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  • A Swapping Standard
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    Category: Bosses & Owners

    Scream Your Fried Lungs Out And They Still Won’t Listen

    , | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (We have just got home after picking up a bucket of chicken; I go to take a bite when I notice something awful. I ring the branch.)

    Me: “Hi, I’ve found what looks like cooked internal organs in my meal. What can you do about it?”

    Worker: “Hang on. Let me get the manager.”

    Manager: *very young sounded voice* “Err… hello.”

    Me: “Yes, I’ve found something in my food. I don’t know what it is but it looks like a lump of lung. What can you do for me?”

    Manager: “Err… Do you want me to replace it?”

    Me: “Hang on. You are proposing that I stop eating my family meal, get in my car, and return a chicken leg? To presumably return home to a cold dinner?”

    Manager: “Well… err…”

    Me: “Or are you suggesting that I eat my dinner, and dessert, then drive clear across town to have another piece of chicken? Are you not even going to apologise?! Or offer me a free meal or something next time?”

    Manager: “You can return the piece of chicken for free.”

    (I stopped eating fast food chicken after that.)

    Time For A Change(over) Of Jobs

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (I am working at a fast food restaurant. My store manager is a complete bully, and has had it out for me since day one because she doesn’t seem to like females. Nevertheless, I am a very good worker and always follow her instructions. All the other managers like me, and staff respect me and always come to me for help. I am allocated an hour and a half during the afternoon to do ‘changeover’ – that is, restock the dining room, mop, clean, empty the bins, etc.)

    Manager: “You finished your changeover far too quickly today.”

    Me: “I’ve been here for years and have it down to a fine art. It doesn’t take long. I can have it done and be back serving customers pretty quickly.”

    Manager: “You are allocated an hour and a half because to do it properly, it should take you that long. Stop cutting corners or I will write you a warning.”

    (A few days later, I am doing changeover. It’s almost impossible for me to stretch out a job that takes 30 minutes to the allocated hour and a half, but I try. I sanitise surfaces that never get touched. I clean picture frames. I even mop the floor twice. The restaurant is sparkling. I feel her gaze following me the whole time.)

    Manager: “That took you far too long. You are supposed to be my most competent worker. That job should only take you 30 minutes! You’re pathetic and a time waster.”

    (I quit a few weeks later. She literally ran out into the car park and cheered for joy. On my last day, she celebrated when I came in by yelling out to all the customers that it was the best day of her life. Some people are just not meant to be managers.)

    Don’t Be Tardy With Your Tardis Responsibilities

    , | Canada | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (My job requires checks at specific times, so I often wear a watch. Not many other employees do, including managers. The play area is closed and cleaned before the rest of the restaurant.)

    Manager: “[My Name], go clean the play area at 8:30.”

    (I check my watch. It’s 8:45.)

    Manager: “Did you hear me? You need to clean the play area at 8:30, okay?”

    Me: “Okay.” *mumbling so my manager can’t hear me* “I’ll just… make time go backwards.”

    Before You Serve Spinach You Have To Crack A Few Eggs

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My boss has decided to add a spinach as a pizza topping to our menu. Since she’s concerned about the price of fresh spinach and the possibility of waste, she has asked me for some opinions.)

    Me: “Well, if you’re really concerned about waste, you could use frozen spinach.”

    Boss: “I don’t know. I thought you health nuts liked fresh.”

    Me: “Well, yes, but I’m just as concerned with bottom line as you are. How about we add another salad to the menu that uses spinach?”

    Boss: “I thought we could leave it as an option, but I was afraid the wait staff wouldn’t ask people if they wanted it and it’ll all go bad.”

    Me: “All the more reason to add a full spinach salad to the menu!”

    Boss: “What would we even put on it?”

    Me: “Well, strawberries are most popular, but those are expensive if they’re not in season. Oh I know! I’ve had a salad before that’s spinach, chicken, eggs, and bacon. That would be really good!”

    Boss: “You really think so?”

    Me: “Yeah! It’ll use the spinach and all those toppings are ones that we have stock of anyway.”

    Boss: “How would you do the egg though? Just crack it on top and leave it raw?”

    (I’m struck speechless for a moment while a coworker who has been listening to our conversation the whole time cracks up.)

    Me: “No, [Boss], we’d slice up a hard boiled egg. Like with all the other salads we serve that have egg on them.”

    Boss: “Oh! That makes so much more sense!”

    A Swapping Standard

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (The office has an attractive young female technician who uses her looks to get whatever she pleases (chocolate, tea, coffee, etc.) by men desperate to get her attention. She has now fluttered her eyelashes enough to get the whole office rearranged and a door blocked off so that she can sit on her computer doing nothing without being seen. It seems only my boss and I are unaffected by this flirting.)

    Me: “Hey, boss, what do you think about this office move?”

    Boss: “I see they did it when I wasn’t here, so I wouldn’t stop it happening.”

    Me: “You aren’t going to say anything?”

    Boss: “Apart for [Female Colleague] not doing anything, everyone seems happy; I’m not going to move everyone around for no reason.”

    Me: “Well, to be honest, I have been saying that I need to move for a while.”

    Boss: *leaning forwards* “Go on.”

    Me: “Well, you know how I do all the financial, sickness, and pay evaluations for the team? I do those with my computer facing the door. If I’m not careful everybody and anybody can see confidential private information.”

    Boss: “You’re right, of course. Hang on…”

    (He stands up walks to the door and shouts.)

    Boss: “Hey, [Female Colleague]!”

    Female Colleague: *looking up from her phone* “Yeah?”

    Boss: “You and [My Name] swap places. No arguments.”

    (We swapped and she sulked for a month!)

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