(I am about to walk out of my office door to take a break. As I open the door one of the manufacturing managers is just standing there staring at me.)

Manager: “Hey, you got a minute?”

Me: “I was about to take a break, but sure.”

Manager: “Well, my computer is broken so you have to come and fix it.”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “The computer won’t wake up!”

Me: “What all have you tried?”

Manager: “I have been slamming on the keyboard keys for 20 minutes and nothing.”

(I notice that the screen is black and decide to investigate. His desktop unit is located under his desk.)

Me: “There, all fixed.”

Manager: “What was it?!”

Me: “It wasn’t turned on.”

Manager: “Witchcraft!”

(I am driving with a friend when her car begins to have trouble. We manage to get it to the shop, but it will be several days before her car can be repaired. Not wanting to be stranded in a small town for several days, we walk to a nearby car rental agency. Everything is going smoothly until…)

Employee: “I just need to see a valid driver’s license.”

My Friend: “Here you go.”

(As we are both from other states, my friend has just handed the rental agent her Maryland driver’s license.)

Employee: “I’m sorry. I can’t accept this. I need to see a Georgia driver’s license.”

My Friend:  ”Are you serious? I’m not from Georgia. I don’t have a Georgia driver’s license.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but that’s corporate policy. I can’t rent you a car unless you have an in-state ID.”

My Friend: “But I’ve rented cars from you at other locations in the past, and I’ve used my out-of-state license, and it has never been an issue before. Are you seriously telling me that you can’t rent me a vehicle because I’m from another state?”

Employee: “Sorry, but unless you have a Georgia license, I cannot rent a car to you.”

(My friend and I finally give up and call another friend who happens to be living in a town about an hour away to come and pick us up, which she is happy to do. As we are waiting for our ride…)

Me: “I can’t believe that they wouldn’t rent you a car because you have an out-of-state license! Isn’t that what a car rental agency is for? Who do they usually rent cars to?”

Related:
Out Of State, Out Of Mind, Part 3
Out Of State, Out Of Mind, Part 2
Out Of State, Out Of Mind

(I’m trying to help an older manager figure out a new computer system on the phone. He knows nothing about computers.)

Manager: “I can’t get the report to come up.”

Me: “Okay, you want to take the mouse and go to the little icon that looks like a truck. Then, click the right button on the mouse.”

Manager: “It isn’t working.”

Me: *repeats instructions*

Manager: “It still isn’t opening.”

Me: “It has to open. Okay, you’re on the first page right?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Me: “So, you have the little cursor over that icon, right?”

Manager: “No, I have the MOUSE on the SCREEN over the icon. You SAID put the MOUSE over the icon!”

Me: “Can’t argue with that; that’s exactly what I said. But I think we may have found the problem…”

Employee: “Hi, can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, could I get 12 ounces of the salmon?”

Employee: “…Ounces?”

Me: “Oh, three-quarters of a pound?”

Employee: “Do you want more… or less… than half?”

Me: “…More. Three-fourths.”

Employee: *confused*

(I glance at the readout on the counter scale.)

Me: “Like, .75?”

Employee: “OH! .75! Why didn’t you just say so?”

(I’ve recently reorganized the cabinets in my floor’s coffee area and added big, obvious labels to help people find the kind they want.)

Coworker: “Hey, we’re out of decaf coffee. You really need to keep up with the ordering better.”

Me: “Really? That’s weird; we just got a big order in on Monday. Did you check in the cabinet labeled ‘DECAF COFFEE’?”

Coworker: “There aren’t any labels on those cabinets! You just don’t want to order my coffee!”

Me: “Shall we walk over there together?”

Coworker: “Yes! And you will see that there are no labels and no decaf coffee!”

(We walk to the other side of the floor. I place my finger on the large white label with the large black letters stating “DECAF COFFEE”, then open that cabinet to reveal five boxes of decaf coffee.)

Coworker: “Oh, THERE it is! You really shouldn’t hide things from us like that!”

Me: “I’ll keep that in mind. Enjoy your coffee…”