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  • Being Sweet When You’re Sixteen
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  • Let’s Hope It’s Canine Benign

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (The owner of the pet store I work at calls me into his office to listen to a recorded call.)

    Owner: “Are my employees idiotic?”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    (The owner presses a button on computer and a recording starts.)

    Coworker: “Its a wonderful day at [Pet Store]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “My dog has cancer. Do you guys recommend any special type of food?”

    Coworker: “OH MY GOD! WE HAVE THE CUTEST DOGS!”

    Customer: “My dog has cancer, you f***** a**-hole.”

    Coworker: “…oh.”

    (The owner stops the recording and looks at me.)

    Me: “That wasn’t me. I don’t even answer phones! I stay locked up in the kennel, away from humans!”

    Owner: “I know. You hear all the gossip they sprout when they’re back there. Are my floor people idiotic?”

    Me: “… yes.”

    Boneheaded

    | QLD, Australia | Employees, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I don’t go to this pet store often, because the service is pretty bad. In the month since I was last there, they have changed the layout.)

    Me: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the rawhides are now?”

    Employee: “The what?”

    Me: “Rawhide bones. For dogs to chew.”

    Employee: “I don’t know what they are.”

    Me: “They’re rawhide that’s knotted at both ends, so it’s in the shape of a bone. They used to be on this wall right here, by the counter. I’m just wondering where in the store they are right now.”

    Employee: “No. We don’t have any. We’ve never sold anything like that here.”

    (I don’t want to argue, despite having bought rawhides there a month ago. I thank her and go to look at dog food, where I find an entire nine foot long display of many different kinds of rawhide bones. I gather an armful and bring them to the counter.)

    Me: *holds one up* “Rawhide bones.”

    Employee: “Oh.” *snorts*

    G-Farce

    | Norway | Pets & Animals

    (I’ve ordered a gerbil from a pet store, and it comes to pick it up.)

    Employee: “I’ll just put that in a cardboard box for you.”

    Me: “Not necessary, I’ve brought a transport box. Gerbils are extreme gnawers, and she’ll be out of that cardboard box within seconds.”

    Employee: “It’s never been a problem before. I’ll just put it in a box.”

    Me: “Okay, then, but I’ll but then cardboard box into my transport box, just to be safe.”

    (By the time we get to the counter 20 seconds later, sure enough, the gerbil is out of the cardboard.)

    Me: *points to the free gerbil* “See?”

    Employee: “That’s gotta be a super gerbil. I’ve never seen that before.”

    Me: “Well, now you know that this can happen, so maybe you should use cardboard boxes for your rodents.”

    Employee: “Nah, it’ll be fine.”

    (A few days later, I enter the same store, only to find the same employee and another searching through the store.)

    Me: *approaching the same employee* “What’s going on?”

    Employee: “We’re searching for a mouse. Someone called to put it on hold, and I put it under the counter… in a cardboard box.”

    To Thine Own Self Be Rude

    | Lincoln, NE, USA | Bigotry, Bosses & Owners

    (I am a female, as is my manager.)

    Manager: “You know, [my name], you really do a good job…”

    Me: “Well, thanks—”

    Manager: “…which is surprising, because I really don’t like women. They’re so needy and…I don’t know. They just suck. Don’t women suck?!”

    Me: “Um. I…suppose? I’m going to get back to work now.”

    Manager: “Oh, right. See what I mean? You’re so good at this job!”

    Write Doesn’t Make Right

    | New York, NY, USA | Bosses & Owners

    (One day, my boss meets me at the door as I report to work with a curt request to come to her office. With the door open so customers and co-workers can all hear, she begins lambasting me about my “unacceptable behavior” of late.)

    Boss: *angrily* “Last night, [coworker] stated that you never spoke to him even once, hid in the back and refused to check out customers!”

    Me: “First, we did talk, and—”

    Boss: “He said it was pretty quiet!”

    Me: “Well, I was in the back stocking the entire large food bag section entirely by myself.”

    Boss: “Well, your behavior is unacceptable, so I’m writing you up!” *hands me a write-up to sign*

    Me: “Okay, let me just get this straight. I am being written up for not talking to [coworker] because I was busy doing heavy stocking while he leaned on the counter up front and texted on his phone all night?”

    (There is a pained silence where my boss and I simply stare unblinkingly at one another.)

    Boss: *snatches the write-up from my hand* “Go and make today’s bank deposit.”

    (I make the deposit as she requests, and return for the write-up.)

    Me: *politely* “May I please sign the write-up?”

    Boss: *defeated* “Oh, I tore that up…”


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