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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Category: Themed Giveaway

    Unable To Geolocate The Best Solution

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Money, Themed Giveaway

    (I am calling my cellular provider’s call center, because I was charged on my account after I cancelled it due to being in Ireland for an extended period of time.)

    Call Center: “We sent you some mobile notifications on these dates, telling you that your vacation hold was ending.”

    Me: “You sent mobile notifications to my CDMA phone when Europe only has GSM, and you’re wondering why I didn’t get them? CDMA doesn’t work in Europe which is why I put my account on hold.”

    Call Center: “Well, I’m sorry about that, sir, but it’s our policy to send a mobile notification.”

    Me: “You could have just as easily sent me an email to let me know that my phone that didn’t have service would soon be getting service.”

    Call Center: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s how our system is set up.”

    Me: “Well your system sure as s*** seems to be able to send me email when I have a new bill that is due. Okay, well, seeing as my account has been cancelled and I can’t log in to the website to pay my bill by phone number since it says it doesn’t exist, how would you recommend I pay my bill?”

    Call Center: “Well, you can walk in and pay your bill in the nearest [Cellular Company] store.”

    Me: “Sure, I’ll go ahead and do that! Can you please tell me where the closest one is to Dublin, Ireland? I’ll happily walk in and pay my bill.”

    Call Center: “We don’t have information on that since we don’t have service over there.”

    Me: “So why would you even recommend that option to me?”

    Call Center: “Well, the next time you are in the States, you can do that.”

    Me: “Okay. Next time I make it over to the States, I will pay my bill. Thank you for giving me that permission to not pay until that time.” *hangs up*

    Death Of A Sales Pitch, Part 2

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Math & Science, Money, Themed Giveaway

    (I’m in the process of buying a car. I’ve brought my dad with me to help. The sales manager has spent 30 minutes attempting to tack on paint and interior warranty, which I don’t want. I’m a girl in my early 20s.)

    Sales Manager: “Okay, so let’s try it this way. Instead of 72 months, how about 63 months? Your payment will only be $10 more than the 60 months with no warranty.”

    Me: “Okay, let me run a couple calculations to see how much more this will cost me over the life of the loan.”

    Sales Manager: *patronizingly* “If you’re going to multiply $10 by 63, that’s incorrect—”

    Me: “Actually, that’s not what I was going to do. And I don’t want the paint and seat warranty. Do you think I’m stupid? I have a cum laude business degree. It’s going to cost me a heck of a lot more over the life of the loan for this warranty, which I don’t even need!”

    Sales Manager: *pulls out a binder and plops it in front of me* “Here are all the people who said they didn’t need the warranty but then reconsidered. Take a look at this and how much they saved in repair costs!”

    (I glance at the binder long enough to see that the savings were minimal; in fact, one person spent more on warranty than they did on car repairs. I push the binder back to him.)

    Sales Manager: “You still don’t want it?”

    Me: “Look, I understand that you get commission when you sell this stuff, but I don’t want it. It’s going to cost me more in interest. I want to go with the original 60-month payment. No extended warranty.”

    Sales Manager: “I don’t get commission.”

    Me: “Really? Because you’re pretty insistent in pushing this on me.”

    Sales Manager: *testily* “I believe in the product.”

    Me: “I see. I’m still not interested, thanks.”

    Sales Manager: *glances at my file* “I see you work for [local bank]. What, exactly, do you do there?”

    Me: “I’m a personal banker.”

    Sales Manager: *defeated* “Oh… well, that’s interesting.”

    (I glance over at my dad, who is trying not to laugh. The sales manager quickly finished up my paperwork. Later, my dad posted a picture with me and my new car on his Facebook account, bragging about how I’d ‘smacked down the sales manager.’)

    Related:
    Death Of A Sales Pitch

    Always The Same Old Yarn

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Themed Giveaway

    (I am placed on a medication that made me gain a lot of weight very quickly, especially around the midsection. Thusly, people who had seen me before weren’t entirely used to seeing me with extra weight. I am looking for some yarn to knit a baby sweater for a friend, and I have the pattern out so I see the exact requirements for the yarn.)

