Category: Coworkers

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Can’t Hold A Scented Candle To Your Knowledge Of History

| USA | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers

(I work in the backroom of our store, unpacking boxes of merchandise that come off the trucks. There are no customers, so all of us talk freely while we work. My coworker likes to ask me about myself, even though we have very different interests. It’s also important to note that, because of my schooling and hobbies, I’m not an expert on any given subject, but I tend to know a little bit about a lot of different things.)

Me: *in response to something* “It’s because no one teaches history these days. There are college kids who don’t even know who we fought in the Revolutionary War.”

Coworker: *looks at me nervously* “It was… Britain? Right?”

Me: *relieved* “Yes, the British Empire. And you know who won the Civil War, right?”

Coworker: “Uh, I know it wasn’t the Confederates.”

Me: “Right, the Union. The North.”

(On another day, while I’m reading a book during our lunch break.)

Coworker: “[My Name], did you just laugh?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “What’s so funny in there?”

Me: “Uh, it’s hard to explain unless you know what’s going on. It’s a fantasy story, really involved. It’s a lot like Dungeons & Dragons.”

Coworker: “What’s Dungeons & Dragons?”

Me: “Oh. Um. It’s a tabletop game.” *I get a blank stare from her* “Look it up on your phone.”

Coworker: “Okay. How do you spell dungeon?”

Me: *off the top of my head* “D-U-N-G-E-O-N.”

(When we get back from lunch, she opens a box with candles in it.)

Coworker: “Pomello-scented. What’s a pomello?”

Me: “Oh, it’s a type of big citrus fruit, kind of like a grapefruit but sweeter.”

Coworker: “How do you know everything?!”

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Too Closed To Call

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Coworkers, Holidays

(Since it’s Easter Sunday, our store is closing early, in just a few minutes. I love making the closing announcements.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can you do the closing announcement for me?”

Me: “Sure.” *over the store pager* “Attention shoppers: the store is now closed. Please bring your purchases up to the cashiers at the front. Thank you and have a great day.”

Coworker: “Wait, I meant to say that we are closing, not that we are closed.”

Me: “Closed. Closing. Close enough.”

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The Word Most Fitting

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Coworkers, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am the head of an assembly line in a company factory plant that primarily manufactures signs. I assure our line has all the proper parts before we begin assembling the orders. The current order requires us to use a specific mounting plate with a slim slot in the middle to insert the sign and give the impression that it is hanging from the mount. We manage to insert the sign to test if size is correct, but then have a difficult time trying to pull it out of the slot afterwards. I head off to verify that the plates are the correct ones. Most of my Coworker’s first language is not English.)

Me: *after returning* “Okay, guys, so I checked with the warehouse, and they’re reassuring me that these are the correct plates.”

Coworker #1: “Really? But we didn’t even screw it in and it would not come out!”

Me: “Ya, I know… Usually these leave a little more room to make it easy to insert, but I guess these ones are just a little more fitting than usual.”

Coworker #2: “More fitting? That plate has been de-virginized!”

(My Coworker and I had to take a few minutes to regain our composure from doubling over laughing!)