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    Category: Bizarre/Silly

    Networking Notworking

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Money

    (I work at a call center giving out coffee and tea to all the staff. I have one main friend who I hang out with every now and then. One day it came up about my job and why I can’t help but be so cheerful and happy all the time.)

    Coworker: “Just wondering, how much do you earn working here?”

    Me: “I’m on salary; I get just over £28K.”

    Coworker: *long pause* “Twenty eight grand?”

    Me: “Yes, mate. With this new pay rise it will be £30K at the end of the month.”

    Coworker: “I just about pull in two thirds that amount including commission. How on earth does a coffee boy make that much money?”

    Me: “I’m a qualified networks engineer and was hired to maintain the networks for the building. On my first day I was greeted by the company owner who immediately got me making the coffees. I have been here three years and he gives such high performance marks that HR gives me pay rises.”

    Coworker: “And you did not even think to tell the owner there was a mistake?”

    Me: “If you were me, would you?”

    Coworker: *long pause, then a wink* “You’re running low on biscuits.”

    Can Make Your Head Swim

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

    (I go in for a haircut shortly after washing my hair. My shampoo is scented with ylang-ylang flower.)

    Stylist: “Are you a swimmer?”

    Me: “What? No, it’s been years since I went swimming, actually.”

    Stylist: “Your hair smells like chlorine. Too much of that can turn your hair green, you know. Swimmers need to be careful with their hair.”

    Me: “I’m not a swimmer.”

    Stylist: “But your hair smells like chlorine!”

    Me: “I don’t see how it could. I just shampooed my hair before driving here.”

    Stylist: “Shampoo isn’t always enough to get all the chlorine out.”

    Me: “Okay, listen, there isn’t any chlorine. I’m not a swimmer. I haven’t been in a pool. There’s no chlorine. My hair doesn’t smell like chlorine because it hasn’t come into contact with any chlorine. Okay? It smells like my shampoo.”

    Stylist: “Well, then your shampoo has chlorine in it.”

    Me: “No, it doesn’t. It’s scented with ylang-ylang, which you’re probably not familiar with, but I don’t understand how you could mistake a tropical flower smell for chlorine.”

    Stylist: *muttering* “Smells like chlorine. Need to be careful with chlorine. I’ve seen green hair.”

    Me: “I also don’t chemically treat my hair, so it’s not likely to turn green.”

    (She finally shut up about it, but her single-minded insistence that I was a swimmer on her way to having green hair was just incomprehensible to me.)

    Breaking Bad Passwords

    | Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work for a computer repair shop, and it is not uncommon for customers to forget to give us a password, or give us a wrong one. To save us a phone call, we try to guess the password in this instance.)

    Coworker: “I can’t get in. The hint is ‘ice’. I’ve tried ‘frozen water’ and ‘cold’.”

    Me: “Have you tried anything relating to drugs?”

    Coworker: “I’ve tried ‘drugs’, I’ve tried ‘meth’, I’ve tried ‘speed’…”

    (We burst into laughter and he realises how that sounded out loud.)

    Coworker: “I haven’t tried DOING those.”

    Genial About The Genie

    | Kent, England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (This is a conversation I overheard between two of our managers.)

    Manager #1: “…and we really don’t want to let that genie out of the box.” *pauses for a moment* “Bottle. Genie out of the bottle. Why would a genie be in a box? It could escape out of the cracks. Anyway…” *goes back to the conversation*

    (Five minutes later and Manager #1 has been sitting in silence with a thoughtful expression.)

    Manager #2: “You’re still mulling over the genie situation, aren’t you?

    Manager 1: “Well, it was a homeless genie…”

    The Butt Of The Joke

    | CA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I am the host at a popular chain restaurant. It’s a busy Friday night and I am the controller in charge of the wait list, telling the other people where to sit guests and perform other duties such as cleaning with two other hosts. The other two hosts are off either seating guests or cleaning. The phone rings so I answer it.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Um… I’m so sorry. This is embarrassing. I’m in your bathroom and, um… there’s a problem…”

    Me: “Oh no! Is there a toilet overflowing? Which bathroom are you in? I’ll send someone in right away.”

    Caller: “No… well… I’m in the men’s bathroom…”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Caller: “I’m stuck in the bathroom.”

    Me: *extremely confused* “What’s wrong?”

    Caller: “There isn’t any toilet paper, and… well… I just went… you know… number two…”

    Me: “OH! Oh, no, I’m so sorry. I’ll send someone in, but the other hosts are away. It might be a few minutes, so for the time being, would you be able to get some from another stall?”

    Caller: “I tried… and, well… I can’t stand up. I don’t want to make a mess all over your bathroom! Please send someone!”

    (The caller hangs up and sounds really upset. I can’t find my hosts, so I feel I have to abandon my post and grab the first male server I can find. I explain the story to him and he stares at me, eyes wide and mouth agape.)

    Server: *laughing* “That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

    Me: “Please, just bring some toilet paper in to the bathroom because this poor guy is just sitting there!”

    (The server came out of the bathroom and back up to my host stand.)

    Server: “There is no one in there. There is feces all over the walls and floor. Since you should have been sending your hosts to do bathroom checks more often, it’s now your job to clean it.”

    (I have an awful gag reflex and almost started crying picturing the horror I was about to see, when all the servers in the area just lost it and started laughing. Turned out the server I grabbed to bring toilet paper to the caller WAS the caller playing a prank on me. After that day, he and several other servers would call almost every shift with some ridiculous request. Since I’m oh-so-obliging, I almost always fell for the pranks.)

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