• Very Genderal Humor
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  • October's Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Requires A Walking Carpet

    | WV, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working in the stockroom when a delivery truck arrives. Management needs to be notified, and since I don’t have a walkie-talkie, I call out to my coworkers. The doughnut vendor overhears.)

    Me: “Hey, does anybody have a walkie? The truck’s here.”

    Doughnut Vendor: “Why do you need a Wookie?”

    (Makes Wookie noises at me.)

    Me: “A Jawa or an Ewok would work, too.”

    Gremlins And Tribble-ations

    | SC, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I take a brief stop in the break room to make myself some tea, and notice a ziploc bag with a hideously moldy roll in it, in the middle of the table. I walk to the front of the office and calmly face my coworkers.)

    Me: “Anyone here seen ‘The Trouble with Tribbles’?”

    Coworker: “Sure! It’s my favorite episode!”

    Me: “Well, there’s a Tribble in a ziploc bag in the break room.”

    Coworker: “No! Don’t feed it!”

    Coworker #2: “Don’t get it wet either, just in case.”

    Initial Fears Were Just Comical

    | SC, USA | Bosses & Owners, Theme Of The Month

    (I used to be afraid to go into comic book stores, because as a girl, I worried that I would be judged/mocked for not knowing where my favorite comics were. I finally got up the guts to go into one, but discovered that Transformers comics were in somewhat short supply there. Over the next two months, the following conversations took place:)

    Me: “H-hi… um… Are there any new Transformers comics?”

    Owner: “Afraid not. I don’t order that many because not a lot of people buy them offline. I usually bought an older issue so as not to waste time.”

    (Later that month:)

    Me: “Any Transformers books today?”

    Owner: ” Nothing new.”

    (Still later:)

    Me: “Oh, my gosh! This is the newest issue! I thought these were sold out?”

    Owner: “Nah, I always order extra now.”

    (Then I decided to order a particular series they didn’t carry in the store. An employee rang up my purchase and told me that there was a small extra charge for ordering online.)

    Owner: “Nah, I recognize her. Skip the charge and just put it in next week’s bulk order.”

    (Now he does that every time I order a comic!)

    Music Of The Lord (Of The Ring)

    | Provo, UT, USA | Bosses & Owners, Musical Mayhem, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (I am one of the organists for our congregation. My roommate is the chorister. Halfway through the meeting, the bishop beckons my roommate over and she comes to talk to me soon after.)

    Roommate: “Um, the bishop wants to know if we can prepare a musical number in the next few minutes. The person on the program isn’t here today.”

    (We converse for a minute, decide on a hymn that we both know and perform it when called upon. Because the bishop took advantage of our unfailing musicality, I decide to have a little fun for postlude music. I play ‘Hogwarts Hymn’ and the ‘Rohan’ theme as the congregation is leaving the chapel. A few weeks later, I have to play again on very short notice. I do the same thing…)

    Passing Deacon: “Is that… May the Force Be With You?”

    Me: “Good ear.”

    (The same bishop comes over a minute later.)

    Bishop: “I can’t tell you how much we enjoy your music.”

    Me: “Thanks, Bishop.”

    (A few months later, there is a new bishop and I’m supposed to be playing a solo in church. They accidentally forget until the end of the meeting, when they ask me to play it. I play it, but am slightly exasperated and play ‘Return of the King.’)

    Roommate: “You know what I want for next Sunday…”

    Me: “July 31? Yes, I do.”

    (The next week is the birthday of Harry Potter. I slow the music down a lot, but start playing ‘Hedwig’s Theme’ between ‘I Believe in Christ’ and ‘God Speed the Right.’)

    Bishop: “Your music is wonderful!”

    Me: “Thanks, Bis—”

    Same Passing Deacon: “Is that Harry Potter?”

    (I didn’t get away with it after that.)

    My Boss Is Just (Ministry Of) Magic

    | UT, USA | Bosses & Owners, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    (My boss is a very stylish dresser. On this day, we have a fire alarm that’s not just a drill. We’re all standing outside and talking while we wait for the firemen to check everything out.)

    Me: “[Boss,] I like your dress.”

    (It’s a mint-green dress with musical instruments all over it.)

    Boss: “Thanks! It’s my Ms. Frizzle costume!”

    Me: “I have one, too! Except mine is covered in planets and stars!”

    Boss: “Oh, you should wear that for Halloween!”

    Me: “Actually, I’m going to be Professor Umbridge for Halloween this year. I have a wand and enjoy looking evil.”

    Boss: “That is so great!”

    (A few days later, we have meeting.)

    Boss: “I promised I’d do something special this time and so…”

    (She pulls out a recorder and proceeds to play ‘Lord of the Rings’ and ‘Harry Potter.’ I love my boss.)

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