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  • Cheering Up And Dumbing Down
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  • July's Theme Of The Month: I Quit!
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    Networking Notworking

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Money

    (I work at a call center giving out coffee and tea to all the staff. I have one main friend who I hang out with every now and then. One day it came up about my job and why I can’t help but be so cheerful and happy all the time.)

    Coworker: “Just wondering, how much do you earn working here?”

    Me: “I’m on salary; I get just over £28K.”

    Coworker: *long pause* “Twenty eight grand?”

    Me: “Yes, mate. With this new pay rise it will be £30K at the end of the month.”

    Coworker: “I just about pull in two thirds that amount including commission. How on earth does a coffee boy make that much money?”

    Me: “I’m a qualified networks engineer and was hired to maintain the networks for the building. On my first day I was greeted by the company owner who immediately got me making the coffees. I have been here three years and he gives such high performance marks that HR gives me pay rises.”

    Coworker: “And you did not even think to tell the owner there was a mistake?”

    Me: “If you were me, would you?”

    Coworker: *long pause, then a wink* “You’re running low on biscuits.”

    Not Quite The Toast Of Good Service

    | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (This interaction is with another employee, while I’m on toast duty during breakfast.)

    Associate: “Come on! We need more toast!”

    Me: “I’m putting them in as soon as you call them out. I can’t make it go faster!”

    Associate: “Yes, you can!”

    (She then turns the toaster onto the lightest setting so the bread comes out much, much faster.)

    Me: “But it’s not toasting them now… It’s just warming up the bread.”

    Associate: “So? You’re not eating it!”

    Me: “But the people who are eating it are paying for it!”

    Should Have Quit Earlier On Balance

    | Torrance, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Lazy/Unhelpful, Theme Of The Month

    (I take a part-time job at a bath products store in order to help pay for my tuition. This did not work as planned however.)

    Manager: *during shift, to me* “The new schedule is up. Go write down your schedule so you’ll remember.”

    (I walk to the break-room only to discover that I was scheduled for only one three-hour shift.)

    Me: “Why am I only scheduled for one shift?”

    Manager: “Because of the high volume of employees this holiday season I can only afford to schedule you for one shift.”

    (The day of my shift comes around and I receive a call from my manager.)

    Manager: “Hi! Turns out we don’t need you to come in today. We’ll keep in touch with regard to your schedule.”

    (This exact scenario occurs the next month. I decide to resign and find a better, more steady job. I type a resignation letter and arrive at the store location to hand it personally to the manager.)

    Me: “Since I haven’t officially worked in two months I have decided to resign. Here is my resignation letter.”

    Manager: “YOU CAN’T QUIT! HOW WILL I BALANCE THE SCHEDULE?”

    Me: “Seriously? You add me to the schedule and then tell me not to work. Your schedule will be fine. I QUIT!”

    Washing Their Hands Of The Problem

    | SC, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am a resident in this apartment complex and the management constantly makes excuses when you need a handyman.)

    Me: “Hi. My dishwasher seems to be holding water and not draining. Could you send someone up?”

    Management: “Oh, well, you probably aren’t letting the cycle finish. It will pause for about 15 minutes. Just leave it and it will drain.”

    (I am all kinds of lazy; I definitely do not try and unload my dishwasher within 15 minutes of hearing it stop. Usually, it will be the next day before I even remember I ran it.)

    Me: “I don’t think that is the problem. It happens every time and I haven’t been opening it.”

    Management: “I will send someone up to show you how to use it properly.”

    (I didn’t even know how to respond, so I just hung up.)

    Can Make Your Head Swim

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    (I go in for a haircut shortly after washing my hair. My shampoo is scented with ylang-ylang flower.)

    Stylist: “Are you a swimmer?”

    Me: “What? No, it’s been years since I went swimming, actually.”

    Stylist: “Your hair smells like chlorine. Too much of that can turn your hair green, you know. Swimmers need to be careful with their hair.”

    Me: “I’m not a swimmer.”

    Stylist: “But your hair smells like chlorine!”

    Me: “I don’t see how it could. I just shampooed my hair before driving here.”

    Stylist: “Shampoo isn’t always enough to get all the chlorine out.”

    Me: “Okay, listen, there isn’t any chlorine. I’m not a swimmer. I haven’t been in a pool. There’s no chlorine. My hair doesn’t smell like chlorine because it hasn’t come into contact with any chlorine. Okay? It smells like my shampoo.”

    Stylist: “Well, then your shampoo has chlorine in it.”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t. It’s scented with ylang-ylang, which you’re probably not familiar with, but I don’t understand how you could mistake a tropical flower smell for chlorine.”

    Stylist: *muttering* “Smells like chlorine. Need to be careful with chlorine. I’ve seen green hair.”

    Me: “I also don’t chemically treat my hair, so it’s not likely to turn green.”

    (She finally shut up about it, but her single-minded insistence that I was a swimmer on her way to having green hair was just incomprehensible to me.)


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