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  • Don’t Just Be Married To Work
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  • Category: Geeks Rule

    Mass Effecting Your Promotion Prospects

    | Elk River, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work behind the counter at a game store, and nothing is happening. I’ve already cleaned the floor and straightened the shelves, so I start singing to myself to pass the time. The song is a version of the ‘Modern Major-General’ song.)

    Me: “I am the very model of a scientist salarian, I study species turian, asari, and batarian. I’m quite good at genetics, as a subset of biology, because I am an expert, which I know is a tautology!”

    (My boss pops out behind me, startling the crap out of me.)


    (Best. Boss. Ever!)

    Any Portal In A Superpower Storm

    | CA, USA | Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (Since it is a slow time of day there are only three of us on the front line, We are chatting while cleaning up.)

    Coworker: “If you could have any super power, what would it be?”

    Me: “Portals.”

    Coworker: “What?”

    Me: “Uh… they’re like doorways you make to anywhere.”

    Coworker: *a little annoyed* “Just say teleporting.”

    Me: “No way. Portals are way better! I can reach through them to grab what I want without leaving the battle, I can make a portal to send others or things through, and while I’m fighting the bad guys I can just stick his head through and close the portal, leaving his head in one place and his body in another!”

    Coworker: *stares at me a moment before turning to another coworker* “So, what would your super power be?”

    Utter The Speech Of Mortals

    | PA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (We’re closing up soon. I have no more clients, so I’m helping the receptionists by taking care of some of the work instead of leaving early.)

    Me: “I returned, to the cycle, the element of life, and extinguished all the beacons of a false God’s hope.”

    Coworker: “… What!?”

    Me: “I dumped out the water for you and turned off all the lights.”

    Coworker: “Oh. Why can’t you just talk normal!?”

    Should Have Trusted In A Good Blaster

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule, Technology, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m sitting at my gate, waiting for my flight to begin boarding, when this announcement comes over the loudspeaker…)

    PA: “Luke Skywalker, if you left you laser sword at security, please come claim it now. Luke Skywalker, if you left your laser sword at security, please come and claim it now…”

    (The whole section cracks up laughing!)

    Hopefully The Next Supply Will Live Long And Prosper

    | FL, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Geeks Rule

    (I work in the deli section of my store. Lately we have been having trouble getting supplies in stock.)

    Me: “Where are all the trash bags?”

    Coworker: “We don’t have any.”

    Me: “Are you serious? Again?!”

    Coworker: “Yup.”

    Me: “I’m going to head over to bakery and see if they have any.”

    Coworker: “Not gonna work.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Coworker: “[Baker] is working today. You know how he is. He never helps anybody out.”

    Me: “I know how to handle him. Trust me.”

    (The baker who’s working today happens to be a huge ‘Star Trek’ fan. I head over to the bakery and don’t see him as I proceed to grab a few trash bags, but then he shows up as I’m about to leave.)

    Baker: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

    Me: “Getting bags.”

    Baker: “No, you’re not. Put them back.”

    Me: “We have zero bags at the deli.”

    Baker: “Well, I have almost zero bags here. I can’t let you have any.”

    Me: *deadpan, holding up a Vulcan salute* “It is only logical. The needs of the deli outweigh the needs of the few.”

    (A few seconds pass.)

    Baker: “HA HA! All right, all right. Take your stinkin’ bags.”

    (I can still hear him cracking up as I walk away.)

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