Category: Health & Body


A Hug(e) Sinus Problem

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body

(I’ve been coughing, sneezing, and sniffling a lot the past few days. It’s only sinus drainage, so I’m not contagious, but one of my coworkers is a bit of a germaphobe.)

Coworker: “Um… do you mind stepping back a little, please?”

Me: “Would you like a hug?”

Coworker: “GET OUT OF HERE!”


A Dizzying Number Of Doctors

| Portland, OR, USA | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(After returning from a vacation in 2008, I had no equilibrium. I walked and felt like I was highly intoxicated. I felt a rocking sensation as if I were on a little boat on big waves, and the floor felt like a trampoline. I was dizzy and confused. After 2 months, the symptoms faded away. In 2009 and 2011, each after another trip, I had another episode. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong and bounced me from otolaryngologist (or ENT: Ear Nose Throat doctor) to neurologist and back again. In 2012, I had another episode and saw a new neurologist, hoping to finally get some answers.)

Me: *after describing the bizarre symptoms* “…and my ear sensitivity tests and [other tests] have all come back normal. My ENT wanted me to see another neurologist and see if I might have Multiple Sclerosis.”

Doctor: “MS? Obviously you don’t have MS so I don’t know why you’re here.”

Me: “What do you think it is then?”

Doctor: “I don’t know. You probably should have an EEG and an MRI, but I’m not going to order those for you.”

Me: *getting upset* “What should I do then?”

Doctor: “You should go back and see your ENT. This is clearly an inner ear problem. I don’t even know why you are here.”

Me: “I’ve had all the tests at the ENT. Everything is normal.”

(I am tired of being passed around from doctor to doctor, overwhelmed by being sick for years without a diagnosis, and the doctor is not even trying to help me. I begin to cry.)

Doctor: “It seems to me you have a problem with excessive crying. Superfluous activity of the nasolacrimal duct. Exorbitant weeping.”

(He continues thinking up as many synonyms for my crying as he can, while my frustration turns to sobbing rage.)

Doctor: “…unreasonable lamentation! Incessant lacrimal discharge!”

(I was crying too hard to even speak. He left the room and I went home. It was another year before I even attempted to see another doctor to try to get a diagnosis again. I was eventually diagnosed with Mal de Debarquement Syndrome, which most doctors have never heard of. I was paired with a fantastic neuro-otologist and have been almost two years without another episode.)


First Aid Came Last

| NM, USA | Health & Body

(My shift starts with my shift-lead noticing a giant new box of bandages in the store.)

Shift Lead: “I love how you injure yourselves so often that [Manager] believes we need 1000 bandages of varying sizes.”

(Not even 20 minutes later.)

Coworker: *holding hand awkwardly* “Um. I cut myself on the blender.”

(His finger is gushing blood and there’s an awkward flap of skin hanging off.)

Shift Lead: “Crap. How did you ev— Okay, clearly [Manager] should have sprung for sutures and first aid training for everyone. Someone disinfect that blender. Jeez, do I need to take you to the ER?”


Contracted To Death

| WA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

(Due to being shorthanded, our assistant manager is helping us night stockers “face” the store.)

Assistant Manager: *cough*

Me: “Don’t die on us.”

Assistant Manager: “Well, if I did at least I’d get some time off of work for once.”

Me: “SOME time?”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sure [Company] would find a way to reanimate me.”


Breast Not To Shop There Again

| Orange County, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body

(When my young son has mostly weaned himself from nursing, I go to a well-known lingerie shop for a bra fitting and some bras in my new, post-baby size. This happens at checkout…)

Cashier: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Me: “Yes, I’m thrilled to finally have bras that fit right again! I’ve been in nursing bras for almost two years, but now my baby is almost weaned, and this is a real treat.”

Cashier: *huffs and looks down her nose at me* “Well. I bet you’re never going to make THAT mistake again.”

(I was stunned and we finished the transaction in silence. And of course, it’s not until I’ve exited the store that I think of a good comeback. I’m still dying to find out whether she thinks that babies are mistakes, or that breastfeeding is.)