Category: Health & Body

The First (Nation) Of Many Problems

| Montreal, QB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Health & Body, Liars/Scammers

(I have been roughhousing with my brother and break my tooth, so my mother takes me to our dentist. We are First Nations (Indian) and as such my dental care, prescriptions, eye care, etc. are covered by a special governmental insurance. This means we don’t have much if anything to pay for my dental care. As soon as my dentist sees me, she starts to panic.)

Dentist: “Oh, my goodness… How did you do this? Why now of all times?”

Me: “Um, I don’t know? It was an accident.” *goes on to explain what I did*

Dentist: “Oh, boy. Oh, no. Why did you have to do this? Why now?”

(As she’s saying this she’s pacing around the small examining cubicle and rubbing her head and face nervously.)

Mom: “Um, excuse me but it’s none of your business why this happened. It’s your job to fix the problem.”

Dentist: “I’m sorry, it’s just… it’s just that it’s the end of the fiscal year and Indian Affairs only covers a certain amount per year of treatment. You’ve already used quite a bit and I’m just scared they won’t cover this treatment.”

Mom: “That doesn’t sound right… She had her checkup and cleaning but nothing else.”

Me: “I had a filling done and some X-rays.”

Dentist: “Yes! And that used up a lot of your allotted insurance. I’m just concerned for your daughter… If I can’t fix it the only other thing I can do is pull it out and no little girl should have to lose a front tooth. Especially during her growing years. Yes, I’m sure they will understand if I explain it to them that way. Ooohh, why did you have to do this now?! What were you thinking?!”

Mom: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Dentist: “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry. I’m just worried about your daughter, and her beautiful smile. I’m just… ok. Let’s get started here.”

(She went on to explain that she was going to file my tooth down to the core and fit me with a replacement tooth. She took a mold of my tooth, did the filing, and fit me with a temporary crown. She told me I would have to come back when the permanent crown is ready. In the meantime the dentist informed my mother that Indian Affairs wouldn’t cover the procedure but that she would highly discount the cost of the work as a courtesy and worked out a payment arrangement. My mother was not happy about this and contacted the department of Indian Affairs to find out more about why they were refusing to cover the procedure. About a week after getting my permanent crown my mother got a phone call from Indian Affairs. They asked her to confirm that I received certain dental work over the past two years, procedures which I had never had, such as a root canal, several other fillings, and even some cosmetic procedures. My mother assured them they must have the wrong file as I had only my routine visits and cleanings as well as the one X-ray and filling. Months later we found out that my dentist’s clinic was closed down; apparently she had been fraudulently charging Indian Affairs for procedures that were never done on several of her First Nations patients. It seemed that I wasn’t the first patient to be declined coverage because of her fraudulent activities and the calls to Indian Affairs tipped them off. In the end we only paid $100 for the treatment and the crown has held up well 18 years later.)

Be-Labor-ing The Point Too Much

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Employees, Health & Body, Religion

(I’m roughly seven months pregnant, and I’m 18 years. While having a shower, I notice a bit of blood, and discover that I’m heavily spotting, which should not be happening at this point in my pregnancy. Just to make sure everything is all right with my baby, I head to the hospital with my mom. This conversation happens after I’ve already been checked in and waiting on a hospital bed in the emergency department.)

Nurse #1: *motions to a swab* “We’re going to take a swab from you to determine if you’re in pre-term labor. This shouldn’t hurt, so don’t worry.”

Me: *nodding in agreement* “All right. I really hope I’m not.”

(Nurse #1 takes the swab and puts it in a sterile bag for processing. She leaves, telling me that it shouldn’t take too long to test. We wait only a half hour before another nurse, Nurse #2, comes to the side of my hospital bed with a strange look on her face, somewhere in between concern and disgust.)

Nurse #1: *looking sternly at me, speaking in a condescending manner* “Have you been… putting stuff ‘up there’?”

Me: *confused* “Uh… excuse me?”

Nurse #1: *again, condescending tone* “You know! Like… STUFF. Have you been… ‘playing’ with yourself with strange objects? Or having unprotected sex?!”

(My mom and I exchange weird looks. I assume she MUST be joking or something, since I often miss jokes completely or misunderstand.)

Me: *laughing and sarcastic, as I haven’t done anything even REMOTELY sexual throughout the entire pregnancy and have been essentially asexual* “Oh, yeah, ALLLLLL the time….”

