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    Category: Awesome Workers

    Has You In Stitches

    | MI, USA | Awesome Workers, Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My sister is giving birth and having a very hard time pushing the baby out. Her midwife is snarky and sarcastic, playfully antagonizing the baby for not pulling his weight in the process. We called her ‘nurse Juno’ because of her sense of humor. The baby finally comes out, leaving my poor sister with a third degree tear. My sister cries, when the midwife examines her and says:)

    Nurse Juno: “WHOOPS! We’ve got a vass-hole! D*** it, Junior! Someone, bring me my sewing kit!”

    (Hysterical laughter ensued. My sister was stitched up and recovered nicely!)

    Breaking Bread With The Night-Shift

    , | Germany | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Food & Drink

    (I work in the kitchen of a café, which is affiliated with the nightclub next door, and there are various doors and hallways that connect cafe, kitchen, and club. The bosses of the café and club are married. As you can imagine, despite them officially being separate businesses, pretty much everything is connected in some way. When I start my morning shift at 6 am, most of the bartenders are still there or getting ready to leave.)

    Bartenders: *coming into the kitchen* “Oh, man, it’s so unfair. We’ve been working all night and now you come in here and bake croissants and make everything smell delicious.”

    Me: “Well, I just finished this batch. You can have them if you want. There’s also cheese and ham if you want to grill it.”

    Bartenders: “Really?! We were just joking…”

    (The croissants are ridiculously cheap and the café staff eats for free anyway, so I figure my boss won’t mind.)

    Me: “Yeah, go ahead. I’ll just make some new ones for the cafe.”

    Bartenders: “This is the best!” *everyone’s happily assembling cheese croissants* “You know, the girl who worked here before would scream at us if we even tried to walk through the kitchen, let alone ask for any food! She said we were all just drunken a**holes trying to steal from [Café Boss].”

    Me: “Well, I hope I won’t get in trouble with [Café Boss]. If so I’ll just pay for the croissants this once.”

    Bartenders: “Nah, if she gets angry, just send her to us and we’ll explain. [Nightclub Boss] has been thinking of getting us some breakfast now and then, anyway.”

    (My boss didn’t mind when I asked her about it, as long as I wrote down what the people from the club ate, for accounting. Now most of the bartenders jokingly call me ‘kitchen mama‘ for feeding them in the morning, and I’ve never had to pay for a drink at the club! Goes to show what being nice can do.)

    Speaking Idiot Is Quite A… Thing

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (I am out on the sales floor, helping to straighten things up. About ten feet away is a stock team member, putting things away off her cart that have just come in. I am approached by a customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for one of those things for the kitchen counter.”

    Me: “One of what things?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “You know, it goes on the kitchen counter, for things?”

    Me: “Do you mean a drying rack?”

    Customer: “No! Not a drying rack! GOD! It goes on the counter; you put the things in it? You know for, like, the mix-y and the… the scoopy and the… STUFF!”

    Stock Employee: “Ma’am? The item you’re looking for is in kitchen storage. *points to the aisle* Right over there, it’ll be about halfway down on your left. ”

    Customer: “THANK YOU!” *glares at me, then stomps off*

    Me: “How did you—”

    Stock Employee: “I have a second job as a bartender. I don’t speak ‘Idiot’ but I DO speak ‘Drunk,’ and it’s nearly the same thing.”

    Insanely Caffeinated

    | Boston, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

    (On the way into work I go to the local coffee shop for some coffee. The clerk behind the counter is friendly and efficient.)

    Clerk: “Can I get you anything else?”

    Me: “A large dose of sanity would be helpful.”

    Clerk: *without skipping a beat* “I’m sorry we do not keep that stocked behind the counter. All orders for sanity must be places at least 48 hours in advance.”

    Me: “Ugh, thanks. I will keep that in mind for future reference.”

    (Off I go. A few days later, I return to the same shop and the same woman is behind the counter.)

    Clerk: “Good morning. What can I get you today?”

    Me: “Did you get that order for sanity that I placed a few days ago?”

    Clerk: *again without missing a beat* “I am really sorry. I completely dropped the ball on that one.”

    Me: “Sigh. In that case I will have a large coffee.”

    Clerk: “Excellent substitute. I hope that you find some sanity.”

    Another Way They Make You Cry

    | London, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I am extremely allergic to onions, and, since it is such an unusual allergy, I tend to have problems when I eat out. When ordering takeaways online, in addition to leaving several notes, I always call the restaurant because otherwise there’ll be some type of onion in my meal, and when I complain they’ll sound all confused and say ‘Wait, you meant that type of onion?’ There is only one restaurant that has been so good about it that I’ve stopped calling to double-check, but when I get my order one day I notice that it had green onions throughout.)

    Me: “Hi. I’m the girl who just ordered online, with the onion allergy?”

    Hostess: “Yes, I took your order back to the kitchen personally and made sure they knew about the allergy.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but there are green onions in my food.”

    Hostess: “Could you hold for one moment?”

    (She sets the phone down, but doesn’t mute it. A minute later I hear her explode.)

    Hostess: “Of course it counts! It has the word ONION in it!”

    (That moment was a vindication of everything I’ve been saying my whole life.)


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