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  • September's Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Family & Kids

    Knows How To Escalate The Situation

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    (My four-year-old son is scared of escalators. It’s Christmas shopping season and my hands are full of packages and shopping bags. We are at the top of an escalator and I simply don’t have a hand free to pick him up and carry him down that escalator. We’re standing there, arguing about it.)

    Son: “But it will chomp my legs off.”

    Me: “It won’t do that; you’ll be fine.”

    (A young male sales clerk from the store walks up to us.)

    Clerk: “Hey, kid, you’re right. This thing chomped some kid’s legs off just yesterday.”

    (I ended up dragging my packages and my crying child to the elevators way on the other side of the store. It was two more years before that kid would ride an escalator. Thanks a lot, guy.)

    Divorced From The Sale

    | AZ, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Transportation

    (I take my car into the dealership I purchased it from for an oil change and a tire patch. It’s taking a while, and my two-year-old is getting antsy towards the end, so we begin to walk around outside. A salesman catches us.)

    Salesman: “What did you bring in for service today?”

    Me: “It’s [smaller, fuel efficient model].”

    Salesman: *noticing my daughter trotting around* “I see your family is growing. We should look into upgrading you to [SUV model]!”

    Me: “We’re actually getting smaller. Her dad walked out on us four months ago.”

    Salesman: *silent for half a minute, looking embarrassed* “What about [different model]? Still gives room to grow as your little one does!”

    (I was too flabbergasted to do more than nod and smile through the rest of his continued sales pitch until my car was mercifully finished. He was persistent, if nothing else. I’d never seen anyone be able to recover so seamlessly from shoving their own foot in their mouth!)

    Nose To Pick Your Battles

    | KS, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (There is a cashier at the store where I work that is missing most of his nose. An acquaintance of mine and her young son come through his line.)

    Son: “What happened to your nose?”

    (Of course, my friend is mortified.)

    Cashier: “When I was little, my mom told me not to pick it or it would fall off, but I didn’t listen to her.”

    Adopting A Sense Of Humor

    | OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (A friend and I work in the meat department and are always joking or mock-insulting each other. She started saying ‘Your Mom called; she said you’re adopted’ to me when the subject came up one day and she found out I was, in fact, adopted. This has caused no end of amusement to my manager, and when he found out I was adopted, he took me aside to make sure I wasn’t offended. I am not. I love my family and they are the only one I know. This happens during one of our shifts.)

    Coworker: “Can you get the tags for my case? I don’t have time.”

    Me: “I’ll get there when I get there. I have my own work to do, thanks.”

    Coworker: “Ugh! Your Mom called, by the way; she says you’re adopted!”

    (At this point I usually just laugh and the joke ends. This time I turn around and put my hands on my hips and say this while my manager watches.)

    Me: “Well, you know what? At least I was picked and not an accident! Someone wanted me!”

    (My coworker and I started  laughing while my manager shook his head, trying not to.)

    It’s Toughy To Work Out The Taffy

    | MN, USA | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (My three-year-old daughter wants candy while out shopping, so I give her a dollar and tell her to pick out just one. She takes one piece of taffy to the counter to ask how much it is.)

    Daughter: “How much is just one candy, please?”

    Busy Cashier: *thinks a moment* “You know what, if you can wait until you get back out in the hallway, you can have it for free. As a present.”

    Daughter: “Wow! Thank you!”

    (We leave and continue shopping elsewhere, and it’s not till later I realize it was probably easier for the busy cashier to write one taffy off as shrinkage rather than work it out by pound!)

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