• Re-Dressing The Sauce
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  • July's Theme Of The Month: Thrown Under The Bus!

    Category: Health & Body

    Think Before You Ink

    | McCook, NE, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

    (I go into a doctor’s surgery about a terrible cough.)

    Doctor: “Right, we just need to look you over; won’t be a minute.”

    (After a quick examination, I see him frowning.)

    Me: “What is it?”

    Doctor: “You need to get tested for HIV and hepatitis.”

    Me: *as I am a virgin* “What?!”

    Doctor: “Your tattoo. You may have had a dirty needle poking you. I need the address of where you got that.”

    Me: “Listen, I—”

    Doctor: “And since you have tattoos, it’s likely you’ve used drugs at one point, so we need to check you for HIV.”

    Me: “Look—”

    Doctor: “You young people think you’re never getting these diseases, but you do; I’ve seen a LOT of young people who got illnesses from needles—”

    Me: “It’s a rub-on!”

    Repeating Until You’re Unconscious

    | England, UK | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I’m walking down the main club street in my city and I see a woman crying and clearly in pain. She suddenly bends double and clutches her chest. I stop and ask if she needs an ambulance. After a quick chat to make sure she’s not just drunk, I dial 999.)

    Me: “Hello, I need an ambulance to outside [Business] on [Street]. I have a woman here with chest pains and breathing trouble.”

    Operator: “I don’t have the address. Which city are you in? What’s the street name again?”

    Me: “It’s [City] on [Street] outside the [Business]. It’s okay; it’s the main street. The drivers will know it.”

    Operator: “Do you have a postcode? I can’t find the location on my map.”

    Me: “No, I don’t have the postcode, but it’s one of the main streets.”

    (I give her a lot more landmarks, including a well-known hotel opposite us.)

    Operator: “I need a postcode.”

    Me: “Oh, for goodness sake, just send the driver to where I’ve JUST said. The ambulance station is only a minute or two away! They’ll know where it is.”

    Operator: “OK, is the woman conscious?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Operator: “Is she breathing?”

    (Yes, she’s conscious, breathing, and standing up. She’s breathing funny and is complaining of chest pains.)

    Operator: “Can she speak?”

    Me: “Yes, but she’s distressed and moaning in pain.”

    Operator: “Has she taken any drugs in the past 24 hours?”

    Me: *to the woman* “Have you taken any drugs?”

    Woman: “Yes, prescription antibiotics called [Name]. I was told if I had this reaction I was to go back to hospital.”

    Me: *to operator* “Yes, [Name].”

    Operator: “Is she conscious?”

    Me: “YES!”

    Operator: “Has she taken any drugs in the past 24 hours?”

    Me: *getting a bit frustrated* “YES. I don’t know her personally; she’s a stranger but she’s just told me she HAS taken antibiotics called [Name] and she’s been warned about these side effects. Are you sending the ambulance?”

    Operator: “Yes, but I’ll need to know where you are.”

    (At this point, a couple of police officers who have been watching from over the road saunter over to see what’s going on.)

    Operator: “Is she conscious?”

    Me: “YES! She’s standing up and moaning in pain.”

    Operator: “I’m going to need to you take her pulse… I’ll teach you to do that.”

    Me: *shoving my phone into an officer’s hand* “Here’s a police officer but for GOODNESS SAKE SEND AN AMBULANCE!”

    (The police officer then went on to recite the exact information I’d just given, just as the ambulance arrived!)

    The Company Ran Out Of Gas

    | AL, USA | Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (My husband and I live in a farmhouse in the country. We frequently smell natural gas in the area and have called the company several times over a period of months. You can smell it around a certain intersection in a car. If the wind is right, the smell can be so strong it can almost knock you out.)

    Me: “Hi, there is a strong smell of gas in [area].”

    Operator: “Please do not plug or un-plug electronic devices and we will have someone over to investigate.”

    (Several weeks later…)

    Me: “Hi, we still smell gas.”

    Operator: “Please do not plug or un-plug electronic devices and we will have someone over to investigate.”

    (Several weeks later…)

    Me: “Hi, we still smell gas.”

    Operator: “Yeah, there’s a gas leak somewhere around there. We haven’t been able to find it, though.”

    Me: “…So, are you guys working on it?”

    Operator: “We can’t do anything more than look for it. We haven’t found it, so we can’t fix it.”

    Me: “…So there is definitely a gas leak in our area, but you can’t find it, so it’s just going to keep leaking?”

    Operator: “Yes.”

    (We moved shortly after that. We’ve been back to the area several times since then and it still smells of gas.)

    Pancakes Can Cure All

    | AK, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body

    (I am working at a major breakfast chain as a waiter, on night shift. One of my coworkers was a diabetic, and I have a history of hypoglycemic episodes. Thankfully, [Diabetic] knows the signs. This occurred on a prom night, after I’d just spent two and a half hours running food and drinks to a group of 35.)

    Diabetic: “[My Name], you’re getting derpy. First time I’ve seen you get a drink wrong in months!”

    Me: “I’m fine.”

    Diabetic: “No, you’re not fine.” *calling out louder* “[Manager], get over here and make [My Name] go sit down! He’s derping out!”

    Me: “I’m not derping out!”

    Manager: “His girlfriend’s over there; get his kit from her.”

    Me: “I’m not derping out, [Diabetic]’s derping out! She just brought that short stack to the wrong table!”

    (Manager grabs both of us by the ears, drags us to the break room, and makes us test our blood sugar. Diabetic’s meter shows 300, mine shows 20.)

    Manager: “Okay, you!” *points at [Diabetic]* “Insulin, now. You!” *points at me* “Pancakes, now. And when you’re done eating, give her half your pancreas!”

    Periodic Bathroom Breaks

    | Vista, CA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I am the only female shift lead in the art department of a coupon magazine. My supervisor comes to me with a request:)

    Supervisor: “Can you go ask [Female Coworker] why she is making a lot of trips to the restroom?”

    Me: “No.”

    (I guessed at the reason why, but I wasn’t going to say it.)

    Supervisor: “You have to; you are the lead. I need to make sure she’s not on drugs.”

    (I just stare at him. Not wanting to get into an argument with him about the legality of the question and his reasons, I go find my coworker. I explained to her what he asked. Luckily she has a pretty good sense of humor.)

    Me: “So, you want me to be obnoxious in my answer?”

    Coworker: “Go for it.”

    (At my desk, from across the room from my supervisor’s desk, I yell out:)

    Me: “Hey, [Supervisor]! [Female Coworker] is on the rag, hence the numerous restroom trips!”

    (He never asked me to do that again…)

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