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    Category: Family & Kids

    Bring Your Dead Father To Work Day

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Family & Kids

    (A coworker comes into the office with his hands behind his back.)

    Coworker: “I’d like you to meet someone.”

    (There’s nobody else in the building. My coworker then produces a jar containing a white powdery substance.)

    Coworker: “This is my father.”

    (It was part of the ashes from his father’s cremation. My coworker then proceeds to shake the jar back and forth.)

    Coworker: “Listen, you can hear the bones rattling against the glass.”

    Losing Confidence Confidentially

    | UK | Employees, Family & Kids

    (My mother- and father-in-law, both retired, have a bad experience trying to open a joint account at a local branch of a particular bank. They spend two hours answering really personal questions about their finances which don’t seem to have any relevance: e.g. how much do you spend on food each month? The account isn’t even for a loan.)

    Caller: “Hello, could I please speak to Mrs. [In-Law] regarding her recent experience with [Bank]?”

    Father-In-Law: “She’s not at home right now. Would you like to speak to me about my experience as I was with my wife when we opened our joint account?”

    Caller: “No, I’m sorry. I have to speak directly with Mrs. [In-Law] regarding her account.”

    Father-In-Law: “Well, I’m afraid she’s not at home at the moment, so you can speak to me about the account as it is a joint account and I was there with her.”

    Caller: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential. When will Mrs. [In-Law] be home?”

    Father-In-Law: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential.” *click*

    Death Of A Telesalesman

    | CA, USA | Employees, Family & Kids

    (A few years ago, after my mom passes away, I spend a lot of time cleaning out her apartment. The phone rings.)

    Caller: “Is [Mom] available?”

    Me: “This is her daughter. Could I ask how you know my mother?”

    Caller: “I have a great deal to offer her on her long distance service.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, my mother passed away a few days ago. Please remove her from your list.”

    Caller: “So, are you the one making the decisions about long distance service?”

    Me: *swears at the guy and hangs up*

    Her Sub Skills Are Sub-Standard

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, New Hires

    (My cousin is 11. Her dad is the manager of a sandwich shop for half a year. After school she goes to the shop to pick up a sandwich her dad leaves for her. New employees get told of this.)

    Cousin: “Hi, are you new?”

    New Employee: “Yes.”

    Cousin: “I’m [Cousin] and my dad is [Manager]. He always leaves me a sandwich to pick up. Can I have it, please?”

    New Employee: “Go away.”

    Cousin: “Huh?”

    New Employee: “You just want free food. Get out.”

    Cousin: “My daddy didn’t tell you?”

    Employee: “Hey! What are you doing? This is [Cousin]. She came for her sandwich her dad leaves for her. Why are you talking to her like that?”

    New Employee: “How would I know who she is?”

    Employee: “Really? [Manager] always lets us know about her when we’re hired.”

    New Employee: “Well, I wasn’t told.”

    Employee: “That’s odd. I’ll let him know. But that was still rude the way you talked to her.”

    Cousin: “What happened, [Employee]? Can I have my sandwich?”

    Employee: “Of course you can.”

    (It turned out my uncle did tell this new employee; somehow she ‘forgot’ or completely ignored it. She was fired soon after for being rude to people in general.)

    De-Decaf

    | USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (We are underway for a ‘friends and family’ cruise (just one day underway). At the time I am working on the mess decks when I have this conversation with another sailor’s mother:)

    Woman: “Oh, coffee! There’s regular and… is that decaf?”

    Me: “No, ma’am… that’s Navy Brew.”

    Woman: “What’s that?”

    Me: “About twice as strong as regular.”

    Woman: *gasps*

    (Eventually they switched the setup to allow for decaf, but for that first year or so we only had regular and double-strength coffee.)


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