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  • Category: Bizarre/Silly

    Coffeelibrium

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (The coworker I share a cubicle with gets up from his desk, coffee cup in hand, and walks out into the hall. After a moment, he walks back into the cubicle space.)

    Coworker: “I can’t remember why I got up.”

    Me: “Either you’ve had enough coffee, or not enough.”

    How To Lose Friends And Alienate Managers

    | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (I have just gotten a job at the local mall. As it’s a small town, many of my friends also work in the mall at other stores, and sometimes they come by to visit me while I’m working.)

    Friend #1: “I’d like to make this purchase.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. You’re not allowed to shop here.”

    Friend #1:Well, I never!

    Friend #2: “Am I allowed to shop here?”

    Me: “No, [Friend #2], you are not. All of you get out right now before I call security.”

    (I look up and notice my manager staring at me in horror and quickly explain the situation. Fortunately, she takes it in good humor, although my friends are more careful about their joking in the future!)

    You Have To Be Howling Mad To Work Here

    | OK, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working cleaning out cages and feeding the dogs, who are housed in a concrete building. The noise is cacophonous. One dog in particular begins howling.)

    Dog: “OOOOOooooooo.”

    Me: “OOOOOOOOOOOooooo!”

    Dog: “OOOOOooooOOOOO.”

    Me: “ooooOOOOOOO?”

    Dog: “OOOOO.”

    (This proceeds for several minutes until I notice that my supervisor is in the building.)

    Supervisor: “Were you… howling at that dog?”

    Me: “No! Of course not! That would be weird.”

    Supervisor: “Oh, okay… Sure is loud in here today, though.”

    (Supervisor walks away, looking back at me suspiciously.)

    Dog: “ooooOOOO?”

    Me: “OOOooooooooo.”

    The Compliments Are Not Complimentary

    | QLD, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (My foreman is quite awkward about giving compliments. I have worked with him for six months and only received a few. Before this we had a few busy days and I’ve had little sleep over them.)

    Foreman: “Uh… I just wanted to tell you that I was quite impressed with how hard you have been working lately. We need more people like you around here.”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Foreman: “No, thank you.”

    Me: “For what? Sorry?”

    Foreman: “For working hard?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. Thanks!”

    Foreman: *sighs* “We’ll work on your listening skills next…”

    No Springtime For This Scammer

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (I’m studying music theatre at university and therefore am a huge theatre geek. ‘The Producers’ is one of my favourites. One day, I’m at home alone when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Scammer: “Hello, miss. I’m calling about your Microsoft computer.”

    (I have a Macbook Air. My mother uses a Dell PC. Clearly this is a scammer.)

    Me: *innocently* “Our computer? What’s wrong with it?”

    Scammer: “Oh, your computer is badly infected, ma’am. You need to—”

    Me: “Infected? Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk. He was hot. You got lucky. DON’T EVER CALL HERE AGAIN! ” *hangs up*


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