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    Category: Bizarre/Silly

    Freedom To Give Stupid Answers

    | Salem, OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Politics

    (My manager and a coworker are looking from another person to help process cash.)

    Manager: “Is [Coworker] free?”

    Me: “We’re ALL free. This is ‘Murica.”

    Lost In The Game Of Life

    | Newport, KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    Me: *running through the restaurant on a busy Friday night* “I don’t want to play waitress anymore!”

    I’ve Gotta Get Out Of Displace

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink

    (I frequently go into a nearby ice cream parlor for a ‘hand-packed’ bucket of ice cream, which the attendant fills after you select the size and flavor.)

    Me: “Hi, I’d like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

    Attendant #1: “What size?”

    Me: “…1lb. 8oz.”

    Attendant #1: “We don’t have that.”

    Me: “…Medium?”

    Attendant #1: “We don’t have a medium. Do you want a pint?”

    Me: “Does your pint weight 1lb. 8oz.?”

    Attendant #1: “Why would I know that?”

    Me: “Because the sizes on your menu are listed by weight.”

    Attendant #1: “…So you want a quart then?”

    Me: “Please show me the sizes of container you have.”

    (Attendant #1 holds up three buckets.)

    Me: “Okay, I would like the medium one.”

    Attendant #1: “All right.”

    (Weeks later:)

    Me: “Hi, I would like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

    Attendant #2: “Is… is that the half-gallon?”

    Me: “It’s the medium.”

    Attendant #2: “Okay…”

    (Days later:)

    Me: “Hi, I would like the 1lb. 8… I would like a medium container of [flavor].”

    Attendant #1: “We don’t got medium.”

    Me: “You’re out of containers?”

    Attendant #1: “No, we don’t carry mediums.”

    Me: “The median of the three sizes on the menu?”

    Attendant #2: “Menu’s wrong. We only have two sizes now.”

    Me: “…Are either of those sizes the same size as the buckets that were medium earlier this week?”

    Attendant #2: “Same buckets even!”

    Me: “…and they are now?”

    Attendant #2: “Small.”

    Me: “May I have a small, please?”

    Attendant #1: “Sure.”

    (Epilogue: they’re considering ceasing sale of the large size, because nobody buys them, because it’s inexplicably significantly more expensive per ounce than the smaller containers… and they still haven’t fixed their menu.)

    Heimdall Didn’t See That One Coming

    | Lancashire, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Technology

    (Our phone has caller display and unwanted calls tend to come up as either ‘Unavailable’ or ‘Withheld’. On this occasion the display shows ‘Unavailable’ but I answer it anyway. There is a pause before the obvious chatter of a call centre came on. )

    Me: “Hello, Asgard? Loki speaking.”

    Caller: “Hello, I am from the Windows Service Centre and I am calling about your computer. How are you today?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “You are getting errors on your computer; there are problems in the files which will cause it to crash at some point.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Caller: “Are you in front of your computer?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “You need to go to your computer and turn it on, and tell me when it’s ready. I am holding the line.”

    Me: “Okay.” *pretends to call to another person* “Thor? Where’s the computer?” *puts phone down for a minute or so before going back to the call* “It’s not here.”

    Caller: “The computer is not there?”

    Me: “No, it’s in Midgard.”

    Caller: “What? It’s where?”

    Me: “Midgard.”

    Caller: “Where’s that? Is that another town?”

    Me: “It’s a whole other land. This is Asgard.”

    Caller: *confused* “…Do you have a laptop?”

    Me: “We have no need for computers here. We’re gods; we don’t need a laptop. We use magic and godly powers.”

    Caller: “…I’m calling about the Windows operating system.”

    Me: “Yeah, we don’t use it here.”

    Caller: *increasingly confused* “Okay, bye.”

    Me: *cheerily* “Bye!”

    Children Of The Corn Syrup

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I overhear this between an employee restocking shelves and a nearby customer who is taking a long time looking at different products. The customer has a child sitting in the cart who can’t be older than three or four.)

    Employee: “Do you need help finding anything?”

    Customer: “No, I’m fine, thanks; just looking here.”

    (Customer takes an item from the shelf.)

    Customer’s Child: “Mommy, does that have any high fructose corn syrup in it?”

    Customer: “Let’s check, [Child].”

    (They start reading through the ingredients together.)

    Employee: “All right, then…”

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