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    Category: Health & Body

    Uncooked Pigs Don’t Fly With Me

    | NY, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My friend and I decide to eat at a Russian restaurant we have never eaten at before. We order some dumplings and a ‘Georgian sausage.’ The sausage, which is made of pork, is a very large one, which we share. It is when I cut into the center and try it that I realize it is still quite raw on the inside. We call over the waiter.)

    Me: “Excuse me, this sausage is undercooked, it’s still raw in the center.” *show the sausage*

    Waiter: “This is fine. It is cooked.”

    Me: “No, it’s not, and this sausage is made of pork, which is dangerous to serve undercooked like this.”

    Waiter: “The sausage is cooked. If you wanted it well done, you should have asked for it well done!”

    (We left without tipping, as we shouldn’t have to ask for pork to be ‘well done’!)

    Someone Needs Some Brain Surgery

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I had a morning appointment where the doctor scheduled a surgery for a month later. At the time, he requested that I make my post-op appointment on my way out, so that I would be on his schedule and get the time I wanted. Later in the day, I noticed that the receptionist scheduled the appointment for two weeks PRIOR to my surgery, so I called in.)

    Receptionist: “[Doctor]’s office. How can I help you?”

    Me: “Hi! I was in earlier today and [Doctor] recommended a surgery. We’ve scheduled that for date], and he asked that I also schedule my post-op for two weeks after [date]. But, I just checked my appointment card, and you’ve scheduled me for two weeks BEFORE my surgery.”

    Receptionist: “Well, ma’am, I see here that you are scheduled for a post-op appointment on [date]. That is two weeks after your surgery.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but it’s two weeks BEFORE. My surgery is [date next month].”

    Receptionist: “No, I have you here for surgery today. You had surgery this morning.”

    Me: “No, I didn’t. I think I would remember a major surgery requiring general anesthesia…”

    Receptionist: “My records say you had surgery today.”

    Me: “Well, your records are wrong. Can you please update them and reschedule my post-op appointment to [date in six weeks].”

    Receptionist: “No, your records say your surgery was today, so your post-op must be in two weeks.”

    Me: “Can I talk to the nurse?”

    Has No Problem With Their Drinking Problem

    | London, England, UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (My friend is leaving to join the army and he and I both go out for a couple leaving drinks. My friend offers to buy the first round.)

    Friend: “Hiya, can I get… two ‘Irish Car-bombs,’ please.”

    (Those who don’t know what this is, it’s a half pint of Guinness served with a shot of Baileys with Jameson whiskey floated on top. The shot is dropped into the pint and then the whole thing has to be thrown back at once before the baileys curdles in the Guinness.)

    Me: “That’s it. I’m done. I hate Irish Car-bombs. LIKE, REALLY HATE THEM!”

    Friend: “Nope, you need to stay. Just this one and then were on normal drinks.”

    Me: “Fine. Let’s just get it over with.”

    (The girl behind the bar at this point has been silent.)

    Bar Girl #1: “Sorry, but what is an Irish Car bomb?”

    (My friend proceeded to explain the whole concoction in explicit detail and even help her float the whiskey on the shots. At this point a small crowd of bar staff has gathered to watch the show.)

    Me: “Dude… what have you done?! We have an audience now!”

    (At this point I think I’m safe, since I recognise the manager walking along the bar I’m hoping he will tell his staff to get back to work.)

    Manager: “What are we watching?”

    Me: “S***!”

    (As I prepare to drop the shot into the Guinness a cute girl at the bar chips in.)

    Bar Girl #2: “Good luck, sir.”

    (Never before has man been under such pressure to not screw up drinking. I drop the shot and neck the drink in what I consider record time only for more or less the whole bar to erupt into applause, young drinkers and older ones alike applauding. The guy at the bar pipes up.)

    Bar Guy: “Same again, lads?”

    Got Their Flatlines Crossed

    | Bethpage, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My wife is in labor with our first child. The fetal heart monitor has flat-lined. I rush into the hallway and find the nurses drinking coffee at their desk.)

    Me: “My baby’s heart is flatlined. We need help right away!”

    (They take their time to come down the hall. By the time they arrive, the baby’s heart is beating again. They check the records.)

    Nurse: “The machine was acting up. It was nothing.”

    (About five minutes later, the monitor flatlines again. This time the nurses come running. The doctor approaches me.)

    Doctor: “The baby is in distress. We could lose the baby and we could quite possibly lose your wife. What do you think we should do?”

    Me: *flabbergasted* “I think one of us went to medical school, and I sure as h*** hope it was you!”

    (My wife had no further complications and we are proud parents to a healthy baby girl.)

    A Completely Different Kettle Of Fish

    | NY, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I work in my university’s dining hall. Though most employees are students, not all are. I am the cashier and am using the slow period to do some reading for an upper-level literature course. Coworker, who is not a student, walks by.)

    Coworker: “Hey, whatcha reading?”

    Me:The Hermaphrodite.”

    Coworker: “Oh, never heard of it.” *begins to walk away, then stops* “Is that about a fish?”


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