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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Money

    Swearing You Into A Job

    | MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids, Money

    (A group of people from work decide to get together at a restaurant down the street after work on Friday. I get out early and have to pick my husband up at the airport a little after dinner. I have my daughter with me. My manager has been working on cutting down on swearing.  It is a running joke among us at work and because my daughter is there, he is REALLY trying to not swear. I just went outside with a couple of other people and come back to hear this:)

    Daughter: “… You owe me money.”

    Manager: “What?”

    Daughter: “You owe me two dollars.”

    Manager: “For what?”

    Daughter: “You swore.”

    Manager: “Wait, I didn’t agree to this.”

    Daughter: “You owe me two dollars.”

    Manager: “How did this happen? I didn’t agree to that.”

    Daughter: “Yes, you did. We had a deal.”

    (She reaches over, grabs his hand, and shakes it.)

    Daughter: “See, we shook on it. We have a deal. You owe me two dollars!”

    Manager: “…”

    Manager: “You’re ten, right? Come see me in eight years; I’m giving you a job.”

    It’s Credit-Crunch Time

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I do most of the bill collecting calls at our company. I call people many times to warn them that if they don’t pay by a certain date we send them to collections. A call comes in from a person we already sent messages to, which goes to my coworker, who is not the brightest crayon.)

    Coworker: *puts the caller on hold* “So, this person says they told you they were sending a check and thought you would stop them from going to collections.”

    Me: “Yeah, I remember them. I told them I can’t stop them from being sent. If they had sent a check the day I talked to them it would have gotten here before the cut off so they obviously didn’t send it.”

    Coworker: *confused* “Well, now they want to know why they should pay it if we already sent them.”

    Me: “Are you just telling me that’s what they said, or are you asking me to explain to you why they should still pay the bill?”

    Coworker: “Well… I mean… Why would they pay it if we already sent them?”

    Me: “Do you seriously need me to explain to you how credit works and why it’s in a persons best interest to pay what they owe?”

    (My coworker sits there staring at her desk like she’s trying to remember something very important. I can see the hamster is dying from exhaustion on the wheel. Then she slowly says:)

    Coworker: “Sooo… if… they… don’t pay… that’s still… bad?”

    Me: “I’m going to take the call from here. I seriously hope you don’t have a credit card.”

    Staying Late For Their Baggage

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Money

    (We have a sale on just after Christmas. All stock is 40% off but IT gets it wrong and discount items even more. Coworkers go mad after closing to buy stuff.)

    Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], what do you think of this handbag?”

    Me: “Um, it’s ugly.”

    Coworker #1: “But I really want to buy a bag when they are so discounted!”

    (Coworker #2 walks up.)

    Coworker #1: “Hey, [Coworker #2], what do you think of this bag?”

    Coworker #2: “It’s ugly.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, I know it’s ugly, but the lining fabric inside is really nice, and I will be looking inside it more often than looking at the outside. And they are only $11.99!”

    Coworker #2: “REALLY?” *dives into the bags to choose several ugly handbags for herself*

    (Both coworkers turn to me and tell me I need to get some for myself. Both also state their husbands are going to kill them for buying so much. Coworker #2 asks Coworker #1 to pay for hers so her husband won’t find out. They keep me back 45 minutes because I am the only one who can serve them. The next morning, it’s my job to tidy the mess they made on the handbag table.)

    Me: *next to Coworker #1* “Hey, look! I found a bag I almost like”.

    Outsourced And Out Of The Way

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Money

    (I work for a company that recently laid off a large number of people from our creative department. We often have insane demands put upon us.)

    Boss: “Why hasn’t this original illustration been finished yet?”

    Me: “Well there are only two of us covering all of our clients’ projects right now. Things are going to take longer than usual.”

    Boss: “Just send it to an outsourced artist.”

    Me: “Actually, we owe all of the illustrators on our roster quite a bit of money at the moment. They won’t work with us on a new design until we pay them.”

    Boss: “Well that’s not going to happen any time soon! Just find someone we’ve never worked with before to do it.”

    Me: “And just increase the names of people we’re in debt to?”

    Boss: “Yep!”

    Me: “But—”

    Boss: “You’re doing a great job. Talk to you later!”

    (This is pretty much how we do business with everyone. No wonder they had to lay so many people off!)

    Taxing Taxing, Part 2

    | CA, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Money, Top

    (I’m a graduate student from New Mexico attending San Diego State University in California. It’s my second year in state when I get a call from the California equivalent of the IRS.)

    Tax Board: “We are calling because you didn’t pay your taxes for the previous year.”

    Me: “For which year?”

    Tax Board: “[Year I first arrived in California].”

    Me: “Yes. I was not a California resident that year.”

    Tax Board: “Yes, but you were living in California.”

    Me: “True, but I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I paid New Mexico state income taxes for that year. I’m a graduate student and since I could not guarantee that I would be staying past the first year, I was maintaining my New Mexico residency in case I didn’t pass through the first year.”

    Tax Board: “But you were still living in California.”

    Me: “But I was not a California resident. What money is this about?”

    Tax Board: “We have a record of interest on [bank account] of $800.”

    Me: “That account is drawn on a bank in New Mexico.”

    Tax Board: “But you were living in California.”

    Me: “But I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I specifically did not move my accounts over nor did I register my car nor get a driver’s license in California until this year. My voter registration was for New Mexico. I was not a California resident.”

    Tax Board: “But you were living in California when you earned the money.”

    Me: “But I was maintaining my New Mexico residency. I was not a resident of California.”

    Tax Board: “But if you are living in California when you earn money, you must pay California taxes on it.”

    Me: “That makes no sense. That means anybody who is physically in California whenever any interest is earned means they owe California income tax and that clearly isn’t true.”

    Tax Board: “But as soon as you started living in California, you owed California income tax on any money you earned. You weren’t just visiting. You were living here.”

    Me: “Wait a minute. It seems every government agency here in California has a different idea of ‘residency.’ The DMV seems to think I needed to register my car as soon as I drove over the border from Arizona. The university says I’m not a resident until I’ve lived here a year. And now you’re telling me that I’m a resident as soon as I earned any money.”

    Tax Board: “Yes, you owe California income tax on money you earned while living in California.”

    Me: “You say I owe taxes on $800 of interest income? That’s what, eight dollars of taxes I owe?”

    Tax Board: “That’s right.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to write you a check for $8 in exchange for a refund of the $10,000 in out-of-state tuition I had to pay.”

    Tax Board: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “If I’m liable for taxes, then I demand the services that those taxes paid for. San Diego State is a state-run institution. It is funded by my tax revenues. I was charged out-of-state tuition. But you, the tax franchise board, are saying that I am a resident of California. Refund me my out-of-state tuition. You can take the eight bucks out of that.”

    Tax Board: “… I think we might be able to overlook this.”

    Related:
    Taxing Taxing


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