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    Category: Employees

    Didn’t Get Wind Of The Situation

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Extra Stupid, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I work for a DVD retail store on the Gulf Coast when hurricane Katrina hit. The mall we are in is closed for a few days due to damage. I get this call not long after we opened back up:)

    Me: “Hello! Thanks you for calling [Store Name] where you can reserve [Some Movie].”

    HR Representative: “This is [Name] from HR. We show you are listed as a full time employee with benefits. Last week you only worked for 36 hours. Can you please explain why you didn’t get the full 40 hours?”

    Me: “You have to be joking.”

    HR Representative: “No, sir. This is in fact very serious. If you don’t have a good reason for not making your full time status your benefits will be revoked.”

    Me: “Do you know where this store is located?”

    HR Representative: “Yes sir. Mobile, Alabama. Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Have you heard about hurricane Katrina?”

    HR Representative: “Of course! All those poor people in New Orleans but I don’t see how this matters to your current situation.”

    Me: “…due to Katrina the mall was closed for a few days so I couldn’t work. Also due to Katrina I’m missing half my roof and my house has some serious water damage. Also due to Katrina my boss can’t come to work because a freaking shrimp boat washed up on the only road leaving his neighborhood.  Do you have anymore stupid questions?”

    HR Representative: *quietly* “No sir. I hope everything works out and sorry for your loss.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Wine Dine Crime

    | New Zealand | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Food & Drink

    (I’ve been a qualified sommelier for about 10 years and have been working in hospitality for 20. I’m visiting my family in New Zealand and decide to pop into a well regarded new wine bar one evening before dinner. I’m sitting at the bar, looking at the list.)

    Me: “I’ve never seen [Very Rare Wine] on a wine list before! I was under the impression there were only three bottles left in the world and they were all privately owned.”

    Bartender: *whispering* “Don’t get it!”

    Me: “Uh…sorry?”

    Bartender: *whispering* “Don’t bother mate. It’s not real.”

    (I can’t work out why he’s whispering because I’m the only one inside.)

    Me: “What do you mean it’s not real?”

    Bartender: “The owner, she thinks it looks good to have something like that on the menu. So she just got labels made to put over other bottles of wine. Now I have to put up with people asking how we got our hands on a whole case of them! What am I supposed to say, huh? And she actually expects me to sell them. Like no one will notice it’s a $10 bottle of plonk!”

    (The ‘relabeled’ wine is in the thousands. I stick to a nice local red and when I’m leaving I hand him my card.)

    Me: “If you’re ever moving to Australia and need a job give me a call. Frankness and honesty are quite rare and you seem to have both qualities.”

    Bartender: “Wow, I’m so glad I told you. Sometimes I can’t be bothered, deterring customers. Have a good evening!”

    (He now works for me in Melbourne.)

    Death Of A Sales Pitch, Part 4

    , | Aptos, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Health & Body

    (It is the fall of 2006 and I receive a telemarketing call.)

    Agent: “I’m calling to inform you that you qualify for a $15,000.00 life insurance policy with…”

    Me: “I’m a full time student being supported by my parents. Life insurance is worthless to me. I’m already worth more dead than I am alive.”

    Agent: “But, sir! It’s free until June of 2007!”

    Me: “Well, I plan to be alive in June of 2007, Mr. Optimist!”

    Agent: “I know we all want to hope for the best, but…”

    Me: *hangs up*

    Death Of A Sales Pitch, Part 3
    Death Of A Sales Pitch, Part 2
    Death Of A Sales Pitch

    Tourist Un-attraction

    | Wales, UK | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Tourists & Travel

    (I am viewing properties in an area I will be moving to for work. I am currently looking at a character stone cottage just off the High Street of a very tourist-ey town. I will be managing a tourist attraction so I’m looking for somewhere quiet and out-of-the way as I will want to relax out of work.)

    Estate Agent: “So, as you can see, this is off the main thoroughfare, and it’s quiet.”

    Me: “Yep. So far, so good.”

    (Suddenly there is a flash through the window from outside. I go over to look and notice two well-heeled tourists – clutching brochures for the nearby castle – snapping pictures of the cottages, including the one I’m viewing. They notice me looking and wave apologetically, and mouth ‘sorry’ before continuing down the street, taking close-ups of house names, hanging baskets, window beds etc.)

    Estate Agent: “Yeah, you’ll get a lot of that come the summer.”

    Me: “So, it’s not out of the way at all?”

    Estate Agent: “Well, it isn’t on the high street. Anyway it adds a certain prestige, don’t you think?”

    Me: “Er, no.”

    Estate Agent: “Wouldn’t you be proud to live in such a well-regarded street?”

    Me: “Um, well-regarded is good, but since I’ll be working in a tourist attraction I don’t really think I want to live in one, too. If people come down here just to look in the summer, it’d be like being a goldfish in a bowl.”

    Estate Agent: “Well, I think you’re mad. You’d have to be a f****** looney not to put an offer in at the price!”

    Me: “Thanks for that. I think I’m done here.”

    Estate Agent: “So, you want to make an offer then?”

    Me: “Not really.”

    Estate Agent: “Great! I’ll wait for you to get in touch with the office!”

    Should Have Built On A Stronger Foundation

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

    (My friend and I are out shopping for makeup together. We decide to go into this store to check if they still have the same foundation she likes to use. We are quite happy browsing alone, but a shop assistant approaches us.)

    Assistant: “Hi, girls, found everything you’re looking for?”

    Friend: “Actually, I was just wondering if you still had this foundation?”

    Assistant: “Oh, you don’t want that. It’s moisturising.”

    Friend: “Yes, I know. I use it a lot and wanted to check if you still had it. I have very dry skin.”

    Assistant: “No! You’re a teenager and you have blemishes. Moisturiser will just make your skin even greasier! Come over, I’ll show you our special range for oily skin.”

    Friend: “No, it’s fine…”

    (The assistant literally grabs hold of my friend’s hand and leads her over to their most expensive range of foundation.)

    Assistant: “Now these will dry out the oil on your skin. Stop all those oily spots you have!”

    Friend: “My skin isn’t oily. It’s actually really dry. That’s why I have these spots! I just want the foundation I always have. That’s all!”

    Assistant: “But you’re a teenager! Teenagers always have greasy skin! And look at you, you’re really spotty! That’s typical teenager symptoms. You NEED to have this foundation!”

    Friend: “Actually, we’ll just leave. Those are too expensive for me anyway. Thanks for the… um… help.”

    Assistant: “Don’t walk away from me! You’re spotty! You need this!”

    Me: “Thanks, but no…”

    Assistant: “Well, you teenagers should get a d*** job! At least you’d be able to afford decent makeup!”

    (We left without buying anything.)

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