Time To Show Him The Door(stop)

| CA, USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I work as a support staff in a special education class. It is winter the heater in our classroom has broken, leaving the students and staff alike very uncomfortable. The teacher filed a maintenance request. The next day, I notice a district repair man walking up to the classroom, and step outside to speak with him.)

Me: “You must be here to fix the heater!”

Worker: “Huh? Your heater isn’t working? Well, I’m here to fix something much more important. I heard your doorstop has broken!”

(Sure enough, he pulls out tools to begin to fix our doorstop… a maintenance request we put in at least a month ago. As he’s leaving, he adds:)

Worker: “That’s a nice coat, by the way.”

Me: “Oh, thank you.”

Worker: “Guess you’ll be wearing it all day! Ha ha!”

Me: “…”


Putting It Bluntly

| VA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words

Man Checking Out: “Sir, do you have [type of cheap cigar product]?”

Cashier: “I’m not sure. Let me check.” *yells out to middle-aged manager across the aisle to see if they carry that product*

Manager: “No, but we have blunts… Oh, I mean, we have cigarillos!”

Cashier: *trying to keep a straight face as the man is asking for a different product*

Me: *trying so hard not to burst out laughing*


Needs To Do More Basic Basic Training

| SC, USA | Health & Body, Military

(In the first few hours of basic training, my appendix has ruptured and I need to get emergency surgery to have it removed. After being cleared to travel, I am sent home, though beforehand, I speak to my slightly ditzy Drill Sergeant to make sure everything is in order.)

Me: “Anything else I should worry about, Drill Sergeant?”

Drill Sergeant: “Nothing major. You’re being sent home on convalescent leave since your surgery was pretty major, so just take it easy and try not to let it happen again.”

Me: “The surgery, Drill Sergeant?”

Drill Sergeant: “No, your appendix. If it happens again, you may be medically discharged.”

Me: *to myself* “I somewhat doubt the chances of it ever happening again.”


As Long As You’re Rockin’

| Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Musical Mayhem

(I’m 11, doing inventory in a music store that belongs to a friend of the family. I’m working with a friend going over individual sheet music.)

Friend: *pulls out Jailhouse Rock*

Me: *pulls out Schoolhouse Rock*

Both: “Same thing.”


By My Reading You’re Up For The Count

| Wichita, KS, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(My coworkers and I are occasionally given extra projects to do when things are slow. Sometimes we work separately; other times we work together in a sort of assembly line. The manager leaves it up to us how we get things done, just so long as it’s done correctly and on time. One week, we’re given one that requires a lot of both reading and counting; everyone gets to work on their stacks, and we all talk while we work. I’ve never enjoyed math, and one of my coworkers doesn’t like reading, so we often crack jokes about how bad each of us are at those respective tasks.)

Coworker: *because she’s taking longer on the reading parts* “I don’t like this! I can’t read!”

Me: “Well, I can’t count! Hey, [Coworker], if we worked together on this, we’d be an entire functional employee!”

(I was only joking about working together, but we realized it would actually go quicker if we did. Our manager expected the project to take us a week. We had it knocked out in two days. This sort of stuff is why I love my team so much.)

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