(I don’t go to this pet store often, because the service is pretty bad. In the month since I was last there, they have changed the layout.)

Me: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the rawhides are now?”

Employee: “The what?”

Me: “Rawhide bones. For dogs to chew.”

Employee: “I don’t know what they are.”

Me: “They’re rawhide that’s knotted at both ends, so it’s in the shape of a bone. They used to be on this wall right here, by the counter. I’m just wondering where in the store they are right now.”

Employee: “No. We don’t have any. We’ve never sold anything like that here.”

(I don’t want to argue, despite having bought rawhides there a month ago. I thank her and go to look at dog food, where I find an entire nine foot long display of many different kinds of rawhide bones. I gather an armful and bring them to the counter.)

Me: *holds one up* “Rawhide bones.”

Employee: “Oh.” *snorts*

(I’ve ordered a gerbil from a pet store, and it comes to pick it up.)

Employee: “I’ll just put that in a cardboard box for you.”

Me: “Not necessary, I’ve brought a transport box. Gerbils are extreme gnawers, and she’ll be out of that cardboard box within seconds.”

Employee: “It’s never been a problem before. I’ll just put it in a box.”

Me: “Okay, then, but I’ll but then cardboard box into my transport box, just to be safe.”

(By the time we get to the counter 20 seconds later, sure enough, the gerbil is out of the cardboard.)

Me: *points to the free gerbil* “See?”

Employee: “That’s gotta be a super gerbil. I’ve never seen that before.”

Me: “Well, now you know that this can happen, so maybe you should use cardboard boxes for your rodents.”

Employee: “Nah, it’ll be fine.”

(A few days later, I enter the same store, only to find the same employee and another searching through the store.)

Me: *approaching the same employee* “What’s going on?”

Employee: “We’re searching for a mouse. Someone called to put it on hold, and I put it under the counter… in a cardboard box.”

(I am a female, as is my manager.)

Manager: “You know, [my name], you really do a good job…”

Me: “Well, thanks—”

Manager: “…which is surprising, because I really don’t like women. They’re so needy and…I don’t know. They just suck. Don’t women suck?!”

Me: “Um. I…suppose? I’m going to get back to work now.”

Manager: “Oh, right. See what I mean? You’re so good at this job!”

(One day, my boss meets me at the door as I report to work with a curt request to come to her office. With the door open so customers and co-workers can all hear, she begins lambasting me about my “unacceptable behavior” of late.)

Boss: *angrily* “Last night, [coworker] stated that you never spoke to him even once, hid in the back and refused to check out customers!”

Me: “First, we did talk, and—”

Boss: “He said it was pretty quiet!”

Me: “Well, I was in the back stocking the entire large food bag section entirely by myself.”

Boss: “Well, your behavior is unacceptable, so I’m writing you up!” *hands me a write-up to sign*

Me: “Okay, let me just get this straight. I am being written up for not talking to [coworker] because I was busy doing heavy stocking while he leaned on the counter up front and texted on his phone all night?”

(There is a pained silence where my boss and I simply stare unblinkingly at one another.)

Boss: *snatches the write-up from my hand* “Go and make today’s bank deposit.”

(I make the deposit as she requests, and return for the write-up.)

Me: *politely* “May I please sign the write-up?”

Boss: *defeated* “Oh, I tore that up…”

(My cat has recently developed a rather unusual habit. The local pet shop has so-called “cat experts” on staff, so I got to talk to them to figure out if this habit is a problem.)

Me: “Hi, are you one of the cat experts?”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am! What can I do for you?”

Me: “So, my cat has been doing something kind of funny lately. I don’t really think it’s something that is that big a deal, but I want to make sure that it isn’t going to cause him any problems.”

Employee: “I’ll be the judge of that. What’s she doing?”

Me: “He. He has been burying spiders alive in his litter box. I’m thinking it’s harmless, but I have found poisonous spiders in the house. So, I’m a little concerned about him getting bitten because he eats them sometimes, too.”

Employee: “She what?”

Me: “He. My cat is a boy. He eats spiders. And sometimes buries them alive in his litter box.”

Employee: “You’ve got to stop her! She can’t do that. It’s for POOPIES!”

Me: “Right…he knows that’s what it’s for, that’s what he mostly uses it for. But when he catches spiders that he doesn’t eat, he buries them alive. I don’t think it’s a huge problem, I just want to make sure that it won’t create a health risk for him. I know it’s unlikely but since cat litter is designed to trap moisture I wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to trap toxins from any potentially poisonous arachnids that could get into his system.”

Employee: “Cat litter traps moisture?”

Me: “Is there someone else I can talk to?”

Employee: “Look, whatever reason she’s doing this, you need to get your cat to stop. Spiders are GROSS anyway!”

(I ended up finding another employee to “help” me. Their suggestion? My cat needed to see a shrink.)