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  • Establishing Order Over Tall Orders
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  • Finally On The Money

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Money

    (I volunteer to answer phones for a charity event to get pledges. We are supposed to answer ‘hello, thank you for calling [Charity]. My name is [My Name]. May I take your pledge amount?’)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [My actual full time job Company]… Er, no, I meant, thank you for calling [Other Company I work at part time]… Wait, no, that’s not right…” *getting really flustered* “Thank you for calling… Oh, heck, just give me your money!”

    (The caller thought it was hilarious and pledged $500!)

    I’ll Have The Most Expensive Nothing On The Menu

    | MD, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My dad and I are driving through Maryland and stop at a 24 hours diner around 10 pm.)

    Waitress: *handing us menus* “So, what can I get you?”

    Dad: “Oh, I don’t know. What’s good here?”

    Waitress: “Nothing, really.”

    Dad: “So, I guess we should go eat somewhere else, huh?”

    Voicing Your Disgust

    | Hines, IL, USA | Coworkers, Rude & Risque

    (Occasionally, when I call my husband’s workplace, his nearest cubicle neighbor will answer. After about six months on the job, my husband’s boss invites our family to a work-related picnic. We have just been introduced to everyone, when a man (who ended up being the coworker I have spoken with on the phone) pulls me aside to talk. I am very taken aback when he says:)

    Husband’s Coworker: “You look different than I had pictured you. Your voice is so soft and sexy. I was picturing, you know, Marilyn Monroe.”

    (Even his wife made a disgusted face at him.)

    The Tune Is Granted Extra Lives

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (Most of my coworkers, including myself, are fairly geeky. Coworker #1 is usually singing or humming songs from games and movies, getting them stuck in everyone else’s head. I’m in the office doing paperwork, and I’ve got the Super Mario theme song stuck in my head. I then hear clicking in the prep kitchen, and I realize it’s the beat to the same song.)

    Me: “[Coworker #2], how did you know I had that stuck in my head?”

    Coworker #2: “I didn’t. [Coworker #1] was humming it yesterday.”

    Me: “D***! [Coworker #1] can get a song stuck in our head when he isn’t even here!”

    I Work For Me, Myself, And I

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Coworkers

    (I work in a very, very small non-profit. I’m having a meeting with a coworker.)

    Coworker: “The finance committee can’t come up with a budget until the board supplies them with numbers, which they get from marketing.”

    Me: “You do realize that you are all those groups?”

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