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  • The Longest Year
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    Category: Health & Body

    The Drugs Don’t Work And Neither Do You

    , | Nashville, TN, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (A woman sits down across from me at Starbucks, at an interview for a teaching position. Before I can even get a word in, she bursts out with this…)

    Woman: “Do y’all drug test? Because I can’t pass one and I don’t plan on being able to anytime soon.”

    Me: “I think we’re done here…”

    (Shortest. Interview. Ever.)

    First Day Shake Downs

    | ON, Canada | Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (I go for a job interview at an office and as I’m early stop off in the bathroom to check my appearance. While I’m there someone uses a stall and then walks out without washing her hands. I find this really gross, but don’t dare say anything. Five minutes later I go to the interview room:)

    Interviewer: “Hello, I’m [Interviewer]. You must be [My Name].” *holds out hand to shake*

    (Guess whose hand I had to shake?)

    Didn’t Really Apply Himself

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Health & Body, Job Seekers, Theme Of The Month

    (While working one day, a gentleman comes in. From the floor up, he was wearing: sandals, dirty, stained shorts which were sagging, dirty boxers that I wish I hadn’t seen, a dirty, stained, hole-filled wifebeater and a stained shirt. To top it off, he was unshaven and had multiple piercings and gauges in each ear.)

    Him: *pulling a stained, creased, application out of his pocket* “Yeah, I wanna see about getting a job.”

    Me: *barely wanting to touch his application* “I’ll review this and get back to you.”

    (I may have lost his application.)

    Will Be Saying Bye Bye Baby In June

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Job Seekers

    (I am applying for a temporary office position. I am seven months pregnant and wearing an obvious maternity outfit. The interviewer is a young man.)

    Interviewer: “You do realize that this is only a temporary position.”

    Me: “Well, yes. I can only work until about the second week of June anyway.”

    Interviewer: “Why, what will be happening in June?”

    Me: *pointing down at abdomen*This is happening.”

    Interviewer: “Um, what?…”

    (I did eventually get through to him that I was pregnant, and I did get the job!)

    Giving A Speech About The Therapy

    | Germany | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I work as a speech therapist. We get a lot of children with speech impediments, and it often takes several months to fix them. However, the doctor has to prescribe speech therapy. On the prescription it says how many sessions the patient can attend before the doctor has to consult us on the progress. Usually, it is ten sessions, which means the patient comes ten times, and then the doctor gets a report from us on the therapy so he can issue a new prescription. Regularly, a child will get about sixty sessions in total. All of it is covered by the patient’s health insurance. I call a mother to make a new appointment after she missed the last few ones.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [Practice]. I’d like to set up an appointment for your son as you seem to have missed the last one.”

    Mother: “Yeah, I would have called today anyway.”

    (I highly doubt that, because I’ve tried to get a hold of her for almost four weeks.)

    Me: “So first of all, I am sorry to inform you that your regular date is now given to someone else, as you didn’t show up several times without giving notice and I just couldn’t keep it for you any longer because we have a lot of patients waiting. But I do have another free slot, so how about next Tuesday at 1:30?”

    Mother: “No, it can’t be in the afternoon. I have to work till seven.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see… How about Thursday, at nine?”

    Mother: “Isn’t there anything earlier?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not. This is the only date in the morning I can offer.”

    Mother: “But my son has to go to kindergarten!”

    Me: “I am sure the kindergarten won’t complain if [Boy] misses an hour.”

    Mother: “No way! I pay a lot of money every month! I refuse to let [Boy] miss a WHOLE DAY!”

    Me: “Our session is about forty minutes. Can’t you just bring him to kindergarten after that?”

    Mother: If he doesn’t get there in time, he won’t go there at all. I’d have to bring him here first and then go get him and bring him to kindergarten. Do you know how tedious that is?

    Me: “I am sorry, but these two dates are the only ones available. Plus, [Boy] hasn’t been here in a month. It is really important to keep his appointments regularly. Otherwise, I’ll have to start from scratch every time and we won’t make progress.”

    Mother: “That’s ridiculous! We’ve been here six times, so there’s only four sessions left anyway until we’re done. No need to overreact like this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. The ‘ten’ on the prescription refers to the amount of sessions we can give before the doctor wants to see how it is going. We will definitely need some more than these first ten sessions to correct his impediment.”

    Mother: “WHAT! This is not what the doctor told me! He told me it is ten sessions and then we’re good. You’re scamming me!”

    Me: “Again, I am really sorry, but I doubt the doctor really told you that ten were enough. It takes some time.”

    Mother: “Speaking of it, you took this test with my son and now it says my son can’t speak properly at all. I can’t believe it! [Boy] IS NOT DUMB! He talks just fine; he just mixes k and t sometimes. Just tell him how to say it right. It won’t take that long.”

    Me: “But that’s not how it works. Sorry. Imagine someone told you from now on you’ll have to replace, let’s say, every R with a W. Do you really think you’d get used to the new rules that quick? Plus, [Boy] can’t even hear the difference between these two phones.”

    Mother: “So what? When he gets to school he will eventually get it.”

    Me: “Speaking from experience, children with speech impediments have a lot of problems learning to read and write. They often have to repeat the first year. So, actually, it is better to treat it now because later it will be more difficult and take longer to make progress.”

    Mother: “I don’t believe you. My son is not stupid! You just want to make money off him! I will talk to his doctor again!”

    Me: “If you want to talk about how long it takes, he won’t tell you-”

    Mother: “THIS IS NONE OF YOU F****** BUSINESS!

    (She continues to rant a few more minutes, then calms down a bit.)

    Mother: “So, we will be there next week at [the old, no longer available date].”

    Me: “If you can’t bring him to either of the two dates I offered you, there’s nothing else I can do for you. Your old, regular date was given to another patient.”

    Mother: “This is outrageous! It was OUR date! I quit!”

    Me: “Yes, it was reserved specifically for your son, but you didn’t show up four times in a row, and didn’t bother to tell us, so I sat there and waited for you. And you hung up on me every time I called you. You may remember the first session when you signed our conditions?”

    Mother: “Yeah, so what about it?”

    Me: “You agreed to privately pay every session you missed without telling us beforehand. So that’s about 230€ you owe us. I’ll send you the bill in the mail.”

    (Suddenly, Thursday, nine o’clock was good enough for her, and she actually showed up. She acted like nothing happened. I’m curious if she will keep her appointments from now on.)


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