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    Don’t Play With Fire

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees

    (I have been working for about two years and I manage not to take sick days in this period. Sadly, as I wake up this morning it seems that something I ate STRONGLY disagrees with me, to the point that my wife has to bring me the phone to the bathroom so I can call in sick. I call my boss and his obnoxious secretary answers.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] speaking. I wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming in today due to health issues.”

    Secretary: “No.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Secretary: “No, you’re either coming to work or getting fired. This is getting out of hand.”

    Me: “Miss, something is certainly getting out of hand here; I CAN’T come in to work. I’m really feeling sick and can’t leave my house.”

    Secretary: “Then consider yourself fired. Come to get your documentation—” *sarcastically* “—when you’re feeling better.”

    Me: “Wait a minute. You don’t have the authority to fire me. [Boss]—”

    Secretary: *click*

    (I decide to call my boss on his cellphone, to bypass his secretary.)

    Boss: “Yo, you’re late today!”

    Me: “Late? I was told I’m fired.”

    Boss: “Fired!? Who told you that?”

    Me: “Your secretary did when I tried calling in sick. It seems I ate something and I’m not in position to leave my house.”

    Boss: “Wait, what? Why did she… Oh s***! Did you tell her your name when you called?”

    Me: “Of course I did. It was the first thing I told.”

    Boss: “Idiot. I told her that I’ll fire [Other Coworker notorious for calling in sick] if he ever pulls that again…”

    Me: “So, she decided to fire ‘him’ right away, when ‘he’ called?”

    Boss: “I guess that’s right. But [Coworker] is in today, so she assumed it was you when you called. I’m going to explain to her that being my secretary doesn’t allow her to fire people. As for you, take today and two more days off, to bounce back, okay?”

    (Long story short, Secretary didn’t quite get why she can’t fire people on her own behalf – even if my boss did mention thinking about firing them before. So my boss explained it to her by showing her the door.)

    Not Feeling Charitable Towards The Mistake

    | ON, Canada | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money

    (I’m 23, and I’m only five feet tall. I look very young, though I’m starting to get grey hair. My doorbell rings.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Charity Worker: *looks at me for a second* “Oh, is your mom or dad there?”

    Me: “I can talk to you.”

    Charity Worker: “Well, I’m here to collect donations for [Charity] so I really need to speak to your mommy or daddy, all right?”

    Me: “No.” *closes door*

    (If he had just noticed I was greying and didn’t ask about my ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ I would have given a donation.)

    Hats Off To Bad Service

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Employees

    (My family is on a flight back to New York City. My older brother is wearing a Yankees baseball hat.)

    Flight Attendant: “Hello, what drink can I get you today?”

    Brother: “I’ll have a Coke, please.”

    Flight Attendant: “Before I serve you, I’m gonna need you to take off that hat.”

    Brother: *thinking he is joking* “Ha, good one.”

    Flight Attendant: “No, I’m serious. Take off the hat.”

    (My brother made light of the situation, and eventually got his Coke. My family, however, was confounded that the flight attendant was actually serious about the hat!)

    Yoda Boss

    | NY, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (My company promotes me and hires a new person to replace me in my original position. I train him for a few months, and we become good friends. Now he is also being promoted, and the company is interviewing for his replacement.)

    Friend: “So, today I met a girl who was being interviewed to replace me.”

    Me: “I can’t believe you’re gonna be training someone yourself now! I feel like just yesterday I was training you. Soon there will be an Anakin to my Qui-Gon.”

    Friend: “So that makes me Obi-Wan?”

    Me: “Duh.”

    Friend: “What about [Girl who trained me, who I didn’t like very much]?”

    Me: “I guess that means she’s Count Dooku. Which totally makes sense.”

    Finally Getting Closure

    | England, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’ve been a customer with the major phone, Internet, and TV suppliers for five years, and had all sorts of issues over the time. With prices going up every year I’ve had enough and phone to cancel.)

    Me: “I would like to cancel my subscription.”

    Agent #1: “Oh, okay. Would that be to your phone, Internet, or TV package?”

    Me: “All of them.”

    Agent #1: *surprised* “What, everything?”

    Me: “Yes, I just don’t see the benefit. Prices keep going up, yet you offer nothing new.”

    Agent #1: “I, err, one moment, please.”

    (She puts me on hold.)

    Agent #1: “Okay, so, I have talked to my manager, and he has told me that if you cancel your HD package but keep the rest, you can save £15 a month. Should I make those changes?”

    Me: “Oh, no, thank you. Please cancel my account.”

    Agent #1: “But you will be missing out on all your favourite shows?!”

    Me: “I know, please cancel my account.”

    Agent #1: “I, err, can I put you on hold again?”

    Me: “Okay, sure.”

    (I wait even longer, when:)

    Agent #1: “Okay, so, my manager has offered to reduce the amount even more. I can give you a saving of £20 a month.”

    Me: “No, thank you. Please cancel my account.”

    Agent #1: “But you will lose everything.”

    Me: “I know. As I said, I am fine with this.”

    Agent #1: “Well, let me transfer you.”

    (I wait again.)

    Manager: “I understand that you are having trouble paying your bill.”

    Me: “What? No. I just don’t want my subscription anymore.”

    Manager: “If you do, you will miss out on all our quality programming.”

    Me: “Look, to be honest, everything I watch is free to air. I get no benefit from you, and the issues I have had over the last five years are too much.”

    Manager:  “Let me bring up your account.”

    (I again have to wait on hold. I am getting a little fed up of all this. but remain positive.)

    Manager: “Okay. I have seen your records and can see all the issues that you have had. I have a great deal not normally offered to customer—”

    Me: *interrupting* “Well, that’s very nice but I just don’t—”

    Manager: *interrupting me* “If you take the movies packages, and cancel your HD package I can reduce your bill by £10. How does that sound?”

    Me: “No, not interested. Please cancel my account.”

    Manager: “Look, you have been with us for many years, and you are a valued customer. What can I offer you to stay?”

    Me: “Nothing. Please cancel my account.”

    Manager: “Okay, fine.”

    (He puts me on hold. I am getting fed up.)

    Agent #2: “Cancellation department.”

    Me: “Yes, I would like to cancel my account.”

    Agent #2: “Okay, we can offer you several different packages not previously available to you. Let me just put you on hold.”

    (I have now had enough, I have lost count how many times I have told them I am not interested and asked to cancel my account. when I finally get of hold I don’t let the agent speak.)

    Me: “Look, whatever you have to offer, I’m not interested. Please just cancel my account.”

    Agent #2: “Okay, but first what shows do you watch?”

    Me: “I, er, well, [List of shows all free to watch].”

    Agent #2: “Okay, and how would your family feel if you cancelled your account without asking them?”

    Me: “I am the decision maker and I am telling you to cancel my account. Please do so now before I raise a complaint.”

    Agent #2: “Well, fine, but you will regret it.”

    (I eventually cancel but not before having to ring again to confirm. I never sign up with them again.)


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