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    Category: Extra Stupid

    You Either Fail Or Parsley

    | Belgium | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker has been with us just over a week. Almost every fruit or vegetable at our store can be typed in with a short code at the register.)

    Coworker: “Hey, do know the code for this big bushel of parsley? I can’t find it.”

    (We were all amazed because we don’t sell parsley. We turned around and saw she was holding… broccoli! She left quite soon after.)

    Failed The First Sweep

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the manager of a clothing store, and we we’re having a group training session for our seasonal new hires. Out of the four hires there is one who just doesn’t seem to be catching on. At the end of the night they divide up the closing cleaning checklist, and one girl chooses to sweep. The checklist states to sweep the sales floor, fitting rooms, and windows – meaning the area around the window displays. I’m counting down the registers when she approaches me.)

    New Hire: “I’m sorry to bother you, but I have a question about the sweeping.”

    Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

    New Hire: “When it says to sweep the windows… Do I just like, run the swiffer across the windows or…?”

    (She trailed off and I just stared at her for a second in disbelief.)

    Me: “Um, no, you just sweep the floor around the windows. The windows themselves get cleaned with glass cleaner.”

    New Hire: “Oh, that makes sense!”

    (When we were leaving the store at the end of the night, I told them we had to do a bag check, and everyone else immediately opened their purses and bags for inspection. She stood there motionless until I explained to her what was going on… I figured she’d understand what that meant, or at least pick up on what everyone else was doing! She didn’t last long.)

    Up To Some Funny Business

    | VA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Job Seekers

    (I work in HR. Part of my job is doing job verifications. Most of the time they are very straight forward and often come in a form. I get a form to verify a past employee when I notice the dates that ‘John Doe’ is claiming. This company is only about three years old, so there is no way that ‘John Doe’ could have worked for us back in the late 1990s. I fill in the form stating that, no, ‘John Doe’ did not work for us for those dates and return to sender. Not too long afterwards, I get a call from the verifier, who is trying to understand why I am not confirming those dates.)

    Me: “No, he couldn’t have worked here in the 90s. The company was founded in 2003.”

    Woman: “Are you sure that he wasn’t an employee then?”

    Me: “No, the company wasn’t in business.”

    Woman: “Can’t you check with someone who was at the company in the 1990s?”

    Me: “No, the company wasn’t in business yet.”

    Woman: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes. John Doe might have meant another company with a similar name, but we were not in business.”

    Woman: “Are you sure that no one was around at that time?”

    Me: “I sure that much of our staff was alive, but no doubt working at other places then.”

    Woman: “Are you positive that John Doe couldn’t have been working for you?”

    Me: *sigh*

    The Door To Common Sense Is Locked

    | New Zealand | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

    (I work after hours at an IT service desk. I come in one night for my first shift of the week, and go up to the level I work on. I swipe my card at the security door, but it doesn’t work. Confused, I go downstairs, thinking that security might be able to let me in, but no guards are there and I don’t know their number. I call one of the many numbers for the service desk, to get one of my colleagues to let me in. My team leader opens the door.)

    Me: *still confused* “Why isn’t the door working?”

    Team Leader: *deep sigh* “The door’s broken, and security has to let you in. You should have called them.”

    Me: “I don’t have their number.”

    Team Leader: “Don’t be stupid. It’s right here, on the out-of-order sign!” *he points*

    Me: “You mean the sign on the inside of the door, that I can’t see when it’s closed?”

    Team Leader: “Yes, of course… oh.”

    Bacon Begone

    , | London, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am visiting London at a time when they are having a 99p sale on bacon double cheeseburgers. However, the “bacon” is a limp piece of meat instead of the crispy strip my American tastes prefer; furthermore, the bacon double is prepared with no condiments on it.)

    Me: “Can I just get a regular double cheeseburger for 99p? I don’t like the bacon double.”

    Cashier: “No, the double cheeseburgers are regular price.”

    Me: “But they’re basically the same thing. In fact, the regular double doesn’t have the bacon on it, so its ingredients probably cost less anyway.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, the double cheeseburger is regular price.”

    Me: “All right, then, I’ll order a bacon double. But can I get it ‘my way?'”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    Me: “I’ll have ketchup on it.”

    Cashier: *typing this into the register* “Okay.”

    Me: “And mustard, please. And pickles.”

    Cashier: *also typing this into the register* “Okay.”

    Me: “And just one other change; hold the bacon.”

    (The cashier instantly realizes what I’ve done and gives me a dirty look. But I got my 99p regular double cheeseburger!)

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