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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    No Sale Means No Sale

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I enter a jewellery and accessories store to purchase cheap jewellery for a craft project. There are jewellery sale signs plastered everywhere advertising 30% off. I choose a pair of earrings and take them to the cashier.)

    Me: “Hi. Can you please tell me how much these are with the discount.”

    Cashier: “Those aren’t on sale.”

    Me: “But I got them from under the sale sign.”

    Cashier: “No. Only those in that cabinet are on sale.” *points to one small cabinet on opposite side of the wall*

    Me: “But the signs are everywhere, stating all jewellery is discounted. It’s not legal.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, it’s my first day and I keep getting complaints. I’ve called the owner so many times. She refuses to do anything because she says that only the items in that cabinet are jewellery and everything else in the shop is accessories.”

    Me: “Okay. Not your fault, but I won’t be buying today on principle”.

    Not Quite Up To Speed

    | PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Transportation

    (I’m driving the speed limit on a major road when a cop car, which had been parked on the median, swoops out behind me and turns its lights on. I pull over thinking that I must have a taillight out. I open the window and wait for the police officer to approach.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, officer?”

    Cop: “You looked like you were going pretty fast back there.”

    Me: “What? I was going the speed limit. What did you clock me at?”

    Cop: “Well, I didn’t have my radar on but you looked like you were going fast.”

    Me: “Wait, what? You didn’t even clock me? What cause do you have to pull me over, then?”

    Cop: *realizing he’s made an unlawful stop* “Uh…never mind. Just slow down! *starts jogging back to his patrol car*

    Me: *shouting after him* “Hey! HEY! I WANT YOUR BADGE NUMBER!”

    (The cop jumped in his car and tore off WAY over the speed limit with his lights on.)

    Security Going All ‘Full Metal Jacket’

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (A mother and father are helping their young daughter put on her hoodie jacket before leaving the store.)

    Security Guard: “Folks, can I just see your receipt real quick?”

    Father: *handing over the receipt* “Sure, here you go.” *turns back to helping his daughter*

    Security Guard: “No, I need to see the receipt for the jacket.”

    Father: “But we came in with this jacket.”

    Security Guard: “So, if I go into the family restroom I won’t find the tags to that jacket in the garbage?”

    Mother: “NO! We came in with this jacket. It’s not even a jacket from this store.”

    (At this point the guard insists the little girl take her jacket off so he can examine the brand label.)

    Security Guard: “Well, now I know you’re lying. If this isn’t from our store then why does the label show our brand?”

    Father: “It came from [Competitor]. You don’t even sell this brand!”

    Security Guard: “[Store] has something called ‘owned brands’ which means we’re the only ones that sell certain brands. This is our brand. There’s no way this came from [Competitor]. You want to try this again, or should we check the surveillance video and call the police?”

    Father: *getting visibly angry* “WE ARE NOT SHOPLIFTERS. CHECK YOUR D*** VIDEO!”

    Security Guard: “You know what? Just go to the service counter and pay for it and I’ll just let this slide.”

    (The mother must have a light-bulb moment, because before the father can flip out she quickly agrees.)

    Mother: “Okay, okay. We’ll pay for the jacket.”

    (The family comes to my counter, followed by the very smug security guard. They hand the jacket over to me and ask if I’m able to ring it up.)

    Me: “I’d like to help you, but this is obviously old and worn. Not to mention it’s not even from [Store]. This is [Competitor]‘s brand.”

    Security Guard: “This is ours. I buy this brand here all the time for my girls.”

    Me: “Even if this were ours, I doubt we would have sold a jacket with stains. Plus we don’t sell this brand.”

    (This unfortunately goes on for several minutes, the guard insisting that the family had stolen it. Finally, fed up, the family leaves the hoodie at my counter and storms out. Later that day a lead finds the jacket under my counter.)

    Lead: “Does this need to go to lost and found?”

    Me: “No. [Security Guard] ‘busted’ a family shoplifting it.”

    Lead: “… but we don’t sell [Brand]. How were they stealing it if it’s not ours?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Ask [Security Guard].”

