Category: Coworkers

This Software Will Be The Death Of You

| Latvia | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Technology

(We have a very, very annoying internal software that crashes regularly, and causes endless trouble.)

Me: “So I dreamt that our office was captured by aliens and we were held hostages by them at laser-gun point.”

Two Male Colleagues: “And then?”

Me: “The aliens started saying that they are technologically more advanced than us because they run [Company Software].”

Two Male Colleagues: *start laughing deliriously*

Me: “And by the way, in my dream you two reacted in the exact same way and were pulverised by the aliens.”

Two Male Colleagues: “A very honourable death indeed.”

Me: “Yeah, I remember thinking ‘oh no, my friends are dead’ and ‘they died an epic death, though, they had a point.’”

Harry Potter And The Mobsters Of Azkaban

| NC, USA | Coworkers, Movies & TV

(Our locally owned restaurant is known for hiring pretty girls, but not always the smartest.)

Employee: “I watched that movie Scarface last night. Have you seen that movie, Scarface?”

(A few of the other servers mutter answers, her eyes go wide…)

Employee: “Wasn’t he like, a REAL guy? Like, didn’t he really go to that prison… Azkaban?!”

Me: “Oh, honey, that’s from Harry Potter… Are you thinking of Alcatraz?”

Employee: “No! It’s real! They made a movie about it… It’s called Shutter Island or something like that…”

At Work And Having A Ball

| Finland | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(My coworkers and I are technical writers. The product that we document includes an automatic tester feature. My coworker is reviewing a draft of the manual.)

Coworker: “[My Name], there’s a typo here. It says ‘automatic testes.’”

Me: “I guess that means our product has balls.”

The Magical Kingdom Of Death

| SC, USA | Coworkers, Tourists & Travel

(I have just begun training to fill a part time position at the local library, and I’m filling in for someone in the back room. As I’m checking in returned books, the following conversation takes place.)

Librarian #1: “Hey, where’s [Librarian #2]?”

Librarian #3: “She left early, remember? Said she didn’t want to get to Florida at 3:00 in the morning.”

Librarian #1: “Oh, yeah. Hey, isn’t she going to Disney?”

Librarian #3: “Yep. She told me she found a hotel for only 35$ a night.”

Librarian #1: “WHAT?!”

Librarian #4: “WHAT?!”

Random Coworker: *pops head into room* “WHAT?!”

Librarian #1: “Doesn’t she realize how creepy and fishy that is? Nobody rents rooms for that cheap!”

Librarian #4: “This is how murder mysteries start!”

Librarian #3: “I know! I told her that. She said she wasn’t passing it up because it was her last day of Spring Break. I said, ‘No, it’s your last day alive!’ But she went anyway.”

The Boss Is Out Of Order

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(I process and input the orders that come in for our product. It has been very busy the past few weeks, since we recently came out with a new version of our book, and have been slammed with orders. I finally manage to finish all the orders that were in my in basket.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss], look at this!”

(I show her my empty in basket. She puts in an order that just came in via fax.)

Me: “Aaawww…”

Coworker: “You just like bursting his bubble, don’t you?”