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    Category: Coworkers

    Got To Face The Facebook Facts

    | OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Technology

    (I work as a supervisor at a pool for the past few years. Most of the lifeguards and instructors are under 18 since the pool is attached to the local high school. Because the pool is so small, supervisors also guard on some shifts with the only other staff person in the building being the lifeguard. This happens with one of the 16-year-old boys we’d hired earlier that summer, so he has no idea I am 23. I am left on the stand for over 45 minutes.)

    Me: “Where the h*** have you been? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago!”

    Coworker: “I lost track of time.”

    Me: “Were you doing something important?”

    Coworker: *doesn’t answer*

    (After getting off the stand, I check the office to see what he’s been doing. The little idiot had stayed logged into his Facebook, and I find out he’s been sexting with his girlfriend. I maximize the screen to show I know when I go to switch with him. Moments after we switch, this happens:)

    Coworker: *spitting profanities at me*

    Me: “Woah, there are about 20 children in the pool. Watch the language.”

    Coworker: “That was an invasion of privacy!”

    Me: “What, you leaving your Facebook logged in?”

    Coworker: “Yes!”

    Me: “You do realize using social media sites at work is against the rules, right? We’re on the school’s network. Also, what are you talking about? You signed a form saying you would do nothing like that.”

    Coworker: “You’re not my boss!”

    Me: “Actually, right now, I am. [Boss] is on vacation, so I’m in charge until she gets back.”

    Coworker: “You’re just a teenager like me! You have no authority over me!”

    Me: “I have seven years on you. I want you off the premises. I’ve already called a replacement for you and covered all your shifts until [Boss] is back.”

    (He tried to push me in the pool before sprinting out. The moron tried to show up for his shifts that I was supervising, and when our boss returned he was fired. It gets better: he was expelled for using the school’s computers for “illicit activities.” Then his girlfriend dumped him. Then his mother made him come and apologize!)

    Working The Twilight Shift

    , | OH, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (Normally, I work the evening shift at the restaurant, but today I am working an earlier shift.)

    Coworker: “[My Name], what are you doing here this early?”

    Me: “I was scheduled to work from noon.”

    Coworker: “Can vampires get up that early?”

    Me: “Hey! I do not sparkle!”

    Coked Up On Misleading Facts

    | PA, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Coworker #1: “Hey, Coworker #2, do you want a Reeses’ cup?”

    Coworker #2: “No, those have sugar and eating too much sugar leads to diabetes! I don’t want to get diabetes.”

    Coworker #1: “And how much sugar is in the Coke you’re drinking?”

    Yoda Boss

    | NY, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (My company promotes me and hires a new person to replace me in my original position. I train him for a few months, and we become good friends. Now he is also being promoted, and the company is interviewing for his replacement.)

    Friend: “So, today I met a girl who was being interviewed to replace me.”

    Me: “I can’t believe you’re gonna be training someone yourself now! I feel like just yesterday I was training you. Soon there will be an Anakin to my Qui-Gon.”

    Friend: “So that makes me Obi-Wan?”

    Me: “Duh.”

    Friend: “What about [Girl who trained me, who I didn’t like very much]?”

    Me: “I guess that means she’s Count Dooku. Which totally makes sense.”

    Universally Lazy

    | England, UK | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am working at a university open day as a student ambassador. One of my jobs is to take people from my course department down to another building about ten minutes away to make sure that they don’t get lost. A large group needs to be taken to the other building, so two other ambassadors come with me so that we can talk to the whole group and answer any questions they have about the university.)

    Me: “So, that’s why I’d recommend this university over [Other University]!”

    (I suddenly realise that though I’ve been talking to just a few people, the rest of the group is walking in silence and must think I’m ignoring them. The other two workers aren’t even on the same road as us anymore. They’re following from a distance and chatting to each other.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, everybody! Those girls are supposed to be answering your questions; does anybody have any questions that I can answer?”

    Woman: “That’s okay, but yes! I have several questions…”

    (I answer more questions from the group and get everybody safely to the next building. As I am leaving and on my way back to my department, the two girls have JUST arrived at the building.)

    Me: “Where were you? You were supposed to be talking to the group and answering their questions!”

    Coworker #1: “Oh… I don’t know, haha.”

    Coworker #2: “What are we supposed to do after this… Can we just leave?”

    Me: “…You can either leave and disappear or come back to the department and do your last hour of work.”

    Them: “Oh, okay…”

    (They slowly walked back to the department, arriving five minutes after me. They sat alone, didn’t talk to any visitors and then left early, after requesting forms to make sure they’d be paid (for doing nothing).)


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