Category: Coworkers

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Drew Out The Truth

| NE, USA | Coworkers, Funny Names

(During college, I used to work at a summer camp. About 3/4 of the staff usually choose “camp names” to go by. I have been going by Smitty since I was a camper. One of my favorite “camp name” stories happens my first summer on staff. I am the office person, so since I sort the mail, I am one of the few that know everyone’s real name. Drew (aka Drewlaboomkins) was the Assistant Program Director. One afternoon he radios me up from the lower office:)

Drew: “Hey, Smitty?”

Me: “Yes, Drew?”

Drew: “You know everyone’s real name, right?”

Me: “Yeah, Drew.”

Drew: “Who the h*** is [Name] Smith?”

Me: “That’s me, Drew.”

Drew: “Oh… okay… Thank you very much…”

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Accentuating The Problem

| FL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Language & Words, Pranks

(I recently got a job working at a hardware store. I thoroughly enjoy my new job, and all my coworkers are funny, hardworking and an absolute delight to work with. However, I’m slightly gullible, and try my best to please both customers and my coworkers as I am the youngest and the only female not in a management position, as well as the only one at our store, period. I soon learn that whenever a fellow coworker calls from either home or a sister store, it is nearly a RULE for the caller to prank whoever answers. One day I am mixing paint when the phone rings. It reads as a cellphone number, and I quickly pick it up.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Hello? You have reached [Store]. Can I help you this evening?”

Caller: *thick Indian accent* “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir! You’ve reached [Store]. Can I help you with anything?”

Caller: “Yes. You do key lock?”

Me: “I’m sorry? We re-key locks if that is what you mean, sir.”

Caller: “Good. Good. How many?”

Me: *starting to recognize a very familiar undertone and inflection pattern and getting suspicious* “As many as you need, sir.”

Caller: “You re-key lock, yes? Then you re-key mine. Fifty! You re-key fifty?”

Me: “Of course, sir. However, I have a question for you, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Caller: “Ask!”

Me: “Does your name happen to be [Coworker who is off that day]?”

Caller: *laugh, drops the accent* “Hey, [My Name]! How long did you know?”

Me: “You need to figure out a Scottish accent or something other than the same one you use to order us pizza, dude. Or at least learn how to drop the Southern twang when you speak. So whatchya need, mate?”

(It ended up that he was calling to change one of his choices for the weekly football pool we set up. He DID learn how to fake several different accents after that, and it kept us all on our toes.)

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Should Have Just (Stereo)Typed It

| Wrightsville, PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(I used to work as a busboy. One day, I’m writing the daily specials on the chalkboard. One of the waitresses nearby watches me, and out of nowhere asks me this.)

Waitress: “Wow, you have better handwriting than a girl. Are you gay?”

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The Coffee Is Protected

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Coworkers, Technology

(I work for a non-profit firm that doesn’t always have state-of-the-art technology, which means we experience more than our fair share of technical difficulties. On this particular day, our main server has crashed in epic fashion, knocking out computers and phones for everyone in the office. It’s been down for more than an hour when I take a break from paperwork to heat up some coffee in the break room microwave.)

Coworker: *walking by* “Look at you! You found an electronic device in this office that’s working!”

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Put Away Your Confidence

| Chambersburg, PA, USA | Coworkers

(I and the coworker in this story are both cashiers at a small craft store. We’re such a small store that normally we only have one register operator at a time and we call for backup as needed. On this particular day my coworker and I have our schedules overlapped for about an hour, so she is sent to put returned items back. However, I keep calling her to register and she’s barely been able to get through the few items there were. Finally, we’re down to the last ten minutes and the last item.)

Coworker: “I’m going to go try to put my last item back.”

Me: “Good luck to you, with the way it’s been in here. I mean, you only have ten minutes. Are you sure you can do it?”

Coworker: *very cheerfully* “Nope! I have zero confidence in my ability to get this put away! But I’m going to try anyway!”