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    Category: Extra Stupid

    Your Courier Days Are Numbered

    | Beltsville, MD, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (Our office is in an industrial complex, where a number of warehouses share a single building. Each business has its own front door and address. Our office was created after the original floor plan, from sections of other warehouses, and they neglected to add a number on our front door. Still, our address ends in ’58’ and the neighbors have their numbers on display, with a ’56’ and ’60.’)

    Courier: *coming from adjacent business* “Wow, I couldn’t find you guys.”

    Me: “We’re right here, at [address].”

    Courier: “Yeah, but you have no number out front.”

    Me: “I know. It’s a pain, but we’re right here between [two adjacent addresses].”

    Courier: “I’ve been driving around for half an hour.”

    Me: “Why didn’t you call us?”

    Courier: “I didn’t have your number.”

    Me: “But we received a call earlier, saying you were going to be late.”

    Courier: “That was dispatch. I never received any information.”

    Me: “So, you couldn’t call dispatch to call us?”

    Courier: “No. Like I said, I’ve been driving around trying to find you guys for 30 minutes.”

    Me: “Oh, well, sorry. Like I said, we’re right between ’56’ and ’60.'”

    Courier: “Yeah, but there was no number. I can’t tell where you are if there’s no number…”

    Living In A Police Box State

    | AZ, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule

    (Where I work, we are required to wear badges to get in the building and identify ourselves. The lanyards do not have to be from the company. I have recently bought a Doctor Who inspired lanyard with the words ‘Police Box’ printed all over it. This happens when we get a new administrator.)

    Admin: “What is that?” *points to my lanyard*

    Me: “Oh, it’s my Doctor Who lanyard. The Doctor flies around time and space in the TARDIS, which is disguised as a police box.”

    Admin: “Well, you can’t wear that anymore.”

    Me: “Why not? ”

    Admin: *sighs* “Because it says ‘POLICE’ on it. People might mistake you for an officer! I won’t have the company name soiled because you got arrested for impersonating a police officer!”

    (I continued to wear the lanyard anyway. I guess when you’re hardly on the floor of a call center with 200 employees, you tend to forget little things like criminal activity!)

    Gunning For A Promotion

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (I work in the garden center of a large department store and am covering a lunch break in sporting goods. A manager who is notorious for being controlling and generally incompetent happens to come by and notices the gun cabinet is unlocked.)

    Me: “Oh, yeah. A customer wanted to look at a gun. He just left. I was just about to lock it back up.”

    Manager: “I don’t want you letting people look at guns. You aren’t trained to sell guns.”

    Me: “I know that. I wasn’t going to sell it; he just wanted to look at it. That doesn’t require any training. They have a safety clip only we can take off and there’s obviously no ammo in them.”

    Manager: “I don’t want you letting people looking at guns. What if they hit you over the head with it, knocked you out, and ran out of the store? They would have just stolen the gun.”

    (I was looking for a promotion, so I just smile and nod. Later, I am talking to the sporting goods associate.)

    Me: “[Manager] told me not to let people look at guns because they could be used as a club. I wonder if she realizes that less than a hundred feet away we have completely unsecured and uncovered axes and machetes in the garden center, along with enough pool chemicals and fertilizers to make a crude bomb without anyone noticing.”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I’ve never heard of that policy. She’s an idiot.”

    A Recipe For Disaster, Part 2

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (Since I was two, I’ve been diagnosed with celiac disease, which means that I can’t eat gluten. So I’m gluten-free, but most definitely not by choice. The most difficult part is eating out, because often employees won’t know what to do.)

    Me: “Is this item gluten-free?”

    Employee: “No, nothing is free.”

    Me: “No, does this item have any gluten in it?”

    Employee: “Gluten? What is gluten?”

    Me: “Wheat, barley, rye, oats, or spelt – are any of those ingredients in this product?”

    Employee: “One second.”

    (He then gets out his iPhone, and I presume it’s to call someone who created the product to make sure. Instead, he goes onto Google to search up ‘gltin.’)

    Employee: “How do you spell it?”

    Me: “Uh, never mind. I’ll just have [product that in no way could have gluten].”

    Related:
    A Recipe For Disaster

    Got No Beef With Chicken

    | Tukwila, WA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m sitting in the break-room at work. A group of three of my coworkers are sitting nearby sharing a chicken pizza that Coworker #1 bought. The pizza inspires a conversation on the fact that some religious ban pork or beef.)

    Coworker #1: *starts listing types of meat* “Beef, pork, lamb, venison, chicken…”

    Coworker #2: “Goat is really good.”

    Coworker #3: “Wait, if you don’t consider chicken beef, then what do you consider beef?”

    (All three of us just stare at him for a long moment.)

    Me: “Beef comes from a cow, dear…”


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