Nurse #1: *yelling* “WELL, NOW YOU’VE PURPOSELY ENDANGERED YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU DECIDED TO BE SLUTTY INSTEAD OF RESPONSIBLE. THERE IS A TON IF BACTERIA ‘UP THERE’ THAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME IS CAUSING YOUR PRE-TERM LABOR. YOU COULD LOSE YOUR CHILD! HOW DARE YOU!”

([Nurse #2 stomps off, muttering JUST loud enough for me to hear that I’ve “just killed my baby,” repeatedly. I’m confused and start to cry because I’m pregnant, overly emotional, and obviously I don’t want my baby to die. Nurse #1 comes back and hands me a tissue with a sympathetic look on her face.)

Nurse #1: “I’m sorry, sweetie. You ARE in fact in pre-term labor, so we’ll have to admit you and try to stop it. Gather your things and follow me; I have a private room for you on the labor ward.”

(I’m still crying and my mom at this point is fuming.)

Mom: “You had better make sure that [Nurse #2] stays the hell away from my daughter. What kind of person would say things like that to a pregnant girl?!”

Nurse #1: *apologetic* “I know. I’m so sorry. She’s very religious and makes comments like those all the time. I don’t know why she’s still here, honestly.”

(I ended up staying in the labor ward for a full week before I gave birth to my son, who came out huge and healthy, only needing CPAP for two days due to underdeveloped lungs. I saw Nurse #1 a few more times during my stay and each time she was incredibly kind to me. I never saw Nurse #2 again, and to this day I don’t know how “a ton of bacteria” got on my cervix. A couple of other nasty things happened at this hospital during my stay as well — which I’ll post separately — but those had nothing to do with the previous nurses.)

Cause For Multiple Pregnant Pause

| Finland | Employees, Health & Body, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I’m at a doctor’s office. She is writing me a prescription for antibiotics.)

Doctor: “You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Doctor: “Are you sure? You can’t be pregnant or get pregnant while taking this medication.”

Me: “Yes, very sure.”

Doctor: “Have you taken a pregnancy test?”

Me: “No, I don’t need one. I know I’m not pregnant.”

Doctor: “You should take one just in case, before I give you the medication.”

Me: “No, seriously, I can NOT be pregnant. I haven’t had sex in three years.”

Doctor: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes… I think I would remember.”

Doctor: “Well, if you’re sure… but make sure you don’t get pregnant.”

(A few months later, I go to another doctor. I have almost the same exact conversation with him. The third time, I’m yet seeing another doctor, who prescribes another kind of antibiotic.)

Doctor: “These antibiotics can be extremely harmful for your unborn child.”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

Doctor: “Are you sure?”

(I see where this is going, and before my brain really catches up, my mouth opens:)

Me: “I only have sex with women. I’m sure.”

Doctor: “Well… that’s a good contraceptive.

Your Knowledge Of English Is Ballin’

| SD, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I own two horses, one of whom just turned a year old. He has been having some problems with his hoof so we had the vet out to look at it. The vet works with his wife, who is a very nice Asian lady who doesn’t have very good English. A couple months earlier we had the baby horse gelded, which is the horse equivalent of being neutered. This exchange happened while the vet’s wife and I are petting the year-old horse.)

Vet’s Wife: “What’s his name?”

Me: “[Horse].”

Vet’s Wife: “OH, HE THE ONE WE CHOP BALL!”

Me: *trying not to die of laughter*

He’s All Fingers And No Thumbs Today

, | VA, USA | Health & Body

(I am working constructing the set for our recent play. Some of the guys on the set crew are very no-nonsense burly guys who’ve been building stuff since they were toddlers. They tend to brush off a lot of minor injuries, but also cause them, so we keep a medical kit nearby just in case. On this day, I’m drilling holes in a board when I heard a swear from a burly guy I’m working with. He walks up to be casually.)

Burly Guy: “Hey, [My Name], can you get me a band-aid?”

Me: “Yeah, you cut yourself?”

Burly Guy: “Eh, sort of.”

(I just then realize he’s holding one hand with the other. When he pulls it back, he has a giant NAIL sticking through his thumb.)

Burly Guy: “I don’t wanna yank it out until I have something to wrap it with.”

Me: “Uh… we’re gonna need more than a band-aid.”

(It took a little convincing but he let me drive him to the ER.)