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    Category: Musical Mayhem

    Uncertain’s Final Curtain

    | Washington, DC, USA | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem

    (I work at a performing arts summer camp which is staffed mostly by college students. As such, we are mostly friends and keep in contact through the year. In March, Coworker #1 sends an email to the group.)

    Coworker #1: “Did [Director] tell anyone what the show is for this summer?”

    Coworker #2: “Last I heard, it was uncertain.”

    Coworker #3:Uncertain is a musical I just wrote about my plans after college.”

    There Is Life After Love(making)

    | Goa, India | Employees, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s early afternoon, and loads of children are around with their families. A rap song starts, with REALLY clear lyrics about explicit and hardcore sex.)

    Me: “Are you serious? With children around?”

    DJ: *confusion*

    Me: “This song is about sex. F*****g! Serious f*****g! Naked people. Marriage stuff!”

    DJ: “Oh!”

    (He quickly puts on Cher!)

    There’s Many A Slip Twixt Cup And Lip

    | Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a theatre group. While most of my coworkers are great, there is one that seems to be a bit of an airhead. On this day, I’m waiting with her in a dressing room. There’s a supply of clear plastic cups in the room for drinking water, and sound from the stage is being piped in.)

    Coworker: “I’m going to practice my routine, okay?”

    Me: “Sure. I’m on soon. I’ll be back after my scene is done.”

    (After I do my scene, I come back to find the girl doing the ‘cups’ rhythm to ‘When I’m Gone’ by Anna Kendrick. The cup breaks part way through the pattern. She throws it out and goes to get another cup. To my chagrin, there are several other broken cups in the trash.)

    Me: “Wait a minute. How many times have you done that?”

    Coworker: “Five… six… I don’t know.”

    Me: “And how many times has the cup broken?”

    Coworker: “All of them. Why?”

    Me: “Two things. First, those cups are meant to be for drinking, not playing with. If the cup breaks every time, it’s probably not strong enough to be hit so many times.”

    Coworker: *clearly not getting it* “I see…”

    Me: “And second, if you’d been paying attention to the speaker instead of your cup-flipping skills, you would know your scene is coming up in just a couple minutes.)

    (The girl ran to the backstage area, shocked. Something told me she’s not cut out to be an actress.)

    To Be Frank, He’s A Moron

    | USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, History, Musical Mayhem

    (I’m working at my desk when a teenage boy asks for help at the audio CD section.)

    Boy: *pulling out the CD of Aretha Franklin’s greatest hits* “Is this the young Jewish girl who died during World War Two?”

    Me: “You mean this middle-aged black lady?”

    Boy: “Yeah.”

    Not A Disney Prince

    | Scotland, UK | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

    (It’s a busy day at the cinema, and I am working at the concession stand. There are three primary school classes coming in today: one to watch ‘Thumbelina’ and another two to watch ‘Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs.’ My colleague has thoughtfully brought in a tape of Disney music to play over the tannoy and into the halls for the kids. One song is playing as I serve a customer.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium popcorn and a large coke, please.”

    (I turn to get the order when suddenly the music stops and is replaced with a throbbing drumbeat. The colleague who brought the tape in turns pale and runs towards the internal phone to the office.)

    Colleague: “Turn it off! Quick! Turn it off!”

    (Into three auditoriums packed with kids aged in ranges of 5 to 9 comes the strains of Prince singing ‘Sexy Motherf*****.’ The customer looks at me as I struggle valiantly not to burst out laughing.)

    Customer: “Ah, well.  I suppose it’s not something they haven’t heard before.”


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