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We’ve Struck Printer Ink!

| The Netherlands | Coworkers

(I work for a large oil company and we have many online conversations with globally spread drilling sites and their offices, but also with IT staff. My colleague is having a call with someone from IT who has a question about the amount of oil that a site has produced. I overhear his side of the story.)

Coworker: “No, they did indeed not report any oil. That’s because they generally don’t drill for oil in the offices.”

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I Just Don’t Have The Conservation Of Energy To Deal With This

| WA, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid

(While waiting for lunch to roll around, one of my slightly ditzy coworkers asks this question:)

Coworker: “Do you think if you were strong enough you could lift yourself up by your own arm?”

Me: “You mean one-handed pull ups?”

Coworker: “No, like this.”

(She then holds one hand in the air and grabs it with the other, while not actually holding onto any solid object.)

Me: “Um… no that wouldn’t work.”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Me: “Because… physics.”

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The 1990s Called… And By Doing So Kicked You Offline

| PA, USA | Technology

(I have to contact a customer to help them figure out a technical issue. While that is not my job, I am happy to make the call. The information sent to me indicates the customer has complained that they are having issues staying connected to our company’s system. As I am talking to the customer, I ask them to connect to the system. As they do so, I hear sounds I have not heard in almost a decade – the tell-tale beeps and boops of dial up connecting…)

Customer: *sighs* “Hang on, I was auto-kicked. Someone picked up the other phone.”

Me: “I think I figured out your problem.”

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