Me: “Thanks, lovey! Have an awesome day!”

Customer: “Excuse me for being so forward, but are you happy here?”

Me: “I suppose so, although doing the same thing for five years gets a little tedious! Why do you ask, if I may?”

Customer: “Well, I’m a manager at [popular coffee chain] and they’re opening a new store in the area, and I’d love to have you come and join my team!”

Me: “Woah, really?! You’re offering me a job? Why?!”

Customer: “Your customer service is absolutely outstanding! Every time I’ve been through here you’ve always had a smile on your face and you’re always so happy to see us! You’re just the sort of person we’re looking for! I got really worried when you went on holiday, I thought you’d left! I’m sure your colleagues will tell you I’ve been asking after you!”

Me: “Haha, so you’re the lady that was looking for me? I thought I’d done something wrong! Wow! This is amazing! I’d love to come and work with you! Where should I apply?”

Customer: “Oh, don’t bother with that, the job’s yours! How much notice do you need before you can leave here?”

Me: “About a week, I think.”

Customer: “Right. I’d go and hand your notice in now and next week we can start your training!”

Me: “Oh my gosh! Thank you so much!”

(I immediately handed my notice in and have now been working for the coffee chain for about two weeks. It just goes to show that good customer service and a smile can really pay off!)

(It’s the end of my shift and my co-worker, Co-worker #1, is going to be by herself for the next two hours. This co-worker is a day shift worker, and is infamous for leaving the store in a terrible state for the night staff.)

Co-worker #1: “Oh man, it’s going to get so lonely now and boring. What am I going to do for two hours?”

Me: “You can do plenty of things. Clean and fill the drink fridge, clean the oven and proofer, wash the dishes, do some prep, fill the sauce bottles and sweep the floor.”

Co-worker #1: “Yeah, but I hate doing that.”

Me: “Well, I guess, but it is your job, so you should probably do it. Anyway, I’m off. Catch ya’ later.”

(Two hours later, I get a text message from my other co-worker, Co-worker #2, who has just come in to work the shift after Co-worker #1.)

Co-worker #2:” Dude! [Co-worker #1] left the store in a s*** state. There were heaps of dishes, nothing was filled up, the floor was dirty and there’s no prep done at all.”

Me: “Seriously? How many customers did she serve?”

Co-worker #2: “Between 2pm – 3pm, five customers, and between 3pm – 4pm, three customers.”

(That’s an extremely quiet day for us. I decide to text Co-worker #1.)

Me: “Hey, [Co-worker #1], [Co-worker 2] has just told me you left the store a pig sty for her. Is this true?”

Co-worker #1: “Oh, yeah, so sorry. I was by myself, but it got really busy and I just didn’t know what to do.”

Me: “You served eight customers in two hours. Wow, you really got hammered. And you clearly had no idea what to do after I just told you as I was leaving. And even if you didn’t remember, you didn’t even bother to ask me or anyone else. You probably should know anyway, considering you’ve already been working here for two years.  At least if you’re going to make up an excuse, make it believable and original.”

(I received no reply from her, and the following Tuesday, she quit.)

Related:
It’s Hard Work When You’re Hardly Working

(I am the corporate travel coordinator. I am trying to get a hotel prepaid for one of our employees. I have faxed a form over to the hotel about eight times, and have been on the phone with the same person for over 20 minutes.)

Front Desk Agent: “The ink on the authorization form is not coming through; could you re-fax it again?”

Me: “What do you mean the ink is not coming through?”

Front Desk Agent: “It prints half the page, then the ink is gone.”

Me: “I don’t understand how the ink is disappearing.”

Front Desk Agent: “Have you checked the ink levels on your fax machine? Maybe you are out of ink.”

Me: “Do you know how a fax machine works? Nothing is printed on our end!”

(I explain how a fax machine works. I can hear him talking to the other agent, explaining to him how it works.)

Front Desk Agent: “Okay, we’ll change the ink cartridges on our fax machine, then can you send it over again?”

Me: “Yes, I will.”

(I hang up.)

Coworker: “Did you just have to explain how a fax machine works?”

Me: “Yes I did, and in the process lost all faith in humanity.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 10
Taxing Faxing, Part 9
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

(Note: Two friends and I are at a fast food drive-thru.)

Employee: “Order when you are ready.”

My Friend: “Six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

Employee: “One sweet tea and three burgers?”

My Friend: “Six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

Employee: “Okay, five burgers and two sweet teas.”

My Friend: “…No. Six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

Employee: “Seven burgers and five sweet teas.”

(My other friend gets so frustrated he just jumps out of the car and takes a walk so he doesn’t rage. My friend who is ordering repeats order and the employee finally gets it right. We drive around to pay and get our food.)

Employee: “So that was five sweet teas and seven burgers, right?”

(My friend is physically straining to not scream, but calmly and slowly repeats the order.)

My Friend: “No. It’s six cheese burgers and three sweet teas.”

(Unsurprisingly, when we finally get our food, we counted seven burgers. At that point, all we could was sit in the car laughing at the extra burger!)

(I’m working at the grocery store. One day, a crate full of Italian products, including glass bottles containing sauce, falls off the truck.)

Assistant Manager: “[My name], could you clean up the mess downstairs for a second?”

Me: “Sure, should I get somebody else to finish what I was doing [putting perishables in the fridge] or do you want me to do it after cleaning?”

Assistant Manager: “I’ll find somebody. Now, go!”

(I go downstairs and try my best at cleaning the red mess filled with glass shards with nothing more than paper towels, a brush and a dustpan. After about half an hour, I’m done cleaning the floor and putting any still intact items back on the pallet. My left arm is completely red. I go back upstairs and request a replacement shirt so I can look decent.)

Assistant Manager: “We don’t have any available and you took too long, so we almost had to throw away the products you were dealing with before you went to the loading area.”

Me: “But I thought you were going to get somebody else to do that while I cleaned.”

Assistant Manager: “You should have taken initiative and arranged that yourself.”

(By now a customer who’s wanted to ask something for a while speaks up.)

Customer: “I think you should at least get this boy a new shirt, if not a doctor. He’s bleeding.”

Assistant Manager: “No he’s not. That’s tomato sauce which he cleaned up and got all over himself.”

Me: “It’s alright sir. I’ll be fine.”

Assistant Manager: “Now get back to work. I’ll deal with the customer…”

(I go back to the items I was dealing with and try and get them in as fast as possible. However, about five minutes later, the customer shows up with not only the assistant manager but also the store manager.)

Customer: “See, his left arm is covered in blood from the cuts in his hand and tomato sauce, not just the latter.”

(I look at my hand and see the customer is right. I hadn’t noticed the glass had actually pierced my skin when I was cleaning.)

Store Manager: “[My name], please come with me. I’ll get you some bandaids and you can go home. [Assistant manager], you can take over his work for the rest of his shift.”

Assistant Manager: “But that isn’t my job, and he is perfectly capable of doing it.”

Store Manager: “You’re right, but cleaning the mess you made earlier wasn’t his job. He’s now got these cuts because you didn’t give him proper equipment because you were too busy smoking!”