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    No Money, No Interest

    | Sao Paulo, Brazil | Employees, Money

    (On my way to work, I often meet a group of volunteers trying to get donations to a charity by talking to people on the street. I have already talked to one of them weeks before, and I was told I couldn’t help because I wasn’t 24 years-old yet. One of the volunteers stops me.)

    Volunteer: “Hi, miss. Can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?”

    Me: “I need to get to work soon.”

    Volunteer: “It really is just a couple of minutes! I won’t keep you for long!”

    Me: “I’m 23.”

    Volunteer: “Okay, I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

    In A Pickle Over Freshness

    | Sauerland, Germany | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (My wife and I are at a restaurant. My wife has ordered a dish that comes with a salad.)

    Wife: “Excuse me, this salad isn’t fresh anymore!”

    Waitress: “Can’t be. Our salad is always fresh.”

    Wife: “Just look at these cucumber slices. They’re all baggy and limp!”

    Waitress: “The cucumber?! But we pickle them to keep them fresh! They’re

    definitely fresh! Under no circumstances older than three days!”

    A Little Misunderstanding

    | Dublin, Ireland | Coworkers, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (On of my coworkers is extremely gullible, so I decide to test her on a slow day. My boyfriend has just left the store after visiting me on his lunch break, and my gullible coworker approaches me.)

    Coworker: “Aww, was that your boyfriend?”

    Me: “Yeah, that was him.”

    Coworker: “He’s the same height as you!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s kind of amazing really.”

    Coworker: “Why’s that?”

    Me: “He’s the world’s tallest little person.”

    Coworker: “He’s what?”

    Me: “You know little people?”

    Coworker: “You mean midgets?”

    Me: “They prefer the term little people, but yes, that’s what I mean. Genetically, he’s a little person; he’s just a really tall one.”

    Coworker: “Oh, wow! That’s amazing! I didn’t know little people could grow beards like that!”

    (I had to walk away at that point, because I couldn’t hold in my laughter any more.)

    Literally Asking The Impossible

    | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests

    (I’m running the control center for the self-checkout lanes. Because we’ve just opened, it’s only me, the service counter person, and the manager. A cashier doesn’t arrive until we’ve been open for half an hour, and all customers know this, so the self-checkout gets a lot of traffic in the early morning.)

    Manager: “Hey, [My Name], I need you to jump on a register.”

    Me: “I’m already on a register. I’m actually on six. I’m doing self-checkout today, remember?”

    Manager: “Just get on lane three.”

    Me: “Boss, I can’t. I’m already logged in as the self-checkout person. I can’t be on two systems at once.”

    Manager: “Well, then log off and get on a register!”

    Me: “You want me to shut down the self checkout?”

    Manager: “No, you’re the only one here who knows how to run it. Just get on a register!”

    Me: “It’s not possible. The system won’t allow me to—”

    Manager: “JUST GET ON A REGISTER AND THEN GO STOCK AISLE 15!”

    (Aisle 15 is the very last aisle in the store, the furthest point away from the registers.)

    Me: “So you want me to be on self-checkout, lane three, AND in aisle fifteen all at the same time?”

    Manager: “YES!”

    Me: “That… that’s not physically possible.”

    Service Desk: “I can get on a register if someone needs—”

    Manager: “NO!” [My Name] needs to do it.”

    Service Desk: “The system won’t let her be logged in to two places at once. Either I get on a register, or you do. She HAS to stay there.”

    Manager: *goes red with rage* “FINE. If you can’t do it, then I’ll get someone who CAN!” *stomps off*

    Me: *to Service Desk* “But we’re literally the only people here.”

    Service Desk: “I do not have enough caffeine in me to deal with this.”

    Ask The Staff…


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