• My Internet Has Gone All Adava Kedavra
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  • September's Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Coworkers

    Marveling At The Marbling

    | WA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

    (I’m working at the service desk and start looking for something. Coworker #1 tells me I left it in the break room, I quickly go and fetch it and come back.)

    Me: “Did I miss anything while I was gone?”

    Coworker #2: “Yes, actually. A dragon came up to the desk and said, ‘give me your marbles,’ and I said, ‘I don’t have any marbles.’ Then he said, ‘I know you have them,’ so I coughed them up, because that’s where I keep my marbles – inside my body. Then the dragon said, ‘Quickly, boy, get on my back. There’s no time to explain,’ and there were these three guardians on his back and he flew towards the exit, flying so fast he appeared to shrink and time appeared to slow down, and he looked like a beam of light. So, yeah. That’s what you missed while you were gone.”

    Me: “All I got out of all that is you lost your marbles.”

    The Mistress Of Suspense

    | USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

    (I am talking to my coworker about movies.)

    Coworker: “I really like horror movies. To look at me you’d think I liked pop music and girly movies but I really like horror.”

    Me: “So do you like Hitchcock, then?”

    Coworker: “I haven’t seen that one, actually.”

    Me: “…”

    My Internet Has Gone All Adava Kedavra

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Employees, Geeks Rule, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I recently moved across the country from California to New York. I’ve filed a move request with my ISP but don’t have an Internet connection when I arrive in my new apartment, so I call them up to try to resolve this. After giving them all my information, they explain the problem.)

    Customer Service #1: “Okay, so I’m looking at your order here. I see that two weeks ago you opened a new account with us.”

    Me: “Well, I moved. Does that count as a new account?”

    Customer Service #1: “Well, you can process it like that, or just as a move. It’s up to you.”

    Me: “I don’t care how it’s done; I just want to get online in my new apartment.”

    Customer Service #1: “You should be online as of yesterday. Have you tried restarting your router?”

    Me: “Yes, and my computer. There’s no connection.”

    Customer Service #1: “Well, something MUST be wrong on your end, because I see here that we started Internet service at [California address] yesterday.”

    Me: “No, that’s my OLD address. I don’t live there any more.”

    Customer Service #1: “Uhh… hold on.”

    Customer Service #2: “Hello, my name is [Name]. Unfortunately, ma’am, we can’t turn your Internet service on at [California address] because you have yet to pass a credit check.”

    Me: “Huh? I already passed that when I first got my connection, and I don’t live there anymore!”

    Customer Service #2: “It doesn’t matter if you don’t live there. You still need to pass the check.”

    Me: “I’m trying to add service at [New York address], not [California address].”

    Customer Service #2: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. Please hold.”

    Customer Service #3: “Hi, my name is [Name]. I’m sorry, but I’m a bit confused. Why are you opening a second account if you already have an account?”

    Me: “I’m not! I’m moving from [California address] to [New York address]. Something went wrong when I filed the move request.”

    Customer Service #3: “Something sure DID go wrong! Okay, I’ve put an order in to move your old account to your new address. We have to deal with this new order someone put in place.”

    Me: “Okay. Can we just cancel it?”

    Customer Service #3: “Hmm… no, I can’t cancel it because the credit check is still pending. You know what though? I can resolve this.” *I hear her typing for a few seconds* “There we go. I can’t cancel it, but I’m allowed to update it. Let’s see if they pass a credit check for Mr. Lord Voldemort, with no social security number, at address #1 Please Cancel This Order Road.”

    (My Internet turns on soon, and I don’t hear any more of the issue for a few days until I get a phone call asking me to rate my customer service interaction.)

    Phone Robot: “Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. Please press ‘1’ if I am speaking to: LORD VOLDEMORT.”

    Not Quite On Top Of Things

    | Harwood, MD, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

    (I work with teenaged girls.)

    Resident: “Ms. [My Name], are there any more sausage breakfasts left?”

    Me: “Yes, in the door at the top.”

    (I didn’t give her more detail because she knew they’d be in the freezer section at least. Five minutes later…)

    Resident: “Ms. [My Name], there aren’t any left.”

    Me: “I saw one in there earlier and no one else has gone into the fridge, so it should be there.”

    (I follow the resident to the kitchen and watch her search. She opens the freezer door.)

    Me: “At the top.”

    (She looks in the middle, on the bottom…)

    Me: “It’s at the top. Right there, in the door…”

    (She is now looking in the actual freezer; she closes it, opens the refrigerator, and doesn’t find it, of course.)

    Me: “It’s in the freezer door! At the top!”

    Resident: “No, it’s not. I looked there!”

    Me: “It’s there. Right there. Right in front of your eyes!”

    (She reaches into the top compartment and finds the package.)

    Resident: “Oooh! Why didn’t you tell me it was there!”

    Really Feline The Love

    | UT, USA | Coworkers, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a physical therapy clinic. I am a female chatting with a female coworker about our pet cats.)

    Me: “He purrs as loud as a mack-truck. I can literally hear him from the other side of the room.”

    Female Coworker: “That’s kind of cute, though.”

    Me: “The only time he wants to cuddle is between two and four am. He also snuggles up to me, and lays across my chest with his face in my face. I’m ok with it, until he starts licking my face!”

    (A male coworker wanders in, only hearing the part about “him licking my face.”)

    Me: “I’m getting kind of tired of it. It’s a really annoying habit of his.”

    Male Coworker: “Wait, what are you two talking about? Are you talking about your husband?”

    (My female coworker and I burst out laughing.)

    Me: “My cat! We’re talking about my cat.” *laughing* “My husband doesn’t lick my face, much less purr. He would also squish me if he laid across my chest.”

    Male Coworker: “I wonder if that’s why I couldn’t get any girls to go on a second date with me.” *mimics nuzzling into someone, then sticks out his tongue, pretending to lick someone*

    Me: “How did you get your wife to marry you?”

    Male Coworker: “Turns out, she’s just as weird as I am.”

    Female Coworker: “Well, that conversation just took a turn.”

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