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Repeated Mis-Steak

, | Killeen, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

(My husband and I have just finished looking over the menu. I decide I want my usual steak order if available.)

Me: “Is there prime rib available?”

Waitress: “Yes there is; eight or ten ounce?”

Me: “Eight ounce, please.”

(The server walks away without asking how I would like my steak cooked. She returns 10 minutes later.)

Waitress: “I’m sorry. How would like your ribeye steak cooked?”

Me: “I ordered prime rib. Medium rare, please.”

Waitress: “Oh yes, prime rib! Of course.”

(Our food comes about 20 minutes later.)

Waitress: “Here is your ribeye steak.”

Me: “I ordered prime rib.”

Waitress: “You did? Oh, okay.”

(The waitress takes the plate back. 10 minutes later, the manager arrives with the same steak.)

Manager: “Hi, what was wrong with your ribeye steak?”

Me: “I ordered prime rib.”

Manager: “Oh, okay. Let me change that for you.”

(Despite the manager intervening, my steak does not come out for another 30 minutes.)

Waitress: “I am so sorry; I have no idea how I messed that up! Here’s the check!”

(Incredibly, the waitress has still put “ribeye” on the check.)

Husband: “They really wanted you to get the ribeye!”

Helping To Face The Music

| Germany | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem, Top

(I’m a new worker in the kitchen of a very casual café. The owner allows us to listen to our own MP3 players via the sound system. Most of the kitchen staff prefers punk, rock or heavy metal. There are also two older immigrant men working as ‘helpers’ for everything from cleaning to prepping, whose German isn’t the best.)

Helper #1: *sheepishly* “Hello. Everything okay?”

Me: “Yeah, I’m alright.”

Helper #1: “Have a good day? No problems?”

Me: “No, I’m pretty much on time with all my tasks.”

Helper #1: “Uh…” *leaves*

(Half an hour later, the other helper sheepishly approaches me.)

Helper #2: “Hello! All okay? Are you happy? Nothing sad happening?”

Me: “Uh… no? I’m fine, thank you.”

(Both of them keep returning to ask me if I’m fine, but can’t seem to get across what they mean. At the end of my shift, my boss shows up.)

Boss: “Oh, I was asked by the helpers if you’re alright?”

Me: “They’ve been on about this the whole day. Is something wrong?”

Boss: “No, they just noticed you’ve been listening to a lot of sad songs and break-up lyrics. They thought your boyfriend dumped you and were worried since you worked alone today.”

(I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. I’ve since explained to the helpers that my music is randomly shuffled, and not an indicator of my feelings. We get along swimmingly now.)

The Very Model Of A Modern American

| Jefferson City, TN, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful, Top

(I am blonde-haired, blue-eyed and extremely pale. I have also just come back from Ireland after a year in college. I am in a diner. A waitress comes up to me.)

Me: “Oh hi, can I have a cheeseburger?”

Waitress: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Can I have a cheeseburger?”

Waitress: *sighs and rolls her eyes, speaking very slowly* “Right. Now, the cheeseburger comes with cheese, a to-MAY-to and LET-tice.”

Me: “Why are you talking like that?”

Waitress: “Now, it is $2.64. Now, a cent is—”

Me: “Is this the accent?!”

Waitress: “Well, if you want to come to United States, you better f***** learn the language first! Where the h*** are you from anyway?”

Me: “Virginia.”

Waitress: “As if! You sound like you’re f****** Russian. Get the h*** out of my country you commie!”

Me: “Look, I really am American; I just spent months abroad.”

(The waitress isn’t listening, and proceeds to snatch the menu from me, as well as the plates.)

Waitress: “Just get this into your head you f****** cow. We are a proud and hard-working country, and we don’t tolerate communists. So get the h*** out of here! Better yet, get out of the States, or I’ll tell my manager you spat in my face. Got that?”

(When the waitress leaves, I stand up in the center of the diner. The other people in the diner are looking at me, having seen the waitress’s behavior.)

Me: “I think I can prove I’m American…”

(I quickly break into song.)

Me: “I am the very model of a modern Major General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical,
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news…
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General!”

