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    Their Point Is Redundant

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Bosses & Owners

    (Ten people in middle management have been laid off and their jobs outsourced to an overseas office. The rest of us are understandably nervous about our jobs, so our boss calls a meeting.)

    Boss: “The decision was made just five days ago, so there was no way to predict it.”

    Me: “But we had been hearing there were people in the overseas office being trained for these positions two months ago.”

    Boss: “They were for other positions, and they had to be re-tasked to the jobs of the people that just got fired.”

    Me: “So, you miraculously had the exact number of people being trained for ‘other positions’ as the number of people who were fired yesterday?”

    Boss: “Actually, we had more…”

    (After seeing our shocked faces, our boss realises what he’s said.)

    Boss: “…Well, that’s the situation. If you don’t like it, you know where the door is!”

    Missing A Major Minor Point

    | NE, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Tourists & Travel

    (I’m a European exchange student celebrating my 18th birthday by shooting pool at a local bar in a small Nebraska town. Note that back home, you are considered an adult at age 18, not like 21 in the States.)

    Me: “It’s my 18th birthday and today I could legally drink if I was back home. Imagine that!”

    Bartender: “Happy birthday!”

    Me: “I don’t suppose you dare sell me a single bottle of beer to celebrate?”

    Bartender: “No can do.”

    Me: “Yeah, wouldn’t want to get you in trouble. Well, I’ll just have one of those non-alcoholic beers then just for the taste.”

    Bartender: “Sorry, but I can’t sell you that.”

    Me: “What do you mean? It’s non-alcoholic.”

    Bartender: “It’s still beer. We’re not allowed to sell beer to minors.”

    Me: *speechless*

    A Reception Disconnect

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve gotten a call back from a company I submitted my resume to. They leave a message asking me to call back and arrange an interview.)

    Me: “Hello, I’m calling to schedule an interview for the position you were advertising.”

    Receptionist: “Ah, yes you’ll be wanting to speak with [Name]. Just a moment…”

    (I wait to be transferred, but instead the line goes dead. I call the company back.)

    Me: “Hello, it’s [My Name]. I think we got disconnected.”

    Receptionist: “Oh, well let me try that again.”

    (I promptly hear the click of her hanging up and then nothing. I call back a third time, but this time the receptionist says…)

    Receptionist: “Hey, umm, if I read the model of my desk phone off to you, do you think you could look it up online and find out how to transfer calls?”

    Photoflopped

    | New Jersey, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    New Hire: “Hey, want to see a cool picture of me?”

    Me & Other Coworker: “Sure.”

    (The new hire shows us a picture of his face obviously Photoshopped onto a very buff model.)

    New Hire: “Isn’t that awesome?”

    Coworker: “…Um, that’s not you.”

    New Hire: “Yeah, it is.” *stands closer to us* “I’m working out for the Marines!” *shuffles away*

    Me: “Did that just happen?”

    (We found out he showed this picture to every employee. A few weeks later, he was fired for asking a female coworker too many times if she wanted to see his “buff bod.”)

    Barking Up The Wrong Tree

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Employees, Pets & Animals

    (Our local telecom company has started sending salesmen door to door. My roommate is about to take our dog out when one of them walks up to our front door.)

    Salesman: “Hi! I’m [Name] from [Company], and I’d like to talk to you about your service!”

    Roommate: “Hi, thanks, but we’re happy with what we’ve got.”

    Salesman: “Now it says here you have our internet and phone service.”

    Roommate: “Yes, and it’s very good. Thank you, we’re happy with it.”

    Salesman: “But you don’t have our TV service! Did you want to sign up for that today? With our promotional bundle, you’ll save money!”

    Roommate: “Promotions end, though, and we don’t need any more TV channels. We’re happy with the service we have, thank you.”

    Salesman: “But you’ll save money!”

    (This goes on for about five more go-rounds, with the salesman trying to get her to sign up for their TV service and my roommate telling him we’re happy with what we have. Finally our 80 lb. black Lab, who barks but doesn’t bite, gets tired of waiting and stands on his back legs to look out the front window at the salesman.)

    Salesman: “Oh! Uh! That’s… that’s a big dog.”

    Roommate: “Yes, and he needs to go out for his walk now. We’re happy with our current service, thank you very much. Goodbye.”

    (My roommate puts her hand on the doorknob. The salesman takes a hint and heads hastily for the street. He hasn’t been back since.)


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