Category: Coworkers

Specifically About Things

| WA, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I’m a reporter at a newspaper. The following conversation happens between me and another reporter within minutes of me getting to the office. Note: As reporters, it’s essential we know how to ask questions to get information we want and need. Seems pretty obvious, right?)

Coworker: “Have you spoken to [Our Editor]?”

Me: “Today? Yesterday? When?”

Coworker: “Whenever.”

Me: “About?”

Coworker: “Anything.”

(Pause.)

Me: “Yes, I have spoken to [Our Editor] at various points in the past about things.”

Coworker: “That’s not helpful.”

They Have An Amor/Odio Relationship

| USA | Coworkers, Language & Words

(I have worked closely with one of my coworkers for several years and we have developed an “affectionate” habit of insulting each other in Spanish. His native language is Spanish but his English is near fluent. My native language is English and I am trying to learn Spanish. One such exchange goes like this:)

(In Spanish:)

Coworker: “Hey, fat-a**!”

Me: “Shut up, ugly bastard!”

Coworker: *holding his hands as far apart as they will go* “Your a** is like this big!”

Me: “Why are you so stupid?”

(Suddenly switching to English:)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], is today your birthday?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Coworker: *still English* “Happy birthday, [My Name]! I love you!”

(Gives me a giant hug.)

Me: “Oh, thank you. How sweet! I love you, too!”

(We separate. Back to Spanish:)

Coworker: “B****.”

Me: “A**-hole.”

Forbidden Fun

| Germany | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers

(I and a coworker are putting a bunch of newly arrived clothes on hangers and then hanging them on their assigned places. We talk about different things as we work and we laugh every now and then. Our boss is working on an accessories display nearby and decides to jump in the conversation.)

Boss: “You two, could you please not have a chat while working?”

Coworker: “But, but…”

Me: “Aw, [Boss], this is the only thing we like about this bleak job.”

Boss: *after a few seconds* “Yeah, you’re right…”

Arrived At The Answer Speedily

| San Jose, CA, USA | Coworkers

(I work in the service department of a car dealership. Very few places rebuild or repair gauge clusters any more – they’re mostly replaced as a unit or mailed out if they need to be fixed. However, there is a shop in a city about a half an hour away that still does this sort of specialty work. Basically, everyone in the industry in our area uses them as they’re one of the few left.)

Coworker: “What’s the name of the shop in [City] again? The one that does speedometer work?”

Me: “Crap, I know exactly who you mean but I can’t remember their name. It’ll come to me, but it’s not there yet. I’ll think on it. They do speedometer work, they’re in [City]…”

(About five minutes later, I burst out laughing.)

Me: “[Coworker], we’re idiots.”

Coworker: “Why?”

Me: “The place in [City] that does speedometers?”

Coworker: “You remembered the name?”

Me: “Yeah. [City] Speedometer.”

Coworker: “WOW.”

Drinking Your Worries And Shifts Away

| Estonia | Bad Behavior, Coworkers

(Recently, one of my coworkers didn’t show up for his shift and was unreachable, which caused a lot of inconvenience for the rest of us who had to cover for him. He did come to his next shift and I took the chance to chew him out over it while he tried to explain himself.)

Coworker: “You have to understand, it was Friday night—”

Me: *interrupting* “It was Saturday afternoon!”

Coworker: “Yeah, but at some point I became too drunk to tell the difference.”