(I sing the entire first verse, and I can sing it very well, since I am a big fan of Gilbert and Sullivan. There is silence when I finish. The waitress just stares and goes in the back. I look at the manager, who is now out.)

Manager: “What was that?!”

Me: “Your employee doesn’t think I’m American. I just spent a school year abroad in Ireland.”

(The manager goes in the kitchen and yells at the waitress. When I come back some time later, she isn’t there.)

Very Bad At Stolen Goods

| Sydney, Nova Scotia, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

(I work next to a large electronics store. I see two guys standing by a display of PlayStations. This is when they are retailing for around $500. Suddenly, each of the guys reaches down, grabs a couple of boxed PlayStations, and runs for the door. The sensor alarms go off, loudly enough that you can hear them deep in the store, but neither of the two cashiers seem to notice. I see the guys run out to the parking lot and jump into a car. I get a good look at the car, and a partial license plate.)

Me: “I just got a good look at the car they jumped into. Do you need me to make a report?”

Cashier #1: “The car who jumped into?”

Me: “…those two guys who just took your PlayStations.”

Cashier #2: *looking over* “What PlayStations?”

Me: *in disbelief* “Two guys just took a couple of PlayStations each from your display over there. The alarm went off.”

Cashier #1: “Oh, I didn’t notice.”

Me: “Look, I think I’d better report this information. Could I speak to your manager for a minute?”

(The best part? The cashier does call the manager, but she listens to the story without writing anything down. When I ask if she’d like my phone number in case they need more information, she just shrugs. Something tells me they won’t be doing so well at inventory time.)

Critical About Their Marriage Is Hypocritical

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Love/Romance, Religion, Top

(I am a petty officer on a sub tender in Norfolk, in the repair department. Our division officer is cool, but his assistant less so. One of my coworkers is a sailor, and getting married on a Friday, and had arranged to trade duties so he would be on Thursday (getting off Friday morning) instead of working Saturday, so he would have until Monday morning for his honeymoon. The Division Officer leaves for a meeting in D.C, and won’t be back until next week, leaving his assistant in charge.)

Asst. Division Officer: *to sailor* “The Div officer said that you are getting married this afternoon. Congratulations! Which church?”

Sailor: “Thanks, but no church. We are doing it at City Hall with the Justice of the Peace. The Div Officer said that I could leave right after morning training, so I could get to there before the ceremony at thirteen hundred hours.”

Asst. Division Officer: “Well, see me before you go.”

(Training is over at 10 am, and the sailor goes to the office immediately.)

Sailor: “Well, time to go, sir. Wish me luck!”

Asst. Division Officer: “Not so fast. You have to finish up these repairs before you go.” *gives him a list*

Sailor: “But sir, this will take about four hours! I’ll be late for the ceremony!”

Asst. Division Officer: “Well, then you had better hurry. I will want to inspect them before you are done.”

(Several of us hear what has happened, and pitch in to help him get the work done. We finish just before noon.)

Sailor: “Sir, all of the repairs are done. As soon as you inspect them, I will be heading out.”

Asst. Division Officer: “I won’t inspect them until the end of the day, when I check everyone’s. Here is another list to work on.”

(The Assistant Division Officer hands him a longer list.)

Sailor: “But, sir, my wedding—”

Asst. Division Officer: “YOU ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED! IF YOU WERE, YOU WOULD BE DOING IT IN A CHURCH! A CHRISTIAN CHURCH! SINCE YOU AREN’T, ALL YOU ARE GOING TO BE DOING IS F******, AND THAT IS A SIN! I have been married for seven years now, and I won’t have you defiling the sanctity of my marriage by claiming to be married outside of a church!”

Sailor: “But sir, my fiancé—”

Asst. Division Officer: “SHE IS NOT YOUR FIANCE! She is your w****! And for talking back to me, I am putting you on duty for both Saturday and Sunday!”

(Thankfully, the Justice Of The Peace was willing to wait, and married them that evening, and he got his honeymoon later. And as far as the sanctity of the Assistant Division Officer’s own marriage, somehow his wife found out about the affair he had been having with the daughter of a Rear Admiral. No idea how she could have possibly found out!)


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