(I’m at the movie theater with my parents. Before the previews start, an employee comes to the front of the theater to make a customary speech.)

Employee: “…and please turn off all cell phones and vibrators.”

(There’s a pause before a few chuckles from the audience break out.)

Employee: *laughs* “I know what I said! Enjoy your movie!”

Me: *to my parents* “I didn’t realize this was that kind of theater!”

(Note: I work as IT support for hospitals and private practices.)

Me: “Thanks for calling. How may I help you?”

Nurse: “The doctor’s computer is broken.”

Me:  ”What’s wrong with it?”

Nurse:  ”Documents are no longer printing. Everything worked fine this morning. I think it’s gremlins.”

(I chuckle at the reference and get connected to her computer. It’s a simple fix, so it doesn’t take me long at all.)

Me: “There you go. Good as new.”

Nurse: “It’s working! What did you do?”

Me: “I opened the blinds and flooded the computer with sunlight, hopefully killing off all the gremlins!”

Nurse: *laughs* “Well, okay. Anything I can do to prevent this issue in the future?”

Me: “Don’t feed your computer after midnight?”

Me: “Can I get eight ounces of the sliced ham?”

Deli Worker: “We can’t do that.”

Me: “Okay, how about half a pound?”

Deli Worker: “Sure thing!”

Related:
Not Even Half A Brain

Me: “Thanks, lovey! Have an awesome day!”

Customer: “Excuse me for being so forward, but are you happy here?”

Me: “I suppose so, although doing the same thing for five years gets a little tedious! Why do you ask, if I may?”

Customer: “Well, I’m a manager at [popular coffee chain] and they’re opening a new store in the area, and I’d love to have you come and join my team!”

Me: “Woah, really?! You’re offering me a job? Why?!”

Customer: “Your customer service is absolutely outstanding! Every time I’ve been through here you’ve always had a smile on your face and you’re always so happy to see us! You’re just the sort of person we’re looking for! I got really worried when you went on holiday, I thought you’d left! I’m sure your colleagues will tell you I’ve been asking after you!”

Me: “Haha, so you’re the lady that was looking for me? I thought I’d done something wrong! Wow! This is amazing! I’d love to come and work with you! Where should I apply?”

Customer: “Oh, don’t bother with that, the job’s yours! How much notice do you need before you can leave here?”

Me: “About a week, I think.”

Customer: “Right. I’d go and hand your notice in now and next week we can start your training!”

Me: “Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!”

(I immediately handed my notice in and have now been working for the coffee chain for about two weeks. It just goes to show that good customer service and a smile can really pay off!)

(Note: Two friends and I are at a fast food drive-thru.)

Employee: “Order when you are ready.”

My Friend: “Six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

Employee: “One sweet tea and three burgers?”

My Friend: “Six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

Employee: “Okay, five burgers and two sweet teas.”

My Friend: “…No. Six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

Employee: “Seven burgers and five sweet teas.”

(My other friend gets so frustrated he just jumps out of the car and takes a walk so he doesn’t rage. My friend who is ordering repeats order and the employee finally gets it right. We drive around to pay and get our food.)

Employee: “So that was five sweet teas and seven burgers, right?”

(My friend is physically straining to not scream, but calmly and slowly repeats the order.)

My Friend: “No. It’s six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

(Unsurprisingly, when we finally get our food, we counted seven burgers. At that point, all we could was sit in the car laughing at the extra burger!)