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    When Hunger Bugs You

    | VA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (At my pet store we sell crickets which many animals, such as lizards, use as a staple in their diet. We are encouraged to chat with the customers to make them feel welcome. The following conversation happens while I am putting crickets in a bag for a customer.)

    Customer: “Do you have any reptiles yourself?”

    Me: “No, but I have nine hermit crabs and their care is very similar to the reptiles at the store. Do you have any critters yourself?”

    Customer: “No, I just felt hungry…”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “That’s not what I meant! I stopped by [Popular Fast Food Restaurant] and decided to get some crickets for my son’s bearded dragon.”

    Me: *hands him bag of crickets while laughing*

    Not Quite On A Career Rat Race

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Employees, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (My manager and I are talking about an upcoming trade show when one of our employees walks up to us. She has worked at the store for about six months and her mother is the manager of another one of our locations.)

    Employee: “So, when do mice grow up into rats?”

    Manager: “[Employee]! You work at a pet store!”

    Enough To Make You Have Kittens

    | Bay Area, CA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring/Inattentive, Pets & Animals

    (I am preparing to bring two new kittens into my home. There is a particular brand of cat food I have come to trust with my previous cat, but it is not widely stocked. A friend recommends a local pet supply store to me. I look around the store and find the adult formula of the brand, but not the kitten formula.)

    Employee: “Can I help you?”

    Me: “Do you have a particular section where you keep the kitten food?”

    Employee: “No, it’s over with the rest of the cat food. See, this one is for both adult cats and kittens.”

    Me: “Okay. I was looking for [Brand] kitten food, but all I could find was the adult formula.”

    Employee: “Our buyer isn’t in today, but I could have him special order it for you.”

    Me: “Well, I already have a bag at home. I’m getting ready to get some new kittens, and I wanted to find a closer source for this brand. The only other stores I’ve found that carry it are several miles away. I was hoping to find a place that stocks it regularly.”

    Employee: “It looks like we don’t have any, but I can talk to our buyer about it.”

    Me: “Okay. Does that mean you’ll start stocking it regularly?”

    Employee: “Well, we can special order it for you and let you know when it comes in.”

    Me: “I have a bag at home already. I just wanted to find a regular source for it.”

    Employee: “Okay. Tell you what, give me your name and number, and I’ll talk to our buyer about it.”

    Me: “Thanks.” *gives information* “Remember, I already have some, so I don’t need more right now. I just want a source that stocks it when I need more.”

    (One week later, I get a message on my answering machine.)

    Employee: “This is [Employee] calling from [Pet Store]. The bag of [Brand] kitten food you ordered has arrived.”

    Let’s Hope It’s Canine Benign

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (The owner of the pet store I work at calls me into his office to listen to a recorded call.)

    Owner: “Are my employees idiotic?”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    (The owner presses a button on computer and a recording starts.)

    Coworker: “Its a wonderful day at [Pet Store]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “My dog has cancer. Do you guys recommend any special type of food?”


    Customer: “My dog has cancer, you f***** a**-hole.”

    Coworker: “…oh.”

    (The owner stops the recording and looks at me.)

    Me: “That wasn’t me. I don’t even answer phones! I stay locked up in the kennel, away from humans!”

    Owner: “I know. You hear all the gossip they sprout when they’re back there. Are my floor people idiotic?”

    Me: “… yes.”


    | QLD, Australia | Employees, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I don’t go to this pet store often, because the service is pretty bad. In the month since I was last there, they have changed the layout.)

    Me: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the rawhides are now?”

    Employee: “The what?”

    Me: “Rawhide bones. For dogs to chew.”

    Employee: “I don’t know what they are.”

    Me: “They’re rawhide that’s knotted at both ends, so it’s in the shape of a bone. They used to be on this wall right here, by the counter. I’m just wondering where in the store they are right now.”

    Employee: “No. We don’t have any. We’ve never sold anything like that here.”

    (I don’t want to argue, despite having bought rawhides there a month ago. I thank her and go to look at dog food, where I find an entire nine foot long display of many different kinds of rawhide bones. I gather an armful and bring them to the counter.)

    Me: *holds one up* “Rawhide bones.”

    Employee: “Oh.” *snorts*

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