Category: Awesome Customers

Dr. No, To-Go

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Movies & TV

Customer: “I’d like a medium vanilla latte, for to go.”

Me: “Certainly. And a name for the order?”

Customer: “Bond… James Bond…”

Me: “And would you like that hot latte shaken or stirred?”

Customer: “Well, probably stirred… I doubt the barista can handle shaking a hot drink, even for an international man of espionage.”

(We both grinned and completed the transaction without a hitch.)

You’re My Number Code-One Customer

| NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bosses & Owners

(I work in a department store. For some reason, they switched calling up extra cashiers from “to the front lanes” to “code one.” It may have been to sound more official, but it really caused confusion, especially when customers overheard. The week before Christmas, for unknown reasons we only had three cashiers scheduled to man our twelve check-out lanes, and one called out. Needless to say, the front manager was calling more and more floor workers up for “code one” by the minute. I don’t keep track of this until I realize I’m surrounded by people asking for help with everything from hardware to groceries to clothing.)

Me: “Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but am I LITERALLY the only person still on the sales floor?!”

Customer #1: “I think so!”

Customer #2: “No, there’s still the guy at the electronics booth, but he’s got a longer line than you.”

Front Manager: *over walkie-talkie* “[My Name] to the front end for a code one.”

Me: *back to him* “I’ve got almost a dozen people I’m trying to help right now. I’ll be up ASAP.”

Front Manager: “We really need you up here; make it quick.”

(I “make it quick” as much as I can, but for every person I help that’s just “it’s aisle B6 on the back end,” there’s two that need product checked in the storage room, or need help getting down a bike, or simply expects me to run and grab things and bring them back. Needless to say, the manager is getting more irate, and almost calling “code one” faster than I can help individuals.)

Customer: “Is there some sort of emergency? He keeps calling codes.”

Me: “No, that’s just calling me up for register assistance.”

(I pick up the walkie talkie, but the little old lady next to me suddenly snatches it out of my hand!)

Lady: “This boy’s the only person you have out here and he’s bending over backwards to help us all! Leave him alone and check those people out yourself!”

(I got yelled at for “allowing” her to do that… Worth it, though, especially for the cheers of the people around.)

You Hanukkahn’t Keep Them Down

| Freeport, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

(I’m shopping with my two sons, ages five and seven, in early December.)

Cashier: *to my sons* “Are you kids excited for Christmas?”

Seven-Year-Old: “We’re not Christian, we’re Jewish. We get Hannukah!”

Five-Year-Old: “Meow!”

Cashier: “Well, it’s all the same to me; I think all religions are equally stupid.”

(This guy’s always been kind of rude, so I don’t bother replying to him. My five-year-old continues meowing quietly, my seven-year-old helps bag our groceries, and I dig around for my credit card to pay.)

Cashier: *to Five-Year-Old* “Do you want to hold onto your juice, or put it in the bag?”

(He gets another meow in reply.)

Cashier: *in a nasty tone, to Five-Year-Old* “That meowing is really annoying and rude. You need to knock it off.”

(I am so angry, for a moment I am speechless. But then…)

Seven-Year-Old: *in a calm, patient voice* “My brother’s autistic, and he doesn’t talk yet, but he loves animals. When he meows, he’s trying his best to be friendly, so you should try to be encouraging. And your mom should have taught you not to pick on people who are little, anyway.”

Five-Year-Old: “Meow!”

Cashier: “…”

(I was so proud of my boys that day!)

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Hamster Philosophy

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bizarre/Silly

(I’m the employee in this story. I work in the floral department of a large grocery store. It’s closing time and the end of my shift, so I’m a little slap-happy. There’s a group of three customers browsing my department and one of them picks out some flowers and brings them to me to wrap. While I’m helping her, her friends are goofing around with various stuff around the department and generally being silly and trying to get a reaction out of her while she rolls her eyes and ignores them. One of them comes over with a tiny plush hamster and shoves it in her face.)

Friend #1: *in a squeaky voice* “Hi! How are you? What’s going on?”

Customer: “I don’t know these people.”

Friend #2: “Hey, do you have any tape so I can tape this balloon to my chest?”

Me: “You have to buy it if you want to wear it.”

Friend #1: *still messing with the hamster* “Hiii!”

(He gives up and sets it down on the counter. I finish wrapping the flowers and pick up the hamster.)

Me: *in the same squeaky voice* “Life is meaningless!”

(All three customers stare at me like I’ve grown a second head and then burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Oh, my god! You have to come with us. We’re going to get cocktails after this. You have to come. You’re getting off right now, right?”

Me: “I am, but I have to go home. I open tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just for a beer! Come on, giiiirl!”

(I laugh and refuse again, and they thank me for helping them and don’t press the matter, but thank you, awesome customers, for laughing at my weirdness instead of complaining to a manager!)

No Booze During Your Snooze

| New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(I’m working as a barista at a well-known coffee chain. My coworker is at the register and is serving one of our regular customers when this exchange happens.)

Coworker: “Your total comes to [amount]. Was there anything else we can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get an extra shot of ‘will to live’ in my coffee?”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, we don’t serve alcohol before 11 am.”

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