    (She calls the guard over to ask him what happened. He recounts the story, pretty much exactly as it happened, only completely oblivious to his mistake.)

    Lead: “You know this isn’t our brand, right? Plus it’s totally trashed. Who the h*** would buy a nasty, worn sweat shirt like this? Let alone steal it?”

    Security Guard: “…”

    Lead: “So, let me see if I understand. You stopped a family for shoplifting a shirt that didn’t come from our store, is obviously old, and made a little girl leave without her jacket?”

    Security Guard: “Well, how was I supposed to know?!” *turns to me* “Why didn’t you tell me?”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Would Have Mismanaged The Situation

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (Last night, I had to call the police on someone who was drunk and streaking around scaring little children. My manager isn’t too happy. I’m a female.)

    Manager: “Did you really have to call the police on this boy?”

    Me: “Yes. He tried to grab me and security wouldn’t do anything.”

    Manager: “It’s still a little dramatic to call the cops and arrest him. His parents are angry now.”

    Me: “Plus, this boy was 18 and shouldn’t have been drinking anyway.”

    Manager: “Boys will be boys. Next time just handle it yourself, okay?”

    Me: “Me against a full grown adult ‘boy.’ I don’t think so.”

    Manager: “Tch. Girls.”

    (The manager started to say something else but the general manager called for him sternly. He told my manager to shut up.)

    Steal Herself For An Arrest

    | TX, USA | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers

    (I’ve just been hired on at a store as seasonal worker. There have been a few random thefts that can’t be explained.)

    Coworker #1: “They just started up around the time that you and [Other Seasonal Worker] started. It’s funny.”

    Me: “The manager told me about it. She said someone had taken the money we’d collected for the breast cancer awareness and shoved the envelope behind the desk in the office. We’ve also been losing around $10 or $20 from the registers from time to time.”

    Coworker #1: “I can’t believe someone would do that. It offends me so much. God provides for us. I bet they’re using it to buy their drugs. That’s disgusting. If someone wanted to be lazy and just steal, they should let the prison take care of them.”

    Me: “That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? Besides, we don’t know who it is. What if they needed the money for food?”

    Coworker #1: “Because no one steals money for food. I wonder who it is. I know it’s not me or [Assistant Manager]. It could be you or [Other Seasonal Worker].”

    Me: *offended* “I know you don’t know me, but I’d rather have the job than just chance losing it by taking money like that.”

    Coworker #1: “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying; it could be any one of us. Except for [Assistant Manager]. She works so hard all the time, trying to pay her way through school. I bet it’s [Other Seasonal Worker]. She just looks the part. Like a druggie, you know? And I heard she’s been flitting from one job to the next. I bet she just doesn’t want to get caught.”

    Me: “I’m sure [Manager] will find out who it is and the matter will be settled.”

    (Six months later, we have a robbery. I’m not in on that day, but I hear from another coworker how Coworker #1 was there and gave a lengthy description of the thief to the cops and how it happened. Two weeks after that, she’s no longer on the roster.)

    Me: “Oh, we lost [Coworker #1]?”

    Coworker #2: “You didn’t hear? She got fired for theft.”

    Me: *shocked* “What?”

    Coworker #2: “She kept urging the manager on duty to go get some food, and while he was gone, she shoved the money down her sock and made some sob story about how she dropped some dimes. While she was picking them up, she said the customer leaned over to grab the money and ran out. Except the till squeaks when you take money out and [Manager] tested that. They went over the tapes and saw her stealing it. So they gave her the option to come in and give the money back and just be fired, or they’d call the cops on her.”

    Me: “She always talks about how much money her husband makes! Why would she need to steal?”

    Coworker #2: “I don’t know, but she told the manager it’s because she’s bi-polar and was off her meds.”

    Me: “Did she steal that breast cancer money?”

    Coworker #2: “Yeah! She kept telling everyone it was that other seasonal employee, because she looked like a druggie.”

    Me: “Oh, man. You realize she gave the police a false report, right?”

    Coworker #2: *smirking* “Yeah, so she’s likely going to go to jail anyway.”


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