A customer approaches the customer service desk with their phone screen open to a form. They approach my manager.

Customer: “Your online feedback form is only asking me how I’d like to resolve my complaint, but I wanted to leave a compliment.”

Manager: “Oh, yes, the system is used to receiving negative feedback. We don’t… uh… get people filling out the form just to say thank you.”

Customer: “Well, that’s a little sad. Still, which option should I select?”

Manager: “There should be an option to select ‘other’?”

Customer: “Ah, yes, here it is, and… oh, dear.”

Manager: “Is there an issue?”

Customer: “Now it’s asking me on a scale of one to ten how dissatisfied I was with your service, one being the least satisfied and ten being the… ‘most least satisfied’? Who wrote this?!”

Manager: “Honestly, I don’t know.”

Customer: “Actually, I am going to leave a complaint! I’m going to complain that all I can do is complain! You’ve been wonderful! Thank you!”

Our local health center has a system where the person at the door checks to make sure you have everything you’re going to need and then gives you a ticket with a number. It always makes me giggle that when people try to make small talk to the entrance guy, he tells them:

Entrance Worker: “You have the ticket. Now you shut up, go sit, and wait for it to be called.”

Once, I asked him why he acted like that.

Entrance Worker: “My job is to give people the right ticket — no more, no less. If I start talking with everyone who enters, I’ll be here all day listening to people talking about their lives. Ain’t got time for that.”

Today at my job, one of my coworkers got an award! The executive person came down to present it and get photos.

I was in the room doing my tasks. (It’s a pharmacy; there isn’t much privacy.) I heard them exclaim, “Photo time!” So, I did what I do best and went to Irish goodbye the situation.

The executive didn’t like that. He was very friendly and extended the offer for me to join the photos.

Me: *Politely* “No, thank you. I’m not a big picture person.”

He would not let up. So, with a polite smile on my face, I explained:

Me: “I don’t like taking photos because that is tangible proof that I am at a location. Such proof can be used by my abusers to try and find me. So, thank you, but no thanks.”

Ooh, he was uncomfortable. It made my day.

I followed up with an email to human resources asking them to remind their executives that “no” is a complete sentence.

Related:
No Means No, And Everyone Will Sleep Easier For It
No Means No, And No More Friends For You
No Means No Means ABSOLUTELY THE F*** NOT
No Means No, Even When You’re Three
No Means No (And No Beer)

The following is an actual email chain from our facilities support office. An office manager sets up a new ticket on February 27.

Office Manager: “Hey, guys, regarding the above ticket, the new hire is starting tomorrow, February 28, instead of March 4. Please set up cubicle 168A for them by end of day.”

On February 28, my boss addresses me in the email chain.

Boss: “[My Name], I was here at 7:00 am, and the cube for [Office Manager] was not set up. Going forward, make sure to check [Coworker #1]’s and [Coworker #2]’s work on your way out when you assign them to work together.”

This takes me by surprise. My two coworkers are idiots, but it’s something else to completely not do the work.

The big office boss then emails my boss, my team, and me.

Big Office Boss: “Hi, team. Please make sure this doesn’t happen again. It’s a really bad look.”

Then, [Office Manager]’s assistant emails, CC’ing everyone for some reason.

Office Manager’s Assistant: “Hi, [Office Manager]. I just wanted to let y’all know that there was some leftover IT stuff in cube 168A that I saw as I was leaving yesterday. I went ahead and cleared it out of there for you since we have a new hire starting Monday and they might be sitting there. Take care!”

I work in radio engineering at a large radio station. Our office has a new guy who is fresh out of college and training. He gets a tech call.

Caller: “Someone spilled coffee on the mixing board in the control room. We need you over here to help us disconnect the board and figure out what will need replacing.”

New Guy: “Okay, well, we have to go by the book and troubleshoot—”

Caller: “Nah, you don’t need to troubleshoot. Just come over and—”

New Guy: “No. I have to go by the rulebook, and it’s telling me to tell you how to disconnect the board according to the manual.”

Caller: “It’s literally on fire. Maybe we don’t need to follow the rulebook.”