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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Category: Musical Mayhem

    This Is Not One Of The Better Times

    | Galveston, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (We’re at one of our favorite bars, chatting with the bartender. My husband has a very dry sense of humor.)

    Husband: “Okay, [Bartender], I think we’re ready to close out.”

    Bartender: “You’re sure? Would you like a whiskey drink?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Bartender: “A vodka drink?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Bartender: “A lager drink?”

    Husband: “No.”

    Bartender: “A cider drink?”

    Husband: *deadpan* “[Bartender], I will jump over this bar…”

    Bartender: “That’s from Chumbawamba.”

    Husband: “I know.”

    Bartender: *as we’re leaving* “I sing songs that remind me of the good times.”

    Don’t Lose Your Head(phones) Over It

    | Croatia | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a programmer, but I work on the floor with finance people. Since there’s a lot of noise in the office I work with my headphones on to drown out the noise since I don’t do anything connected with them. We’re currently in a staff meeting.)

    Boss: “So, that takes care of it. Does anyone have any suggestions or complaints?”

    New Coworker: “YES! I wish [My Name] to stop wearing headphones!”

    Boss: “Why? He asked to use them so he can concentrate better on what he does.”

    New Coworker: “It’s anti-social and I can’t communicate with him if I need him for something! It’s ruining the workflow!”

    Me: “Well, if you have anything to ask you could, you know, walk up to me and tap me on the shoulder? And even then, it can’t be work related since we don’t work on anything together.”

    New Coworker: “Well, I can hear his music and it’s bothering me!”

    Coworker #1: “No, you can’t. I’m sitting next to him and I can’t hear anything.”

    Boss: “Unless it’s bothering the whole office, I don’t intend to force the only programmer in the company to listen to all of you yelling to each other. If that’s it, we’re done.”

    (Next day when I came to work I realise I forgot my thumb drive on which I keep my music. I still keep my headphones on, since they provide some noise isolation, but I’m not listening to music. Boss is passing by New Coworker’s desk when the latter practically jumps at him.)

    New Coworker: “LISTEN! Can’t you hear that music of his! I can’t even concentrate on job I’m doing!”

    Me: “You might want to visit a shrink, Miss [New Coworker].”

    New Coworker: “NOW HE’S EVEN INSULTING ME!”

    Me: “I’m not.” *I unplug the headphones from speakers on my table* “I’m not listening to music, because I forgot the drive with my music at home. If you think you’re hearing music, I would really recommend you to visit a professional.”

    Boss: “[New Coworker], stop being disruptive and leave [My Name] alone. He’s not bothering you.”

    New Coworker: “IF HE DOESN’T HAVE HIS DRIVE HE IS JUST LISTENING TO MUSIC ONLINE!”

    Boss: “[New Coworker] -”

    New Coworker: “YES! HE’S EVEN WASTING COMPANY INTERNET AND KEEPING ME FROM WORKING! YOU MUST STOP HIM!”

    Coworker #1: “He’s not listening to music online, you idiot!”

    New Coworker: “OH, REALLY?!”

    Boss: “Yes, really, because the Internet has been down for two hours. Which also means he can’t be disrupting you since all of your work is done online. Now, why don’t you step into my office for a nice conversation about the way we should act in a workplace, okay?”

    (New Coworker never bothered me about listening to music after that.)

    Sandwiched Between Incompetence And Laziness

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m a customer in a sandwich shop chain famous for letting you build your own sandwiches through a line. The girl working the line has one ear-bud in her ear, leaving the other open to hear me with.)

    Me: “I’d like a foot long [bread].”

    Worker: *stares at me blankly*

    Me: “Hello? Foot long [bread]. Please.”

    Worker: *grabs the right bread, cuts the foot long in half, and puts one of the six inch halves on the line*

    Me: “No. No. Foot long. The big one, not little.”

    Worker: “Oh, why didn’t you say so?” *grabs another foot long of the bread, slices it open* “You want it toasted?”

    Me: “No.”

    Worker: *begins putting it in the toaster*

    Me: “I said no! Stop!”

    Worker: “Okay, fine! What cheese do you want?”

    Me: “No cheese.”

    Worker: *puts cheddar on the bread*

    Me: “Please take that off. I said NO cheese.” *she does so* “Okay, I would like the tuna salad, and extra tuna please.”

    Worker: “I only have enough for your sandwich. We don’t have any extra.”

    (The manager, who is stocking the racks that hold the chips, finally pipes up.)

    Manager: “Go get some more from the back; you know where it is.”

    Me: *after the worker is gone* “You know, I think she would do a better job if she’d get that thing out her ear!”

    Manager: “What thing?”

    Me: “The ear-bud she has in. I think she’s listening to music and she can’t figure out who to pay attention to.”

    Manager: “[Worker]!”

    Worker: *coming out with more tuna salad* “Yes?”

    Manager: “Do you have ear-buds in?”

    (She quickly pops the ear-bud out and hides it in her pocket.)

    Worker: “No.”

    Manager: “You know that’s not allowed. If I catch you again you’re being sent home.”

    (She quickly finished my sandwich with no further problems but she sure gave me a death glare!)

    Waitressing Is A Soul-Destroying Profession

    | MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Musical Mayhem

    (It is my 18th birthday, and I’m very excited to go out for a nice dinner with some friends. I’ve made it clear to them that I don’t, by any means, want the staff of the restaurant to sing to me, so please don’t mention any birthdays. Sure enough, one friend accidentally mentions it to our waitress as she passes by.)

    Waitress: “Oh, your birthday! You want the free dessert when we come out to sing to you?”

    Me: “Oh, please, no, don’t do the song. If you have a soul, please don’t do the song.”

    Waitress: “Oh, honey, I’m a waitress. I don’t have a soul.” *she laughs a weird, creepy laugh, as if I was supposed to find that funny* “But, fine, I won’t have anyone come out and sing, but you’ll still get the free [dessert], all right?”

    Me: “Thank you, but really, I don’t need the free dessert.”

    (We finish eating our entrees and chat for a bit, when I hear the worst sound in the world: an entire staff of a restaurant clapping in unison.)

    Staff: “Happy, happy birthday, from [Restaurant] to you. We wish it was our birthday, so we could party, too!”

    Waitress: *puts the dessert on the table* “See? I said I don’t have a soul! Hahaha! Here’s your check, folks. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

    Me: *absolutely lost for words, wishing I was invisible as now the entire restaurant is staring directly at me* “Uh… guys, please eat this as fast as possible so we can pay and get the f*** out of here.”

    The Fellowship Of The Night Shift

    | MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Musical Mayhem

    (Somehow on a late night shift all the nerds are working together and we have no customers. I’ve just shown a popular ‘Lord Of The Rings’ fan-vid to my coworkers on my break. A coworker walks past my department pushing the empty box cart.)

    Coworker #1: “Hop on and tell me what you see.”

    Me: *immediately jumps on cart and yells* “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD! ISENGARD!”

    Coworker #2: *without missing a beat* “What did you say?”

    Me: “THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS!”

    (The manager rushes out of the office.)

    Manager: “TO ISENGARD GARD GARD GARD!”

    (We ran around the entire store doing that until we closed.)


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