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  • Not So Closely Guarded
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  • Category: Employees

    Ki-Wheezing

    | MN, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers

    (I often visit a local coffee shop that serves not only coffee items, but also pastries and real fruit smoothies. The menu, however, does not list the fruits included in the smoothies. I have a kiwi allergy.)

    Me: “Hi, can I get a tropic blast smoothie and a scone?”

    Barista: “Sure thing! That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “And does the tropic blast smoothie have any kiwi or kiwi flavoring in it? I’m allergic.”

    Barista: “No, none at all! It’ll be right up.”

    (My friend and I pay and collect our food and go to sit down. I take a sip and immediately feel my lips tingling and itching, and my tongue feels like it’s getting pinpricks and is swelling. I realize there is kiwi, and I’m having an allergic reaction. Since my reactions aren’t life threatening, just uncomfortable for an hour or so, I bring it back up to get a replacement.)

    Me: “Uh, sorry but there is kiwi in this. I’m having a reaction but it’s in control. Can I get a refund or replacement, maybe?”

    Barista: “F*** off.”

    Me: *shocked* “Excuse me?”

    Barista: “You heard me. F*** off. That had got to be the fakest lisp I’ve ever heard, and Jesus is watching you lie to get things for free. You even drank half of it!”

    (The ‘fake lisp’ is from my swollen tongue, and I had only taken a small sip so the cup is nearly filled to the brim. Another barista gets the manager/owner for me without being asked, and I tell her what happened.)

    Owner: “Did you really tell this poor girl to ‘eff off’?!”

    Barista: “Listen to her! She’s obviously faking. She just wants free smoothies.”

    Owner: “Can you show her your tongue, please, miss?”

    Me: *sticks out my red and obviously swollen tongue*

    Owner: “Why did you tell her the tropic blast didn’t have any kiwi?! And why did you accuse her of lying?!”

    (The barista tried to defend herself and failed. The owner fired her and told me this isn’t the first time she’d been rude to customers. The owner gave me a 15 free drinks coupon, and even though I’ve used them up, I’m still a regular! But I’ve never had another smoothie from them.)

    Had Your Fill Of A Free Refill

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My friend and I are trying to get refills for our sodas at a concession stand at a game.)

    Me: “Hi, can we get refills for our drinks?”

    Cashier: “No free refills.”

    Me: “Oh that’s okay; we can pay for them again.”

    Cashier: “No free refills.”

    Me: “Um… we’re aware; we’re willing to pay.”

    Cashier: “NO FREE REFILLS!”

    Me: “Fine, can I have a large Sprite?”

    Cashier: “Yes, why didn’t you say so?”

    Me: “Also can you use the same cup?”

    Cashier: “Of course!”

    Friend: “Can I have a refill of Dr. Pepper in mine, also?”

    Cashier: “NO FREE REFILLS!”

    (At this point a manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem here?”

    (The cashier starts speaking in Spanish but in the Bay Area we have a lot of Spanish speakers so from what little I know and through the context I understood her.)

    Cashier: *in Spanish* “These kids keep asking for free refills but I keep telling them no free refills.”

    Manager: *to us in English* “I’m sorry but we don’t give free refills.”

    Customer Behind Us: “For Christ’s sake, they are willing to pay for a new drink. They just want them in the same cup!”

    Manager: *to the cashier in Spanish* “You idiot! They just want another drink in the same cup!”

    (Turned out that the cashier didn’t know what a refill was. She just knew that she wasn’t supposed to give them out!)

    Spun Out A New Color

    | Chandler, AZ, USA | Employees, Language & Words

    (I am a customer at this paint store waiting to have some paint mixed. Another customer enters the store and requests two cans of the color ‘spun sugar.’ The employee enters the product in his computer.)

    Employee: “Sorry, sir, it doesn’t look like we carry that one.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I’m positive this is where we saw it.”

    Employee: “Nope. I don’t see that in our system at all.”

    Customer: “Let me check over on your sample wall.”

    Employee: “I’ll be impressed if you can find it. If it’s on our wall but not in our system then something is wrong with my computer.”

    (The customer comes back after about five minutes of searching.)

    Customer: “Look, I found it! Spun Sugar!”

    (The employee peers at the paint can and then chuckles in an embarrassed way.)

    Employee: “That explains it! Here I just spent the last 10 minutes searching our system for ‘SPONGE Sugar.’”

    Breaking Down The Break-In

    | USA | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I live in the UK, but I have a US-based Skype phone number. Consequently, I occasionally get plagued with telemarketers. In this case, the automated message told me that there was a break-in in my neighbourhood, and that they could offer me a home security system. I decided to press ’1′ to be connected with an agent. After verifying that I’m the homeowner:)

    Agent: “Okay, the reason for this call is that we have a promotion on a new home security system.”

    Me: “So there hasn’t been a break-in?”

    Agent: “What?”

    Me: “The automated message said that there was a break-in. That’s why I pressed ’1′ to talk to you.”

    Agent: “Oh, well, actually it’s because we have this promotion…”

    Me: “So basically you lied to me to get me to press ’1.’ There was no break-in.”

    Agent: “Well, who’s to say there hasn’t been a break-in in your area?”

    Me: “The lack of police sirens?”

    (They hung up.)

    Test Driving Back To The Fifties

    | IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Employees, Transportation

    (While we are shopping for a used car, my husband hears me range from humor to anger about the chauvinistic salesmen talking down to me. At one dealership, the salesman pops the hood and goes into a detailed discussion of the engine with my husband. He then pulls me to the passenger side to discuss the vanity mirror, cup holder, and car color. The salesman then hands my husband the keys for a test ride. His mouth falls open when hubby gives me the keys and gets in the passenger seat. He is actually pacing outside when we return. He runs over to us.)

    Salesman: “How did she handle?”

    Me: “We’re not buying it. It needs a new transmission, the steering pulls to the right, the brake rotors have been resurfaced incorrectly, and it leaks antifreeze.”

    (As we turn to leave, my husband calls back to the dumbstruck chauvinist.)

    Husband: “But I absolutely looooove the vanity mirror!”


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