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    A Very Badly Written Plan

    | USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A friend of mine is also close friends with some people that do web-comics and develop their own card and computer games. They’ve asked him to see if he can find them someone to help out with a project.)

    Friend: “So [Content Creator] wants to see if he can find writers to help him out with this project for [Their Universe].”

    Me: “Really? That would be cool. I always enjoy their stories and the exposure could be good.”

    Friend: “Oh, they don’t want anybody else’s name on the project.”

    Me: “Okay, I’d have to hear more about the project before I can settle on some ghost-writing fees.”

    Friend: “They don’t want to pay up front either.”

    Me: “Royalties for such a small group as there’s are a little bit iffy.”

    Friend: “He won’t pay any royalties at all either.”

    Me: “So, he won’t pay a fee, he won’t give royalties, and he won’t give credit?”

    Friend: “Yeeeah.”

    Me: “Okay, how about a trade of services? Their art style isn’t really my favorite, but I’m sure I can find something they could do for me in return.”

    Friend: “He’s not doing art trades either.”

    Me: “How does he plan to pay for the services?”

    Friend: “He actually refuses to pay for anything. He just wants me to find him some writers to help out with his project.”

    Me: “…for free? He wants me, or someone else, to take time away from our own projects and just help him for no compensation what-so-ever?”

    Friend: “Yeah.”

    Me: “…”

    Friend: “I’ve tried to tell him it’s a stupid policy, but he won’t listen.”

    (Needless to say, I did not do the work for the guy.)

    Needs To Read More Into It

    | New Zealand | Job Seekers, Lazy/Unhelpful

    (I’ve just been promoted to store manager as part of a company-wide restructuring that means the previous manager is moving up to regional. One of my first duties is to hire my own replacement and the new regional manager is walking me through the interviews. One particular applicant has handed in a resumè that has me ready to hire her on the spot but he convinces me to interview her anyway just in case. I’m glad he did.)

    Me: “Since we cater mainly to tourists, there are times of the year when we can be pretty quiet. What kinds of things would you do to keep busy during quiet shifts?”

    (The answer we were looking for was anything along the lines of cleaning, computer maintenance, restocking – basically, finding things that needed to be done that were hard to do when the store was busy.)

    Interviewee: “Well, I’ve recently taken up reading, so I guess I’d work on that?”

    (I wasn’t quite ready to give up on her that easily, but when I called around for her references it became very clear that reading was probably a very new hobby for her while she had a LOT of practice at slacking off. She had even included as references a couple of ex-bosses who had fired her for her laziness. I’ve never been tempted to hire someone without an interview again.)

    That Chili Is Deadly


    funny-ghost-restaurant-customer-chili-rats

    Hit Delete And Start Again

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The keyboard on my tablet has stopped working. I’ve been on the phone with tech support, troubleshooting, for about half an hour. They agree that it’s a mechanical problem and transfer me to that department since it is still under warranty.)

    Tech Support: “So, if you can confirm your shipping address, we can send you a new keyboard right away.”

    Me: “Uh… I don’t need a new keyboard. It’s a tablet. A laptop.”

    Tech Support: “Well, the keyboard is what’s broken, so we’re going to ship you a new keyboard.”

    Me: “I’m not sure you understand. It’s a tablet. I need a new unit entirely.”

    Tech Support: *long pause* “My system shows that there are no replacement keyboards for your model.”

    Me: “…Sounds about right.”

    The Mother Of All Misunderstandings

    | Temple, TX, USA | Employees, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (My little brother was an ‘oops’ baby, born when my mother was 40. I am 14 at the time and teen pregnancy is very common in my town. I decided to go with my mom to the baby’s two-week appointment.)

    Nurse #1: “I need to fill out some paperwork. The computers are down. Name of the mother?”

    Mom And Me: “[Mom].”

    Nurse #1: “Age of the mother?”

    Mom: “40.”

    Nurse #1: “No, the age of the baby’s mother.”

    Mom And Me: “40!”

    (Nurse #1 leaves and Nurse #2 comes in.)

    Nurse #2: *to me* “So, how’d your labor go?”

    Me: “Really well, seeing as it was a C-section on her!” *points to my mom*

    Nurse #2: “Oh.”

    (Nurse #2 leaves and Nurse #3 comes in to give the baby his vaccinations.)

    Nurse #3: “Okay, mom and grandma stand on the other side of the table while I give these shots.”

    Mom And Me: “Mom and SISTER!”

    (I’m now 26 and I still get accused of being his mom! And I can’t tell you how many dirty looks I got in the mall!)


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