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  • Not So Closely Guarded
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  • Category: Employees

    Taking A Swipe At Technology

    | Lismore, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Technology

    (I have made a take-away order over the phone and have come in to pay for it.)

    Cashier: “Cash or card tonight?”

    Me: “Card, please.”

    (I had over my EFTPOS card, which the cashier swipes for me. ‘BAD SWIPE – SWIPE AGAIN’ appears on the screen.)

    Cashier: “Oh, come on, that was so not a bad swipe!”

    Me: “Sounds like you’ve been having a bad night?”

    Cashier: “You have no idea. This machine and I do not get along at all. I can never get it to do ANYTHING I need it to do. I hate it!”

    (I laugh and we continue with the transaction.)

    Cashier: “Would you like a receipt with that?”

    Me: “No, thanks.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I wouldn’t want anything it had to offer me either if I were you.”

    Suffering From A Different Kind Of Hair-Loss

    | NJ, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I am blessed with soft, thick, luxurious hair that grows incredibly fast. I decide to start donating it every couple of years once it gets long enough, usually about to my lower back or thighs, or whenever I grow too frustrated with it. I go in to ‘harvest the crop’ and one of the girls tells me to come on over and sit down.)

    Stylist: “Okay, so what are we doing to it today?”

    Me: “Cut it short, but save the ponytail. I’m donating it.”

    Stylist: *somewhat perturbed* “Oh… that’s interesting.”

    (I’m not really paying attention while she’s cutting. I run a side business and am on my phone sorting out some orders until she’s done.)

    Stylist: “Finished!”

    Me: *looks up* “ACK! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

    (My hair is now cropped up to my ears when I usually like it cut about to the nape of my neck. Even worse, I look down on the floor and all of my hard-grown hair is lying in tattered shreds and pieces all around the chair, utterly useless for cancer donation. I turned around, wild-eyed.)

    Me: “I was going to donate that! What the h*** did you do to it?!”

    Stylist: “I did exactly like you said; I cut it short. It’s a cute little pixie cut now!”

    Me: “Okay, one, I did NOT ask for a d*** pixie cut; it looks atrocious! Two, I asked you to cut it straight across and SAVE the PONYTAIL! I was donating it!”

    Stylist: “Okay, uh, eww! You know they just toss the hair out, right? Besides, this is so cute on you!”

    Me: “They don’t ‘toss it out,’ it goes to cancer patients! My niece ended up with the last ponytail I donated!”

    Stylist: “Well, your niece is officially gross and you obviously don’t care about your appearance. You need to pay for the cut now.”

    Me: “I’m not paying you for s***!”

    (One of the other women overhears the argument and brings the head stylist over, as well as the lady who usually cuts my hair.)

    Regular: “[My Name], I thought you were donating this week.”

    Me: “I WAS, before she did this to me.” *points at ridiculous haircut*

    Stylist: “Nobody donates hair! That’s f****** disgusting!”

    Regular: “Uh, SHE has, for the last two years!”

    Stylist: “Whatever, she still needs to pay for the cut.”

    Regular: “No, she doesn’t. You on the other hand, owe her an apology and you can officially excuse yourself for the rest of the week.”

    (She flipped me off instead and stormed out. I found out later that she was fired for throwing out ponytails of donated hair that other stylists had saved up for various organizations. A total of thirty-four donations wound up in the dump.)

    Wishing For Pun Tea-Total

    | KY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in a tea store the other day checking out some white tea. The employee helping us was very nice and knowledgeable, but she made some AWFUL puns.)

    Employee: “So this tea used to be reserved for the Imperial Family of China. I guess you could say it’s… Royal-Tea!”

    Us: *groan*

    This Parrot Is Sketchy

    | ON, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My grandmother died on April 9th, of natural causes. My grandfather then died on April 10th, the day after, also of natural causes. My family is clearing out their condo because we have only until the 30th to do so. The phone in their house starts ringing.)

    Aunt: *picks up the phone* “Hello?”

    Telemarketer: “I need to speak to [Grandmother] or [Grandfather].”

    Aunt: “I’m sorry, but they’re deceased.”

    Telemarketer: “I need to speak to one of them.”

    Aunt: “You can’t; they’re both deceased.”

    (This goes back and forth a couple of times, my aunt keeping her cool, which is surprising because she isn’t known for her tolerance of stupidity.)

    Telemarketer: “I don’t think you understand; I need to talk to [Grandmother] or [Grandfather]!”


    Telemarketer: “…” *click*

    My Aunt: “B**** hung up on me!”

    (No sorry for your loss or anything!)

    An Overbearing Picture

    | Canada | Employees, Transportation

    (I’m a university student, and as part of our tuition, our student cards also doubles as a bus pass that lets all students travel for free in the city when swiped. I get on the bus one morning, swipe the card, and go to sit down when I hear the ‘beep’ that means the card was accepted.)

    Driver: “Stop! Show me your card.”

    Me: “Uh, sure.”

    (I hand it over, wondering if I misheard the beep. The driver stares intently at it for several long moments, and then glares at me.)

    Driver: “Your finger was covering the picture.”

    Me: “Whoops, sorry. My bad.”

    Driver: “Don’t cover the picture.”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry.”

    Driver: “Your finger shouldn’t cover the picture!”

    Me: “…again, I’m sorry. Can I have my card back now?”

    (I reach out to take the card back, but the driver doesn’t move. Only when I grab it does she reluctantly let go and start the bus. As I go sit down, I hear her call after me, one last time…)


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