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    Mail Order Disorder

    | MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Holidays, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (Close to Christmas, a customer approaches me with a long list and begins rattling off things that she needs. I begin to help her, not realizing that she had previously approached a different employee, and we are only supposed to have one employee working with a customer at a time. When it comes time to check out, I have to compile what she got from me with what she got from the other employee, and she also wants the order to be shipped to a third party by mail, which I have never handled before. My manager stands behind me, irritated and snappy.)

    Manager: “This is why you’re only supposed to have one person working with a customer at a time! If somebody is already working with them, you don’t help them! Didn’t I show you how to do a shipping order?”

    Customer: “Woah, you’re… being a little hard on her.”

    Manager: “She’s been working here for a month. She should know this.”

    (Later, the manager coldly informed me that I had done nothing wrong, and that that was just a difficult customer, but didn’t apologize in the slightest for throwing me under the bus.)

    Sell It To Me Straight

    , | Detroit, MI, USA | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring/Inattentive, Theme Of The Month

    (For the record, my hair is as straight as can possibly come and past my waist, and so is my sister’s. We are currently wandering the local mall trying desperately to finish Christmas shopping amid throngs of insane Christmas shoppers. Also of note, we have dodged this guy’s over aggressive sales pitch at least three times before this happens…)

    Kiosk Guy: *literally LEAPS in front of us brandishing a straightening iron* “LADIES! I have exactly what you need!” *waves the straightening iron like a wand*

    Me: “Uh… no.” *attempts to keep walking*

    Kiosk Guy: “No seriously.” *steps in the way again* “This [Model] is exactly what you need to tame curls and get the sleek, smooth, straightness you’ve been looking for.” *grabs my sister’s arm and attempts to drag her to his makeover chair* “You’ll see, once I’ve shown you what it can do.”

    Me: *grabs his wrist to stop him and in a very loud voice I say* “LOOK at her hair!”

    Kiosk Guy: *doesn’t look at her hair* “But once you see what this does to unruly curls with little to no damage!”

    Sister: *looks at him like he’s insane and tries to dislodge him*

    Me: “No, really, look at her hair.”

    Kiosk Guy: *turns very slowly toward her as I flip my hair over my shoulder to emphasize my point* “But once I show you what it can do, you’ll know you need…”

    Me: “What can this thing possibly do for us?”

    Kiosk Guy: “But it could be straighter!”

    Me: “Seriously, dude, get help.”

    Kiosk Guy: *jumps in front of us again and tries to get back into his spiel*

    Me: *as loud as I possibly can without screaming* “I DON’T WANT YOUR MAGIC HAIR STRAIGHTENER! NOW, BACK OFF!”

    (He finally did back off, staring at us like we might bite him as he noticed a crowd of Christmas shoppers had formed. They applauded wildly as we made our escape. Evidently we weren’t the only ones that had had enough of the guy.)

    It’s The Most Wonderful Third Of The Year

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (At my store, we are already getting ready for Christmas, even though Halloween is still over a month away. As we are opening boxes of small fake trees, my coworker starts singing:)

    Coworker:Oh, Christmas tree. Oh, Christmas tree…

    Me: “…why are you here so early?”

    Causing Dis-Scent

    , | OH, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, New Hires, Theme Of The Month

    (I am asexual, and my coworkers have been extremely respectful of it. Several seasonal workers have been hired. During Christmas, I get a new scent lotion that I am wearing.)

    Me: *walks to the back to get sauces*

    New Hire: *sniffs* “You stink.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    New Hire:  “You stink.”

    (I briskly walk up to the front, where a coworker I am very close to is.)

    Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1], do I smell bad?”

    Coworker #1: *sniffs* “No? Are you wearing [Scent Name]?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Coworker #1: “Smells good.”

    (The new hire from the back comes up to the front, where Coworker #2 is. Coworker #2 relates the rest of this to me later.)

    New Hire:  “Hey, [Coworker 2]? I need some help.”

    Coworker #2: “Sure, kid.” *goes to the back* “What is it?”

    New Hire: “I tried to hit on [My Name], but she seemed disgusted.”

    Coworker #2: “What’d you say?”

    New Hire: “I said she stinks, you know, like good perfume.”

    Coworker #2: “…kid, that’s the wrong way of doing it. And [My Name] is asexual.”

    New Hire: “So she goes both ways?”

    The Candy Cane Wane

    | Lafayette, LA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (The district manager is visiting. She and the store manager are discussing candy canes, as we typically have FAR too many of them every year, and the majority go unsold. I like to stir my hot chocolate with candy canes, for minty hot chocolate.)

    Me: *confidently* “I’ll buy all of them!”

    Store Manager: “Two hundred!?”

    Me: *confidently* “I’ll buy thirty of them!”

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