• Very Genderal Humor
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    Category: Family & Kids

    This Policy Will Be The Death Of Me

    | UT, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My grandmother has recently died, leaving me as the executor of her estate. I see that she had a small investment account with [Small East Coast Bank]. When I call the number on the statement, I discover that this bank had been recently acquired by [Big Bank]. I go to my local branch of [Big Bank] to ask how I can prove her death so as to get the account delivered to whomever is the named beneficiary. I approach the teller.)

    Me: “Hello, I need to report the death of an investment account holder so you can close the account.”

    Teller: “Oh, I’ve never had to do that before. Why don’t you talk to [Banker] over there? She can probably help you.”

    Me: “Okay, thank you.”

    (I approach Banker’s desk.)

    Me: “Hello, I need to report the death of an investment account holder so you can close the account. In case it matters, the account was originally with [Small East Coast Bank] but their phone numbers all tell me to talk to you guys.”

    Banker: “Oh, I’ve never had to do that before. Let me go get my manager to ask what our policy is.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (She goes to the back, leaves me sitting for 15 minutes, and comes back with Manager.)

    Manager: *to me* “I’m sorry. We won’t be able to help you.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Is there a phone number I can call to get this information?”

    Manager: “No, we can’t help you.”

    Me: “Uh… why not?”

    Manager: “We can’t release this information.”

    Me: “No, I think you misunderstand. I’m here to report the death of my grandmother. I’m not asking for personal information about her account or access to her money. And if you can only release the information to customers, it might help to know that I’m also a customer with a sizable account here in my own name. All I want is to know what your policy is on how I am to prove that [Grandma] has died so that you can deliver the funds to the beneficiary named on the account, whose name I neither have nor want nor care about. I have papers with me right here that can prove that I am the executor of her estate. I also have her account number, name, and a death certificate. I even have the username and password for her online banking. But all the website says about the death of an account holder is to contact the bank itself, so that’s why I’m here.”

    Manager: “Yes, I understand that. But we still can’t release that information.”

    Me: “…So, just to make sure, you’re telling me that your policy regarding the death of an account holder is that you’re not allowed to tell customers or even executors what your policy is regarding the death of account holders?”

    Manager: “That’s right.”

    (I still have no idea if they were just being lazy or if they didn’t know what the real policy was or if Bank’s policy is actually that they can’t tell anyone what the real policy is. I wound up having the estate lawyer write a letter to their corporate office, whereupon the response let us know what we had to do in order to prove the death.)

    Won’t Miss This Goodbye

    | AB, Canada | Family & Kids

    (I am working at a daycare for my summer job when I’m fifteen. One of the boys in the pre-school room is autistic and he usually doesn’t express much emotion. On his last day, he walks up to me.)

    Child: “I’m leaving.” *pause, hugs me* “I don’t want to miss you!” *crying*

    (He melted my heart that day.)

    Be-Laboring The Point

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I give birth on July 4th, came home on the 6th, and on the 7th my husband and I go around to businesses our friends work at to show them our baby. There is a new cashier to take our order, and he notices we have a little one in a stroller.)

    Cashier: “How old is she?”

    Husband: “We had her on the fourth, so she’s three days old.”

    Cashier: “She’s sooo tiny!”

    (Cashier looks me up and down, and his eyes stop at my belly.)

    Cashier: *while speaking to my belly in an excited voice* “OOOH! And you have ANOTHER one coming!”

    Making You An Offer You Have To Refuse

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Employees, Family & Kids

    (I work in a small store selling educational toys. An older lady comes in and looks around a bit before coming over to the cash-wrap where I am stationed.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Store]! Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I only trade with family businesses. Is this a family business?”

    Me: “Like the Mafia?”

    Customer: “…”

    Knows How To Escalate The Situation

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (My four-year-old son is scared of escalators. It’s Christmas shopping season and my hands are full of packages and shopping bags. We are at the top of an escalator and I simply don’t have a hand free to pick him up and carry him down that escalator. We’re standing there, arguing about it.)

    Son: “But it will chomp my legs off.”

    Me: “It won’t do that; you’ll be fine.”

    (A young male sales clerk from the store walks up to us.)

    Clerk: “Hey, kid, you’re right. This thing chomped some kid’s legs off just yesterday.”

    (I ended up dragging my packages and my crying child to the elevators way on the other side of the store. It was two more years before that kid would ride an escalator. Thanks a lot, guy.)

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