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    Category: Coworkers

    Great Scott!

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I have come in on my day off to drop off my boyfriend’s dinner. He works at the same store.)

    Me: “Hey, could you call Scott up?”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Me: “Can you call Scott?”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Me: “Call Scott.”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Me: “Call Scott.”

    Cashier: “What?”

    Me: “Call the manager!”

    Cashier: “Oh!” *picks up paging system* “Scott to the front please.”

    Me: *sigh*

    End Of A Quiet Year

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

    (My coworker, Coworker #1, has been working here for a year. One day I arrive to work and I find her and Coworker #2, who’s been working here for seven years, very upset.)

    Coworker #1: *crying and hiccupping*

    Me: “What happened?!”

    Coworker #2: “Some old people were really nasty to us about the food here. They yelled and screamed at [Coworker #1]. I came to stop them, but they only screamed harder.”

    Me: “Oh.” *sympathetic*

    Coworker #1: *hysterically* “I couldn’t believe how nasty they were! I never thought people in real life would be like this!”

    Me: “But, weren’t you here for a year, now?”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah.”

    Me: “And you never got yelled at by a rude customer?”

    Coworker #1: “Never ever. Ever!”

    Coworker #2: “I’ve gotten yelled at, but this one was the worst.”

    Me: “The first time I’ve gotten yelled at by a nasty customer was only two weeks after I started here!”

    Coworker #2: “Mine, too.”

    Coworker #1: “You mean… you guys get yelled at all the time?! For things… that aren’t your fault?! What is this?!”

    Me: “I’m more surprised that you haven’t been, and you’ve been here a year already!”

    (Coworker #1 left to go throw up in the bathroom, she was so freaked out and upset. Management threw out the rude customers and Coworker #1 handed in her resignation shortly after that.)

    A Truly Colorful Office

    | WA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geography

    (I have just had a bad meeting and need to vent. I go to my colleague at another department to talk and joke around. Note that this department happens to be a very racially diverse department.)

    Me: “Oh, [Colleague]? They are actually French/Indian.”

    Colleague #1: *who is Anglo/Indian* “Really? She’s pretty. Maybe I should get with a French man.”

    Colleague #2: *who is Filipino* “The Eurasian look is good. But you may need some more Asian first.”

    Colleague #3: *who is African* “You know what really goes well with any race? Africans.”

    Me: “Oh, that is true. My friend, their parents are African and Malaysian. Best genetics anywhere.”

    Colleague #2: “Oh, yeah. I can see that working out.”

    Colleague #3: “Well, you know, I can help out there. Just give me a call.”

    (There is a short pause in the office.)

    Colleague #4: *who is Caucasian* “Wait. What?”

    Colleague #3: “Huh… Oh, no! My friends! I was talking about my friends from Africa!”

    (Everyone just cracks up laughing.)

    Me: “I was about to say, what about [Wife]? Is she in on this?”

    (Colleague #3′s phone rings.)

    Colleague #3: “Oh, that’s her.” *picks up* “That’s awkward, but I might as well find out.”

    Colleague #2: “Gonna tell her that we were just talking about you selling your sperm?”

    Me: “Or her ovaries. They will bring in more money.”

    (Needless to say, their department was the best to mellow out with given how casual everyone was.)

    Hard Working To The Corp

    | AR, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body

    (At a big-box retail store, I, a newbie, have just injured myself with a box-cutter and go to patch myself up with gauze and tape. We’re talking an inch-long slice that skipped off the joint in my thumb. On returning, I have this exchange with my manager, a retired marine.)

    Manager: “I just had to send [Coworker] home for fainting at the sight of the mess you made.”

    Me: “And?”

    Manager: “You need stitches, and I need to file an accident report.”

    Me: “I need to finish my aisle, and you need to call in a replacement for [Coworker].”

    Manager: “Oo-rah.”

    What Came First, The Pun Or The Egg

    | England, UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words

    (I am talking to some colleagues about a job some of us have been put on.)

    Me: “I hope it doesn’t eat into the weekend.”

    Coworker #1: “I can’t let it do that.”

    Coworker #2: “You have plans?”

    Coworker #1: “Well, it’s a friend’s birthday and we’re doing an Easter Egg hunt. I missed last weekend when she was making the eggs because of work so I can’t miss this weekend as well.”

    Coworker #2: “No, you should definitely go.”

    Me: “It sounds great.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah. Now all we need is a pun to go with this.”

    (We fall silent for a few seconds.)

    Me: “Well, if you let them cancel this weekend as well, you’ll just be egging them on to cancel all your weekend plans.”

    Coworker #1: “Exactly! This kind of punning ability is why you’re going to go far!”

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