Category: Employees


‘Force’ Your Way To The Front Of The Line

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Employees, Geeks Rule

(I am standing in line waiting for the cashiers. While waiting, I’m watching the TV with one hand under my chin. An employee working around the store takes notice.)

Employee: “You look like you’re trying to lift something with your mind.”

(I thrust a hand out at a display and make a lifting gesture.)

Employee: *laughs* “Lift me out of this store.”


Couldn’t Read Your Tone

| USA | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(When I was younger we got phone calls from a major newspaper every few days for about three weeks straight trying to get us to subscribe. Everyone in my family has had a turn to say no. Finally, I’m fed up.)

Telemarketer: “Good afternoon! I’m calling on behalf of [Major Newspaper] with an exciting deal for you today.”

Me: “Thank you, but I’m not interested.”

Telemarketer: “Why not? This is the lowest price it’s ever been, you can get the entire week’s worth of papers for only $.50 a day!”

Me: “No. I don’t want your newspaper.”

Telemarketer: “May I ask why you’d turn down such a deal?”

Me: “No. I’m just not interested.”

Telemarketer: “But surely you have a reason!”

Me: “I do. But it isn’t any of your business.”

Telemarketer: “But, miss…”

Me: “Fine, do you really want to know why I don’t want your paper?!”

Telemarketer: “Yes please.”

Me: “Because I. CAN’T. READ. Are you happy now?”

Telemarketer: *silence* “I am SO sorry. We won’t call again.”

(They didn’t. Thankfully. I felt kind of bad for the person, but enough is enough.)


Ensuring The Prince Always Remains Fresh

Spokane, WA, USA | Employees, Musical Mayhem

(I’m in a store that sells overstock and refurbished goods. It’s a massive place so you can go awhile without seeing another person. While searching, I noticed the radio started playing Tom Jones’s “It’s Not Unusual” and went down the next aisle, spotting an employing doing The Carlton – finger snapping and all.)

Employee: *continues dancing for perhaps half a minute before turning around* “Oh, uh…” *he stops dancing with the most embarrassed look on his face* “Can I… help you, miss?”

Me: “Uh, I was just looking around. You didn’t have to stop.”

(I went off to leave the poor guy be, but glanced back to see he resumed dancing. Shine on, you crazy diamond.)


Common Sense On A Diet, Part 2

| Washington, DC, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m generally pretty healthy, so I don’t go to the doctor very often. It’s been about a year since I visited the doctor last, and I’ve gotten my act together and lost some weight I had gained during a very stressful period in my life. It’s a noticeable loss, but only about 25 pounds. After weighing me in, the nursing assistant leaves me in an exam room and the nurse comes in to do my vitals and history.)

Nurse: *looking over my chart* “Wow, you’ve lost quite a bit of weight since the last time we saw you. Good job! Being a healthy weight will keep you healthier overall.”

Me: “Thank you. I feel much better.”

Nurse: “And what weight loss aid did you use?”

Me: “Well, I joined a winter sports league so that I’m active year-round, started swimming a couple times a week, and improved my diet. For example, I reduced the amount of sugar and bread and stuff I eat and added in more vegetables.”

Nurse: “No one loses this much weight this quickly without using diet pills. It’s okay, we just need to know what you’re taking so that we don’t prescribe anything that will interact with it.”

Me: “I lost 25 pounds in about 14 months… that’s not so much that it can’t be done with just a little exercise. I gained the weight by eating poorly and not exercising enough, I reversed the weight gain doing the same.”

Nurse: “Ooooookay. Well, I don’t think we’ll be able to prescribe you anything unless you are honest with us about what other drugs you are taking. The doctor will be in shortly.”

(I’m left staring, mouth agape, at the door as she huffs out. The doctor comes in.)

Doctor: *after exam* “Well, everything seems fine overall, and congratulations on your weight loss. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to renew your prescription for your allergy medication unless I know what diet aid you’re taking. The ones that rely on caffeine can cause interactions with your allergy pills.”

Me: “I told the nurse I didn’t use any diet pills. I ate better and exercised more. If not exercising and eating poorly can put the weight on, doing the opposite can take it off, right?”

Doctor: “So you told the nurse you didn’t take diet pills?”

Me: “Yes.”

Doctor: *sighs* “She wrote down that you used diet pills but refused to say what kind. If you’re not taking diet pills, I’ll order your allergy medication. No problem.”

(He proceeds to write me my needed prescription and sends me out. As I check out at the desk, I hear him from the back.)

Doctor: “[NURSE]! Please step into exam room four… We need to have a talk!”

Common Sense On A Diet


You’ll Have The Devil To Pay, Part 2

| PA, USA | Employees, Religion

(I am at a local pharmacy.)

Cashier: *ringing me up* “Okay, ma’am, your total today comes to—” *pauses a moment and looks like a deer in the headlights* “$6.66…”

(I calmly gets my money to pay and the cashier finishes bagging my items, still looking like a deer in the headlights. Finally my receipt is being printed out.)

Cashier: “Do you, uh, want your receipt?”

Me: “Yes, please!”

Cashier: *takes receipt and crumples it into a ball and TOSSES it onto the counter* “Here you go.”

Me: *shocked* “Uh, thanks…” *takes receipt and straightens it out*

Cashier: “Don’t let the Devil get you!”

You’ll Have The Devil To Pay