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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Bizarre/Silly

    Baptism By Fired

    , | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (At my store, when someone makes a mistake we always jokingly fire them. We recently get a new general manager and we have all been very uptight and nervous around him.)

    Me: “I’m out of sweet tea for drive thru!”

    General Manager: “I’ll get it.”

    (He brings over the huge bucket and hoists it up to dump in the urn but his hand slips and he dumps the entire bucket on me and him.)

    Me: *deadpan* “You’re fired.”

    (A look of horror passes over my face and then the general manager bursts out laughing.)

    Coworker: “One of us! One of us!”

    Not A Uniform Response

    | Kent, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (Two of my coworkers have decided to learn the phonetic alphabet, and are quizzing each other.)

    Coworker #1: “‘S’?”

    Coworker #2: “Sierra.”

    Coworker #1: “‘T’?”

    Coworker #2: “Tango.”

    Coworker #1: “‘U’?”

    Coworker #2: “Unicorn.”

    (Pause.)

    Coworker #3: “Did you just say ‘unicorn’?”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah, that’s what you said it was earlier!”

    Me: “It’s ‘uniform’…”

    Coworker #2: “Oh! Uniform! I thought ‘unicorn’ was a bit weird…”

    The Poster Child For Creepiness

    | Erie, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Family & Kids, Themed Giveaway

    (My husband and I are shopping at a large store where you can buy things in bulk. The guy cashing us out notices the lady in line behind me starting to unload her cart. She only has a few items, all which are heavier, and a small child.)

    Cashier: “Ma’am, you can just leave everything in the cart.”

    Me: “Even the child?”

    Cashier: *in a low growl* “ESPECIALLY the child.”

    (I looked at him stunned, as I was just getting ready to say that, in a similar manner. I was laughing all of the way to the car. He totally made my day!)

    Stand Your Ground

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Tourists & Travel, Transportation

    (I’m waiting to board my flight when my name is paged, so I walk over to the gate. Note that I am able-bodied.)

    Flight Attendant: “Miss [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Another passenger has requested wheelchair assistance, too, but we only have one chair. We’ll board you first, so just wait here by the gate.”

    Me: “I don’t use a wheelchair.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Are you sure?”

    Me: *looking down at myself, standing* “Pretty sure, yes.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Well your booking came through first, so you will go first in the wheelchair.”

    Me: “Seriously, I don’t use a wheelchair. There must just be an error on my booking.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Are you giving me permission to board them ahead of you? It’s your call. Like I said, you get first dibs; your booking came through first.”

    Me: “I do not need a wheelchair. By all means, board them first.”

    Flight Attendant:  ”Because your booking says you require assistance, I HAVE to follow what it says. Just wait here, I’ll get you in the chair as soon as I can.”

    (I decided to just join the line of people standing, and boarded on my own two feet without any intervention from the other FAs. Not surprisingly, she tried to wheel me off when we landed, too!)

    Pajama Drama

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Themed Giveaway

    (I work at a nice golf course restaurant as a waiter. I’m at my table, wrapping things up. I’m a 21-year-old man.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?”

    Woman: “You can watch my kids!”

    Me: “Ooh, I’m working right now, but after work, sure. We’ll have a pajama party!”

    (Very awkward silence follows. The word ‘pizza’ was going through my head, but I changed it on the fly because, how stupid, they just ate and wouldn’t want a pizza-party while full. So I replaced ‘pizza’ with the word ‘pajama’ due to the ‘P’ sound having already escaped my mouth. I’ve never seen her or her eight- and five-year old sons since.)


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