• Don’t Play With Fire
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    Category: Bosses & Owners

    Arriving In The Hour Of Need

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Time

    (I get to work on time and head to my assigned register when I notice that the owner is working the register instead of my coworker.)

    Me: “Good morning. [Coworker] out sick today?

    Owner: “No, I had you scheduled for opening.”

    Me: “Did you? I was 99% sure the schedule said nine am, not eight am.”

    (The owner double-checks the schedule and sure enough, I was scheduled in at nine am. instead of eight am. although he needed me at eight am. The following week, I see I’m scheduled at nine am again, but upon closer inspection I notice no one is scheduled to open.)

    Me: “Hey, Boss, does nine am secretly mean eight am again?”

    Owner: “…Yes.”

    All She Sees Is A Costumed Villain

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees

    (I’m a training costumer and have gone to a Goodwill-type store to look for pieces for my newest project. I strike gold with the first store and find a beautiful dress just perfect for the piece. Practically giddy at my good luck, I hurry to the register to pay for it.)

    Cashier: “Well, you seem awfully chipper.”

    Me: “Sorry. I was expecting to search all over town for a dress like this, but found it on my first try!”

    Cashier: “Well, I’m glad you were able to find something. Big dance or something?”

    Me: “Oh, no, I’m a costumer. I’m going to use this for a costume project.”

    (Right then, the cashier’s face turns stormy and she promptly reaches out and snatches the dress away from me.)

    Cashier: “You snotty little s***! How dare you come into this store?!”

    Me: “Huh?!”

    Cashier: “I guess it never occurred to you that poor people come into this store and buy clothes they desperately need! And here you come flouncing in to buy their clothes for a stupid costume!”

    Me: “But… I’ve been doing this for years.”

    Cashier: “That’s even worse! You’re lucky I don’t call the cops on you, you little thief! Get out! Don’t you ever set foot in here again! Get out before I call security! NOW!”

    (By this time, the whole store has gone quiet as everyone stares at us. The swift sound of footsteps approaching alerted us to a manager hurrying over.)

    Manager: “What the bloody h*** is going on?”

    Cashier: “This pathetic little snob was stealing our clothes, [Manager].”

    Manager: “Huh?”

    Me: “I swear I wasn’t, miss! I was about to pay for that!”

    Manager: “Then where did she get the idea you were going to steal it?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know. I just mentioned that I was going to use it for a costume and she flipped out.”

    Cashier: “See? She even admits it! She admits to stealing poor people’s clothes to use in ridiculous costumes!”

    (The manager gives her an incredulous look, sighs, and pushes her aside.)

    Manager: “Will that be cash or credit, miss?”

    Me: “Cash.”

    Cashier: “WHAT?! You’re still going to sell it to her? She’s STEALING it from people who NEED it!”

    Manager: “[Cashier], I highly doubt that every poor person in the city is lining up to buy fancy ball gowns. Whatever you’ve been smoking on break, you’d better toss it before I toss you.”

    (She bagged the dress and I thanked her quickly, scurrying out while the cashier proceeded to scream after me again. I didn’t go back for a few weeks, but when I did, I found out she’d been fired for her antics, which included trying to have a little boy buying a stuffed animal arrested because he didn’t look ‘poor’ enough. I still shop there and the bargains are always awesome.)

    Bridging His Knowledge Gap

    | UK | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (We’ve recently had a massive order for Norway, but due to the urgency of the order we’ve had problems booking the shipment onto any direct freight services. After finally getting the shipment organised and collected the following exchange occurs between my boss, the financial manager, and the warehouse manager.)

    Boss: “I’ve found a much quicker route that could’ve reached the customer much faster than the service you booked.”

    Warehouse Manager: “I called all the freight companies I could find that would ship to Norway. I don’t think there was a quicker route.”

    Boss: “No, look here – there is a direct route from Denmark to Norway.”

    Warehouse Manager: “What are you talking about? We’d need to hire a ship to send it that way!”

    Boss: “A ship? Why would we need a ship? That bridge goes directly from Denmark to Norway.”

    Warehouse Manager: *looks completely dumbfounded* “[Boss], that’s a shipping lane!”

    (The rest of the office started trying to hide the fact that we were all laughing. All the while Boss tried to convince us that it was actually a bridge. It wasn’t.)

    Don’t Play With Fire

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees

    (I have been working for about two years and I manage not to take sick days in this period. Sadly, as I wake up this morning it seems that something I ate STRONGLY disagrees with me, to the point that my wife has to bring me the phone to the bathroom so I can call in sick. I call my boss and his obnoxious secretary answers.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] speaking. I wanted to let you know that I won’t be coming in today due to health issues.”

    Secretary: “No.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Secretary: “No, you’re either coming to work or getting fired. This is getting out of hand.”

    Me: “Miss, something is certainly getting out of hand here; I CAN’T come in to work. I’m really feeling sick and can’t leave my house.”

    Secretary: “Then consider yourself fired. Come to get your documentation—” *sarcastically* “—when you’re feeling better.”

    Me: “Wait a minute. You don’t have the authority to fire me. [Boss]—”

    Secretary: *click*

    (I decide to call my boss on his cellphone, to bypass his secretary.)

    Boss: “Yo, you’re late today!”

    Me: “Late? I was told I’m fired.”

    Boss: “Fired!? Who told you that?”

    Me: “Your secretary did when I tried calling in sick. It seems I ate something and I’m not in position to leave my house.”

    Boss: “Wait, what? Why did she… Oh s***! Did you tell her your name when you called?”

    Me: “Of course I did. It was the first thing I told.”

    Boss: “Idiot. I told her that I’ll fire [Other Coworker notorious for calling in sick] if he ever pulls that again…”

    Me: “So, she decided to fire ‘him’ right away, when ‘he’ called?”

    Boss: “I guess that’s right. But [Coworker] is in today, so she assumed it was you when you called. I’m going to explain to her that being my secretary doesn’t allow her to fire people. As for you, take today and two more days off, to bounce back, okay?”

    (Long story short, Secretary didn’t quite get why she can’t fire people on her own behalf – even if my boss did mention thinking about firing them before. So my boss explained it to her by showing her the door.)

    A Meaty Topic Of Conversation

    | TX, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Movies & TV

    Direct Supervisor: “Did you ever see the movie Alive?”

    Me: “Yeah…?”

    Direct Supervisor: “You know how they have to eat people to survive?”

    Me: “Uh-huh…”

    Direct Supervisor: “If that ever happened, and we’re in a plane crash together, I would not eat you. You don’t have much to bring to the table.”

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