• My Internet Has Gone All Adava Kedavra
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  • September's Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    Truly Modem Workers

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a call center that deals with doctor offices that are often techno-phobic. Today, I have one with an Internet outage. It’s usually a simple fix if they will take five minutes.)

    Me: “Do you see the modem? It will have a lot of flashing lights on it, and may say [Brand Name].”

    Nurse: “I don’t have time for this. Get out here and fix it!”

    Me: “Okay, but I’m in another state that’s at least a 12 hour drive from you. I can put in a service call, but that will take 2-3 days to be dispatched, or if you can take five minutes, I think we can get you back up.

    Nurse: “Hmph…”

    Me: “Which would you like?”

    Nurse: “What am I looking for?”

    (Five minutes later, she was back up and happy as a clam that SHE fixed it.)

    Witless About Wheat-less

    | Brattleboro, VT, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A friend and I are checking out a pizza place we haven’t been before. The cashier sees us looking at the menu and comes over.)

    Friend: “We’re just looking. She—” *indicating me* “—can’t eat any wheat so we’re not expecting anything.”

    Cashier: “Well, we have vegetarian options.”

    Friend: “No, no. WHEAT, not meat.”

    Cashier: “Oh! Then you should be fine then. We don’t have any of that!”

    (My friend and I stare at each other a moment, a bit flabbergasted.)

    Me: “Like wheat flour…”

    Cashier: *looks a bit clueless before turning to peer back at the kitchen and calling to the cook* “What kind of flour do we use? Does it have wheat in it?”

    Cook: *stares at her in disbelief a moment before turning to me* “It’s regular white flour.”

    Cashier: *all smiles as she turns back to me* “Then you should be fine!”

    Me: “…Thank you.”

    (My friend and I turn and start to leave.)

    Friend: “…Did that really just happen? How do you get to be an adult and not know what flour is made of?!”

    Separate Employees For Separate Tickets

    , | TX, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We don’t really get a lunch break at my job. We usually call an order in somewhere so one of us can pick the order up. Since I usually don’t mind going after our meals, it’s usually me who calls the order in and goes after it. This time, we choose a fast food chain that’s popularly known in Texas. We’ve never done orders with them over the phone before, so it’s my first time to call in.)

    Employee #1: “[Burger Chain], what’s your order?”

    Me: “Hi, yeah, I have multiple orders. I need them on separate tickets. Is that possible?”

    Employee #1: “Huh? …Uh, hold on.” *mumbling on other end*

    Employee #2: “What’s your order?”

    Me: “I have three separate orders. Is it possible to do multiple transactions on separate tickets?”

    Employee #2: *pauses* “Uh, let me see. Hold on.”

    Employee #3: “[Burger Chain].”

    Me: *getting exasperated* “Is it possible to do multiple transactions and get them on separate tickets? I need them split up, because I’m paying for the orders separately. I need multiple tickets.”

    Employee #3: “Let me ask.” *muffled to someone else* “What’s multiple tickets?”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Employee #3: “Yeah, hold on.”

    Employee #4: “What are you asking for?”

    Me: *slowly* “I have multiple orders, but I need them to go on separate tickets. Can I do this over the phone?”

    Employee #4: “Oh. Yeah, you can do that. Just a sec, okay?” *passes it back to the previous employee*

    Employee #3: “What do you want to do?”

    Me: “I just need separate…” *sighs* “You know what; I’ll just come in to order.”

    Employee #3: *cheerful now* “Okay!” *hangs up*

    Can’t Think Outside The Smoking Box

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working for a lab company in IT. The nurses and phlebotomists we work with tend to be technology phobic. This day, I get a call and the caller is surprisingly low key considering the commotion I hear in the background.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Caller: *someone yelling in the background* “Hi, I’m at the blood draw station on [Street Name].”

    Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Well. You see, there’s smoke coming out of the box.”

    Me: “What box?”

    Caller: “The box under the computer.”

    Me: “Do you mean the computer?”

    Caller: “Nah, the computer looks funny, but the box under it is smoking.”

    (From long practice, I pretty much know the “computer” is the monitor, and the “box” is the actual computer.)

    Me: *getting a little frantic* “Can you unplug it right away?”

    Caller: “Oh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Hold on.”

    (Several minutes later…)

    Caller: “Hey, that stopped the smoke. Thanks!” *click*

    (I sent a service tech out immediately. The case was even charred!)

    A Duh-zen

    | El Paso, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am trying to check out at a local grocery store. I have multiple different items. I am unloading my cart.)

    Me: “There are a dozen peaches in this bag.”

    Cashier: *types in 20 peaches*

    Me: “No, I said a dozen. Not 20.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I typed in a dozen. That is correct.”

    Me: “A dozen is twelve. Count them.”

    Cashier: “Look, I know how to do my job.”

    Me: “You are trying to charge me for eight peaches that I do not have. A dozen is 12; you charged me for 20.”

    Cashier: “Look, okay, it’s 20. Everyone knows that. You are holding up the line.”

    Me: “A dozen is 12! Take them out of the bag and count them! 12 peaches, not 20!”

    Cashier: “Look, I need you to pay and get out of the way.”

    Me: “I am not going to pay for eight extra items that I do not have!”

    Cashier: “If you are not going to pay, then you need to leave the store!”

    Customer Behind Me: *to Cashier: “A dozen is 12! You are trying to charge her for 20, you dimwit! Charge her for the appropriate items and let her pay!”

    Cashier: “Don’t insult me just because she does not know math!”

    Customer: “She doesn’t know math? You are the simpleton that doesn’t know what a dozen is! It’s hardly her fault that you cannot do basic math! I am a math teacher. A dozen is 12. Now, ring her up correctly and stop charging her for eight extra items!”

    Cashier: “No! You guys are trying to scam this store!”

    Customer: “Right. Get your manager out here, NOW!”

    Me: “Yes, please, I would really love a manager right now!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Me: “I have a dozen peaches and she is trying to charge me for 20. When I tried to get her to take off the extra eight, she accuses us of trying to scam her!”

    Cashier: “Well, you are trying to scam us!”

    Manager: “Are you kidding me? Go get a dozen eggs from that cooler.”

    (The customer behind me is now chuckling. The cashier leaves in a huff and grabs a container of dozen eggs.)

    Manager: “Good, now open and count them.”

    Cashier: “There are 12.”

    Manager: “Exactly. 12 eggs in a container marked one dozen. What does that tell you?”

    Cashier: “Uh…”

    Manager: “Get rid of the extra eight. Once you are done with that, please clock out and go home. I will deal with you tomorrow. Also, hand everyone in this line as many coupons as you can until you run out.”

    (The cashier voids the extra items, while bright red, and hands me a massive stack of coupons. I never saw her again at that store.)

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