    Owner: “Oh look. You’re back! And I can see why you haven’t been by in so long! When are you due?”

    (This is when she places her hand on my stomach.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant.”

    Owner: “Sure you are! Look at that belly!”

    Me: *with a great deal of sarcasm since people are now beginning to stare* “Yes, thank you for bringing my attention to my weight gain. I’m not entirely sure how I would have gotten pregnant in the first place, seeing as I’ve never had sex, but sure, we’ll go with that instead of ‘my sister is having her first baby and I’m making things for my niece or nephew.’”

    Owner: “Oh, stop telling lies. There’s nothing wrong if you’re not sure who the father is…”

    (That was when I left and never went back. Her yarn selection sucked, anyway.)

    Missing A Major Minor Point, Part 2

    | Lancaster, PA, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Themed Giveaway

    (My two daughters and I stop for lunch at a restaurant that serves alcohol. I’m 36 years old; my girls are 10 and 14.)

    Server: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I start you guys off with something to drink?”

    Me: “Yeah, that’d be great. I’ll have a beer, and those two will have a couple of sodas.”

    Server: “Nope. Sorry, you kids need to leave. You can’t be in here.”

    Me: “Well, they’re with me. They should be fine.”

    Server: “I need to see everybody’s ID!”

    (I show her my driver’s license.)

    Server: “Now you two. Show me some ID!”

    Me: “Miss, they’re 10 and 14. They’re not trying to buy alcohol, and they’re with me. They don’t have, and don’t need, ID.”

    Server: “Well, YOU can stay, but if you’re going to be drinking alcohol, they need to leave.”

    Me: “Wait. What? Why on earth would my kids need to leave just because I’d like to have a beer with lunch? Look, I’ll just have a soda.”

    Server: *rolls eyes* “Ugh! Because it’s against the law for me to serve alcohol to you when there are kids with you, even if you are 21, and what do you mean by ‘your kids’?”

    Me: “I mean they’re my kids: my daughters. I’m their dad.”

    Server: “No, they’re not. You’re too young to have kids.” *walks away*

    Me: “You know what, girls? Let’s get out of here and go someplace else.”

    (Just as we’re getting up to leave the manager comes storming up to us.)

    Manager: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don’t know what you three think you’re trying to pull, but I want everybody to get their IDs out. NOW!”

    (At this point we should just leave, but I’m irritated that this guy thinks we’re, in his words, ‘trying to pull something.’)

    Me: “Look, here’s my ID and I already explained to your server that my kids are 10 and 14 years old. They don’t have ID. I’m not sure I understand why they can’t be in here.”

    Manager: “They can’t be in here without parental supervision. Are you telling me they’re your kids?”

    Me: “Yes. I’ve been saying that all along.”

    Manager: “Your biological kids?”

    Me: “Seriously? Yes, they’re my biological kids”

    Manager: *begrudgingly* “Well, I guess you guys can stay.”

    (At this point the server is standing there with our drinks. Surprisingly, she brought me the beer.)

    Server: “I guess I can let you have this now. Just make sure you keep it away from those two kids.”

    Related:
    Missing A Major Minor Point

    Perhaps They Can Offer A Rain Check

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Employees, Themed Giveaway

    Me: “Hi, I’d like to return this raincoat.”

    Clerk: “We don’t do returns unless the item is defective.”

    Me: “It’s definitely defective. The first time I wore it, when I tried to take it off the entire zipper ripped off.”

    (The clerk examines the raincoat.)

    Clerk: “Yeah, but it’s all dirty. We can only give refunds if you were using the item as it was intended.”

    Me: “I was using it exactly as intended, and the zipper still ripped off.”

    Clerk: “I don’t think so. It looks like you’re pretty hard on your gear. I could call my manager out here, but I can tell you right now that he’ll just agree with me. I mean, if it still looked new, then maybe, but how did you get this raincoat so dirty?”

    Me: “Well… I wore it in a rainstorm.”


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