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    Enough To Give Anyone High Blood Pressure

    | USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (My dad rolled his ankle very badly while on his way to work. He has an important meeting, so he tried to ignore it until he got home. By the time he gets home his ankle is deep purple and swollen to the size of a grapefruit. My mom takes him to an urgent care clinic.)

    Doctor: “Okay, sir. Let me check your vitals. Wow! Your blood pressure is really high.”

    Dad: “Yeah, I haven’t taken my medicine yet tod—”

    Doctor: “You really need to take your blood pressure medicine! It’s very important!”

    Dad: “Well, I’m not here for that anyway. I’m here about my ankle.”

    Doctor: “Well, you should be more concerned about that blood pressure!”

    Mom: “He just switched blood pressure medications last week. We were told we wouldn’t see any change for a whi—”

    Doctor: “But still! You need to take them every day!”

    Dad: “I DO TAKE THEM EVERY DAY! I just got home from work. I take them before bed. Can you PLEASE tell me if my ankle is broken?”

    Doctor: “I don’t think it is. Anyway, I think we need to get that blood pressure under control.”

    Mom: “Look here. My husband fell on our driveway THIS MORNING. Over 12 hours ago! He has been walking on that ankle ALL DAY LONG. You would have high blood pressure in that situation, too, and no medicine in the world would fix that. Will you please look at my husband’s ankle?!”

    Doctor: “Ugh, fine. No need to get b****y!”

    Mom: “EXCUSE ME?! I want to see another doctor!”

    Doctor: *smugly* “I’m the only one here.”

    Mom: “Whatever! A nurse! A PA, anyone who can look at an X-ray and determine if my husband’s ankle is broken!”

    Doctor: “I looked at the X-ray. He’ll be fine. Just stay off your feet for a few days. Just a sprain, you big baby!”

    (My dad went to see his regular doctor, since he didn’t trust this one’s opinion. Surprise, surprise, he had a hairline fracture.)

    Not As Bright As A Button

    | Germany | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work as a programmer for industrial machines in a huge company in Germany. I am responsible for the program of a new kind of cleaning machine, which also has a security door that has to be opened and closed by pushing a button. Before opening a safety interlock needs to be opened. It takes about two seconds before the door ultimately starts opening.)

    Project Manager: “Hey, [My Name]. That machine needs to be quicker. Why does it always takes two seconds before the door opens?”

    Me: “Uhm… because the safety interlock has to be opened first. That takes two seconds.”

    Project Manager: “Couldn’t you remove that safety interlock? Then we would save those seconds?”

    Me: “No, sorry. For safety reasons I can’t do that.”

    Project Manager: “Okay… What about you open that safety interlock two seconds before that button is pushed. Then the door would open exactly when the button is pushed.”

    Me: “… No.”

    Not On The Same (Entry) Level

    | AB, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (After years of working and toiling, I finally get my dream job. I settle in and really enjoy my work. However, despite being my dream job and carrying an awful lot of responsibility, most in my place of business consider the job to be an entry-level position. It’s something I’m painfully made aware of when there’s management changes, and I meet my new boss for the first time.)

    Boss: “So, tell me about your career goals. What would you describe as your dream job?”

    Me: “This. Right here. What I’m doing now.”

    Boss: “Look. You don’t have to kiss up to me. You’re not going to get fired. Just tell me what you’d like to be doing in a few years.”

    Me: “Well, in a few years, I’d like to still be here. This is the job I’ve always aspired to do. I’ve been doing it a few years now; I’ve gotten to know everyone in our market. I like it here quite fine!”

    Boss: “I don’t think you understand this. No one dreams of doing this job.”

    Me: “Well, I did, and I worked very hard to get here. Are you finding my work unsatisfactory?”

    Boss: “No, no. I’ve read your file, and you go above and beyond at every opportunity.”

    Me: “Then why are you trying to get rid of me?”

    Boss: “Let me try another approach. Do you keep an eye on our competitors?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Boss: “Out of everyone in our field, which would say does our business the best?”

    Me: “Us, of course. That’s why I wanted to work here.”

    Boss: “Come on. You can tell me. Out of all our competitors, isn’t there one that’s caught your eye?”

    Me: “Well, if you’re pushing, I like some of the things that [Competitor] is doing.”

    Boss: “YES! OK! Now we’re on to something! I want you to send an application to [Competitor]!”

    Me: “What?”

    Boss: “Don’t worry, [My Name]. I’m here to help everyone get out of these dead end, entry-level positions and on to their dream jobs! We’ll get you working at [Competitor] in no time!”

    Me: “But…”

    Boss: “No buts! We’ve determined that it’s your dream to work at [Competitor], and I’ll help you achieve that dream!”

    (I still haven’t applied to our competitor, as the new boss hasn’t quite figured out his new job yet, and relies on little ol’ me, in my dead end, entry-level position, to fill him in.)

    A Cup Is Half Empty Service

    | Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, School, Top

    (While on an eighth grade class trip around the capital we stop at a very popular coffee shop. Most of my classmates order hot chocolate or other very sugary drinks. I order black coffee, however, but find a problem with it.)

    Me: “Um… Excuse me, there seems to be a problem with my drink.”

    Barista: “I knew you wouldn’t like actual coffee. Would you like for me to switch that out for a hot chocolate for you?”

    Me: “No, I was actually wondering why I paid for a large and you barely filled the cup up half-way.”

    Barista: “Well, I left some room for cream and sugar in it. I just figured you would need a lot, trying to act grown up and all.”

    Me: “Look I ordered a large coffee, and I paid for a large coffee. Could you please just fill it up like I asked.”

    Barista: “No. I don’t want to waste coffee when you are just gonna pour it out.”

    Me: “Fine, then give me my money back and I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

    Barista: “No. You ordered a drink and got it. You have to pay for things.”

    Me: “No. I ordered a large and got less than a small. Now, please get me either my money or your manager.”

    Barista: “Ugh, fine.”

    (After getting the manager I explained the situation and was given both my money back and the full cup of coffee.)

    This Evaluation Is Just Radioed In

    | AB, Canada | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners

    (After my first performance evaluation, my boss gave me some tips to follow to improve my radio show. I took his advice to heart, and applied it to my show. This happens during my second performance evaluation, after he finished listening to a recent sample of my radio show.)

    Boss: “Wow. I was not expecting you to do that.”

    Me: “What? What did I do?”

    Boss: “You actually took my advice, applied it, and got better.”

    Me: “Was I not supposed to do that?”

    Boss: “Look. I’ll be honest with you. Most people just ignore my advice and keep doing what they’re doing. I fully expected you to do that, too. All I was going to do today was repeat what I told you last time.”

    Me: “So, do you have any other advice?”

    Boss: “Nope. We’re done here.”


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