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    Category: Coworkers

    Editing Out The First Amendment

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Coworkers, Religion

    (I am a graphic artist at a newspaper. A few weeks before my friend’s picture was on the front page because her Wicca group had protested a Christian protest of a local chain video store. It’s a picture of her and two others, one of who is wearing a robe and holding G-rated signs about freedom of speech. Everyone in the office decorates their cubicles with posters, art, and items the paper had published. I print out the picture we ran and put it up on my wall. The next day it is gone. Thinking it must have fallen down and gotten mixed with all the other scrap paper in the art department I print another and the next day it is again missing. I admittedly don’t have the most tolerant coworkers, so I approach the editor.)

    Me: “[Editor], someone keeps taking my picture down.”

    Editor: “I did that. The picture was offensive.”

    Me: “We… ran it on the front page.”

    Editor: “It was offending people in the office.”

    Me: “Because they are Wiccan?”

    Editor: “It… was offending people.”

    Me: “I see. So if religious pictures are a no-no I won’t see [Coworker]’s giant portrait of Jesus at her desk?”

    Editor: “YOU WERE OFFENDING PEOPLE!”

    Virtua (Fire) Fighter

    | MN, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Technology

    (I’m a newly hired volunteer firefighter. Our fire station is not usually staffed, but contains several amenities such as a workout room and lounge to encourage our members to spend their free time there, thus providing faster response times for calls. I’m in the lounge playing Xbox with a friend. I’m currently terrorizing people in Grand Theft Auto when another firefighter walks in.)

    Firefighter: “What are you guys doing?”

    Me: “Practicing extrication.” *equips chainsaw and starts attacking a car with a screaming person inside.*

    Me: “HANG WITH US, SIR! WE’RE GETTING YOU OUT AS FAST AS WE CAN!”

    Oh Jews

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I wait tables at a local place known specifically for its ribs. Sauce on the side was a common request. A coworker runs into the back frustrated.)

    Coworker: “I don’t f****** understand this guy. I’ve brought him six cups of sauce on the side and he’s mad. He wants a manager.”

    (The manager isn’t back there so I go out to try and smooth things over.)

    Me: “Sir, I understand there is an issue. Hopefully I can take care of it for you.”

    Customer: “This better not be a joke. I’ve asked repeatedly for au jus and my server keeps bringing me cups of bbq sauce.”

    (I grab the au jus from the line and the customer is satisfied. I hunt down my coworker.)

    Me: “What just happened? He asked for au jus and you brought him a cup of bbq each time.”

    Coworker: “Au jus? What’s that? I thought he was asking for ‘Jew sauce.'”

    Me: *right eye starts twitching*

    He’ll Have The Obnoxiously Sweet Ham

    , | Australia | Awesome Customers, Coworkers

    (I am working with one coworker who is in a horrible mood and refusing to serve customers unless she absolutely has to. She was wiping a bench and I am carefully washing raw chicken juice off my arms to serve a man who is standing right in front of my coworker, patiently waiting as she ignores him. A loud, slightly deranged regular comes in and, assuming the other customer is being served, approaches me.)

    Loud Customer: *cheerful* “Hey love! How are ya?”

    Me: “I’m good. I hope you’re well! Sorry, but I have to take care of this gentleman here first. You’re next, though. I promise.”

    Loud Customer: “S’fine, what about the other lady? Lady! Hey, heeey! I need some brawn! Pork brawn, thank you, love!”

    Coworker: *defeated sigh*

    (She serves the loud customer and I serve the other man. The loud customer is VERY loudly chattering away about some conspiracy theory and why he doesn’t eat certain hams. My coworker and I both wind up at the wrapping station for our orders at the same time.)

    Coworker: *mutters darkly, so only I can hear* “Holy f****ing h***.”

    Me: “Ha. I love him! He actually made you do your job.”

    Coworker: *cracks her first smile of the day* “I know; I hate it.”

    (As the loud customer left, he practically yelled at my coworker to feel better. Apparently being obnoxious isn’t so bad, as long as you’re sweet at the same time!)

    Can’t ‘Wiggle’ Out Of That One

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Coworkers, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (My husband and I work for the same company. We share a fairly uncommon last name – for example, let’s say that it’s ‘Wigglesworth.’ We’ve just gotten back from vacation and are telling our coworkers about it at our coffee break.  One of the coworkers is fairly new. He’s been there for at least a couple of months.)

    Husband: “It was great! We got to see [Attraction], and the weather was perfect.”

    Me: “We got to see my folks, too, because they live close to [Attraction].”

    Fairly New Coworker: “Hold on. YOU went on this trip, too?”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Fairly New Coworker: “You travelled together? Wow.” *he’s got a ‘ooh, scandal!’ expression on his face*

    Other Coworker: “You do realize that [Husband] and [My Name] are married, right?”

    Fairly New Coworker: “What? No! How would I know that?”

    Other Coworker: “How about the fact that they’re both named ‘Wigglesworth?'”

    Fairly New Coworker: “Well, how was I supposed to figure that out?!”


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