Category: Holidays

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Too Closed To Call

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Coworkers, Holidays

(Since it’s Easter Sunday, our store is closing early, in just a few minutes. I love making the closing announcements.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can you do the closing announcement for me?”

Me: “Sure.” *over the store pager* “Attention shoppers: the store is now closed. Please bring your purchases up to the cashiers at the front. Thank you and have a great day.”

Coworker: “Wait, I meant to say that we are closing, not that we are closed.”

Me: “Closed. Closing. Close enough.”

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Could Think Of Nun Better

| Lexington, KY, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Holidays, Popular

(Our manager is pregnant and Halloween is fast approaching.)

Manager: “What really sucks is that I love to dress up for Halloween, but this year, since I’m pregnant, I can’t do anything.”

Me: “Are you kidding? I can think of something perfect; a nun!”

(It seems that never crossed her mind. She practically lit up when I said it.)

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Deity Of The Dead

| Denver, CO, USA | Coworkers, Holidays, Religion

(It’s about a week before Easter. I approach a coworker who I know doesn’t celebrate it.)

Me: “So, what are you doing on Zombie day?”

Coworker: “Zombie day?”

Me: “Next Sunday. Easter. You know… Jesus rose from the dead…”

(She got a good laugh from that.)

Going Postal For The Holidays

| Baytown, TX, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I receive a notice that I have a few packages ready for pick up at the post office. I hand the slips to the postal worker, and he comes back with two out of three packages.)

Postal Worker: “I don’t have this package.”

Me: “Okay, it says pick up here. Is it maybe at another location?”

Postal Worker: *sigh* “Let me check the computer.”

(He is gone about 10 minutes.)

Postal Worker: “I can’t find the package. The computer says it’s here, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “Ok… so what should I do?”

Postal Worker: “Look behind me. There are hundreds of packages. I can’t find it right now.”

Me: “Okay, so what should I do?”

Postal Worker: *stares at me* “I… CAN’T… FIND IT!”

Me: “I get it, but what should I do? Come back?”

Postal Worker: “Yeah, probably after Christmas.”

Me: “Okay, it’s a week before Christmas and this is actually a Christmas gift. So I need you guys to find it.”

Postal Worker: “Yeah, we have hundreds of packages. That’s not going to happen.”

(I go on to get a supervisor who is just as unhelpful. It is now four days after Christmas, they never found my package, and I’m out of luck because it wasn’t insured.)

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