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    Slack, Crackle And Pop

    | WA, USA | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am a civilian working in a Navy shipyard. The following happens as I am on the ship monitoring a system. One of the sailors who works on this system has a reputation for being a bit of a slacker.)

    Slacker: “This is so much better than sitting around with no work to do.”

    Other Sailor: *to me* “You taking notes?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Other Sailor: “Write it down. “At [exact time] on [date], [Slacker] finally got his head out of his a**.”

    (About two minutes later, their supervisor arrives.)

    Other Sailor: “Hey Chief! Guess what? [Slacker] finally got his head out of his a**!”

    Chief: “WHAT?!”

    Other Sailor: “Yeah, he said having work to do is better than sitting around with nothing to do.”

    Chief: *runs up and pinches [Slacker]*

    Slacker: “Ow!”

    Chief: “Yep, you’re awake!” *turns to me and the other sailor* “So… was there, like, a popping sound when it came out?”

    Forgetful Of Remembrance Day

    | UK | Bosses & Owners, Holidays

    (Each person in my team deals with customers of a specific country. As some bank holidays differ from one to the other, we may have to come to work and do nothing because we are not allowed to call customers. On such a day (August 15th), I started a conversation with a coworker. After about 30 minutes, the manager comes over.)

    Manager: “Are you two on break?”

    Me: “No, there’s just nothing to do today.”

    Manager: “How come? Is there anything in both your countries?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Today is a bank holiday, so we can’t call customers.”

    Manager: “Oh  really? Across several countries? What bank holiday is it?”

    Coworker: “15th of August? The Assumption of Mary? It’s a well-known Catholic holiday.”

    Manager: “Never heard about this. Okay, I’ll check.”

    (My coworker and I looked at each in shock. The manager is from a mainly Catholic country, and was looking at us as if we were lying. A few months later, on Remembrance Day (11th of November), the same coworker asked to observe a minute of silence to honor the fallen dead, as is tradition in the UK. It is supposed to happen at 11:00 am. A few seconds before, the program manager asked out loud why should we do that, ruining the mood in the process. She has been living in the UK for more than 15 years, and still doesn’t know what people celebrate here.)

    When It’s Good To Be Caught Napping

    | LA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Overtime

    (I work at for an educational program that works with students of all ages. After a week-long conference out of town, my boss and I are completely exhausted. We come back on a Thursday evening, but we still have to go into work on Friday morning.)

    Boss: “Just try to get some rest and come in an hour late.”

    (For this I am very thankful. We also have to visit the high school we work for, which is usually time-consuming, and by the time we get back to the office later that day, we are barely functional. We keep joking about going home and napping the whole time. This happens in her car in the parking lot.)

    Boss: “Can we just nap instead of going back to the office?”

    Me: “A nap sounds perfect right now.”

    Boss: “Okay. The seats recline. Let’s just close our eyes and rest a bit.”

    (We took a half-nap in her car for about 20 minutes, and got up feeling much better about the rest of our day! She definitely wins the best boss award.)

    Finally Grasped The Weighty Concept

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m still unloading the cart when I notice something the bagger’s doing.)

    Me: “Excuse, me, I don’t think you should put the flimsy plastic clamshell of blueberries in the same bag as the 10 pound sack of potatoes.”

    Bagger: *cheerfully* “That’s okay. They’ll both fit.”

    Me: “No, the heavy potatoes will smash the blueberries.”

    (The bagger was speechless, with a look of complete shock, like that had never occurred to him before.)

    Managers Throwing Their Weight Around

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (It’s a weekday at the beginning of the school year, so the building is dead. A friend of mine wanders in, so I’m talking to him at the prize counter. Two of my managers are at the cash register, cleaning up in front.)

    Me: “Yeah, it’s been slow all day. We’ve had nothing to do, so we’ve mostly been playing on our phones.”

    Friend: “Yeah that’s pretty boring.”

    Me: “I’m hoping for—”

    (All of a sudden, something hits my ear pretty hard. I look down to see a small hacky sack from the prize counter on the floor. I look over at my managers, the only other people close enough to throw something.)

    Manager #1: “It was [Manager #2]!”

    Manager #2: “Nuh-uh! It was [Manager #1]!”

    Friend: “…yeah. You guys need more customers.”


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