Category: Holidays

Doesn’t Have A Ducking Clue

| USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals

(My sister and I are grocery shopping, and pick up some Easter chocolate for us and our mom. Sister picks up two chocolate eggs, and I grab a chocolate duck. The following transpires at the checkout:)

Cashier: *who has to be in his twenties* “Okay, I’m gonna put the duckie here with the eggs, even though ducks don’t lay eggs.” *laughs*

(I, my sister, and the bagger all stare back in bemused silence.)

Three Of Us: *all together* “Um, yes, they do.”

Cashier: *somewhat taken aback* “Er, I’ll finish ringing you up, then.”

(How anyone can not know something so basic such as ALL BIRDS DO LAY EGGS, I’ll never know!)

Going For A Different (A)Tone

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(I work for a Jewish agency and as such have all the major (and some not-so-major) Jewish holidays off. I am of Jewish heritage but I’m fully lapsed and don’t practice, but all the time off is nice! On one of these holidays I go to my hairstylist. He’s very good but he tried a new color on my hair the week before that did not work out. He’s fixing it as we have this conversation.)

Stylist: “I’m sorry about this.”

Me: “That’s okay. No harm done.”

Stylist: “And I’m sorry you had to come in on a Wednesday! I hope you didn’t have to work late tonight or take time off for this.”

Me: “Oh, no. I have the day off. It’s a holiday.”

Stylist: “Holiday?”

Me: “Yeah, a Jewish holiday. I work for [Jewish Agency]. It’s Yom Kippur.”

Stylist: “Oh, okay. Sorry, I can’t remember what that one is. Is it, like, Jewish New Year or something?”

Me: “No, that’s Rosh Hashana. That was last week. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. I’m supposed to be atoning for my sins of the last year. But I’m here instead. Oh, well!”

Stylist: “I guess instead you’re atoning for my sins! The sin of choosing the wrong color for your hair!”

(It looked great when he was done!)

So THAT’S What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

| MA, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays

(Our bakery offers heart-shaped cookies in celebration of the Valentine season. One morning, we arrive to set up everything for the public and discover our baker has festively iced all the valentines, except for a few that obviously fell apart during the bake. She’s left us a cheerful note indicating these pieces are “Snacks!”)

Manager: *bemused* “I… I don’t even know what to say about this.”

Baker: “I guess today we feast on broken hearts!”

One Year Folds And Another One Opens

| Paris, France | Bizarre/Silly, Holidays

(I’m in charge of my coworker’s files. One of the folders is very used and torn. It’s New Year’s Eve and everyone is a bit bored, tired and/or eager to go back home, so I try to be funny. I hold the used folder and I stare at it.)

Me: “You brave soldier! You’ve been working with us for 30 years and it was not easy. You did well, so now you really deserve to rest. R.I.P. dear friend.”

(I kiss the used folder and I drop it into the paper basket. Then I choose a new folder.)

Me: “I’m not going to lie to you, rookie! You’ve been chosen among all and you’re going to go through really, really rough times. Be strong, never give up, and we’ll be very proud of you!”

Coworker: “Yeah, good luck, folder!”

Weaving Through The Problem

| CO, USA | Employees, Holidays, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I receive a phone call two days before Christmas:)

Caller: “Hello, Miss, this is [Befuddled Sales Clerk] from [Local Yarn Shop]. Your [Indistinct Utterance] is here to pick up. We’re here till two on Christmas Eve.”

(Great, but I haven’t ordered anything. Could one of my visiting relatives have ordered something? I called The Local Yarn Shop, and with the help of Less Befuddled Sales Clerk, determine that the Indistinct Utterance is an item to do with weaving. I don’t weave, nor do the visiting relatives. Less Befuddled Sales Clerk thinks she sees how the mistake was made, and we agree to release it to the universe.)

(Three days after Christmas:)

Caller: “Hello, miss, this is [Befuddled Sales Clerk] from [Local Yarn Shop]. I called you about [Indistinct Utterance]. There was a mistake, and I was unaware that there was a mistake, and now we corrected the mistake. So now we’re going to call the owner of the [Indistinct Utterance]; if you have any questions, please call us back.”

(I do have some questions: why would I care, and doesn’t the staff communicate with one another?)

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