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    Category: Employees

    A Duh-zen

    | El Paso, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am trying to check out at a local grocery store. I have multiple different items. I am unloading my cart.)

    Me: “There are a dozen peaches in this bag.”

    Cashier: *types in 20 peaches*

    Me: “No, I said a dozen. Not 20.”

    Cashier: “Yeah, I typed in a dozen. That is correct.”

    Me: “A dozen is twelve. Count them.”

    Cashier: “Look, I know how to do my job.”

    Me: “You are trying to charge me for eight peaches that I do not have. A dozen is 12; you charged me for 20.”

    Cashier: “Look, okay, it’s 20. Everyone knows that. You are holding up the line.”

    Me: “A dozen is 12! Take them out of the bag and count them! 12 peaches, not 20!”

    Cashier: “Look, I need you to pay and get out of the way.”

    Me: “I am not going to pay for eight extra items that I do not have!”

    Cashier: “If you are not going to pay, then you need to leave the store!”

    Customer Behind Me: *to Cashier: “A dozen is 12! You are trying to charge her for 20, you dimwit! Charge her for the appropriate items and let her pay!”

    Cashier: “Don’t insult me just because she does not know math!”

    Customer: “She doesn’t know math? You are the simpleton that doesn’t know what a dozen is! It’s hardly her fault that you cannot do basic math! I am a math teacher. A dozen is 12. Now, ring her up correctly and stop charging her for eight extra items!”

    Cashier: “No! You guys are trying to scam this store!”

    Customer: “Right. Get your manager out here, NOW!”

    Me: “Yes, please, I would really love a manager right now!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Me: “I have a dozen peaches and she is trying to charge me for 20. When I tried to get her to take off the extra eight, she accuses us of trying to scam her!”

    Cashier: “Well, you are trying to scam us!”

    Manager: “Are you kidding me? Go get a dozen eggs from that cooler.”

    (The customer behind me is now chuckling. The cashier leaves in a huff and grabs a container of dozen eggs.)

    Manager: “Good, now open and count them.”

    Cashier: “There are 12.”

    Manager: “Exactly. 12 eggs in a container marked one dozen. What does that tell you?”

    Cashier: “Uh…”

    Manager: “Get rid of the extra eight. Once you are done with that, please clock out and go home. I will deal with you tomorrow. Also, hand everyone in this line as many coupons as you can until you run out.”

    (The cashier voids the extra items, while bright red, and hands me a massive stack of coupons. I never saw her again at that store.)

    A Dream Is A Wish Your Hulk Makes

    | UK | Awesome Workers, Employees, Movies & TV

    (My sister and I are out to see ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron.’ I happen to be wearing an Avengers shirt, have my Avengers bag with me, and am carrying a Hulk plush toy because I get nervous around crowds. We get to the front of the line to buy tickets.)

    Sister: “Okay, hang on.” *pulls me into the cashier’s line of sight* “Guess which movie we want to see?

    Cashier: “Oh, I know. Cinderella, right? I’ve heard Hulk is great in that!”

    (She rang us up for our ‘Age of Ultron’ tickets, and told me my Hulk was cute!)

    Has To D-emonstrate

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Employees, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a clerical position at a medical office. One of my duties is filing and retrieving patient charts, which are organized alphabetically. I’m filing charts when one of the doctors walks in and hands me the chart for the patient she just saw:)

    Doctor: “Here’s a ‘D.'”


    Me: “That’s… not something you should say to an employee.”

    Doctor: “Why? What does it mean?”

    Me: “Um…” *points*

    Doctor: “…Oh.”

    Pregnancy Is A Habitual Hazard

    | CO, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    (I’m undergoing an ultrasound in the hopes of troubleshooting some pain issues.)

    Technician: “After we’re done with this part, you can go empty your bladder and leave a sample so we can test for pregnancy.”

    Me: “Oh, I left one when I was here last.”

    Technician: “Still, we want to be sure you haven’t gotten pregnant in the meantime.”

    Me: “…It was four days ago?”

    Technician: “We still want to be certain.”

    Me: “We are currently VIEWING my uterus on a screen. It is clearly unoccupied. How much more certain can we get?”

    Technician: “Standard operating procedures are hard habits to break?”

    Me: “I’ll buy it. I have to pee anyway.”

    Acting Totally Heartless

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Health & Body, Tourists & Travel

    (My father is in an airport when a lady has a heart attack and passes out in front of the gate agent’s desk. No one seems to be doing anything other than calling the airport paramedics, so my dad goes up and starts doing CPR. While he’s doing CPR, they load the plane and people literally step over him and the woman who is on the floor. Once paramedics arrive, and have it under control, my dad gets up and hands his boarding pass to the gate agent.)

    Gate Agent: “Sir, the plane is already loaded.”

    Dad: “But I was right here.”

    Gate Agent: “You made the choice to not get on the plane. You forfeited your ticket.”

    Dad: “I was DOING CPR!”

    Gate Agent: “I’m sorry. We can reroute you, but there will be a rebooking fee, as you made the decision to not board the aircraft.”

    (My dad continues to argue with her. Meanwhile, a huge big-wig for their airline is passing by and overhears the conversation.)

    Bigwig: “Let me get this straight: he was doing CPR on a passenger, and instead of thanking him profusely, you’re telling him that his ticket is forfeit?”

    (The gate agent looks very sheepish.)

    Bigwig: “Has that plane pushed away from the gate?”

    (The gate agent sheepishly shakes their head.)

    Bigwig: “Then scan his boarding pass, upgrade him to first class if you can, get him on that plane and then give him at least 5000 free miles on us!”

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