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    No Springtime For This Scammer

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

    (I’m studying music theatre at university and therefore am a huge theatre geek. ‘The Producers’ is one of my favourites. One day, I’m at home alone when the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Scammer: “Hello, miss. I’m calling about your Microsoft computer.”

    (I have a Macbook Air. My mother uses a Dell PC. Clearly this is a scammer.)

    Me: *innocently* “Our computer? What’s wrong with it?”

    Scammer: “Oh, your computer is badly infected, ma’am. You need to—”

    Me: “Infected? Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk. He was hot. You got lucky. DON’T EVER CALL HERE AGAIN! ” *hangs up*

    Has A Bone To Pick With Your Prognosis

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’d fallen on my hand while being slung playing a local game of AFL football. After waiting for over two hours in the emergency room and having an x-ray on my wrist I finally get to talk to the doctor.)

    Doctor: “Well, it doesn’t look like you’ve hurt yourself, so you can leave.”

    Me: “Do you mind if I have a look? I’m studying exercise rehabilita—”

    Doctor: “I do mind. It’s a busy Saturday and I don’t care to have my opinion verified by you.”

    (She finally gives me something for the pain and I get a lift home. On Monday morning I get an interesting phone call.)

    Caller: “Hi, this is the head of radiology at the hospital. We were just reviewing the x-rays from your emergency. We need you to come in as you’ve actually broken a bone in your wrist.”

    (I was in the hospital by mid-afternoon and in surgery two days later to pin my scaphoid back together. Luckily I didn’t need a bone transplant from my hip. Turns out she thought it was two separate bones. It was nice to have the head of radiology make a cast for me, though, with his sincere apologies!)

    That Training Went Right Down The Toilet

    , | MD, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, New Hires

    (I have recently started working at a fast food restaurant and am still being trained to do various tasks. The coffee makers for both regular and decaf use pre-measured packets of coffee.)

    Manager: “Customers have been complaining that the decaf is too strong. Who made it?”

    Me: “I did. I put in two packets of coffee like [Coworker] taught me to.”

    Coworker: “I never told you to do that! The coffee is pre-measured. You just pour one packet into the filter.”

    Me:” No, I’m pretty sure you said two…. Oh, wait, I think I’m confusing coffee with toilet cleaner.”

    (They still let me work there, and I eventually got pretty good at my job!)

    They Can Af-Ford The Answer

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (I work as a camp counselor. This week is ‘Star Wars’ week, and I am doing a trivia games with the kids. All of the kids are 10-12 but one.)

    Me: “Okay… for 10 points, who can tell me the name of the actor who played Han Solo?”

    Five-Year-Old: *jumps up immediately* “INDIANA JONES!”

    Me: “Close enough!”

    Acting Like A Complete Jerky

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Coworkers, Food & Drink, Liars/Scammers

    (I work with a rather attractive 20-something woman. She is okay, but gets away with murder and often gets tea or coffee brought for her as she is the only attractive woman in the office.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Wow! What’s that?”

    Me: “Oh this? It’s jerky. Really good stuff.”

    (The attractive coworker’s head pops up.)

    Coworker: “Let’s see.”

    (I throw the closed packet over.)

    Coworker: *as he throws it back* “Hmm, looks really good.”

    (The attractive coworker hasn’t stopped listening.)

    Me: “Yeah, bit pricy but tastes great. Texture is soft really good.”

    Attractive Coworker: “Are you going to share it out, then?”

    Me: *a bit put back* “Well, I wasn’t opening it yet. Maybe …later?”

    (I forget about it for a few days. The next week I open it up and leave it out of sight on my desk. I leave the office and come back to see the attractive coworker quickly walking back to her desk.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I’ve opened up the jerky. Want a piece?”

    (I can just see out of the corner of my eye the attractive coworker, stuffing something in her mouth.)

    Me: “It’s bit spicy, though.”

    (I hold the bag out to the attractive coworker, who waves me away as she is struggling to chew ‘something’.)

    Me: “…and it only gets hotter as you chew.”

    (At this point the attractive coworker’s eyes are watering at she almost dives for the bin, spitting out the jerky she stole before running out the door.)

    Coworker: “Serves her right, silly cow. She is always trying to get something for free even if she doesn’t like it.”

    (Now, every time I bring something in, I’m always quick to mention that it is a bit spicy. I haven’t caught her taking anything since.)


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