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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    I’ll Beatle You To It

    | USA | At The Checkout, Employees, History, Musical Mayhem

    (I am on vacation with my family and in the eighth grade, wearing a Beatles T-shirt. As we are buying food for lunch at a grocery store, the cashier notices my shirt and starts quizzing me as he’s checking out our food.)

    Cashier: “What was their original name?”

    Me: “The Quarrymen.”

    Cashier: “What’s Ringo’s real name?”

    Me: “Richard Starkey.”

    Cashier: “Who was the original drummer?”

    Me: “Pete Best.”

    Cashier: “Who was the original bassist?”

    Me: “Stu Sutcliffe.”

    Cashier: “Who was their manager?”

    Me: “Brian Epstein.”

    Cashier: “What label did they work under?”

    Me: “Apple.”

    Cashier: “Who was their sound manager?”

    Me: “George Martin.”

    Cashier: “Who died first?”

    Me: “John.”

    Cashier: “Who died second?”

    Me: “George.”

    (He seemed pretty happy to know I knew all those facts.)

    Enough To Make Your Face Egg-White

    | Winston-Salem, NC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the service department of a well known big box electronics store. We have recently hired a new store manager who is a extremely full of herself and cares little about the employees. She spends most of her time on her cellphone chatting with friends. The store has music, approved by corporate and piped in to all the stores. Every month or so, they rotate out all the old music and replace it with new music. The new music was just added and it is Pitbull’s Hotel Room Service… which is a bit risqué for the store.)

    Me: *to new manager and vice-GM* “Isn’t this song a little dirty for us to be playing?”

    New Manager: “It’s the newest hit; we always play the newest hits.”

    Me: “The lyrics are:

    ‘Oh, you’re the healthy type.

    Well, here goes some egg whites.

    Now gimme that sweet, that nasty gushy stuff.’

    We are going to get complaints!”

    Vice General Manager: *who is an older man* “Is that what he is saying? I can’t understand rap. I thought it was a kid’s song about playing in a hotel.”

    New Manager: *patronizingly to me* “It will be fine. No one will complain.”

    (A few weeks later I had to do some shopping there and came in on my day off. Oldies music is playing.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Hey, what’s with the golden oldies?”

    Coworker: “Oh, a mother complained about the Pitbull music playing and taught [Vice-GM] what egg whites meant. He has been playing Beach Boys and the Supremes ever since.”

    Sounds Like Teen Spirit

    | NY, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Musical Mayhem

    (The store has renovated the teen section at the entrance to look like a club with TVs blasting music videos.)

    Mom: “This music is too loud!”

    Me: “Even I can’t stand this volume.”

    Mom: “Excuse me, miss? Does this music really have to be THIS loud?”

    Employee: “That’s how they do it now. The teens love it! I can’t change it.”

    Mom: “Well, I’m the one paying for these clothes. I won’t be coming back if I can’t even hear myself think.”

    Employee: *shrug* “…Okay.”

    (Within a month the music volume was set to a tolerable level. I imagine the corporation figured out that drawing in teens didn’t spike their profits with the rest of the customers being driven out.)

    Worst Possible Service

    | NY, USA | Employees, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m at a well known ticket booth in Times Square to buy Broadway tickets for me and a friend. My friend was particular about getting close seats.)

    Me: “I’d like two tickets to [Show]. Do I have any choice about the location of the seats?”

    Employee: “Well, the computer automatically gives ‘best available.’ But if you want, I can give you ‘worst available’

    Me: “…”

    I Like My Coworkers Better That Way…

    | Sandy Springs, GA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m dropping off some papers to another coworker. As he goes through it, he notices one of the documents appears to be from another country.)

    Coworker #1: “What the…? What’s this from?”

    Me: “Hey, it’s from Turkey.”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, you’re right. It’s from Istanbul.”

    Coworker #2: “You mean Constantinople?”

    Me: “No, it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople.”

    Coworker #2: “Been a long time gone Constantinople?”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, it’s now a Turkish delight on a moonlit night.”

    Coworker #2: “Why did Constantinople get the works?”

    Me: *shrugs* “That’s nobody’s business but the Turks.” *walks off*

    (Sometimes, I love my coworkers.)

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