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    Can’t Think Outside The Smoking Box

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working for a lab company in IT. The nurses and phlebotomists we work with tend to be technology phobic. This day, I get a call and the caller is surprisingly low key considering the commotion I hear in the background.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Caller: *someone yelling in the background* “Hi, I’m at the blood draw station on [Street Name].”

    Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Well. You see, there’s smoke coming out of the box.”

    Me: “What box?”

    Caller: “The box under the computer.”

    Me: “Do you mean the computer?”

    Caller: “Nah, the computer looks funny, but the box under it is smoking.”

    (From long practice, I pretty much know the “computer” is the monitor, and the “box” is the actual computer.)

    Me: *getting a little frantic* “Can you unplug it right away?”

    Caller: “Oh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Hold on.”

    (Several minutes later…)

    Caller: “Hey, that stopped the smoke. Thanks!” *click*

    (I sent a service tech out immediately. The case was even charred!)

    Doesn’t Wake Up And Smell The Iced Coffee

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (On my way to work from an appointment, I stop at a drive-thru of a popular coffee & donut shop.)

    Cashier: *when I pull up to the speaker* “Welcome to [Donut Store]. Can I take your order?”

    Me: “Yes, Hi, I’d like a [New breakfast sandwich] meal with a medium [iced drink], please.”

    Cashier: “Okay, a…[New breakfast sandwich]… Um, which one is that?”

    Me: “…The new one?”

    Cashier: “Oh! Okay…and will that be all?”

    Me: “Yes.” *I pull around to window*

    Cashier: “Hi, your total is [very low amount for a meal and drink].” *hands me a bag and small hot coffee*

    Me: *handing her my credit card* “Umm… is that a coffee? I wanted an [iced drink]…”

    Cashier: “Oh, you wanted them together? Sorry.” *puts bag and coffee down, adjusts my total on register* “Your total is [higher amount that sounds more reasonable].” *swipes card and returns it to me with receipt, then tries to hand me the bag and coffee again*

    Me: “I’m really not a coffee drinker, so you can keep the coffee, thanks.”

    Cashier: *confused look* “Okay…” *puts coffee down and starts taking orders for the cars behind me*

    (After a few minutes, I still don’t have my iced drink, and there are now at least four cars waiting behind me. She finally turns back to me.)

    Cashier: “Are you waiting for something?”

    Me: “My [iced drink]?”

    Cashier: “Oh, you wanted one of those? What size?”

    Me: “A medium…”

    Cashier: *turns back to register* “Okay, your total is [drink total].”

    (Not in the mood to argue, I hand my card back to her, and finally get my drink, and she smiles as if she doesn’t even notice she made a mistake.)

    Cashier: “Thank you, and have a nice day.”

    (Turned out, she originally didn’t charge me for the coffee she handed me, then added that to the sandwich total, before ringing my actual drink up separately, meaning I paid for a coffee I never wanted and gave back.)

    Instructions Do Not Compute

    | Washington, DC, USA | Coworkers, Technology

    (I do repair work at a non-profit. My boss wanted me to train someone to help me with my work. While training him on a standard install procedure he decided to take notes.)

    Coworker: “Okay… first, navigate to the flash drive’s folder.”

    Me: “That’s correct.”

    Coworker: “Second, insert the flash drive.”

    Me: *politely* “Actually, you need to do that first.”

    (I later found out that he was trying to get certified as a computer technician. I managed to convince him to at least take a computer literacy course first.)

    Engineered A Solution

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

    (We have a worker who is constantly causing an issue wherever he works: making idiotic demands, threatening to take the company to court, going to HR over matters that were clearly stated in his contract, generally being poison that people were afraid to speak to him. He gets passed around each of the departments as he made working with him very difficult, but never crossing the line to getting fired.)

    Me: “Look, [Worker], it’s simple. Just because you helped out an engineer a few times doesn’t mean that you can expect to be paid the same.”

    Worker: “I looked up the rates online. They make [a value at least twice the reality]. Why shouldn’t I get the same?”

    Me: “Because you’re not an engineer! You only helped!”

    Worker: “I demand three weeks pay, at engineer rate.”

    Me: “No. We all have to help out time to time; it’s stated in your contract.”

    Worker: “If i don’t get it, I quit, then.”

    HR: *quickly* “Okay, then, I’m sorry to hear that. I will raise the paperwork and put you on garden leave before the end of the week.”

    Worker: “What?”

    HR: “You said you quit. That’s what I heard. Did you hear that, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Well, yes, I–”

    Worker: “No, no, I have to put it in writing.”

    HR: *calmly* “No, you don’t. Not in this country. Your resignation is accepted. Now, if you don’t mind, I do have another meeting to get to that it I’m already late for,. You can make another appointment if you need to later in the week.”

    (Dumbfounded, the worker walked out and we never saw him again.)

    Keep Holding Meetings


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