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  • Not So Closely Guarded
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  • Category: Bizarre/Silly

    A Thick Slice Of Bribery

    | Sandy Springs, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (My shift is about to end when my manager comes up.)

    Manager: “Hey, do you want to stay till close.”

    Me: “No.”

    Manager: “C’mon.”

    Me: “No.”

    Manager: “I’ll pay you extra.”

    Me: “No.”

    Manager: “I’ll buy you some pizza.”

    Me: “No… Wait, what kind?”

    Manager: “[Popular local chain].”

    Me: “D*** it! All right.”

    Swimming In Rules

    | UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a trainee lawyer. Each trainee shares an office with their supervisor, who has control over their work and training. We switch departments every few months during our contract and so have a new supervisor every few months. I am meeting my next supervisor. His current trainee is in the room.)

    Supervisor: “Now, I have two ground rules in here.”

    Me: “All right. What are they?”

    Supervisor: “Rule one: Keep With Next. I don’t want to see any headings on one page and text on the next.”

    Me: “Fair enough. That bugs me as well.”

    Supervisor: “Good, sounds like we’ll get on. Rule number two is that you can’t keep your swimwear on the company law books.”

    Me: “I … what?”

    Supervisor: “I’m afraid it’s a particular bugbear of mine.”

    (He’s looking at his current trainee rather pointedly so I turn around. His trainee starts to laugh.)

    Trainee: “Basically, one time I decided to put my swimming trunks on the Gore-Brown textbooks to dry. [Supervisor] got offended. It was only once!”

    Supervisor: “Yes, that was the day the rule was born and I’m sticking to it. So those are the two rules. Keep with next and no swimwear on the company books.”

    Me: “I’ll… bear it in mind if ever I get the urge to flaunt my swimwear around the office.”

    Supervisor: “See, I knew we’d get on!”

    (We actually did get on very well. And I never once put my swimwear on the company books.)

    Stressing His Point

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

    (I sit next to a coworker who is known for doing unusual and borderline stupid things – but I find him very entertaining and he’s always good for a laugh. The coworker has found a stress ball, and has started ripping it apart.)

    Coworker: “Hmm. I wonder what’s inside this.”

    (He opens it, to find what appears to be a ball of corn starch.)

    Coworker: “Hey, corn starch is non-Newtonian, right? Let’s find out!”

    (He grabs a sledgehammer that happens to be lying around, places the stress ball on the ground, and starts whaling on it. I just look at him with astonishment. After about twenty good whacks a cleaning person walks by about five feet from our cubes.)

    Cleaning Person’s Radio: “Yeah, we’re getting reports from the second floor of some work being done on the third floor, it sounds like someone’s banging on the floor. Can you take a look?”

    (Coworker’s eyes got real big, the hammer dropped to his side and hit the floor, and he started running. I laughed hysterically. When I left, there was still a mark on the carpeting where the ball was pounded into it.)

    Wishing For Pun Tea-Total

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in a tea store the other day checking out some white tea. The employee helping us was very nice and knowledgeable, but she made some AWFUL puns.)

    Employee: “So this tea used to be reserved for the Imperial Family of China. I guess you could say it’s… Royal-Tea!”

    Us: *groan*

    Office Based Romance

    | SC, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Technology

    (When I go to log into the office records system this morning, I get the strangest pop up:)

    Pop Up: “Warning: the trust relationship has failed between the system and the computer.”

    Me: “[Coworker]! Help! The system just broke up with my computer!”

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