Category: Food & Drink


Tequila Myself Slowly

| NY, USA | Food & Drink

Bartender: “What can I get you?”

Me: “A slow and painful death.”

Bartender: “…”

Me: “…”

Bartender: “…”

Me: “…”

Bartender: “Tequila shots coming right up!”


And Don’t Even Get Me Started On What They Did To The Fava Beans

| BC, Canada | Employees, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(My mother and I are in one of the dozen liquor stores that serves our small town looking for a specific type of red wine. We can’t seem to find it so we ask a staff member who is stocking shelves.)

Me: “Excuse me; do you know where your Chianti is?”

Staff: “What?”

Me: “Chianti.”

Mom: “It’s red wine.”

(The staff member goes to the tills and asks for help. She returns and leads us to the right section.)

Staff: “It’s actually ‘chee-auntie.'”

(I grimace at my mother.)

Mom: “No, it’s actually Chianti.” *key-anty*

Staff: “The girls corrected me…”

Mom: “It’s Chianti.”

(I find the bottle we want and the staff member wanders off. I turn to Mom.)

Me: “They really need to watch Silence of the Lambs.”


Should Have Just Driven Straight Thru

| OH, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Food & Drink, Technology

(We have never figured out how our simple drive-thru order was so misunderstood.)

Order: “One small hot fudge sundae.”

Cashier: Okay, that’s six hamburgers with marshmallows.


Time To Try Another One

| OH, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m terrible with the passage of time. I can’t track it without staring at a clock. I order a pizza and get an estimated delivery time of 30 minutes. I immediately start playing around on the computer. At some point my stomach growls and I check the time. It’s been an hour and a half. I call the pizza place.)

Me: “I’m calling to check on my pizza that I ordered an hour and a half ago.”

Pizza Place: “Oh, the driver couldn’t find you.”

Me: “What phone number do you have for me?”

Pizza Place: “We’ve got [number].”

Me: “That’s the right number, so why didn’t anyone call for directions?”

Pizza Place: “The driver doesn’t have a phone, so when he brought your order back we just cancelled it. Would you like to place another order?”

Me: “No… No, I wouldn’t.”


No Barrier To Drinking

, | Arlington, VA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink

(In Virginia, open containers of alcohol are not allowed in public area. However, if a restaurant has sidewalk/outdoor patio space, they can get a permit to serve alcohol there, as long as their seating area on the sidewalk is designated with some sort of physical indicator.)

Me: *in chained-off patio area, talking to woman across the patio* “Hey, Trish! Did you—”

(I realize it’s too noisy for her to hear me, so I walk around the patio, outside of the chain, and then talk to Trish. I’m still holding my bottle of beer.)

Waitress: “[My Name]! You can’t have your beer outside of our patio!”

(I look down, and see I’m still on the outside of the chain. I then step over the chain, but put my feet in the exact same place, but now the chain is behind my calves.)

Waitress: “That’s better.”