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    Category: Family & Kids

    The Wrong D Word

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Employees, Family & Kids

    (I am at the reception office, updating my record. I’m 24.)

    Receptionist #1: “So, the person to call in case of emergency is still [Father] at [address]?”

    Me: “Hmm.. no. Can you keep the same address but change the name for [Mother]?”

    Receptionist #1: “Oh! Mrs. kicked out Mr.!”

    Me: *in shock* “Hum… no… It’s more like… he’s dead.”

    (Receptionist #2 turned her head to the first one, more in shock that I was. Needless to say, Receptionist #1 kept quiet for the rest of the procedure.)

    Giving A Speech About The Therapy

    | Germany | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work as a speech therapist. We get a lot of children with speech impediments, and it often takes several months to fix them. However, the doctor has to prescribe speech therapy. On the prescription it says how many sessions the patient can attend before the doctor has to consult us on the progress. Usually, it is ten sessions, which means the patient comes ten times, and then the doctor gets a report from us on the therapy so he can issue a new prescription. Regularly, a child will get about sixty sessions in total. All of it is covered by the patient’s health insurance. I call a mother to make a new appointment after she missed the last few ones.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Practice]. I’d like to set up an appointment for your son as you seem to have missed the last one.”

    Mother: “Yeah, I would have called today anyway.”

    (I highly doubt that, because I’ve tried to get a hold of her for almost four weeks.)

    Me: “So first of all, I am sorry to inform you that your regular date is now given to someone else, as you didn’t show up several times without giving notice and I just couldn’t keep it for you any longer because we have a lot of patients waiting. But I do have another free slot, so how about next Tuesday at 1:30?”

    Mother: “No, it can’t be in the afternoon. I have to work till seven.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see… How about Thursday, at nine?”

    Mother: “Isn’t there anything earlier?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. This is the only date in the morning I can offer.”

    Mother: “But my son has to go to kindergarten!”

    Me: “I am sure the kindergarten won’t complain if [Boy] misses an hour.”

    Mother: “No way! I pay a lot of money every month! I refuse to let [Boy] miss a WHOLE DAY!”

    Me: “Our session is about forty minutes. Can’t you just bring him to kindergarten after that?”

    Mother: If he doesn’t get there in time, he won’t go there at all. I’d have to bring him here first and then go get him and bring him to kindergarten. Do you know how tedious that is?

    Me: “I am sorry, but these two dates are the only ones available. Plus, [Boy] hasn’t been here in a month. It is really important to keep his appointments regularly. Otherwise, I’ll have to start from scratch every time and we won’t make progress.”

    Mother: “That’s ridiculous! We’ve been here six times, so there’s only four sessions left anyway until we’re done. No need to overreact like this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. The ‘ten’ on the prescription refers to the amount of sessions we can give before the doctor wants to see how it is going. We will definitely need some more than these first ten sessions to correct his impediment.”

    Mother: “WHAT! This is not what the doctor told me! He told me it is ten sessions and then we’re good. You’re scamming me!”

    Me: “Again, I am really sorry, but I doubt the doctor really told you that ten were enough. It takes some time.”

    Mother: “Speaking of it, you took this test with my son and now it says my son can’t speak properly at all. I can’t believe it! [Boy] IS NOT DUMB! He talks just fine; he just mixes k and t sometimes. Just tell him how to say it right. It won’t take that long.”

    Me: “But that’s not how it works. Sorry. Imagine someone told you from now on you’ll have to replace, let’s say, every R with a W. Do you really think you’d get used to the new rules that quick? Plus, [Boy] can’t even hear the difference between these two phones.”

    Mother: “So what? When he gets to school he will eventually get it.”

    Me: “Speaking from experience, children with speech impediments have a lot of problems learning to read and write. They often have to repeat the first year. So, actually, it is better to treat it now because later it will be more difficult and take longer to make progress.”

    Mother: “I don’t believe you. My son is not stupid! You just want to make money off him! I will talk to his doctor again!”

    Me: “If you want to talk about how long it takes, he won’t tell you-”

    Mother: “THIS IS NONE OF YOU F****** BUSINESS!

    (She continues to rant a few more minutes, then calms down a bit.)

    Mother: “So, we will be there next week at [the old, no longer available date].”

    Me: “If you can’t bring him to either of the two dates I offered you, there’s nothing else I can do for you. Your old, regular date was given to another patient.”

    Mother: “This is outrageous! It was OUR date! I quit!”

    Me: “Yes, it was reserved specifically for your son, but you didn’t show up four times in a row, and didn’t bother to tell us, so I sat there and waited for you. And you hung up on me every time I called you. You may remember the first session when you signed our conditions?”

    Mother: “Yeah, so what about it?”

    Me: “You agreed to privately pay every session you missed without telling us beforehand. So that’s about 230€ you owe us. I’ll send you the bill in the mail.”

    (Suddenly, Thursday, nine o’clock was good enough for her, and she actually showed up. She acted like nothing happened. I’m curious if she will keep her appointments from now on.)

    A Funeral Isn’t Just Horsing Around

    | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids, Ignoring/Inattentive, Pets & Animals, Religion

    (Every year, I attended a Girl Scout camp for horseback riding. When I got too old to be a camper, I am hired as a stable hand, much to my excitement. However, that summer, the camp has a new manager, and she was, in a word, terrible. She fires people left and right for the stupidest things, and sadly, it is soon my turn. I am only seventeen at the time, so my parents have to be contacted. However, they are on vacation, so my uncle has been placed as loco parentis. He is a priest, and his parish is located nearby. When the manager calls his office, this is the conversation she has with his secretary.)

