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    Category: Employees

    Up To Some Funny Business

    | VA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Job Seekers

    (I work in HR. Part of my job is doing job verifications. Most of the time they are very straight forward and often come in a form. I get a form to verify a past employee when I notice the dates that ‘John Doe’ is claiming. This company is only about three years old, so there is no way that ‘John Doe’ could have worked for us back in the late 1990s. I fill in the form stating that, no, ‘John Doe’ did not work for us for those dates and return to sender. Not too long afterwards, I get a call from the verifier, who is trying to understand why I am not confirming those dates.)

    Me: “No, he couldn’t have worked here in the 90s. The company was founded in 2003.”

    Woman: “Are you sure that he wasn’t an employee then?”

    Me: “No, the company wasn’t in business.”

    Woman: “Can’t you check with someone who was at the company in the 1990s?”

    Me: “No, the company wasn’t in business yet.”

    Woman: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes. John Doe might have meant another company with a similar name, but we were not in business.”

    Woman: “Are you sure that no one was around at that time?”

    Me: “I sure that much of our staff was alive, but no doubt working at other places then.”

    Woman: “Are you positive that John Doe couldn’t have been working for you?”

    Me: *sigh*

    We Have Great Hope For Hopping

    | UK | Employees, Language & Words, Religion

    (The congregation at our church are blindly reading the service sheet aloud, unaware of a typo in the sheet…)

    Congregation: “We go forth in faith; we go forth in hop; we go forth in joy.”

    Vicar: “You’re very welcome to go forth in hop, if you wish.”

    Physician, Rebook Thyself

    | USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I am feeling very ill and have called the medical facility to make an appointment. The following morning I show up.)

    Me: “I’m here for my appointment.” *gives name*

    Reception:  “Oh. Your appointment was canceled. The doctor you had isn’t coming in today.”

    Me: “…I’m still sick. I need to see someone.”

    Reception:  “Um… I’ll see if we can find you something…”

    (I think it was at least a half hour before they finally got someone to take my vitals. At least my temperature of 104.2 convinced them that, yes, I really did need to see a doctor!)

    Having A Bad Case Of The Mondays

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (It’s Monday morning. I’m grabbing a coffee at the corner store. The transaction proceeds as normal. Until the end.)

    Clerk: “Have a good weekend!”

    (As it is Monday, I shrug it off and start heading away. When I reach the door, the clerk finally clues in.)

    Clerk: “Wait a minute… IT’S NOT THE WEEKEND ANYMORE!”

    Calling For Backup Without Actually Calling For Backup

    | Jersey City, NJ, USA | Employees

    (I have a stuttering problem that is often under control, except for when I have to talk for an extended period of time. Being put on register, repeating the same phrases, makes this stutter worse and I begin to flub my words, or say the wrong phrases. I am assigned to register duty for my entire shift, even though I normally work stock. We have a code we use over the intercom to request for backup if the lines get too long.)

    Me: *going to the speaker so I can call for backup* “Next customer, please! Wow…”

    (I immediately catch myself as to what I have just said, and start laughing INTO the speaker while paging for backup.)

    Coworker & Manager: *both come up to the register to see me and several customers on the line laughing; they themselves are laughing as well*

    Me: “Can you tell I’ve been up here for too long?”

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