, the estimates are anywhere from 50% higher to twice or more our typical monthly average. This happened on the latest call.)

    Me: “Yes, I’d like it if someone could come out and do a reading on my meter?”

    Operator: “It looks like a reading was done just two days ago, sir.”

    Me: “Actually, if you look in your system that’s an ‘estimate,’ not an actual reading, and it’s far higher than it should be.”

    Operator: “Well, sir, you know that our estimates are actually based off very precise—”

    Me: “Let me stop you right there because I’ve heard it before. Your ‘calculations’ are wrong. They’re based off the guy who lived here ten years ago, not us. Our average monthly consumption in the summer months is anywhere from $90 to $110, which if you looked at our CURRENT history you’d see. This ‘estimate’ is stating $197. And no, don’t tell me that it will ‘balance out next month’ like I was told last time because it didn’t. I want somebody out here to do a proper reading ASAP.”

    Operator: “It’s not as easy as that, sir. We—”

    Me: “Yes, it is. It always has been. When can he be scheduled to be here?”

    Operator: “As this isn’t an emergency, we can’t have someone come directly—”

    Me: “I know. You can’t have someone here now. Just tell me a date and a time range and I’ll make sure that the building maintenance has the utility closet unlocked during that time frame.”

    Operator: “Can you… Can you please hold a moment, sir, while I set that up?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    (I get put on hold… and five minutes later the phone disconnects. Furious I call back, give a BRIEF explanation to the new operator, and get switched to a supervisor.)

    Supervisor: “I’m looking at your account now, sir, and I apologize. It appears the person you were dealing with attempted to set you up with a repair visit, not a meter reading; they also had you flagged as a ‘problem’ customer with a ‘belligerent attitude.’ However I was actually listening in on that call and you have nothing to worry about. I’ll have your account fixed and we’ll have a meter reader out there Saturday between 10 am and 2 pm. Your account will be updated with the proper statement by Tuesday at the latest. I’m sorry that I can’t be more precise than that.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s perfect. Thank you!”

    (My statement of almost $200 suddenly dropped to $92, and since then I haven’t had any more problems with ‘estimate’ readings!)


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