(I’m in the drive through of a popular fast food chain getting breakfast.)

Cashier #1: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

Me: “I’d like a bacon and egg muffin, a hash brown and a small lemonade.”

Cashier #1: “Sorry, could you repeat that?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a bacon and egg muffin, a hash brown and a small lemonade.”

Cashier #1: “Okay. That comes to $15.**”

(Note: this is about three times what it should cost.)

Me: “How much?”

Cashier #1: “$15.**.”

Me: “No, it’s not. I want one bacon and egg muffin. One hash brown. And one small lemonade.”

Cashier #1: “Um…”

(After some muffled noises come from the speaker, a different voice comes on.)

Cashier #2: “It’s $5.**. Please drive through to the second window.”

(I pull up to the window and wait for my order. A cashier comes over, opens the window and holds out a hot drink.)

Cashier #3: “Here’s your cappuccino.”

Me: “I didn’t order that.”

Cashier #3: “Oh. What did you order?”

Me: “A bacon and egg muffin, a hash brown and a small lemonade.”

(She closes the window and disappears. A short while later, she returns holding a cold drink and a bag of food.)

Cashier #3: “Here is your order.”

(She hands me the bag, closes the window and heads back into the restaurant. I have a quick look in the bag and it looks right so I drive off. It’s not until I’ve driven a couple of blocks that I realise I hadn’t paid for it!)

(Note: I am female and drive a car that has seen better days. It currently has a very slow water leak and occasionally overheats as a result. I have stopped at a convenient restaurant parking lot to let it cool before opening the radiator cap. This occurs just after I’ve come back outside after buying a drink.)

Female Employee: “I saw you open your car hood! You must need help.”

Me: “No ma’am, I’m just letting it cool before I fix the problem.”

Female Employee: “No dear, it’s no problem really! You just need a man to help you fix it; let me go get [male employee]!”

Me: “No, really—”

(She turns and briskly walks to the door to the kitchen and shouts for her coworker. He comes out a few moments later.)


Male Employee: “What’s the problem?”

Female Employee: “This woman’s car broke down and she needs help.”

Me: “Ma’am, excuse my rudeness, but I do not need help. I only came inside to get a drink while I wait for my car to cool down enough to safely remove the radiator cap. I have a canister of water and have had to do this before; I am completely capable of taking care of such a minor inconvenience.”

(The male employee looks at me, then back to the female employee and just shakes his head.)

Male Employee: “I’m clearly not needed here.”

Female Employee: “But she’s a woman! You have to help her with—”

Male Employee: “No, I do not need to help someone who is capable of helping themselves. Don’t call me out here for something like this again. Try listening to the customer next time before assuming that she needs help just because she lacks a penis.”

Me: *quietly* “Thank you!”

(My colleagues and I are in a diner. One of their specials on the menu is the “Big Man Breakfast”, which has waffles, sausage, two eggs, and toast. The waitress is taking our orders.)

Me: “I’ve got a question. Can I have the Big Man Breakfast, but with bacon instead of sausage?”

Waitress: “I’m sorry; we don’t allow substitutions.”

Me: “Ah, alright. Well, I really want bacon instead of sausage, so I’ll just pay extra if that’s alright.”

Waitress: *sighs* “No, we don’t do substitutions.”

Me: “I understand that. I’m no longer asking for the Big Man Breakfast, but just the items in the Big Man Breakfast for whatever those individual items cost, with bacon instead of sausage.”

Waitress: “I just told you: we don’t do any substitutions.”

Me: “Right, it’s not the Big Man Breakfast I’m ordering, but just the individual items from the meal, but with bacon.

Waitress: “Yes, and as I said, we can’t do that. No substitutions.”

Me: *gives up* “Okay. Can I have waffles, two eggs, toast, and bacon, please?”

Waitress: “Sure, how would you like your eggs?”

(I have just gotten back from vacation and am only on clock for a few minutes when the manager calls me back into the office.)

Manager: “I think you know why I called you back here.”

Me: “Actually I have no idea. Is something wrong?”

Manager: “I’ll say! Your drawer yesterday was short fifty dollars! That’s an automatic write-up.”

Me: “Wait, did you say yesterday?”

Manager: “Yes, register two from [date]. That was yesterday. You know, I really never expected this from you. Your drawers are usually spot on! Just so you know, I’m very disappointed.”

Me: “I am too. You know why? Because I did not work yesterday. I was on vacation for the week. I don’t know who clocked me in on a register but I am very disappointed they would use my numbers when I wasn’t here.”

(As soon as I say this, the manager kicks me out of her office and refuses to speak to me. Later, the store owner approaches me.)

Store Owner: “I heard what happened yesterday. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything but I don’t want you to get fired, so if you just give back the missing money I can drop your suspension down to only one week instead of four.”

Me: “Actually, I’m glad you brought this up and came to speak to me because I need your help to clear up this mess.”

(I proceed to tell him the same story. He simply nods and goes into the office. Ten minutes later he is accompanied by the manager.)

Manager: “I just wanted to apologize. We checked the computer and it does say your were on paid vacation yesterday and the video does show someone else working that drawer in your name. So, you’re not in trouble anymore.”

Me: “Thank you for helping me get that cleared up!”

Manager: *sulks away*

Store Owner: “I should have known it wasn’t you! You haven’t gotten into any trouble since you started working here.”

Me: “Do you mind if I ask who was working that drawer in my name?”

Store Owner: “Actually, it was [manager]. She’s been written up and put on suspension and I’m sending her home early today. Sorry she gave you a hard time.”

Related:
At Least They’ll Stop Being Short With Customers For A Change, Part 3
At Least They’ll Stop Being Short With Customers For A Change, Part 2
At Least They’ll Stop Being Short With Customers For A Change

Cashier: “Please place your order when ready.”

My Boyfriend: “Yes, can I please get two small Shamrock shakes?”

Cashier: “What kind?”

My Boyfriend: “Shamrock.”

Cashier: “What size?”

My Boyfriend: “Uh, small.”

Cashier: “How many?”

My Boyfriend: “…Two.”

Me: “Seriously?!”