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Stand Your Ground

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bizarre/Silly, Employees, Ignoring/Inattentive, Tourists & Travel, Transportation

(I’m waiting to board my flight when my name is paged, so I walk over to the gate. Note that I am able-bodied.)

Flight Attendant: “Miss [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes?”

Flight Attendant:  ”Another passenger has requested wheelchair assistance, too, but we only have one chair. We’ll board you first, so just wait here by the gate.”

Me: “I don’t use a wheelchair.”

Flight Attendant:  ”Are you sure?”

Me: *looking down at myself, standing* “Pretty sure, yes.”

Flight Attendant:  ”Well your booking came through first, so you will go first in the wheelchair.”

Me: “Seriously, I don’t use a wheelchair. There must just be an error on my booking.”

Flight Attendant:  ”Are you giving me permission to board them ahead of you? It’s your call. Like I said, you get first dibs; your booking came through first.”

Me: “I do not need a wheelchair. By all means, board them first.”

Flight Attendant:  ”Because your booking says you require assistance, I HAVE to follow what it says. Just wait here, I’ll get you in the chair as soon as I can.”

(I decided to just join the line of people standing, and boarded on my own two feet without any intervention from the other FAs. Not surprisingly, she tried to wheel me off when we landed, too!)

Swearing You Into A Job

| MI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Family & Kids, Money

(A group of people from work decide to get together at a restaurant down the street after work on Friday. I get out early and have to pick my husband up at the airport a little after dinner. I have my daughter with me. My manager has been working on cutting down on swearing.  It is a running joke among us at work and because my daughter is there, he is REALLY trying to not swear. I just went outside with a couple of other people and come back to hear this:)

Daughter: “… You owe me money.”

Manager: “What?”

Daughter: “You owe me two dollars.”

Manager: “For what?”

Daughter: “You swore.”

Manager: “Wait, I didn’t agree to this.”

Daughter: “You owe me two dollars.”

Manager: “How did this happen? I didn’t agree to that.”

Daughter: “Yes, you did. We had a deal.”

(She reaches over, grabs his hand, and shakes it.)

Daughter: “See, we shook on it. We have a deal. You owe me two dollars!”

Manager: “…”

Manager: “You’re ten, right? Come see me in eight years; I’m giving you a job.”

A Misunderstanding Of Under-aging

| SK, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I am training a new guy in the kitchen who is in his mid-30s, almost twice my age. The boss’ daughter is employed as a waitress up front, and occasionally comes into the kitchen to bring in dirty dishes. Every time she does, the new guy stops paying attention to what I’m telling him and stares at her.)

New Guy: “Wow, I would love to get me some of that.”

(This goes on for a while. He looks, stares, and often has some kind of comment about her physical attributes.)

Me: “You know that’s the boss’ daughter, right?”

New Guy: “That doesn’t bother me.”

Me: “How old do you think she is?”

New Guy: *pauses and thinks for a moment* “The way I see it, as long as a girl is old enough to get into the bar it doesn’t matter.”

Me: “Come on, guess.”

New Guy: “22?”

Me: “She just turned 14 last week.”

(He never said anything about her ever again.)

Sure Beats Going Spinning

| Bremerton, WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(One of my male coworkers has recently found out that his wife is pregnant. A female coworker and I [also female] are discussing it with him.)

Me: “Oh, yeah, and make sure she does her kegels.”

Coworker #1: “What’s a kegel?”

Coworker #2: “It’s exercises for her hoo-hah.”

Coworker #1: “What?! That exists?”

Me: “If she wants any kind of real bladder control after the baby, she’ll wanna do them.”

Coworker #2: “The hospital will show her how.”

Coworker #1: *looking more and more distressed* “They’ll SHOW her?!”

Coworker #2: “Uh, they’ll explain it to her.”

Me: *snorts* “Yeah, they’ll demonstrate for her. ‘Just do it like this, ma’am!’” *I paste on a creepy grin, stare Coworker #1 dead in the eye, and don’t move* “See? I just did, like, 18 in a row.”

Coworker #2: “Basically.”

Me: “Basically.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, my god. I need brain bleach.”

Boss: *from outside* “WHO BROKE [COWORKER #1]?!”

How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 5

| Madison, WI, USA | Coworkers, Employees, Liars/Scammers, New Hires

(I’m the general manager at a gas station. We’ve always had problems with scammers trying to activate gift cards over the phone, but lately they’ve gotten a lot more annoying. I’m working with a new hire when I answer the phone. We’re both fluent in sign language.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m from [Company] customer support. We’ve received an automatic error report from your location, and I’m calling to confirm. Did you recently have trouble activating a gift card?”

Me: *signs* “It’s a scammer.” *out loud* “No, not that I’ve been aware of.”

Caller: “Hmm, that’s odd. Can you please ring up a gift card and check the activation code?”

New Hire: *signs* “Can I mess with him? Pretty please?”

Me: *signs* “Sure.” *out loud* “Here, let me get my manager.” *passes the phone*

New Hire: “‘Dirty Dan’s House of Hookers,’ you got the dough and we got the blow! How can I help you today?

Caller: *hangs up*

(He’s a keeper!)

How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 4
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 3
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 2
From Not Always Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers

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