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    A Decent Boss Appreciates Toilet Humor

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners

    (I am starting a new job, and it is my turn to clean the shared toilets in the office. Just as I’d put on my rubber gloves and filled the mop bucket, the boss walks into the bathroom and stops.)

    Boss: “Oh. I’ll come back.”

    Me: “It’s okay. I haven’t started yet.”

    (I walk towards the door. The boss pauses in the doorway, unsure whether to leave or go in.)

    Me: “It’s fine. I’ll clean after.”

    (The boss is still hovering.)

    Me: “Speak now, or forever hold your piss.”

    Lacking A Slice Of Professionalism

    | KY, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I deliver for a large pizza company. Our store is staffed and managed by mature, easygoing people who look out for one another. We recently hire a new manager, however, who hasn’t quite got into the swing of things.)

    Me: “Hey, I can run this as a triple so nothing goes late, but I need your password to check out three orders.”

    (Note: manager passwords are not a secret, as they’re required to do so many things in the store that, if they were, we’d never get any work done. This manager, however, refuses to share hers, causing no end of headaches.)

    Manager: “I’ll check them out in a minute; just wait.”

    Me: “The first two have less than a minute before they run late; just give me your password.”

    Manager: “I will not. You don’t see [General Manager] and [Assistant Manager] giving out their passwords, do you?”

    Me: “They’re [password #1] and [password #2], right?”

    Manager: *startled* “You shouldn’t have those!”

    Me: “Everyone in the store has them, and now two orders are late.”

    (The manager storms over and finally authorizes a triple delivery.)

    Manager: “Fine, there, hurry up and get back!”

    (I deliver all three, explain to the customers that I am the only driver on shift at the time, and none of them are upset or unhappy about having to wait an extra five minutes on their orders. When I get back however…)

    Manager: “Those first two orders were late! Now my numbers look bad! Why can’t you just do as you’re told?!”

    Blunt End Manager

    , | Boise, ID, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (I am a new hire. The restaurant has just promoted a crew member to manager. One night, a customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “I would like to speak to a manager.”

    Me: “Sure, I will go and get one.”

    (I head into the back and try to grab the manager on shift. I can’t find her, so I grab the manager about to leave, who is the recently promoted crew member. We head up front, and I start heading to clean up the lobby as he talks to the customer.)

    Customer: “You’re the manager?”

    Manager: “Yeah, got a problem with it?”

    Customer: “I don’t like the way you handle your customer service.”

    (I stop cleaning and look at them. I see the manager on shift hovering just out of sight of the new manager.)

    Manager: “Well screw you; I’m the manager.”

    (The new manager walks out the door. As soon as the doors close, a coworker, the manager on shift, and I rush up and apologize.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry for that; what did he do?”

    Customer: “When I ordered a few minutes ago, I tried handing him some bills, and he said he couldn’t take crumpled up bills. He was rude the whole time.”

    Manager On Shift: “I’m sorry for that; would you like something for free?”

    Customer: “No, although I don’t know why you guys have a manager like him.”

    Me: “To speak frankly, I don’t even like the guy; he is just an a**-hole.”

    Coworker: “Apparently they thought putting him as a manager would improve his attitude. We are very sorry for this.”

    Customer: “It’s okay; at least there are some decent people working here.”

    (Thankfully, about a week later, the new manager didn’t work at the store anymore.)

    Most Just Sale Through Their Inbox

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Employees, Liars/Scammers

    (I’m at a board games convention, where a number of retailers have stalls. I go to one who is a franchisee of a parent company.)

    Me: “I’d like to buy [Game], please.”

    Seller: “Sure. It’s $90.00.”

    Me: “On your email, it says it’s $65, on sale.”

    Seller: “That’s only a one-day sale. You’ve missed it.”

    Me: *opening the email on my phone* “No, it says it’s all week.”

    Seller: “Oh. But it’s only on the online store.”

    Me: “The email doesn’t indicate that. See, here’s the dates the sale is available for, and here’s the large colorful banner saying to come and see you at the convention for these sale prices.”

    Seller: *shocked* “But… but no one ever reads the emails. Ever.”

    Me: “I do. Do I need to contact your parent company and explain that you aren’t giving people the correct price?”

    Seller: *panicked* “No. Here’s the game for $65, and I’ll give you any expansions for half price.”

    Resisting A Listing

    | Tucson, AZ, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (It’s my first day as an intern at a magazine publishing company. In order to ensure everything printed is accurate, I call to verify information. Currently I’m calling local business owners listed in our free directory to make sure they offer what we say they offer and they’re still open.)

    Me: “Hello. My name is [Name] and I’m calling from [Magazine]. I just wanted to—”

    Owner: “No, we don’t want any. I don’t want to pay for anything.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s a free listing, and I’m just calling to verify—”

    Owner: “No! I don’t want to pay for anything!”

    Me: “Again, ma’am, this is a free listing. I just wanted to verify some basic information about your business.”

    Owner: “I don’t care what you want! I’m not paying for anything!”

    Me: This doesn’t cost anything. It’s free. I just want to make sure you’re still located at [address].”

    Owner: “I’m not going to tell you that!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is free advertising. If you’ll just let me—”

    Owner: “No! I’m not giving you my credit card information!”

    Me: “I’m not asking for any of that. I just want to verify your address.”

    Owner: “No! I don’t care! I’m not giving you my credit card number or social security number! You’ve already scammed one of my employees!”

    Me: “What? No, I just want to verify that you’re located at [address].”

    Owner: “No! I’m not listening and I’m not giving you any of my numbers! I’m closing the shop! I’m closing!”

    Me: “Oh, are you closing for the day or going out of business?”

    Owner: “I’m closing! I’m not giving you my social security number! I’m closing!”

    (The owner of the local business hangs up on me. I look over at my supervisor, who’s sitting behind me, confused as to what I should do.)

    Supervisor: “She said she was closing?”

    Me: “Yeah, after she accused me of trying to steal her social security number. But I don’t know if she meant they were closing for the day or going out of business.”

    Supervisor: “Well, if they don’t want free advertising, cut ‘em.”

    (Two years later, I heard that business closed down for good. Maybe if they would have let us given them free advertising, we could have saved their store.)

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