• Re-Dressing The Sauce
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  • July's Theme Of The Month: Thrown Under The Bus!

    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    Get Your Tax Facts

    | MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I got a call on my cell phone from a person with a strong Indian accent on a line with noticeable static.)

    Scammer: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

    Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

    Scammer: “This is Agent [Scammer] from the IRS, I am calling to tell you that you owe a significant amount in taxes for the last year and if you do not pay as soon as possible, you may be arrested.”

    Me: “I don’t think—”

    Scammer: *interrupting* “In fact, there is already a warrant out for your arrest. Do you have a pen and paper? Your case number is [long code including both numbers and letters]. Did you get that?”

    Me: “Yes, but—”

    Scammer: *interrupting again* “We can take a partial payment today and set up a plan so that no arrest needs to be made. You do owe a large amount to the government.”

    (Finally he paused enough for me to speak.)

    Me: “That seems highly unlikely.”

    Scammer: “Oh, why is that?”

    Me: “Because my taxes were filed by a professional and as I am unemployed, I had almost no income last year.”

    (There was no further response and he hung up immediately.)

    Musically Arrested

    | Whitehorse, YK, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the door at a karaoke bar, which is perfect for me because I love to break out into song at random times. Because we have a couple unruly patrons, the cops are called. When the officers arrive, I am outside on a smoke break and decide to have a little fun at them.)

    Me: *singing* “I shot the sheriff, but I didn’t shoot the deputy…”

    Police Officer: *without missing a beat, sings right back at me* “I fought the law, but the law won. I fought the law, but the law won!”

    That Taught Him A Lesson

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I look really young, around 16 or 18, but I’m actually 25. I just finished my schooling and have gotten my license to become a high school teacher. One of the perks is 15% off at the restaurant my fiancé and I are eating at.)

    Me: “Can we have the bill please? Oh, and I have a 15% off teacher discount.” *shows coupon code on phone*

    Waiter: “Oh, yes, one moment. I just need to clear it with my manager.”

    (The waiter leaves and after about five minutes comes back with the manager.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, Miss, but this discount is for teachers.”

    Me: “I know. That’s why I’m using it.”

    Manager: “No, sweetie, it’s for the TEACHERS, not their friends and family. I’m sure you or your mom didn’t know.”

    Me: “Yeah, I know. I’m a high school teacher.”

    Manager: “Haha, good one. I’ve had a lot of kids try to get discounts over the years, but that one takes the cake!”

    Me: *pulls teaching license and photo ID out of wallet* “No, really, I’m a high school teacher.”

    Manager: “This teaching license only has a name. You probably just have the same name as your mother.”

    Me: “No, we don’t. Whatever, forget it. 15% isn’t worth the hassle.” *to fiancé* “Honey, it’s my turn to pay, right?”

    Fiancé: “Nope! I’m taking it this time. I owe you since I accidentally woke you up last night climbing into bed.”

    Manager: “Uh… I’ll be right back. I just noticed I made a mistake on your bill. Don’t move.”

    (We assumed that maybe the manager finally decided to give us the discount and don’t think twice. However, a few minutes later…)

    Security: “Sir, we’re gonna have to speak to you for a moment.”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Security: “Oh, sweetie, nothing for you to worry about. We just want to ask your ‘friend’ a few questions. You’ll be perfectly safe and fine. How about you order yourself a little dessert, okay, honey?”

    Me: “First of all, that’s my FIANCÉ you’ve got there, and secondly, I think you owe both of us an explanation.”

    Security: “Wait a second… fiancé?” *looks at both of us, looks at the table, notices the wine bottle and the glasses, looks at us again* “Uh, miss, how old are you?”

    Me: “25. We were both ID’d when we ordered, so this better not be about the wine.”

    Security: “Oh, boy. Let me go get the manager…”

    (Turned out, the manager freaked when he heard that my fiancé [who is 30 and definitely looks like it] was climbing into bed with what he thought was a high school student [me] and got security to intervene while he called the police. Luckily he was still on the phone when the security guard went to find him, so the cops were never actually involved. The manager never noticed the alcohol on the table [meaning I was at least 19 and very much legal] and failed to notice my birthday on my photo ID when trying to argue that I wasn’t a teacher. All he saw was “some kid trying to get a discount.” We ended up getting the entire meal for free for our trouble!)

    Needs To Contract An Understanding In Contracts

    | CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal

    (I recently finished an extensive project to install several computer systems for a new business. Afterwards, the owner paid me half of the agreed upon money with a check marked ‘full payment’. This is our conversation.)

    Me: *handing it back* “I think you made a mistake. This is half of what we agreed to.”

    Owner: *cheerfully* “Well, you see, the project ran over-budget, and since we were paying you so well we decided to just take the excess out of your paycheck.”

    Me: *stunned* “That’s not how this works. We signed a contract for an agreed sum and you’re trying to rip me off for half of it.”

    Owner: *laughing* “Oh, that silly thing! Yeah, I forgot to mention, my wife looked at it and said it was all wrong and that she could fix it easy.”

    (He pulls out the contract from a drawer, where I can immediately see about a dozen ‘corrections’ made in pen and pencil, cutting my pay in half as well as including a clause for unlimited on-call repair work for the next 15 years.)

    Me: “No. You owe me [total amount], which is due by the end of the week, and I clearly stated when I took this job I would only offer a two-year warranty for repairs.”

    Owner: “You can’t do that! You already signed the contract!”

    (I ended up going to small-claims court over this, where the judge openly mocked the business owner and his insistence that his ‘corrections’ to the contract were all perfectly valid and legal. The case was very quickly ruled in my favor.)

    Time To Cash Out Early

    | LA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Money

    (I am new to town and trying to find one or more part-time jobs, just to pay the bills while I look for something I actually want to do long-term. I call a small gift shop and ask if they’re hiring and the manager says he can interview me that afternoon. I’m hopeful that they need someone so quickly, so I go in to interview. The manager tells me he wants to hire me after hearing of my previous job experience and is willing to give me full-time hours at a great salary. Everything seems great until I start asking some more detailed questions.)

    Me: “And how often would I get paid?”

    Manager: “Every week or so.”

    Me: “Okay, and do you issue paper W-2’s at the end of the year or do I download it from the company site?”

    Manager: *gets visibly unsure* “Well… I don’t really do those.”

    Me: *shocked* “What do you mean? How do I report my income for taxes?”

    Manager: “I’m sure you could… if you wanted to. Probably look up how to report them yourself.”

    Me: “You mean you don’t report company taxes?”

    Manager: “No. I just pay everyone cash.”

    (Needless to say, I did not take that job. I didn’t report him to the IRS, but I have always wondered if I should have. He was getting away with paying no employee benefits or business taxes!)

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