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  • Swearing You Into A Job
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  • Putting Them Right On The Double

    | UK | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My brother, mother, and I have just moved home. Mum had earlier signed up at the local doctor’s office. An employee from the office phones up, speaking in a very ‘know-it-all’ tone.)

    Employee: “You’ve got one of your children’s dates of birth wrong. You’ve put them both the same.”

    Mum: “They’re twins.”

    Employee: “Oooh!”

    Fighting Over Wisdom Tooth And Nail

    | London, England, UK | Employees, Language & Words, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I get a call from the hospital to confirm my appointment.)

    Nurse: “Hi, I’m calling for Baby [My Last Name].”

    Me: “Erm, that’s my last name, but I’m 20 years old.”

    Nurse: “Well, can I speak to Baby [My Full Name].”

    Me: “Ok, that’s me. I guess I’m listed as ‘Baby’ because I was born in your hospital.”

    Nurse: “No, I’m certain I need to speak to a baby. Can you please find him for me?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure I know what you’re calling about. Is it an appointment to have two wisdom teeth removed?”

    Nurse: “Yes, it is. Can you pass the message to Baby [My Full Name]?”

    Me: “Let me just confirm you have in hand the medical record of baby [My Full Name] including his date of birth and the note that he is having two wisdom teeth removed. Do you think that the title might be wrong?”

    Nurse: “Oh… right that does make sense. Should I update your title?”

    Me: “Yes, please!”

    Don’t Ask What Makes The Bread Rise

    | WI, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I recently returned from a study abroad in Brazil. I missed the food and so convince my family to try eating at a Brazilian steakhouse nearby. The hostess gives us some Brazilian snacks to have as appetizers.)

    Hostess: “These are pao de queijo, banana frita, and polenta.”

    (I notice a slight mispronunciation of one of the words but don’t say anything. She explains how the food is served, takes our drink orders, and leaves.)

    Me: *to my family* “She said cheese penis instead of cheese bread.”

    A False Senses Of Security

    | Serverna Park, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Employees

    (I am a cashier working. I see two of our security guards making comments and pointing at two customers in line at my till. The guards usually tease people and I just get annoyed. Then I look closely at the customers and see one has scars on their face, so I call the guards over.)

    Security Guard #1: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Why were you laughing at these ladies?”

    Security Guard #2: “Duh! Because they’re d***s?”

    Me: “Even if that is true, the word is lesbian, and this young lady is scarred. Please apologize!”

    Security Guard #1: “But they’re f****** d***s! They look awful! Two girls together, laughing and kissing. They’re SOOO d***s! They’re disgusting!”

    Security Guard #2: *to customers* “Get out of here you weirdos! This is a GOOD store. We don’t want you soiling it!”

    (Security Guard #1 pushes the customers’ bag of goods on the floor, stamps on it and even rips a dress they were going to buy. One of the customers looks very upset and begins crying, while the one with scars holds her.)

    Me: *to Security Guard #1* “Stop that! I’m telling [Manager] about your homophobia.”

    Customer: “Listen, it’s okay.”

    (The customer with scars comes up to the security guards, folds their arms and looks straight at them.)

    Security Guard #1: “Well, what is it?”

    Customer with scars: “I’m a MAN. And that’s my girlfriend. So, no. I’m NOT a ‘d***’, and I’d prefer it if you paid for our stuff.”

    (The guards are so shocked, they don’t do anything. I call the manager over. Not only does he make the guards pay for what they did, but he gives the customers a 75% off coupon.)

    Fired Enquired The Hired

    | USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, New Hires, Themed Giveaway

    (It is my first day, and I’m in the back office. The door has a security code that only employees know. A female I assume works there enters using the code and stares at me for a while.)

    Female: “Hey. Who. Are. You?”

    Me: “I just got hired.”

    Female: *stare* “Where’s… [Coworker's Name]?”

    Me: “She’s at lunch.”

    (She stares at me for a long time, not saying anything. It’s beyond spooky. Then, abruptly, she leaves. A few minutes later, my coworker comes in.)

    Coworker: “Hey.”

    Me: “Hey, someone was looking for you.”

    Coworker: “Oh really, who?”

    Me: “She didn’t say. She had a really spooky, deadpan stare, and just asked where you were and I said at lunch. Then she stared some more and left.”

    Coworker: “Who was it?! Are you lying?!”

    (I described the way she looked and my coworker still looked dumbfounded. It turned out the spooky female used to work there but was fired a long time ago, yet still had the code!)

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