• Very Genderal Humor
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    Category: Geeks Rule

    I Find Your Lack Of Dark Lord Knowledge Disturbing

    | MO, USA | Employees, Geeks Rule

    Me: “Can I borrow Vader?” *referring to a Darth Vader key-ring*

    Employee #1: “That’s the ‘Dark Lord’.”

    (From down the hall.)

    Employee #2: “No, that’s Voldemort.”

    First Boarding For A Galaxy Far Far Away

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule

    (I am traveling with my two partners for the holidays. We arrive at the gate to line up for our flight. The boarding agent makes some announcements about boarding order, and then…)

    Boarding Agent: “…since I don’t have my hands full for boarding assistance today, the first person who asks me a Star Wars trivia question I can’t answer can have priority boarding.”

    (I turn to my partners with an extremely excited face. They give me the thumbs up. I walk to the front.)

    Me: “Who was Leia’s suitor in ‘The Courtship of Princess Leia’?”

    Boarding Agent: *thinks for a moment* “Prince Isolder. But I’m still impressed you asked me something so obscure, so you and your group can board the plane now. Also, is that a Doctor Who scarf you’re wearing?”

    Me: “Got it in one.”

    (We board the plane, before the eyes of a nonplussed crowd.)

    Likes His Coffee Extra Dark

    | HI, USA | Awesome Workers, Employees, Geeks Rule

    (I am buying a drink from a common coffee shop. After giving my order, the employee asks:)

    Employee: “And what was your name?”

    Me: *deadpan* “I am Lord Voldemort.”

    (We share a laugh.)

    Me: “I gave my name as ‘Hermione Granger’ once, but the barista ended up writing ‘Lord Voldemort’ on the cup. I’ve used that ever since.”

    Employee: “You know, I’m going to buy your drink for you, seeing as you’re the Dark Lord and all.”

    Me: “Wow, thank you! The Dark Lord is pleased.”

    My Internet Has Gone All Adava Kedavra

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Coworkers, Employees, Geeks Rule, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I recently moved across the country from California to New York. I’ve filed a move request with my ISP but don’t have an Internet connection when I arrive in my new apartment, so I call them up to try to resolve this. After giving them all my information, they explain the problem.)

    Customer Service #1: “Okay, so I’m looking at your order here. I see that two weeks ago you opened a new account with us.”

    Me: “Well, I moved. Does that count as a new account?”

    Customer Service #1: “Well, you can process it like that, or just as a move. It’s up to you.”

    Me: “I don’t care how it’s done; I just want to get online in my new apartment.”

    Customer Service #1: “You should be online as of yesterday. Have you tried restarting your router?”

    Me: “Yes, and my computer. There’s no connection.”

    Customer Service #1: “Well, something MUST be wrong on your end, because I see here that we started Internet service at [California address] yesterday.”

    Me: “No, that’s my OLD address. I don’t live there any more.”

    Customer Service #1: “Uhh… hold on.”

    Customer Service #2: “Hello, my name is [Name]. Unfortunately, ma’am, we can’t turn your Internet service on at [California address] because you have yet to pass a credit check.”

    Me: “Huh? I already passed that when I first got my connection, and I don’t live there anymore!”

    Customer Service #2: “It doesn’t matter if you don’t live there. You still need to pass the check.”

    Me: “I’m trying to add service at [New York address], not [California address].”

    Customer Service #2: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t help you with that. Please hold.”

    Customer Service #3: “Hi, my name is [Name]. I’m sorry, but I’m a bit confused. Why are you opening a second account if you already have an account?”

    Me: “I’m not! I’m moving from [California address] to [New York address]. Something went wrong when I filed the move request.”

    Customer Service #3: “Something sure DID go wrong! Okay, I’ve put an order in to move your old account to your new address. We have to deal with this new order someone put in place.”

    Me: “Okay. Can we just cancel it?”

    Customer Service #3: “Hmm… no, I can’t cancel it because the credit check is still pending. You know what though? I can resolve this.” *I hear her typing for a few seconds* “There we go. I can’t cancel it, but I’m allowed to update it. Let’s see if they pass a credit check for Mr. Lord Voldemort, with no social security number, at address #1 Please Cancel This Order Road.”

    (My Internet turns on soon, and I don’t hear any more of the issue for a few days until I get a phone call asking me to rate my customer service interaction.)

    Phone Robot: “Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey. Please press ‘1’ if I am speaking to: LORD VOLDEMORT.”

    I Want To Return This Item To The Past

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Geeks Rule

    (I am an artist working primarily with fancy art markers that you buy individually. I am looking for a particular color marker I need to finish a project. The first store I visit is sold out so I go to a second store.)

    Cashier: *after searching the inventory* “Yeah, sorry. It looks like we’re sold out of that color right now.”

    Me: “The last store was out of that color, too. Someone out there must also be doing a marker project and is using a large amount of the exact color I need and they came in and bought all of this color marker in all the art supply stores before me!”


    Me: *bursts out laughing*

    Cashier: *shrugs* “I just thought I’d throw a plot twist in there.”

    (I’ve never laughed so hard at not finding what I wanted.)

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