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    Category: Coworkers

    Trying To Get You Into A Sticky Situation

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Technology

    (I have a few of those free Apple stickers left over and stick one on my work laptop. It is very clear that it’s not an Apple product. You can even see the original manufacturing sticker through the apple.)

    Coworker: *joking* “Hey, nice laptop.”

    Me: “Thanks, top of the line in budget essentials.”

    (We are both still laughing about it when Coworker #2 comes over.)

    Coworker #2: “How come you get a new laptop?”

    Me: “Huh, what?”

    Coworker #2: *irate* “I have been asking for months and you just get one?!”

    Coworker: *winding him up* “Well, he is the boss’ favourite.”

    Coworker #2: “I can’t believe this! I’m speaking with [Boss]!” *storms off*

    (We both crack up and forget about it, until later in the day.)

    Boss: “[My Name], what’s this about a new…” *spots my old laptop sticker still in place* “Oh. Err. ”

    (Coworker #2 is straining to see what is going on.)

    Boss: “Keep up the good work, and maybe we can sort out some more new equipment for you.”

    Me: “Like an Apple coffee cup?”

    Boss: *winking* “Maybe even an Apple stapler.”

    (Coworker #2 sulked for the rest of the week, until one morning ‘someone’ ripped off the sticker.  By that point I had loads more so everything on my desk is covered with them, much to Coworker #2’s annoyance!)

    Overtime Crime, Part 4

    | New England, USA | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Overtime

    (My good friend works for a commercial cleaning company, works long hours, and has recently moved, so I hardly get to see her anymore. I tell her they work her too hard, but she accepts it, usually. Yesterday we were finally able to get together for a nighttime movie. We have just purchased our tickets and are about to go into the theater. Her phone rings.)

    Friend: “Hello?”

    Coworker: “Hi, [Friend]? Are you still in the area?”

    Friend: “Yeah, but I’m about to see a movie… Why?”

    Coworker: “Well, so, [Client] from earlier called back. Apparently we forgot to move her furniture back inside and she’s demanding we do it tonight before it rains.”

    (There’s an expectant pause on the other end.)

    Friend: “…Yeah?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, so I need you to go back and let the techs into the office for their equipment, in about half an hour. [Other Coworker] wants to go home.”

    Friend: “…I just told you I’m about to go into a movie. I bought the ticket already.”

    Coworker: “Well, yeah, but… can you leave in the middle of the movie and go let the techs in?”

    Friend: “…No?”

    Related:
    Overtime Crime, Part 3
    Overtime Crime, Part 2
    Overtime Crime

    Can’t Think Outside The Smoking Box

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working for a lab company in IT. The nurses and phlebotomists we work with tend to be technology phobic. This day, I get a call and the caller is surprisingly low key considering the commotion I hear in the background.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Caller: *someone yelling in the background* “Hi, I’m at the blood draw station on [Street Name].”

    Me: “Okay, what can I do for you?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Well. You see, there’s smoke coming out of the box.”

    Me: “What box?”

    Caller: “The box under the computer.”

    Me: “Do you mean the computer?”

    Caller: “Nah, the computer looks funny, but the box under it is smoking.”

    (From long practice, I pretty much know the “computer” is the monitor, and the “box” is the actual computer.)

    Me: *getting a little frantic* “Can you unplug it right away?”

    Caller: “Oh, yeah, sure. I can do that. Hold on.”

    (Several minutes later…)

    Caller: “Hey, that stopped the smoke. Thanks!” *click*

    (I sent a service tech out immediately. The case was even charred!)

    Instructions Do Not Compute

    | Washington, DC, USA | Coworkers, Technology

    (I do repair work at a non-profit. My boss wanted me to train someone to help me with my work. While training him on a standard install procedure he decided to take notes.)

    Coworker: “Okay… first, navigate to the flash drive’s folder.”

    Me: “That’s correct.”

    Coworker: “Second, insert the flash drive.”

    Me: *politely* “Actually, you need to do that first.”

    (I later found out that he was trying to get certified as a computer technician. I managed to convince him to at least take a computer literacy course first.)

    Engineered A Solution

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

    (We have a worker who is constantly causing an issue wherever he works: making idiotic demands, threatening to take the company to court, going to HR over matters that were clearly stated in his contract, generally being poison that people were afraid to speak to him. He gets passed around each of the departments as he made working with him very difficult, but never crossing the line to getting fired.)

    Me: “Look, [Worker], it’s simple. Just because you helped out an engineer a few times doesn’t mean that you can expect to be paid the same.”

    Worker: “I looked up the rates online. They make [a value at least twice the reality]. Why shouldn’t I get the same?”

    Me: “Because you’re not an engineer! You only helped!”

    Worker: “I demand three weeks pay, at engineer rate.”

    Me: “No. We all have to help out time to time; it’s stated in your contract.”

    Worker: “If i don’t get it, I quit, then.”

    HR: *quickly* “Okay, then, I’m sorry to hear that. I will raise the paperwork and put you on garden leave before the end of the week.”

    Worker: “What?”

    HR: “You said you quit. That’s what I heard. Did you hear that, [My Name]?”

    Me: “Well, yes, I–”

    Worker: “No, no, I have to put it in writing.”

    HR: *calmly* “No, you don’t. Not in this country. Your resignation is accepted. Now, if you don’t mind, I do have another meeting to get to that it I’m already late for,. You can make another appointment if you need to later in the week.”

    (Dumbfounded, the worker walked out and we never saw him again.)


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