Category: Coworkers

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This Just Isn’t CoWorking

| USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(My manager has recently hired a new guy for our department. Despite the fact that he and I have the same job title, he treats me like I’m his personal secretary. I have told him many times that it’s not my responsibility to do his job, yet he keeps on doing it. I have brought it to my manager’s attention several times, but she won’t do anything, so I take matters into my own hands…)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Coworker: “Go get me some coffee.”

Me: “Uh, are you serious right now?”

Coworker: “I don’t joke about coffee!”

Me: “Are your legs broken? Have you lost the ability to walk ten feet to the break room?”

Coworker: “Isn’t it your job to do that for me?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

Coworker: “FINE. I’ll get it myself!” *stomps off*

(30 minutes later…)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “Can you make ten copies of this for me?” *drops paperwork on my desk*

Me: “No.”

Coworker: “But I’m very busy! I don’t have time to do it myself!”

Me: “You’re so busy that you can’t walk across the hall to the copier, yet you have time to walk over here and order me around?”

Coworker: “But [Manager] said that you would help me!”

Me: “Because you’re new. I’ll help you get adjusted to the company and all the procedural stuff. I know that’s difficult to get used to. Ordering me to get your coffee and make your copies? No. I am very busy too, but I still get up and make my own copies, pour my own coffee, and run my own mail to the mail room, because I am an ADULT.”

Coworker: “UGH!” *stomps off*

(An hour later…)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], can I see you for a minute?”

Me: “Sure!” *I walk over to my manager’s desk*

Manager: “We need to talk about this behavior you are displaying with [Coworker].”

Me: “MY behavior?”

Manager: “You need to show him more respect. He does not feel appreciated by you.”

Me: “Excuse me? Is he serious?”

Manager: “Let’s discuss this attitude, [My Name]. It’s not nice to talk to him the way you were earlier today.”

(I am about ready to explode, but somehow keep myself in check.)

Me: “[Manager], I will start respecting him when he starts respecting ME as his coworker and equal. You can quote me on that.”

Manager: “Go back to your desk.”

(I transferred to a different department less than a month later. Best decision I ever made.)

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The Voice Of Unreason

| UK | Bizarre/Silly, Coworkers, Pranks

(This event takes place late on a Friday afternoon.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]”

Caller: “Hello, it’s [Client]. Can I speak to [Coworker #1]?”

Me: “Certainly, [Client]. One moment please.” *calls Coworker #1*

Coworker #?: *fast-paced, high-pitched fake voice* “Hello, [My Name]!”

Me: *completely thrown* “Is [Coworker #1] there…?”

Coworker #?: *fast-paced, high-pitched fake voice* “Yes, this is [Coworker #1], ready to take your call!”

Me: *laughs uncontrollably*

Coworker #2: *normal voice, laughing* “Here he is.”

Coworker #1: “Hi. Who’s calling me?”

Me: *still laughing*

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Doesn’t Get The Basic Print-siple

| UK | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a library. One of my coworkers approaches me with a sheaf of paper in her hands.)

Coworker: “So, how do I know when my print job has finished?”

Me: “Um, when the printer stops printing out paper?”

Coworker: “Well, I know that! But how do I know it’s actually finished?”

Me: “Do you have everything you sent to print?”

Coworker: “Well, how am I supposed to know that?”

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A Hug(e) Sinus Problem

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’ve been coughing, sneezing, and sniffling a lot the past few days. It’s only sinus drainage, so I’m not contagious, but one of my coworkers is a bit of a germaphobe.)

Coworker: “Um… do you mind stepping back a little, please?”

Me: “Would you like a hug?”

Coworker: “GET OUT OF HERE!”

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Probably Doesn’t Like Obamacare Either

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Coworkers

(I work for a company that stores and processes information for certain Medicaid plans. One of the plans is in New Mexico. We use the United States Postal Service website to verify members’ addresses that are not showing valid in our systems. A coworker is asking me a question about our New Mexico plan.)

Me: “All right, so their address isn’t valid in the system. You’ll need to look it up online to see what it should be.”

Coworker: “Is there a website we can use like [Other Plan]?”

Me: “Yeah… You need to use USPS, same as the other plans.”

Coworker: “We can use that even in New Mexico?”

Me: “[Coworker], what does ‘USPS’ stand for?”

Coworker: “Oh! Yeah, I forgot New Mexico was part of the US.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: “Because I don’t like Mexico.”