• Very Genderal Humor
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    Category: Health & Body

    Voicing The Concerns Of The Sick

    | Surrey, England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (I’ve lost my voice. The plans for shifts are done the next day. My sister and I work for the same site so my sister calls in on my behalf.)

    Sister: “Hi, this is [Sister].”

    Manager: “Hey, is everything okay?”

    Sister: “I’m fine but [My Name] has lost her voice. She wanted you to know because it may affect her at work tomorrow.”

    Manager: “Get [My Name] to call tomorrow if she still feels bad.”

    Sister: “Uh… how is she supposed to call in if she has lost her voice?”

    Very Genderal Humor

    | USA | Employees, Health & Body

    (A good friend of mine is female-to-male (FTM) transgender, and because of consistent hormone use, he looks nothing like a female anymore. He even wears a big, bushy beard, and so is never mistaken for a female. However, transitional surgeries are expensive, and as such, he still has his original female organs.  One night he is stricken with abdominal pain, and I drive him to the ER to have it checked out. While his transitioning state is not necessary knowledge in all cases, he lets the intake nurse know, just in case it comes up as a culprit. Later in the evening, he is asked to drop his pants for one test, and the doctor is surprised by what she sees.)

    Friend: “Nobody told you I was FTM, did they?”

    Doctor: “No. No, they did not.”

    (Amused, he texts me in the waiting room about this scenario.)

    Me: “Maybe the intake nurse was punking the doctor.”

    Friend: “LOL.”

    (Later that morning, he is admitted and waiting the results of more tests when he texts me to come sit with him in his room. There, he tells me about the conversation that he had with the doctor who took his CT scans:)

    Doctor: “Sooo… I got the images back from your scans and, well… we may have to have an awkward conversation…”

    (My friend, who has been sitting in the ER with mysterious pain for a good nine hours at this point, is apprehensive.)

    Doctor: “We have several possibilities as to what is causing this pain. It might be your appendix, which is ever-so-slightly inflamed. Or… it may be cysts… on your ovaries…”

    (There’s a pause as my friend grins at the doctor’s strange tone.)

    Friend: “Nobody told you I was FTM, did they?”

    Doctor: “No, they did not. That’s a relief, though. I thought I was going to have to tell you that you have ovaries!”

    (I still maintain that those ER doctors were punking each other!)

    These Forms Are To Be Signed With Blood

    | Italy | Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Language & Words

    (My job consists of handling subcontracts for my company. Typically the customers require a lot of documents before giving the go-ahead, including our workers’ training certificates, vaccination cards, and so on. One day I receive this call…)

    Caller: “Good morning, this is [Customer Company]. We’ll need the DNA from one of your workers.”

    Me: “Uhm. First, is this even legal, and second, how am I supposed to send it to you?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “How do I get DNA from our worker, provided that he allows me to do that, and how do I physically transfer it to you?”

    Caller: “You can download it from the Employment Office website, fill in with your worker’s details, and send it via email or fax.”

    (The penny drops…)

    Me: “Oh, so you’re telling me DNA is a form?”

    Caller: “Sure, it’s the (Italian for: Declaration of New Hiring)… Wait, you thought we wanted actual DNA from the guy?”

    Me: “It wouldn’t be the strangest request I’ve had.”

    A Test Question

    | Norway | Norway | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Job Seekers

    (Though I originally applied for a job in tech support, I am given an interview in the sales division. It’s not what I’d hoped for, but I need the money. Note: I am straight edge, meaning I do not drink, smoke, or use drugs.)

    Interviewer: “What kind of music do you listen to?”

    Me: “Uh… I listen to anything, really, but I lean towards classical music, musicals, or stuff like [Band].”

    Interviewer: “[Band]? I’ve never heard of them.”

    Me: “Most Norwegians haven’t. They’re US-based, and better known there.”

    Interviewer: “I ask because I want to know if you’ll be a good fit with the rest of the team. We listen to a lot of music. Mostly techno and similar genres. Would you object to that?”

    Me: “Not really. I listen to a variety of music.”

    Interviewer: “Good. Next question, do you use drugs?”

    Me: *taken by surprise by the question* “What?! No!”

    Interviewer: “Oh, it’s no problem if you do. We just need to know, so we can tell you when there’s drug tests.”

    (I’m not really sure what their reasoning with that was, and I had self control enough not to point out it defeated the point of drug tests.)

    Brace Yourself For A Long Wait

    | CA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I am 13-years old and getting a check up on my braces. The orthodontist is from out-of-town and only comes in two days a week. He has been beating around the bush for a while on when I can get the braces off, but he finally tells me that it’s time to remove them. My mother goes to make an appointment with the receptionist.)

    Mom: “Hi there! Dr. [Orthodontist] said [My Name] can finally get the braces off!”

    Receptionist: *typing on her computer* “Yes, I heard.”

    Mom: “So… when can we make that appointment for?”

    Receptionist: “Mm. I don’t know. Dr. [Orthodontist] is booked for the next few months.”

    Mom: “Excuse me? I thought that he would have some time open to make this appointment… that he just recommended.”

    Receptionist: “Well, it looks like there’s some time in the schedule for [a date three months from now]. It might not be enough time to remove the braces, though. That’s quite a long procedure.”

    Mom: “Woah! That’s a long way off! Are you sure you don’t have anything sooner?”

    Receptionist: *glaring at Mom* “Dr. [Orthodontist] is very busy. He’s doing this town a huge favor by coming up here, out of the goodness of his heart. You should be grateful that he can make time for you at all.”

    Mom: *speechless*

    (We took the appointment with the understanding that we would be at the top of the wait list for an earlier one. I got the braces off only a month later, but my mom still laughs about “the goodness of the orthodontist’s heart.”)

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