(Note: I work as IT support for hospitals and private practices.)

Me: “Thanks for calling. How may I help you?”

Nurse: “The doctor’s computer is broken.”

Me:  ”What’s wrong with it?”

Nurse:  ”Documents are no longer printing. Everything worked fine this morning. I think it’s gremlins.”

(I chuckle at the reference and get connected to her computer. It’s a simple fix, so it doesn’t take me long at all.)

Me: “There you go. Good as new.”

Nurse: “It’s working! What did you do?”

Me: “I opened the blinds and flooded the computer with sunlight, hopefully killing off all the gremlins!”

Nurse: *laughs* “Well, okay. Anything I can do to prevent this issue in the future?”

Me: “Don’t feed your computer after midnight?”

Manager: “Stop helping!”

Me: “What?”

Manager: “You need to stop helping!”

Me: “With what?”

Manager: “Everything!”

Me: “Um… why?”

Manager: “[Employee] has only worked here three weeks and he talks nonstop about how you’re such a good worker. So, you need to stop helping!”

Me: “Why not just tell him to stop?”

Manager: “I tried that. All he does is talk about how good of a worker you are… and a little bit about the Avengers, which he hasn’t even seen.”

Me: “Okay…”

Manager: “Stop helping!”

(I am the author of this story on Not Always Right. I am in a popular book shop some 30 minutes away from home with my best friend. At the time, I am wearing a Marvel shirt with Loki on the front, and the phrase “I DO WHAT I WANT.” We approach the counter with film magazines. Our cashier is a woman who appears to be in her mid-thirties to early forties.)

Cashier: “Is this all for you today?”

My Friend: “It is, thanks.”

(I turn to browse through the pages of one of the magazines, as I indicate that we won’t be needing a bag. The cashier gives me a strange look and points at my shirt.)

Cashier: “What are you wearing?”

Me: “Marvel’s Loki. ”

Cashier: *stares*

Me: “God of Mischief? Brother of Thor? Portrayed by British actor Tom Hiddleston in Kenneth Branagh’s Thor and Joss Whedon’s The Avengers?”

My Friend: *sighs* “Just say yes. Otherwise, she’ll never shut up about him.” *coughs* “OBSESSED!”

Cashier: “…Isn’t he supposed to be the devil?”

Me: “Pretty much. But, come on. Tom’s Loki is one hell of a looker.”

Cashier: *backs away* “You worship the devil!!”

(Surprised by the cashier’s reaction, my friend and I exchange a look.)

My Friend: “Oh, come on! Yeah, Marvel consumes her life, but it’s just a bunch of comics.”

(The cashier screams and waves her arms.)

Cashier: “DEVIL WORSHIPPERS! MAY GOD FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR SINS!”

(At this point, my friend is yelling back and demanding to speak with the store manager. Leaning close to the counter, I stare the cashier in the eye with a straight face.)

Me: *deadpan and demonic* “PREPARE YOURSELF, FOR THE TIME OF THE DARK LORD HAS COME.”

(My friend stares in shock as the cashier bolts, drawing even more attention as the manager arrives to finish the transaction and apologize. Apparently, the woman has a history of jumping to severe conclusions, and has hair-trigger nerves.)

My Friend: “Why didn’t you just tell her off?”

Me: “Well, you know what they say: the Devil plays all the best tunes.”

(“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” has just been released on DVD. I go to the register not only with The Hobbit DVD but two other DVDs, groceries and snacks.)

Clerk: *scans Hobbit DVD* “A good choice.”

Me:  ”Of course. This one is a must.”

(The clerk finishes ringing up the items.)

Clerk: “Your total is [total], but everyone who buys The Hobbit gets a special discount from me.”

(The clerk pulls out the staff discount card and rings it up. I get discounted for all my purchases as if I worked there.)

Clerk: “No one will make any comments about me giving some discount anyway!”

(This discount turned out to be 10%-15% of the total purchase. Go Ringers!)

(Note: my husband and I are huge Lord of the Rings fans, and as such my engagement ring is one of the rings from the book; my wedding ring is the one ring itself. This happens when a co-worker notices them for the first time.)

Co-worker: “I hate people who pretend to like things so they can look nerdy.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Co-worker: “You know the one ring is gold, right, not silver? You’re just a stupid fake fangirl trying to get attention. I know so much more about Lord of the Rings than you do!”

Me: “Yes, I know the one ring is gold, in fact my husbands wedding ring is in gold. However, I much prefer the colour silver on my skin. Plus it matches Nenya.”

Co-worker: “Who the f*** is Nenya?”

Me: “The ring of Water… Galadriel’s ring of power. It’s mentioned quite heavily in the books, but is only mentioned in the extended edition of the movie.”

Co-worker: “Whatever, now you’re just making things up.”

(The next day, he comes in first thing in the morning, and this happens.)

Co-worker: “So I looked it up last night. Turns out you were right about Nenya.”

Me: “Thanks, I think you owe me an apology.”

Co-worker: “I owe you nothing. Just cause you can use google doesn’t make you any less fake.”

(Lucky for me, he transferred to another department a month later. That didn’t stop him from calling me “Faker” whenever he needed me, though!)