Ordering A Couple Of F-Bombs

| UK | Bad Behavior, Employees, Language & Words

I phone through a daily lunch order for my coworkers, which gets delivered to our office by the sandwich company. They are supposed to deliver between 12:30-13:30, but have recently started coming later and later. Fair enough; they have a lot of orders. But when my boss is growling because he doesn’t get his lunch until after 2:00 pm and the sandwich company is completely unapologetic, that tends to leave me in a bad mood. One day I mention to the delivery driver that my directors were getting tired with the late deliveries, to which the driver replied, “If he doesn’t like it, he can f*** off.”

Naturally, that angered me slightly — after all, their company makes about £500 a month off us. The next day I looked up a new sandwich bar in my town and started ordering from them. The next week, the first sandwich bar called me to say they’d been having issues with their phones and weren’t sure if I got my order through.

My reply? “I took your advice and f***** off.”

Out-Of-Controlled Substance, Part 2

| WI, USA | Employees, Health & Body

(I am at the pharmacy, picking up several medications. To pick up any medications, you have to give the address they have on file. Further, one of the medications is Schedule II, which means I need to have my ID. I pull out my ID and have it ready, waiting for the pharmacy tech to ask for it.)

Tech: “All right, your total is [price]. You can scan your card now!”

Me: *thinking they may have forgotten one of my medications* “Um… is my [controlled substance] in there?”

Tech: “Oh! Yeah, it is! I’ll need to see your ID.”

Me: *hands over the ID*

Tech: *finishes ringing me up, and starts handing me the bag, before pausing* “Oh, what’s your address?”

Me: “[Address].”

Tech: “All right, here you go!”

(As I left, I remembered I’m usually supposed to give my date of birth as well. Kinda takes the “controlled” out of controlled substances when I could’ve gotten it with nothing but a name… I’m just glad I caught it before the person got in big trouble.)

Not Quite The Whipped Cream Of The Crop

| Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am at a popular, worldwide fast food chain to get a quick breakfast. I have ordered my food and am starting to order my drink.)

Me: “And I’d like a small, caramel frappuccino.”

Cashier: *looks at me condescendingly* “We don’t sell frappuccinos here. What else do you want?”

Me: “I could have sworn you did? The blended iced coffee with whipped cream?”

Cashier: “Oh, you mean a frappe!”

Explaining It Eurover And Over

| Portugal | Extra Stupid, Geography, Money

(I have just moved from Portugal to Sweden and want to transfer some money from my Portuguese bank account to my new Swedish bank account. I go to the Portuguese online bank but can not make the transfer as it is not recognizing the Swedish currency. (Portugal uses Euro and Sweden uses Swedish Kronor). So I call the bank’s online customer service:)

Me: “Hi. I wanted to transfer money from Portugal to Sweden but the website is not allowing me as the information for Swedish currency is not showing.”

Representative: “Oh. That is because Sweden uses Euro.”

Me: “No. Sweden belongs to European Union but has never adopted the Euro. It uses Swedish Kronor.”

Representative: “No! Sweden is part of Europe so it uses Euro.”

(This goes back and forth until I get annoyed enough.)

Me: “Miss, I’m sorry but I’m living in Sweden. I think I know what currency is being used. Trust me it is not Euro. It is Swedish Kronor!”

Representative: “Oh. Just use Euro anyway.” *hangs up*

(In the end, they charged me 75€ for the call and I had to ask my parents in Portugal to go to the bank agency and take care of it. And yes, they also complained about the customer service representative.)

Out-Of-Controlled Substance

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(A few years ago, I was with a friend at a local pharmacy. She was looking for water-based lubricant, but could find none on the shelf. I told her that she should ask the pharmacist, since they would know if they stocked the item, and if not they could call other stores to find out. She expressed nervousness that the pharmacist would judge her, and I assured her that it would be entirely unprofessional to do such a thing, but that if it bothered her I would go and ask in her stead. After waiting in line the following exchanged took place.)

Me: “Hello, could you tell me if this, or one of your affiliated stores, carries water-based lubricant?”

Young Pharmacist: “What?”

Me: “Water-based lubricant.”

Young Pharmacist: *looks uneasy* “Why do you need it?”

Me: *confused at the question* “Personal use.”

Young Pharmacist: *becoming irritated* “I need to know exactly what you plan to do with it!”

Me: “Why?”

Young Pharmacist: *suddenly looking upset* “Because it is a controlled substance!”

Me: *thinks he is joking* “No, it’s not.”

Young Pharmacist: *more upset* “Yes, it is!”

Me: *now getting irritated at this very unprofessional behavior* “No! It’s not!”

Young Pharmacist: *now irate* “Yes, it is, and unless you tell me what you plan to do with it I will not sell it to you!”

Me: *now very irate* “For f******!”

Young Pharmacist: *now suddenly pale and uneasy looking* “What?”

Me: *still upset* “For f******! Probably with sex toys involved as well! Anal and vaginal fucking! Now, do you have it or not?!”

Young Pharmacist: *looking very uncomfortable* “I’ll need to get my manager to approve that.” *runs to the backs and has a heated sounding conversation just out of earshot*

(At this point, an older woman who is clearly the head pharmacist comes up to the counter, looking clearly annoyed to be pulled away from whatever she was doing.)

Older Pharmacist: “Hello, I am the head pharmacist here. Would you explain to me what you need the controlled substance for?”

Me: “F******! Sex! Fornication! Probably involving sex toys since certain ones melt if you use the wrong personal lubricant.”

Older Pharmacist: *looking confused* “Personal lubricant is not a controlled substance…”

Me: “That’s what I told him!” *points to Younger Pharmacist* “But he refused to believe me, then demanded to know what I was using it for, then dragged you up here, and now here we are!”

Older Pharmacist: *looks at Younger Pharmacist* “Seriously? You seriously dragged me up here for this?” *turns to the computer* “What kind were you looking for?”

Me: “I need a water-based lubricant; nothing fancy. Do you or any other store in the chain close by carry it?”

(The older pharmacist types for a while, and the younger pharmacist looks uncomfortable.)

Older Pharmacist: “I’m not seeing anything; you probably have to get it online.”

Me: “Thank you very much for all of your help.”

(As I turn to walk back to my friend I hear this exchange between the Older and Younger Pharmacists.)

Older Pharmacist: “If you are going to work in this field you have to stop being this way about sexual and reproductive items or you will not last long.”

(I went back to my friend, informed them of the outcome, and we left. I am so happy that they dealt with me instead of her, as she would have left the pharmacy in tears with no answers.)

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