Category: Food & Drink

Your Tip Is Toast

| Bonn, Germany | Bad Behavior, Employees, Food & Drink

(This happened to my parents in the 80s. They are at a table in the half-empty dining room, waiting to be served breakfast. The waitress comes and puts their plates down with two slices of toast for each of them and some spreads. When my parents try to order more toast this happens.)

Mom: “Hello, could we have some more toast, please?”

Waitress: *curt* “No.”

Mom: “We are willing to pay if that costs extra.”

Waitress: “You shouldn’t eat so much toast. It makes you constipated.”

(My parents left and bought some pastries at a nearby bakery.)

A Sweet Thought(less)

| UK | Coworkers, Food & Drink, Money

(A colleague has broken her arm and a few others are doing a collection to get her a present and a card.)

Colleague #1: “I don’t know what we should get. Can you help me decide?”

Colleague #2: “I’ve got two minutes before my meeting. How much money do we have?”

Colleague #1: “Uhh… five pounds… thirty.”

Colleague #2: “What about a chocolate selection box?”

Colleague #1: “That’s not very thoughtful…”

Colleague #2: “Well, with two minutes and five pounds thirty, that’s as much thought as you’re gonna get from me!”

Pizza Of Future’s Past

| Washington, DC, USA | Food & Drink, Time

(I order a pizza on the night daylight saving time ends, at 1:45 am DST. They tell me it will be there in about half an hour, and sure enough, half an hour later, it arrives. It is now 1:15 am, standard time, because we set the clocks back. I have no complaints, but a couple days later, I get a call from a manager.)

Manager: “Hello, I’m calling about your order a couple days ago from [Pizza Place].”

Me: “Yes, was there a problem?”

Manager: “You tell me. It’s showing here that your order took 993 minutes to be delivered, but that’s what, 16 hours? I just wanted to follow up and see what happened.”

Me: “No, it took about half an hour, pretty much what they promised.”

Manager: “So you ordered at 1:45 am, and it was delivered at… 1:16 am? That is fast, but that can’t be right.”

Me: *thinking back* “Wasn’t that the day we set our clocks back? So that does make sense. Maybe your computer system couldn’t handle a negative and it overflowed?”

Manager: “Like Gandhi?”

Me: “Yeah, like Gandhi.”

Manager: “Well, sorry to bother you, and I hope you order again soon. We’ll be fast next time, too, but we can’t get it to you before you order. That was a one-time thing!”

Pumpkins: The Hate Is Real

| NJ, USA | Coworkers, Food & Drink

(I work at a courtesy desk for a grocery store. It’s the day before Halloween and we ran out of pumpkins. We got calls and questions all day asking if we had pumpkins for sale. After work, I decide to call the courtesy desk to mess with my coworker.)

Coworker: *picks up phone* “[Location] [Store]. [Coworker] speaking.”

Me: “Yes, do you guys sell pumpkins?”

Coworker:” No, we don’t sell them, [My Name].”

Me: “But [Competing Store] sells pumpkins.”

Coworker: “Then why don’t you buy them and bring them here so we can sell them?”

Me: “But why don’t you guys have them?”

Coworker: “Because we hate our customers. Have a nice day.” *hangs up*

A Ham-Fisted Attempt At Vegetarianism

| Belgium | Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It’s late in the evening. My mother and I had a very long day, and neither of us are in the mood to cook, so we decided to grab a snack at the chip van. Note that I’m a vegetarian.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, are those lumpias vegetarian?”

Him: “Yes, ma’am! There is just some sparkle of ham in it.”

Me: “…”

(My mother could barely retain her laughter until we left.)