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    Category: Employees

    Celebration Simplification

    | Greenville, TX, USA | Employees, Food & Drink

    (For my wife’s birthday my parents and I have taken her to a restaurant.)

    Mother: *to waitress* “Do you have anything to celebrate a birthday?”

    Waitress: “Awww… Whose birthday is it?”

    Wife: “Oh, it’s mine.”

    Waitress: “Awww… It’s your birthday?”

    Wife: “Yup!”

    Waitress: “Well… Happy Birthday!”

    (Pause.)

    Waitress: *shrugs* “That’s it!”

    (We all had a great laugh over that. It has been over two decades now and we still use that line for each other’s birthday.)

    Needs To Take A Dose Of Reality

    | Stafford, VA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (We have just moved in, and have been given a new phone number that apparently belonged to ‘William,’ who was a contractor of some sort. We keep getting calls for him.)

    Caller: “Hello, may I speak to William?”

    Me: “Sorry, this is no longer William’s number.”

    Caller: “Well, do you have any way of contacting him? I have very important information about his medications.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t. This is a private residence now, not his contracting business.”

    Caller: “Oh… Well, what medications are you taking, ma’am?”

    Sam, Dean, And A Little Baby

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Employees, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (I am looking to purchase a copy of a tie-in magazine for the TV show ‘Supernatural.’ I can’t find it on the shelf but while I am browsing the owner asks if I need any help.)

    Owner: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Me: “Yes, do you have Supernatural Magazine?”

    Owner: “We don’t have that one but we have these! They are about the same thing.”

    (The owner has taken me around to the ‘women’s interest’ section and is pointing at magazines about babies and motherhood.)

    Me: “This is not what I was after.”

    Owner: “We don’t have Pregnancy magazine but these are all about pregnancy!”

    Didn’t Do Well With Pi At School

    , | Melbourne, FL, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m getting lunch and have asked for two slices of pizza.)

    Cashier: “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a personal pan pizza? It’s one and a half slices and it’s only a dollar more.”

    Look At The Shirt Before You Get Shirty

    | SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Employees

    (My volunteer group has just finished up a community event and we are all wearing bright green promotional shirts. As many other restaurants are full, we all go for lunch at a small pub where the only customers are two middle-aged couples. I am last in line to pay after we have eaten.)

    Friend In Front Of Me: “Just the lasagna and lemon squash, thanks.”

    (He pays for his items and steps aside with the others who have paid so I can approach the register.)

    Cashier: *to friend* “Hey, there’s still a meal and drink to pay for! Don’t think you can just walk on out of here without settling your bill!”

    Me: “Um—”

    Cashier: *glances at me* “One moment, please.” *to friend* “Just because there’s so many of you it doesn’t mean you can confuse me into thinking you’ve paid for everything! Split billing keeps track of all of it!”

    Friend In Front Of Me: *gesturing at me* “Uh, there’s still one more to pay—”

    Cashier: “Yes, exactly. One more surf-n-turf and a [soda]! Now are you going to cover the difference between you all or is the cheat who tried to get their meal for free going to own up?”

    Another Friend: “I think she has been patiently waiting to pay this whole time.”

    (The cashier turns towards me and slowly looks me up and down. I’m in the same lime shirt as all the others.)

    Cashier: “Oh, I didn’t know you were with them.”


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