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    Our Resident Idiot

    | Jensen Beach, FL, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (We are dining room servers preparing for the dinner rush. Because the residents can be demanding and we are pressed for time I try to have their specific requests on the table by the time they sit down to eat. This has led to the residents feeling accustomed to this type of service, and my newer coworkers somehow being under the impression that I am the only one qualified to serve things such as salad and wine. It is ten minutes into the dinner when my coworker approaches me for this conversation.)

    Coworker: “Hey, [Resident] says you forgot his wine. How do I give it to him?”

    Me: “Oops. There are glasses in the back of the kitchen, and wine is in that cooler.” *points*

    Coworker: *blank stare* “Okay?”

    (He doesn’t move, and appears to be waiting for further instructions.)

    Me: “Go get a glass and pour in the wine. Serve the resident.”

    We’re In Flori-duh!

    , | MI, USA | Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Technology

    Telemarketer: “We’re calling to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money.”

    Me: “Thanks, but someone already called last week. We put our Internet service on hold until we return from Florida in the spring, and we don’t have cable TV. So, I don’t want you to waste your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, who is your cable provider?”

    Me: “[Your Company] is our provider, but like I said, we don’t have cable TV. We only have your Internet service, and that is on hold until spring.”

    Telemarketer: “Well, we just want to make sure that you’re receiving the best value for your money—”

    Me: “Yes, I know, but like I said, we’re in a whole ‘nother state; we’re not in our house so obviously we don’t want cable right now. Maybe in the future.”

    Telemarketer: “How many TVs do you have in your home?”

    Me: *sighing inwardly* “One.”

    Telemarketer: “Is it high definition?”

    Me: “Yes, but as I mentioned, we don’t want cable TV so you’re wasting your time.”

    Telemarketer: “Uh, okay, well, we just want to make sure—”

    Me: “Thanks, but no thanks. Goodbye!”

    Not THAT Kind Of Role Play

    | Germany | Bosses & Owners, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 17 and I work as an au pair in Germany, looking after two children. I’ve asked my employers if I can take a weekend and a Friday off during June to go to Amsterdam with my girlfriend and her father for a tabletop RPG convention, and am now trying to explain what RPGs are. The dialogue takes place in German, which is not my first language.)

    Me: *haltingly* “You pretend to be a character and play a story with other people.”

    Mother: “Like theatre? On a stage? I didn’t know you were an actress!”

    Me: “No, no, just in a room with a few people. No audience. You just make up the story as you go along.” *I mean to say costumes, but instead say clothing* “You don’t wear any clothing but sometimes you have props.”

    Mother: *obviously thinking it’s something sexual and being horrified because of my age* “Is that legal?!”

    Me: *not understanding her horror* “Yes, of course! People come from all over the world; meeting new people is part of the fun.”

    Mother: “I don’t think you should go… Your girlfriend’s father plays as well?”

    Me: *suddenly realises my mistake* “Oh… OH! I meant costumes, not clothing! Everyone wears clothing! No one takes their clothing off! Especially not [Girlfriend’s 56-year-old father]!”

    (We laughed over the mistake later and I managed to explain better, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the time I told the mother of the children I look after that I play games with strangers with my clothes off!)

    Lutherans Have Changed Religion

    | GA, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Religion, Theme Of The Month

    (Back in the 1990s I was at the hospital registering for the upcoming birth of my baby. The nurse was asking me questions and completing a form on the computer. I’m not native to the USA.)

    Nurse: “Religion?”

    Me: “Pagan.”

    Nurse: “…What?”

    Me: “Pagan.”

    Nurse: “Pay what?”

    Me: “P-A-G-A-N, Pagan.”

    Nurse: “I don’t have that on my list. Is it like Lutheran?”

    Me: “No, not at all.”

    Nurse: “So, what’s your religion?”

    Me: “Pagan.”

    Nurse: “I don’t have that. What do you want me to list your religion as?”

    Me: “Pagan. Or whatever you like. ”

    Nurse: “So… Lutheran?”

    Me: *sighs* “Whatever…”

    Redirection Deflection

    | England, UK | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Transportation

    (Part of my job is ordering equipment.)

    Boss: “Where is that package from [Supplier]?”

    Me: “I’ve spoken to them; apparently they shipped it last week.”

    Boss: “That’s not good enough! Ring them again!”

    Me: “If they have shipped it, I’m not sure what anyone can do.”

    Boss: “Just sort it!”

    (I ring them back and low and behold, they have shipped it already and can do nothing. Speaking with our stores team I find that there is a problem…)

    Me: “Hey boss, Just found out that the company has been redirecting our mail, so that package is probably at the other site. I will—”

    Boss: *interrupting* “No! No, you don’t understand. They don’t do that. You’re making excuses again.”

    Me: “Yes, yes they do. Look.” *I hand him an old envelope* “When a letter or parcel is sent to us it automatically gets redirected.”

    (There is a large ‘redirection’ sticker on the front with the other address on it.)

    Boss: “No, you don’t get it. This is something else.”

    Coworker: *overhearing* “Yes, that’s the case. There was an email sent out all about it.”

    Boss: *irate* “Look, they do not redirect our mail! That is only when you put the address on wrong.”

    (I lean over plucking the letter from the old envelope still in his hand.)

    Me: “Seems okay.” *read out address; it is perfect*

    Boss: “Whatever. Just get me that package!”

    (If he had let me finish I would have told him that I had asked the store-man to pick it up. The package was dropped off less than an hour later.)


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