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    No Pain, No Brain, Part 3

    | Canada | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (My coworker is new, but his training period at the crematorium has already ended. Part of our job is taking remains from the retort and removing the metal screws/staples/handles.)

    Coworker: “Ouch. Ouch!”

    Me: “You okay over there?”

    Coworker: “Yeah. This metal is still hot.”

    Me: “Well, it just came out of a 400 degree oven. Wait, why aren’t you wearing your safety gloves?”

    Coworker: “Bah, safety equipment is for sissies.” *continues working* “Ouch!”

    No Pain, No Brain, Part 2
    No Pain, No Brain

    No Relief From Other’s Beliefs

    | USA | Bigotry, Employees, Love/Romance

    (My sister and her fiancé are looking for a hotel near their wedding venue. It’s an interracial marriage and her fiancé has strict morals. They are calling up hotels in the area.)

    Sister: “Do you have rooms with single beds for one person?”

    Receptionist: “Yes we do.”

    Sister: “Thanks. We’re looking for two rooms with a single bed for two nights on these dates. Two adults.”

    Receptionist: “That’ll be $100 per room, so $200. Two nights would be $400.”

    Sister: “Let me write that down for now; we’re not booking yet.”

    Receptionist: “No problem. Anything else?”

    Sister: “Yes. Now, we need one room with one double bed for one night on this date. It’s the night right after.”

    Receptionist: “The price is $150.”

    Sister: “Okay, thanks.”

    Receptionist: “Are these the same two guests?

    Sister: “Yes, my fiancé and I. We’re getting married.”

    Receptionist: “I can help you save money. One room with two single beds rather than separate rooms. That’s $150 per room, so $300 for two nights. You save $100.”

    Sister: “I’m afraid that won’t do. My fiancé is from [country] and he has strict morals. It’s inappropriate for men and women to share the same room if they aren’t married, even if separate beds. Therefore, we need separate rooms.”

    Receptionist: “Is that what his grandma says? This is not 50 years ago. It’s stupid! Lots of people even have sex before marriage these days. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with different beds in the same room. Tell him to open up!”

    Sister: “Everyone has their own opinions. We’d prefer the separate rooms please.”

    Receptionist: “No! You need to get him to open up!”

    Sister: “Can I talk to your supervisor, please?”

    Receptionist: “What for? I’m trying to help you live a modern life and save money. Don’t be such a prude!”

    (My sister hangs up, calls again, and fortunately gets a nicer receptionist.)

    From Snark And Snot To Parking Lots

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Top

    (One of my jobs is to call the other hotels around the area and ask their rate and occupancy percentage. Most hotels are nice about it, except for one particular hotel that thinks they are better than all the others.)

    Other Hotel: “Hello, thank you for calling. How may I be of service?”

    Me: “Hi, this is the hotel down the street. May I ask your rate and occupancy?”

    Other Hotel: “NO, you may NOT. That is none of your BUSINESS!”

    Me: “Okay, sorry. I’ll put you as full.”

    Other Hotel: “Yes, in fact, we ARE full. I’ll bet a sad little hotel like YOURS is empty. Am I right?”

    Me: “No, you’re not right. We’re half full in fact.”

    Other Hotel: “Half full! I bet your sales department, if you even have one, is so incompetent. And even if by the slimmest chance they’re not, I bet they are doing such a poor job because your hotel has no restaurant, or a bar!”

    Me: “Yes we do not have a restaurant or a bar, but I like it better that way. Less drunken, unruly guests.”

    Other Hotel: “Hmph! Good day!” *slams phone down*

    (It wasn’t just me; my coworkers also begged the sales manager to take them off the list, and she thankfully agreed. A few years later, the same hotel went out of business and turned into a parking lot, while our hotel is still going strong!)

    Their Math Dozen’t Add Up, Part 2

    | Grand Rapid, MI, USA | Coworkers, Math & Science

    (I’m unpacking the boxes for this week’s order from our supplier. They’re notorious for not sending the right amount of items.)

    Me: “They sent us 59 hats in one box, and 13 in the other!”

    Coworker: “What’s so strange about that?”

    Me: “The hats are supposed to be packaged in multiples of twelve.”

    Coworker: “So what are you complaining about?”

    Me: “59 in one box and 13 in the other. It doesn’t make sense.”

    Coworker: “But they’re both multiples of twelve! So what’s the problem?”

    Their Math Dozen’t Add Up

    The Grapes Of A Customer’s Wrath, Part 2

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Top

    (Before leaving town, I decide to stop by a grocery store to buy non-alcoholic champagne for my then-pregnant sister; it’s difficult to find in Alabama stores for some reason. I grab a bottle and head to checkout.)

    Cashier: “I’ll need to see an ID for this.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I meant to grab the non-alcoholic champagne.”

    Cashier: “No, this is the right bottle. I still need to see an ID to buy it.”

    Me: “But it’s not alcohol. I’m buying this for my pregnant sister.”

    Cashier: “I need an ID.”

    (A customer behind me speaks up.)

    Customer #1: “If there’s no alcohol, then just let the boy buy it.”

    (I decide to hand over my ID anyway.)

    Me: “Okay. Here’s my ID.”

    Cashier: “I’m not sure how old you have to be to buy this.”

    (The cashier calls over an assistant manager.)

    Assistant Manager: “What’s wrong?”

    Cashier: “This young man is trying to buy non-alcoholic champagne. How old does he have to be?”

    Assistant Manager: “I think it’s 18. I’m not sure…”

    (The assistant manager calls their manager on the phone. Meanwhile, another customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Jesus. I got drinks easier than this when I was a teen. Just let me buy it!”

    Me: *to the assistant manager* “You looked at my ID; I’m 19. This is for my pregnant sister who wants a mimosa. If this is essentially grape juice, why do I need to be 18?”

    Assistant Manager: “You have to be 18 to buy non-alcoholic beverages.”

    Me: “I’m 19! And this is just grape juice.”

    Cashier: “Can I see your ID again, please?”

    Customer #2: “When was the last time you asked for the ID of a teenager buying a Coke?”

    Me: “Just take it. And here’s my money.”

    Assistant Manager: “Here’s your champagne, sir.”

    Customer #1: “It’s f***ing grape juice!”

    The Grapes Of A Customer’s Wrath

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