Category: Food & Drink


Getting Salmon-ella

| PA, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(My husband really wants to get dinner at a Latin American/Japanese fusion restaurant near where we are living at the time. He’s in the military so this would be one of his only chances to go to the restaurant. I agree even though I’ve been very queasy lately and nicer restaurants like that can be rude about substitution requests. After looking over the menu, I order the salmon well-done and with the sauce on the side.)

Waitress: “The salmon’s very good here. You should let our chef cook it like he wrote in the menu.”

Me: “Normally I would, but today I’m not feeling very well. I’d prefer to have it cooked through, please.”

(When the food comes out, my husband’s fusion dish looks amazing. My salmon isn’t even completely seared on the sides and is raw all the way through.)

Me: “Can I please have this cooked?”

Waitress: “It’s not like it’s easy to tell how cooked a piece of fish is. You should just eat it; you’ll like it better this way.”

Me: “I’m pregnant.”

(She took my plate back and brought cooked-through salmon. At the time I was still in my first trimester and had all-day and all-night morning sickness. The salmon was delicious and did not make me sick.)


Well, They Got One Thing Right

, | Gresham, OR, USA | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I pull up to the drive-thru to grab a soda and a snack after a stressful afternoon.)

Me: “Hi, can I get a large Diet [Soda] with lemon, no ice, please.”

Employee: “Do you want the lemon flavoring or a slice of lemon?”

Me: “Lemon flavoring, please.”

Employee: “Okay, so that was a large [Soda], with lemon, not Diet, right?”

Me: “Um, no. A large Diet [Soda], with lemon flavoring, no ice, please.”

Employee: “Okay. A large… Diet [Soda] with lemon, anything else?”

Me: “No ice in the drink, please, and a large french fry.”

Employee: “Okay. I’ll have that at the window.”

(I pull up and we have the cash exchange, and she hands me a bag of fries and my drink.)

Employee: “Oh, wait. I gave you [Soda], not Diet.”

(I try to return the drink to her.)

Employee: “Do you want to just, like, keep it?”

Me: “Umm, sure.” *even though I hate regular [Soda]*

Employee: *as she is passing the new drink out the window* “Here’s your large DIET [Soda] with lemon.”

Me: *noticing it has ice in it* “Um, it has ice. It was supposed to be no ice.”

Employee: *smiling proudly* “Yeah, but it’s DIET.”

Me: “But it was supposed to be no ice.”

Employee: *blank stare*


The Fake Is Not A Lie

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Coworkers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My business office is fairly nice, and we have an on-site French chef with his own kitchen and staff. They make all kinds of food for various events, one of which is the Friday staff lunch. They always have a variety of foods served buffet-style along with a variety of bite-sized dessert cakes and tarts. For some reason this Friday the dessert section doesn’t have the bite-size pieces, and instead has large round cakes from which people can take a slice. The cakes are labeled as ‘Raspberry Lemon Cake’ and are pink and yellow in color. I’m in line with a bunch of coworkers, ranging in age from 30ish to 50ish, when this gem happens:)

Coworker #1: “Ugh, just look at those things! Disgusting!”

Coworker #2: “What? The cakes? Yeah, I like it when there’s more variety and…”

Coworker #1: *cutting off Coworker #2* “No! I mean, they’re obviously so FAKE!”

Me: “What…? How is it fake? I mean it says ‘cake’ and it’s not a pie, or a tart. It pretty much looks like a cake.”

Coworker #1: “Just look at that color! That’s just so fake! Why can’t they serve real food!”

Me: “The pink and yellow? Well, it IS made with raspberries and lemons…”

Coworker #1: “Ugh! No, they just used raspberry and lemon flavoring! The color is so fake. It’s probably full of chemicals!”

Coworker #2: “Um, no, I’m pretty sure [Chef] insists on using fresh ingredients for everything.”

Me: “And raspberries are pink, after all.”

Coworker #1: “No, they’re not! Everyone knows real fruit juice is clear! They just add food-coloring to make it look like the fruit it comes from so people can tell them apart!”

Me: “What?! No. I’m pretty sure if you squish a raspberry, the juice is pink, because raspberries are pink. It’s a natural color.” *I then grab a slice of the cake, on top of which is a single fresh raspberry, and to prove my point, I squish the raspberry with my fork, and the juice from it runs down the plate, bright pinkish-red*

Me: “See? It’s just naturally that color.”

Coworker #1: “Eww! They even injected the food-coloring into the fruit?! Gross!”

(We both stare at her in disbelief.)

Coworker #2: “That’s not a thing!”

(At that point, I was speechless, so I just took my plate and headed back to my desk, leaving her to argue with our other coworker. I ate the ‘fake’ cake, too. It was delicious!)


Nuts About Secrecy

| UK | Food & Drink

(A local cafe which makes all of its dishes from scratch is offering “luxury cheese on toast” as a special. Being allergic to nuts, I ask what the ingredients were.)

Cashier: “It’s a secret!”

Me: “Okay, but I need to know the ingredients.”

Cashier: “It’s a secret recipe, but it’s very nice.”

Me: “I can’t eat nuts. Can you tell me if it has nuts in the recipe?”

Cashier: “It’s cheese on toast. I wouldn’t think it would have nuts. It’s been a very good seller. Lots of people have given us good feedback.”

Me: “I’m sure, but can you tell me for sure if there are any nuts or nut oils used in it?”

Cashier: “I don’t have the recipe; it’s secret. But I don’t think it has nuts.”

Me: “…”

Cashier: “…”

Me: “I’ll just have a coffee.”


Plainly Not Explaining Plainly Enough

, | UK | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am in a well-known burger chain restaurant ordering a take-out meal.)

Me: “A quarter-pounder with cheese medium meal, with fries and [Soda], and can the burger be plain, please?”

Cashier: “Do you want cheese on that?”

Me: “Yes, but nothing else, plain with just cheese.”

Cashier: “Would you like the meal?”

Me: “Yes, medium meal with fries and [Soda].”

Cashier: “What side would you like?”

Me: “Fries. And [Soda].”

Cashier: “Drink?”

Me: “[Soda]!”

Cashier: “Okay. So that’s a quarter-pounder with cheese, fries and a [Soda].”

Me: Please make sure the burger is plain, no ketchup or anything else.”

Cashier: “Right, plain. You should have said.” *to the cooks* “That order I just did for a quarter-pounder needs to be PLAIN.” *to me* “That will be just a few minutes.”

(Five minutes later she handed me my meal. I had large fries, a plain quarter-pounder with just meat, and a quarter-pounder with cheese and all toppings. Well, she tried.)