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    Category: Criminal/Illegal

    The Manager Takes All The Credit

    | Sweetwater, NJ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (This happened in the summer of 2002 before people really took security seriously. I am 19 and working as the cashier at a restaurant. At around 7 pm, I get the following phone call:)

    Caller: *on a very garbled line* “Have you been taking credit card payments today?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “We haven’t been receiving any from you. What we need you to do is split up all the receipts by card, and then read me the numbers and the expiration dates.”

    Me: *not trusting this guy* “I don’t have the authority to do that. You’d need to speak to the manager.”

    Caller: “Okay, we’ll call back in a half an hour to speak to him.”

    (Thinking this is very weird, I go to the manager, explain what happened, and emphasize that this felt very sketchy. He, however, hears “credit card payments not going through” and rushes to his office to await the call which comes through. At around 7:45, he comes down.)

    Manager: “I need you to sort all of the credit card receipts out by type of card. All the Mastercard together, all the Visa together, all the Amex together.”

    Me: “I really don’t think—”

    Manager: *giving me an exasperated look* “I don’t have time for this right now. Just do it. The credit card company is going to call back in an hour so I can read him the numbers and expiration dates.”

    (I did as he asked. Two days later, I came into work to find him in the bar area of the restaurant speaking with a State Trooper. After asking around a little, I found that there had been a rash of credit card fraud in the area where a guy had been calling in and having restaurants give him credit card info.)

    Doesn’t Have A Head Between Those Headphones

    | Japan | Coworkers, Criminal/Illegal

    (This exchange occurs in the Facebook group page for my company which provides native speaker English teachers to Japanese public schools.)

    Coworker: “Just to warn everyone: driving with headphones on is apparently illegal here in Japan. I just got a ticket.”

    Me: “Uh… that’s illegal in the States, too.”

    Coworker: “Really? It is?”

    Me: “The cops tend to frown on things that would prevent you from hearing horns, sirens… oncoming trains…”

    Lobotomy Monotony

    | USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Top

    (In spite of the fact that I have a cell-phone, I get a ton of telemarketing calls. I always ask them not to call back, but they continue.)

    Telemarketer: “Hello, I’m calling from [Law Firm] about a class-action lawsuit. Have you recently had a surgery you needed denied?”

    Me: “You know it’s illegal for lawyers to solicit services, right?”

    Telemarketer: “But, ma’am, isn’t there any surgery you need but haven’t been able to get approved by your insurance?”

    Me: “Actually, now that I think about it, I really could use a lobotomy and a boob job.”

    Telemarketer: “Excellent! At [Law Firm] we specialize in getting you services you need. So about your lobotomy—”

    Me: “Hey, think about what I said.”

    Telemarketer: “You said you needed a lobotomy?”

    Me: “Sounds like you had one if you don’t know what it is…”

    Telemarketer: “…”

    Me: “Think about it.”

    Telemarketer: “F*** you, b****!”

    Me: “STOP CALLING ME!”

    (He hung up, and then started calling me from his PERSONAL cell to abuse me… until I turned his number over to the police. I have yet to be bothered by a telemarketer since!)

    No Sale Means No Sale

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bosses & Owners, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (I enter a jewellery and accessories store to purchase cheap jewellery for a craft project. There are jewellery sale signs plastered everywhere advertising 30% off. I choose a pair of earrings and take them to the cashier.)

    Me: “Hi. Can you please tell me how much these are with the discount.”

    Cashier: “Those aren’t on sale.”

    Me: “But I got them from under the sale sign.”

    Cashier: “No. Only those in that cabinet are on sale.” *points to one small cabinet on opposite side of the wall*

    Me: “But the signs are everywhere, stating all jewellery is discounted. It’s not legal.”

    Cashier: “Sorry, it’s my first day and I keep getting complaints. I’ve called the owner so many times. She refuses to do anything because she says that only the items in that cabinet are jewellery and everything else in the shop is accessories.”

    Me: “Okay. Not your fault, but I won’t be buying today on principle”.

    Not Quite Up To Speed

    | PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Transportation

    (I’m driving the speed limit on a major road when a cop car, which had been parked on the median, swoops out behind me and turns its lights on. I pull over thinking that I must have a taillight out. I open the window and wait for the police officer to approach.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, officer?”

    Cop: “You looked like you were going pretty fast back there.”

    Me: “What? I was going the speed limit. What did you clock me at?”

    Cop: “Well, I didn’t have my radar on but you looked like you were going fast.”

    Me: “Wait, what? You didn’t even clock me? What cause do you have to pull me over, then?”

    Cop: *realizing he’s made an unlawful stop* “Uh…never mind. Just slow down! *starts jogging back to his patrol car*

    Me: *shouting after him* “Hey! HEY! I WANT YOUR BADGE NUMBER!”

    (The cop jumped in his car and tore off WAY over the speed limit with his lights on.)


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