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    The Importance Of Ignorance

    | MA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive

    (In my restaurant’s POS machine, the ‘grill dry’ prep option means to grill bread without butter. This happens with a cook who is somewhat new, but doesn’t seem to be learning anything. I put in an order for two sandwiches, grilled dry. They come out practically dripping with butter.)

    Me: “[Cook], did you put butter on these? I entered them as ‘grill dry.’”

    Cook: “Oh, yeah. I didn’t know what that was so I figured it wasn’t important.”

    Falling With Stylus

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Bosses & Owners, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

    (I have a 10″ tablet. I enter a popular tech store to buy a stylus and a new screen protector as the one on the tablet is peeling off. I go over to the stylus area first and an employee approaches me. She shows me the different types of styluses.)

    Me: “I’d like one that’s quite fine so I can handwrite and sketch with this app.”

    (I bring up the app. The employee proudly brandishes the most expensive stylus at me.)

    Employee: “This one is the only one that will do what you want. Have a try with the prototype.”

    (I take the opened stylus and try to use it on the app. It’s not very responsive and only picks up every other stroke.)

    Employee: *patronizing* “You’re not doing it right.”

    (She snatches the stylus out of my hand and tries it herself with the same result. She then notices the peeling off screen protector.)

    Employee: “Well of course it doesn’t work; you’ve left the screen protector on.”

    (She then notices another customer.)

    Employee: “I need to go help that guy. Have a test of that and I’ll be back.”

    (She leaves me with the prototype. I’m a bit disappointed that the supposedly best stylus isn’t working but I figure since I’m also here to buy a new screen protector there is no harm taking it off to try the stylus without it. It turns out, it’s not any better, but I wasn’t particularly hopeful. The employee comes back.)

    Employee: “So, will you be buying a stylus today?”

    Me: “I don’t think I will, thanks. But I am in need of a screen protector.” *jokingly holding up the one I removed* “Would you mind showing me one for my tablet?”

    (The employee gives me a funny look.)

    Employee: “I don’t think so.”

    (I look around the store and see that they’re behind the counter.)

    Me: “They’re right there. One for a [my model tablet], please.”

    Employee: “I don’t think so, ma’am.”

    Me: *frowning in confusion* “Do you need the manager to open the screen protectors?”

    Employee: “I’ll get the manager if you like, ma’am, but he’s only going to tell you the same thing.”

    Me: “Oookaay.”

    (The employee goes away and comes back a few minutes later with a manager. He doesn’t look happy.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, my employee didn’t tell you to take the screen protector off. We will not be able to give you a free screen protector just because you stupidly decided to remove it.”

    Me: *blinks in shock* “I don’t want a free one.”

    Manager: “It goes against our policy, ma’am.”

    Me: “To SELL me a screen protector?”

    Manager: “What?”

    Me: “I took the screen protector off to test the stylus—”

    Manager: “And we’re not responsible for that.”

    Me: “I know. I’m not blaming you. I just took off the screen protector and now I want to PURCHASE a new one. With money.”

    Manager: “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

    The Muffin Of Life

    | OR, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

    (I am eating lunch in the office, where I share a table with my supervisor.)

    Me: *coughing*

    Supervisor: “Are you all right?”

    Me: *takes a drink of water and gasps* “Yeah, I’m okay. I tried to reach the next stage of human evolution of being able to breathe muffins.”

    Supervisor: “Sometimes I worry about you.”

    If They Weren’t Disgruntled Before…

    | OK, USA | Bosses & Owners, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (We’ve picked up a new privacy and security employee. He’s very gung-ho, but seems to lack any real understanding of how things work in IT departments and aims for change just to say that he did something.)

    P&S Employee: “So what we need to do is restrict the ability of anyone making changes to the production database so that it is secure.”

    Me: “We’ve already locked it down as far as we can logically take it. You can’t remove the access any further without making it impossible for the batch programs to run against the database.”

    P&S Employee: “But we need to guard against the possibility of a disgruntled employee making changes.”

    Me: “And we’ve done that as far as it can go.”

    P&S Employee: “But you could still make a change to the database that wasn’t authorized.”

    Me: “As could anyone in the system administrators group or any of the database administrators.”

    P&S Employee: “What if we developed a process where you had to have approval to do it?”

    Me: “We already seek approval for any changes outside of normal business needs. And even if it is a process, that doesn’t prevent anyone from doing it.”

    P&S Employee: “We could switch it out of the developers group and into the business administration group.”

    Me: “That wouldn’t work at all. The business administration group doesn’t have the technical knowledge on how to do anything like that. Furthermore, you are expanding the number of people who would have the ability to make changes to the production database. And the business administration group is far more of a disgruntled group then we are.”

    P&S Employee: “But if you became disgruntled you could still make changes.”

    Me: “Why is it that you think that I’m the one who is going to be disgruntled?”

    P&S Employee: “It could happen!”

    Not So Smart Phone, Part 8

    | London, England, UK | Employees, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hi there. I lost my phone earlier today. I’d like to place a block on it in case someone tries to use it. Is that possible?”

    Helpline Rep: “Certainly, and I’m sorry to hear that you no longer have your phone. Was it stolen?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. I think it fell out of my bag. I’d like to block it just in case whoever finds it tries to use it, since I genuinely don’t know where it might be.”

    Helpline Rep: “Okay. Is it the number you are calling from now?”

    Me: “… No?”

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 3

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