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    Category: Employees

    Taking A Pregnant Pause On Menopause

    | SK, Canada | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

    (I am 29. I am at the doctor to have a pregnancy test, as I have previously had a false positive on a store-bought test and want to be absolutely sure this time. My regular doctor has unexpectedly been called away due to a family emergency, so I get sent to a doctor I’ve never seen at this clinic before.)

    Doctor: “What symptoms have you been having?”

    Me: “I’ve missed my last two periods, but other than that I haven’t noticed anything unusual. My husband and I haven’t been using any birth control, though.”

    Doctor: “Uh-huh. And why didn’t you just buy a test kit from the drugstore?”

    Me: “I’ve had false positives on those before, so I decided to just come straight here this time and find out for sure.”

    Doctor: *snotty tone* “You do know that when you reach a certain age, you stop menstruating, right? It’s called menopause.”

    Me: *shocked by his tone* “Pardon?”

    Doctor: “MENOPAUSE. Your periods stop. It means you’re too old to bear children.”

    Me: “I— well, I don’t think I should be concerned about that just yet. Can I please just get the pregnancy test?”

    Doctor: “It can happen anytime after 40. You’re what, about 45, 46?”

    Me: “I’m 29!”

    Doctor: *rolls his eyes* “I don’t have time for that female vanity crap. I’d say you’re 45 if you’re a day.”

    Me: “I’m telling the truth. I’m 29. They have my date of birth on my patient file here.”

    Doctor: *looks at my file* “Well, you obviously gave them a false date of birth. I won’t report you, though. I know it can be hard to come to terms with aging, especially for women, but you really need to learn to deal with it.”

    Me: “I swear to you, that is my correct date of birth. I have my driver’s license here. I had to show it to the receptionist when I switched to this clinic.”

    (I pull out my wallet and hand the doctor my driver’s license.)

    Doctor: “Wow, this is pretty good! I had a friend in university who used to make fake IDs that were about as good as this.” *suddenly turns serious* “Now please, stop wasting time trying to tell me you’re younger than you are.”

    Me: *close to tears by this point* “Could you please just do the test now?”

    Doctor: “It would be pointless. My advice is to ask the receptionist for some pamphlets on menopause, make an appointment with a gynecologist, and look into getting some counseling for this complex you have about getting older. I have other patients to attend to.”

    (I left, but not before letting the receptionist know what happened and scheduling an appointment for the following week with my regular doctor. When I went in for the second appointment, I found out that I was indeed pregnant. Six months later I was in the waiting room of the clinic while my husband got checked out for a sinus infection, when who should appear but the rude doctor! He saw my heavily pregnant self, recognized me, and proceeded to berate me about having children ‘at such an advanced age’ and told me that my child would almost certainly have a developmental disability or be stillborn!)

    Celebration Simplification

    | Greenville, TX, USA | Employees, Food & Drink

    (For my wife’s birthday my parents and I have taken her to a restaurant.)

    Mother: *to waitress* “Do you have anything to celebrate a birthday?”

    Waitress: “Awww… Whose birthday is it?”

    Wife: “Oh, it’s mine.”

    Waitress: “Awww… It’s your birthday?”

    Wife: “Yup!”

    Waitress: “Well… Happy Birthday!”

    (Pause.)

    Waitress: *shrugs* “That’s it!”

    (We all had a great laugh over that. It has been over two decades now and we still use that line for each other’s birthday.)

    Needs To Take A Dose Of Reality

    | Stafford, VA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (We have just moved in, and have been given a new phone number that apparently belonged to ‘William,’ who was a contractor of some sort. We keep getting calls for him.)

    Caller: “Hello, may I speak to William?”

    Me: “Sorry, this is no longer William’s number.”

    Caller: “Well, do you have any way of contacting him? I have very important information about his medications.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t. This is a private residence now, not his contracting business.”

    Caller: “Oh… Well, what medications are you taking, ma’am?”

    Sam, Dean, And A Little Baby

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Employees, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I am looking to purchase a copy of a tie-in magazine for the TV show ‘Supernatural.’ I can’t find it on the shelf but while I am browsing the owner asks if I need any help.)

    Owner: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Me: “Yes, do you have Supernatural Magazine?”

    Owner: “We don’t have that one but we have these! They are about the same thing.”

    (The owner has taken me around to the ‘women’s interest’ section and is pointing at magazines about babies and motherhood.)

    Me: “This is not what I was after.”

    Owner: “We don’t have Pregnancy magazine but these are all about pregnancy!”

    Didn’t Do Well With Pi At School

    , | Melbourne, FL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m getting lunch and have asked for two slices of pizza.)

    Cashier: “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a personal pan pizza? It’s one and a half slices and it’s only a dollar more.”


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