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Category: Employees

Telling You Until You’re Bleu In The Face

| USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(When I was 10 I really liked bleu cheese. I was excited when they were giving samples at a store.)

Me: “Mommy, can I go get some bleu cheese?”

Mom: “Sure, honey. Go right ahead.”

Employee: *guarding the sample tray as I am trying to reach* “You won’t like this. It is bleu cheese.”

Me: “But I like bleu cheese.”

Employee: “No. It is a grown-up food.”

Mom: “Honey, what’s the matter?”

Employee: “Your daughter is being rude to me.”

Me: “All I said was that I like bleu cheese.”

Employee: “No, she doesn’t. No kid likes bleu cheese.”

Mom: “My daughter has a wide palate. She likes bleu cheese.”

Employee: “No, she doesn’t. She probably just says that to you.”

Mom: “No. She eats it a lot.”

(Mom takes two and gives one to me.)

Employee: “Oh. I guess she actually likes bleu cheese.”

In Real Hot Sauce Now

| Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

(I stop by a popular sub shop before a meeting one night. All goes well until we get to the condiments. The girl helping me has been working here a while, so I know she’s familiar with how it all works.)

Worker: “And what else would you like on that?”

Me: “Ranch, please.”

Worker: *slowly reaches for the sriracha sauce, which is a hot sauce: very much the opposite of ranch*

Me: “No. The ranch, please.”

Worker: *looks at me and then keeps going for the sriracha*

Me: “I said ranch, please!”

Worker: *picks up the sriracha and looks at me again before covering the sub in sriracha sauce*

Me: “Uh, I said ranch several times.”

Worker: *looks down at the sub* “Oh… I don’t know why I did that.”

Me: “Me, neither.”

Saying It Over And Ovarian

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Religion

(I have to have a hysterectomy due to severe endometriosis and ovarian cysts. I am literally slowly bleeding to death. I am 42, and I never had or wanted children. The disease has rendered me completely sterile, so the point is moot. As I’m checking into the hospital for pre-lab work, the nurse examining me chirps in.)

Nurse: “You know this surgery will make you sterile?”

Me: “Yes, I know, but I’m already sterile from the disease anyway.”

Nurse: “That means you can’t have a baby.”

Me: “Fine, I know. I don’t want any.”

(This goes on back and forth until the nurse is practically shouting at me about how a hysterectomy means that I ‘can’t make widdle adowable babieeees.’ Once all the lab work is done, I high-tail it out of there, thinking that the nurse is a few bricks shy of a load. Fast forward to four days later, the morning of my surgery. Sure enough, it’s that same nurse.)

Nurse: “You realize you won’t be able to have children after the surgery?”

Me: “Yes, I know. I never wanted any. Never will.”

Nurse: “Are you sure you don’t want to have one before the surgery? We can tell the doctor you want to postpone the operation!”

Me: “I am having the surgery to save my life as I keep hemorrhaging! I know I won’t have a child after they remove my uterus, Fallopian tubes, and ovaries. I’m sterile now. I’ve always been sterile, and I do NOT want a baby!”

Nurse: *huffs at me* “Well! You know your godly duty as a woman is to have children! You’re going to Hell!”

(Yup, I reported her to my surgeon before I went under the knife and I didn’t see that nurse for the rest of my hospital stay.)

Not Quite The Cream Cheese Of The Crop

| AL, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

(My university has a little coffee shop which includes free cream cheese with a bagel purchase. I always use two cream cheese packs, but only see one today.)

Me: “Hi. Do you have any more cream cheese?”

Worker: “Depends. Are you going to buy a bagel?”

Me: “Depends. Do you have any more cream cheese?”

More Than Meets The Black Eye

, | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Health & Body

(One my good friends has a very energetic dog that is lacking in discipline, to put it politely. The last time I went over to his place, as I bent over to take off my shoes the dog jumped up into my face, snout first, giving me a black eye. The next day I stop by a fast food place with one of my friends and we are laughing and joking around as we set up to order. The cashier sees me…)

Cashier: “Ooooh, baby! What happened?”

Me: “Huh?”

Cashier: “Is someone hurting you?”

(Realizing she is referring to my eye I respond but since I’m a little startled by her concern I trip over my words.)

Me: “Oh… um… my eye? Yeah, my friend’s dog did this. He jumped… into my face.”

Cashier: “Mmmm-hmmm. Is THAT what REALLY happened?”

Me: “Well, yeah. It was a big dog. Thanks for worrying, though. Can I just get an order of [order]?”

Cashier: “Sure, that will be [amount].” *under her breath* “Man shouldn’t be hitting on no young girls like that.”

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