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  • Don’t Just Be Married To Work
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  • Category: Musical Mayhem

    Not A Disney Prince

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s a busy day at the cinema, and I am working at the concession stand. There are three primary school classes coming in today: one to watch ‘Thumbelina’ and another two to watch ‘Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.’ My colleague has thoughtfully brought in a tape of Disney music to play over the tannoy and into the halls for the kids. One song is playing as I serve a customer.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium popcorn and a large coke, please.”

    (I turn to get the order when suddenly the music stops and is replaced with a throbbing drumbeat. The colleague who brought the tape in turns pale and runs towards the internal phone to the office.)

    Colleague: “Turn it off! Quick! Turn it off!”

    (Into three auditoriums packed with kids aged in ranges of 5 to 9 comes the strains of Prince singing ‘Sexy Motherf*****.’ The customer looks at me as I struggle valiantly not to burst out laughing.)

    Customer: “Ah, well.  I suppose it’s not something they haven’t heard before.”

    Mass Effecting Your Promotion Prospects

    | Elk River, MN, USA | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work behind the counter at a game store, and nothing is happening. I’ve already cleaned the floor and straightened the shelves, so I start singing to myself to pass the time. The song is a version of the ‘Modern Major-General’ song.)

    Me: “I am the very model of a scientist salarian, I study species turian, asari, and batarian. I’m quite good at genetics, as a subset of biology, because I am an expert, which I know is a tautology!”

    (My boss pops out behind me, startling the crap out of me.)

    Boss: “MY XENOSCIENCE STUDIES RANGE FROM URBAN TO AGRARIAN! I AM THE VE-RY MODEL OF A SCIENTIST SALARIAN!”

    (Best. Boss. Ever!)

    A Common Theme Of Stupidity

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (In the bagel shop where I work, one of my coworkers can be a bit oblivious to things. She is also madly in love with a certain celebrity. There are no customers in the shop.)

    Coworker #1: “Don’t you think [Celebrity] and I would be great together? All of my friends agree that we would make a great couple.”

    Me: “Um, well, I’ve only seen him in movies. I’ve never read interviews with him or anything, so I don’t know what he’s like personally, but I’m sure you do. Do you guys have a lot in common?”

    Coworker #1: “Oh my god, yes! We have so much in common!”

    Me: “Cool. Like what?”

    Coworker #1: “Well, we both like music…”

    (I wait expectantly for her to elaborate, but she seems to be done.)

    Me: “Yup! You sound perfect for each other.”

    Coworker #1: “I know, right?”

    (She goes into the back. Coworker #2 has overheard our conversation.)

    Coworker #2: “Hey, [My Name], do you like music? Because I like music.”

    Me: “I LOVE music. Oh, my god!”

    Coworker #2: “We have so much in common! Do you realize we’re wearing the SAME shirt right now?”

    Me: “You’re right! It’s like destiny!”

    Coworker #2: “And are you wearing SHOES right now?”

    Me: “I am wearing shoes! I wear shoes all the time!”

    Coworker #2: “Oh, my god. Me too!”

    Me: “We’re perfect for each other!”

    (At this point, Coworker #1 has come back and seems like she might have overheard. I feel guilty, until Coworker #2 goes into the back.)

    Coworker #1: “You know, I never realized this before, but you and [Coworker #2] have a lot in common…”

    Hotel California In Philadelphia

    | Kirkland, WA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (I am having dinner with my supervisors from the office where I am an intern. The local football team will be going to the Super Bowl this year. I am aware of this, but don’t think about it much as I am not into sports.)

    Coworker: *to me* “So, are you an Eagles fan?”

    Me: “Well, I haven’t heard a lot of their music, but what I have heard, I like.”

    (My coworker stared at me, trying to figure out if I was joking, until I realized what he actually had been asking.)

    Worst Service Since Time Memoria

    | Essex, CT, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working at a bookstore when I see my coworker holding a phone near her ear.)

    Coworker: “F***! Why can’t you people get it into your heads? You’re incompetent! We DO NOT SELL CDs!”

    (She slams the phone down hard.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Coworker: “These groups of morons want to buy ‘How to Reach Nirvana,’ or something like that.”


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