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    Category: Coworkers

    Master Of Space And Time Sheets

    | New Zealand | Coworkers, Liars/Scammers, Time

    (I am printing out the timesheets for the staff payroll when I am lucky enough to have this conversation:)

    Me: “Hi, [Staff Member], it says here that you did a total of 26 hours on your timesheet for one day.”

    Staff Member: “Yep, that sounds about right.”

    Me: “So, you did a 12-hour day on Tuesday, then an 8-hour job, a 10-hour job, and another 8-hour job, all on Wednesday, followed by another 12-hour day on Thursday?

    Staff Member: “Yep, we’re pretty busy…”

    Me: “So busy that you have worked out how to extend time? When do you sleep?”

    Staff Member: “Oh, I’m very careful to ensure I get eight hours a night.”

    Me: “Aha…”

    The Unreality Of The Law

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Language & Words

    (Our department deals mainly with qualified lawyers, but we do get occasional calls from ordinary members of the public.)

    Coworker: “It’s a bit complicated to explain. Are you a lawyer or a real person?”

    Mother Knows Best

    | UK | Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (I volunteer twice a week in the same charity shop as my parents. One day I’m sitting at the cash register in front of the signing-in book.)

    Me: “Dad, who signed me in today?”

    Dad: “Oh your mother did. Why?”

    Me: “…She spelled my name wrong.”

    Weathering The Stupid Suggestions

    | IL, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests

    (We run an unannounced evacuation drill of our sizable office building in the middle of April. The weather isn’t ideal, but it isn’t absolutely horrible, either. Employees provide feedback, and the feedback gets passed around.)

    Coworker: “So, it seems that among our feedback is the suggestion that we have coats stashed near the evacuation points, as well as someone to hand them out. Y’know; in case employees couldn’t grab theirs and the weather is bad.”

    Empowering Your Workforce

    | Singapore | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am the administrative executive for my office, but, as we do not have an in-house IT person, I sometimes troubleshoot the simpler issues.)

    Colleague: “[My Name], I can’t turn on my computer! I keep pressing and pressing the power button and still there’s no light! I don’t know what to do! It was fine yesterday but it’s not today!”

    (At this point, my colleague is wringing her hands and getting increasingly shrill. I walk over to her desk and see the problem immediately.)

    Me: “[Colleague], your main power switch is not on. That’s why your computer cannot be turned on.”

    Colleague:“Oh, to save electricity I turned off the main switch yesterday before I went home. So, if I turn that on, I can turn on my computer?”

    Me: “…Yes.”


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