    Secretary: “Hello, [Church] offices. How may I help you?”

    Manager: “Yeah, hi. I need to speak to Mr. Smith about his niece.”

    Secretary: “You mean Father Smith.”

    Manager: “No, no, not her father. Her uncle.”

    Secretary: “Ma’am, in the Catholic Church, priests are addressed as ‘Father.’ He is not ‘Mister Smith’ but ‘Father Smith.’”

    (My uncle’s secretary is very big on protocol, although she’s actually really nice.)

    Manager: “Okay, well, I need to speak to him.”

    Secretary: “I’m sorry; he’s currently leading a funeral. If this is an emergency, I can take a message for him.”

    Manager: “No, no! He needs to come get her NOW. Please tell him to come.”

    Secretary: “Ma’am, he’s not a guest. He’s leading the ceremony. It just started and it won’t be over for about two hours.”

    Manager: “What?! But he needs to come pick up his niece! He’s her guardian. He can’t leave her here!”

    Secretary: “I understand. He informed me of the situation in case you ever called. Is the child hurt?”

    Manager: “I can’t tell you that. He needs to come get her! Didn’t her parents go over this with him?”

    Secretary: “Yes, ma’am. Her parents did explain the situation to him, but I’m also sure they explained to you that his duties as a priest might cause conflict. Her parents were aware of the risk, and I believe arranged it so that if she was hurt, she would be taken to the hospital and a message left for him.”

    Manager: “She’s not hurt!”

    Secretary: “Is she in any danger? Was there an accident? Was she arrested and he needs to post bail?”

    Manager: “I can’t tell you that!”

    Secretary: “Well, you did just tell me she’s not hurt, so I’m going to assume she’s in no danger. In that case, I will inform Father Smith that he needs to come get her after the funeral is complete.”

    Manager: “Well, how long will that be?”

    Secretary: “As I said before, about two hours.”

    Manager: “Two hours! Can’t you tell them to hurry up?”

    Secretary: *extremely offended* “Hurry up?! Lady, this is a funeral! A Catholic funeral! Besides the regular Mass rituals, there are certain ceremonies that must be done before the soul can pass on to Heaven. On top of that, this is a person who has just died, and his family is very grieved! And you want me to march in there, interrupting the hymns, stick my face in the Father’s while he’s giving the eulogy, and tell him to ‘hurry up’?! You’ve got some nerve!”

    Manager: “But Mr. Smith needs to come get his niece…”

    Secretary: “For the last time, he’s Father Smith! And either you are really that damn clueless about Catholics or you’re just plain stupid. Once the funeral is over, which will not be earlier than two hours, I will give the message that his niece needs picking up. He’ll call you when he’s on the way. And don’t get any ideas about calling back to check and see if the funeral is done. He’ll call you!” *slams phone down*

    (I didn’t hear about this until after my uncle picked me up. But it explained why the manager came back to the room where she was keeping me prisoner and frostily said that I was going to have to wait. She explained that my uncle was at a funeral and “couldn’t be bothered.” I of course knew he was leading it, and tried to explain, but she still didn’t get it. There is a somewhat happy ending: after I left, she belatedly realized she didn’t have enough counselors, and had to cancel all horse sessions for the rest of the summer. That, and the filled out reports for all of us who were fired, got her fired as well.)

    Has You In Stitches

    | MI, USA | Awesome Workers, Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My sister is giving birth and having a very hard time pushing the baby out. Her midwife is snarky and sarcastic, playfully antagonizing the baby for not pulling his weight in the process. We called her ‘nurse Juno’ because of her sense of humor. The baby finally comes out, leaving my poor sister with a third degree tear. My sister cries, when the midwife examines her and says:)

    Nurse Juno: “WHOOPS! We’ve got a vass-hole! D*** it, Junior! Someone, bring me my sewing kit!”

    (Hysterical laughter ensued. My sister was stitched up and recovered nicely!)

    Getting Over Your Rules Is Overruled

    | Robinson, IL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids, Geography, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My grandmother has just passed away. She lived in Georgia, so I can’t afford to travel for the funeral, and neither can some of my other family members that live near me. This happens when I call in to request bereavement time.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling to say I’m not going to be coming in to work for a few days. I just found out that my grandmother passed away.”

    Personnel Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Where’s the funeral going to be?”

    Me: “It’s in Georgia.”

    Personnel Manager: “Oh, really? And you’re going to be travelling that far?”

    Me: “Well, actually, I’m not going to be able to make it to the funeral, but I was hoping to spend some time with some of my other family members that also can’t go.”

    Personnel Manager: *condescendingly* “Sweetie, I can’t approve this. Bereavement time is only for people who have to travel for the funeral.”

    Me: *shocked* “What!? But [Coworker]‘s grandfather died a few months ago and he lived in [next town over] his whole life, and he got bereavement time.”

    Personnel Manager: “Sorry, but I don’t make the rules.”

    (Apparently she did make them up as she wanted to, because when I called the corporate office, they were just as stunned as I was. I ended up getting the full bereavement time, but was so stressed out over the whole ordeal, I barely even left my house.)


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