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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    The Importance Of Ignorance

    | MA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (In my restaurant’s POS machine, the ‘grill dry’ prep option means to grill bread without butter. This happens with a cook who is somewhat new, but doesn’t seem to be learning anything. I put in an order for two sandwiches, grilled dry. They come out practically dripping with butter.)

    Me: “[Cook], did you put butter on these? I entered them as ‘grill dry.’”

    Cook: “Oh, yeah. I didn’t know what that was so I figured it wasn’t important.”

    If They Weren’t Disgruntled Before…

    | OK, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (We’ve picked up a new privacy and security employee. He’s very gung-ho, but seems to lack any real understanding of how things work in IT departments and aims for change just to say that he did something.)

    P&S Employee: “So what we need to do is restrict the ability of anyone making changes to the production database so that it is secure.”

    Me: “We’ve already locked it down as far as we can logically take it. You can’t remove the access any further without making it impossible for the batch programs to run against the database.”

    P&S Employee: “But we need to guard against the possibility of a disgruntled employee making changes.”

    Me: “And we’ve done that as far as it can go.”

    P&S Employee: “But you could still make a change to the database that wasn’t authorized.”

    Me: “As could anyone in the system administrators group or any of the database administrators.”

    P&S Employee: “What if we developed a process where you had to have approval to do it?”

    Me: “We already seek approval for any changes outside of normal business needs. And even if it is a process, that doesn’t prevent anyone from doing it.”

    P&S Employee: “We could switch it out of the developers group and into the business administration group.”

    Me: “That wouldn’t work at all. The business administration group doesn’t have the technical knowledge on how to do anything like that. Furthermore, you are expanding the number of people who would have the ability to make changes to the production database. And the business administration group is far more of a disgruntled group then we are.”

    P&S Employee: “But if you became disgruntled you could still make changes.”

    Me: “Why is it that you think that I’m the one who is going to be disgruntled?”

    P&S Employee: “It could happen!”

    Not So Smart Phone, Part 8

    | London, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi there. I lost my phone earlier today. I’d like to place a block on it in case someone tries to use it. Is that possible?”

    Helpline Rep: “Certainly, and I’m sorry to hear that you no longer have your phone. Was it stolen?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. I think it fell out of my bag. I’d like to block it just in case whoever finds it tries to use it, since I genuinely don’t know where it might be.”

    Helpline Rep: “Okay. Is it the number you are calling from now?”

    Me: “… No?”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 3

    A Common Theme Of Stupidity

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (In the bagel shop where I work, one of my coworkers can be a bit oblivious to things. She is also madly in love with a certain celebrity. There are no customers in the shop.)

    Coworker #1: “Don’t you think [Celebrity] and I would be great together? All of my friends agree that we would make a great couple.”

    Me: “Um, well, I’ve only seen him in movies. I’ve never read interviews with him or anything, so I don’t know what he’s like personally, but I’m sure you do. Do you guys have a lot in common?”

    Coworker #1: “Oh my god, yes! We have so much in common!”

    Me: “Cool. Like what?”

    Coworker #1: “Well, we both like music…”

    (I wait expectantly for her to elaborate, but she seems to be done.)

    Me: “Yup! You sound perfect for each other.”

    Coworker #1: “I know, right?”

    (She goes into the back. Coworker #2 has overheard our conversation.)

    Coworker #2: “Hey, [My Name], do you like music? Because I like music.”

    Me: “I LOVE music. Oh, my god!”

    Coworker #2: “We have so much in common! Do you realize we’re wearing the SAME shirt right now?”

    Me: “You’re right! It’s like destiny!”

    Coworker #2: “And are you wearing SHOES right now?”

    Me: “I am wearing shoes! I wear shoes all the time!”

    Coworker #2: “Oh, my god. Me too!”

    Me: “We’re perfect for each other!”

    (At this point, Coworker #1 has come back and seems like she might have overheard. I feel guilty, until Coworker #2 goes into the back.)

    Coworker #1: “You know, I never realized this before, but you and [Coworker #2] have a lot in common…”

    Hot On The Trail Of Stupidity

    , | ON, Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (As I’m cleaning the heat chute, my arm accidentally touches the hot bottom ridge causing me to yelp.)

    Coworker #1: “Are you okay?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah. This thing is just really hot.”

    Coworker #1: “Really?”

    (Taps it once before resting their fingers on it for a couple seconds.)

    Coworker #1: “Ow!”

    Coworker #2: “What happened?”

    Coworker #1: “This thing is hot!”

    Coworker #2: “Really?”

    (Also taps it before resting fingers on it.)

    Coworker #2: “Ow!”

    Me: “…”

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