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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Employees

    A Window To The Captain’s Sense Of Humor

    | Japan | Employees, Transportation

    (On a flight departing in the middle of the night:)

    Captain: *after taking off and going through the routine speech given after reaching cruising altitude* “Now then, before I go, would the passengers sitting in the window seats quickly look out the windows? What do you see? That’s right, clouds and ocean. Now, since there’s nothing to see, there is no reason to open the windows. Thank you and enjoy the flight.”

    All She Sees Is A Costumed Villain

    | Toledo, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Employees

    (I’m a training costumer and have gone to a Goodwill-type store to look for pieces for my newest project. I strike gold with the first store and find a beautiful dress just perfect for the piece. Practically giddy at my good luck, I hurry to the register to pay for it.)

    Cashier: “Well, you seem awfully chipper.”

    Me: “Sorry. I was expecting to search all over town for a dress like this, but found it on my first try!”

    Cashier: “Well, I’m glad you were able to find something. Big dance or something?”

    Me: “Oh, no, I’m a costumer. I’m going to use this for a costume project.”

    (Right then, the cashier’s face turns stormy and she promptly reaches out and snatches the dress away from me.)

    Cashier: “You snotty little s***! How dare you come into this store?!”

    Me: “Huh?!”

    Cashier: “I guess it never occurred to you that poor people come into this store and buy clothes they desperately need! And here you come flouncing in to buy their clothes for a stupid costume!”

    Me: “But… I’ve been doing this for years.”

    Cashier: “That’s even worse! You’re lucky I don’t call the cops on you, you little thief! Get out! Don’t you ever set foot in here again! Get out before I call security! NOW!”

    (By this time, the whole store has gone quiet as everyone stares at us. The swift sound of footsteps approaching alerted us to a manager hurrying over.)

    Manager: “What the bloody h*** is going on?”

    Cashier: “This pathetic little snob was stealing our clothes, [Manager].”

    Manager: “Huh?”

    Me: “I swear I wasn’t, miss! I was about to pay for that!”

    Manager: “Then where did she get the idea you were going to steal it?”

    Me: “I honestly don’t know. I just mentioned that I was going to use it for a costume and she flipped out.”

    Cashier: “See? She even admits it! She admits to stealing poor people’s clothes to use in ridiculous costumes!”

    (The manager gives her an incredulous look, sighs, and pushes her aside.)

    Manager: “Will that be cash or credit, miss?”

    Me: “Cash.”

    Cashier: “WHAT?! You’re still going to sell it to her? She’s STEALING it from people who NEED it!”

    Manager: “[Cashier], I highly doubt that every poor person in the city is lining up to buy fancy ball gowns. Whatever you’ve been smoking on break, you’d better toss it before I toss you.”

    (She bagged the dress and I thanked her quickly, scurrying out while the cashier proceeded to scream after me again. I didn’t go back for a few weeks, but when I did, I found out she’d been fired for her antics, which included trying to have a little boy buying a stuffed animal arrested because he didn’t look ‘poor’ enough. I still shop there and the bargains are always awesome.)

    The Law Of Telemarketing

    , | CA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money

    (While interning for my college’s police department, I occasionally cover the dispatcher’s restroom breaks if they are alone. The following occurs in one such instance.)

    Me: “[College] District police department. Do you have an emergency?”

    Telemarketer: “Good evening, sir! I’m calling with [Company] home furnishings. I’m going to sell you a wonderful—”

    Me: *interrupting* “Sir, did you not hear the part about police department?”

    Telemarketer: “Of course I’m listening to you, sir. Now, I’d like to talk to you about—”

    Me: “Sir, you’ve called a police department’s emergency line. If you do not have an emergency, you need to hang up and remove this number from your system.”

    Telemarketer: “Of course, sir. Do you wish your sofas we—”

    Me: “All right, sir, you’ve left me no choice. I’m now activating the Public Safety Time Wasting system. Your company has now been charged $100 for a fraudulent call, and will be charged an additional $25 per minute until you disconnect.”

    Telemarketer: *now actually paying attention* “WAIT! What? What number did I call?”

    Me: “Sir, you called the [College] District police department’s emergency line. As I’ve said, your company is now being charged $100 plus—”

    Telemarketer: *click*

    (And no, despite the wishes of many a public safety dispatcher, there is no way to actually charge more for fraudulent calls to 911 or other emergency numbers.)

    Bread Is The Bad Staff Of Life

    | Drayton Valley, AB, Canada | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m at a very famous sandwich shop chain, ordering a sandwich for dinner.)

    Clerk: “And what kind of bread would you like?”

    Me: “What kinds of bread do you have?”

    (The clerk points to a diagram listing all their breads.)

    Clerk: “Read the sign.”

    Me: “Okay… um… I’ll have Parmesan oregano.”

    Clerk: “We’re all out.”

    Me: “Oh. I’ll have Italian herbs and cheese then.”

    Clerk: “We’re all out.”

    Me: “Honey oat?”

    Clerk: “We’re all out.”

    Me: “Well, what kinds of bread do you have?”

    (The clerk once again points to the diagram and is quite angry now.)

    Clerk: “READ THE SIGN!”

    (There is NOTHING on the sign saying what kinds of bread they are all out of.)

    Me: “Let me rephrase. What kinds of bread are you NOT all out of?”

    Clerk: “Oh… All we have right now is white bread.”

    Me: “Then I’ll take that.”

    Hard As Nails

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

    (I am going to a new nail salon in the mall for a manicure. The nail technician is clipping away with nail clippers very fast, and cuts into my skin.)

    Me: “Ouch!”

    Nail Technician: “Sorry!” *keeps cutting rapidly into my skin, causing it to bleed*

    Me: “Ouch! OW!”

    Nail Technician: “Sorry!” *now uses a nail file on my cut and bleeding nail bed*

    Me: “Ow! Stop!” *snatches my hand away*

    Nail Technician: *annoyed* “I said sorry already! Beauty is pain, you know, so stop complaining!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    (She says nothing else and finishes my manicure. I am dying to get out of there, and go up to pay. My poor fingernails are still bleeding and throbbing. She follows me.)

    Nail Technician: “You know, you should really wax off that mustache! We have good prices for waxing!”

    Me: *glare*

    (Needless to say, she didn’t get a tip, and I didn’t go back. Last I heard, it was made into a clothing store!)

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