• Not Scripted For Success - 843 votes
  • November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

    Category: Coworkers

    Forever Cast In That Role

    | Dubuque, IA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

    (A few weeks ago I fractured my ankle, and have been wearing an air cast while it heals. After almost falling again and several other mishaps, my coworkers have taken to teasing me about my apparent surge of clumsiness.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], you want something else to tease me about?”

    Coworker: *laughs* “Yeah, sure.”

    Me: “This morning, I spent five minutes trying to put my cast on the wrong foot.”

    Microwave Major Problems

    | OH, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (Coworker #1 has placed leftovers in the microwave, set a timer, and then walked away. About thirty seconds later, another coworker and I hear a loud popping sound coming from the break room.)


    Me: “You didn’t watch your food, so it blew up while it was cooking.”

    Coworker #1: “No. This microwave is a pig hole. It’s because you didn’t clean up when you heated your lasagna the other day. OH, MY GOD! THIS SMELLS SO BAD! What did you cook in there?”

    Coworker #2: “Nothing. Your chicken teriyaki blew up in the microwave. That smell is burnt teriyaki sauce, and that ‘stuff’ all over the microwave is tiny chicken pieces and sauce.”

    Coworker #1: *to me* “I’m going to tell [Boss] about this! You need to be a team player and do your share around the office.”

    (She did “tell” on me to my boss, who ended up cleaning the mess himself because she refused.)

    Her Plan Bombed

    | Australia | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers

    (It’s my birthday and I am working with a particularly lazy coworker. Our company has strict rules about leaving someone working alone in the store.)

    Coworker: “It’s my mother’s birthday today. We are taking her out so I have to leave right on time today.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s my birthday too; I’m with you. As soon as I finish the tills this afternoon I’m out of here.”

    Coworker: “Sucks having to work on your birthday. You should have called in sick.”

    Me: “Yeah, but it’s not what I do.”

    Coworker: “You know, my family and friends used to call in to my last job with fake excuses to get me out of work. One day they even called in with a bomb threat. Hahaha, the whole shopping centre got shut down just so I could go out clubbing”.

    Me: *shocked* “Really?!”

    (At three o’clock the phone rings; coworker answers it. I keep doing what I am doing elsewhere. A couple of minutes later she comes to find me.)

    Coworker: *dramatically* “OMG, my mother was taken to hospital; my sister just called.” *she doesn’t actually look upset, she looks more smug*

    Me: “Really? What was wrong?”

    Coworker: “They ran tests and now are sending her home. My sister said that I am the only one who can go to pick her up. I need to leave.”

    Me: “Sorry, it’s not my call; I’ll need to make a phone call.”

    (I call my manager to tell her what was going on and to relate the conversation from that morning. The manager speaks to her and tells her that she will have to stay until 5:30 as it’s not an emergency situation.)

    Coworker: “B**** won’t let me go.” *looking less smug but still not looking upset over her mother being taken to hospital*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ve got to understand that right now I couldn’t even leave even if I got a call that someone had died.”

    (Probably would have worked better if her sister called in a bomb threat.)

    Sweeping His Power Trip Away

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I work in a restaurant and one of our morning prep cooks is known for doing as little as possible. One day, after he had clearly been slacking for a while, I leave him a list of morning prep duties that I need to be accomplished before the night shift arrives. The next day I get an angry text.)

    Coworker: “Hey, you missed a spot when you swept last night.”

    (I am not actually scheduled to work that day, in fact I have the next three days booked off for a family vacation.)

    Me: “Oh, really? Sorry! I swept twice and mopped. Sometimes it can be hard to get around the tough spots; sorry if I missed some. I will let [Other Night Shift Worker] know to do a really good job tonight.”

    (The next day:)

    Coworker: *sends me a picture of a cleaning cloth on the floor*

    Me: “Yeah, sorry, sometimes we might miss a spot. I wasn’t actually working but I will let my coworkers know to do an extra good job tonight.”

    Coworker: “You know I had to sweep this morning?!”

    Me: *knowing he is looking for a fight* “Okay! Thank you!”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I am going to need you to come in so I can show you the spot you missed.”

    Me: *not falling for his power trip* “Okay, see you Monday.” *which is three days from now*

    Coworker: *no response*

    Floored By Your Lack Of Effort

    | London, England, UK | Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am employed by a hotel chain that owns five-star hotels across the world. I am working with an agency worker who is, for lack of a better word, difficult. He frequently uses his phone on shift, gives orders although his position does not involve management responsibility, pockets tips that are meant to be shared, amongst other things. Today we are working the room dining shift, where we send food to the guests rooms that they have ordered. It’s been a particular un-busy day; not many orders have gone out.)

    Me: “Can you start clearing the floor as soon as you’re done—”

    Agency Worker: “I need to do this first!”

    Me: “Um… yes. I just said to you when you’ve finished to start the clearing, please.”

    Agency Worker: “Okay.”

    (I silently fume because this isn’t the first instance in which this particular agency worker hasn’t let me finish what I’m saying, or shown much interest in what I’m asking him. I let it go, knowing there is only two hours left before I can leave. 20 minutes later, after sending up some cutlery to a guest on a particular floor, I notice a tray of food left outside one of the guest’s rooms. Knowing that the agency worker is already clearing the floors, I leave it for him – partly because I wanted to see if I can trust him with such a basic job. I come back to the room dining office 10 minutes later, and see the same agency worker sitting in front of the register.)

    Me: “Hey, [Agency Worker], did you clear the floors?”

    Agency Worker: “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

    Me: “Cool, I’ll be right back a sec…”

    (Suspicious that he somehow finished nine floors in the space of 30 minutes, I decide to go back to the previous floor I was on, just on a hunch. Lo and behold – the tray is still there. Furious, I return downstairs with the tray in hand.)

    Me: “So, [Agency Worker], the clearing is done. Yeah?”

    Agency Worker: “Yeah.” *he’s still at the computer, and doesn’t even turn to acknowledge my upset tone*

    Me: “Right, so, what’s this, then?” *I present the tray*

    Agency Worker: “Oh… well, that must have just been left outside!”

    Me: “I saw this exact tray upstairs half an hour ago, [Agency Worker]. Can you please check the floors and do it proper—”

    (Before I finish, the Agency Worker once again flips out on me.)

    Agency Worker: “I do not do the clearing every 15 minutes! It’s the rules! We do it 10 pm and it is now 9 pm! It’s the rules!”

    (Flabbergasted by this response, I just leave him to it.)

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