Category: Holidays

Going Postal For The Holidays

| Baytown, TX, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I receive a notice that I have a few packages ready for pick up at the post office. I hand the slips to the postal worker, and he comes back with two out of three packages.)

Postal Worker: “I don’t have this package.”

Me: “Okay, it says pick up here. Is it maybe at another location?”

Postal Worker: *sigh* “Let me check the computer.”

(He is gone about 10 minutes.)

Postal Worker: “I can’t find the package. The computer says it’s here, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “Ok… so what should I do?”

Postal Worker: “Look behind me. There are hundreds of packages. I can’t find it right now.”

Me: “Okay, so what should I do?”

Postal Worker: *stares at me* “I… CAN’T… FIND IT!”

Me: “I get it, but what should I do? Come back?”

Postal Worker: “Yeah, probably after Christmas.”

Me: “Okay, it’s a week before Christmas and this is actually a Christmas gift. So I need you guys to find it.”

Postal Worker: “Yeah, we have hundreds of packages. That’s not going to happen.”

(I go on to get a supervisor who is just as unhelpful. It is now four days after Christmas, they never found my package, and I’m out of luck because it wasn’t insured.)

Adding Insulin To Injury, Part 2

| Bethlehem, PA, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I have co-authored a children’s Christmas book. My co-author, our illustrator, and I have a donation/signing at a local literacy program, in which we do a reading of the story and give away free autographed copies to underprivileged kids. Two of my friends come along with me. Throughout the event, the director acts more and more bizarre, trying to strong-arm first my friends and then me into doing the face-painting activity even though we are not there as volunteers for her program.)

Director: “This has just been wonderful! Thank you!” *hugs me awkwardly before flitting away*

(The kids are treated to an ice cream social after the reading, despite it being only 10:00 in the morning. One of my friends has to go to work, and our part in the event is over so we decide to head out. I say goodbye to my colleagues and then force myself to say goodbye to the wacky director.)

Me: “We have to get going, but thank you again for having us here.”

Director: “Oh! You can’t leave until you’ve had some ice cream!”

Me: “Thank you, but I have diabetes.”

Director: “Really? I wish I could get that! Then maybe I wouldn’t eat so many sweets! Haha!”

Me: “…Right.”


Adding Insulin To Injury

Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Eggnog

| Kent, England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I’m friends with the quality checker at our company. His job basically involves proofreading reports for spelling and grammar errors. This happens just before Christmas.)

Quality Checker: *proudly pointing to a piece of white paper with red writing on it pinned to the wall by his desk* “Do you like my addition to the Christmas decorations?”

Me: *reading* ‘Yo ho ho.’ So, Santa’s a pirate now?”

Quality Checker: *pausing to re-read his sign* “D*** it!”

(He rather quickly ripped it off the wall before anyone else saw it while I stood there laughing my head off. Needless to say, I told everyone.)

Making A Meal Out Of Not Celebrating Christmas

| IN, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(Our department celebrates holidays with each person bringing in a covered dish, and the manager ordering the main dish, like pizza. One of my coworkers claims to belong to a religious faith that does not celebrate holidays. We are careful not to offend her, and she gets the same amount of time off for the meal as the rest of us. She is never asked to bring in a dish for the holiday meals, but she has no qualms about partaking of our meals. One Christmas Eve, we have our holiday dinner at lunchtime, including various holiday-themed items like Christmas cookies, stollen, and even red and green pasta (tomato and spinach).)

Coworker: *fills her plate with Christmas-themed food and heads back to her desk*

Me: “Oh, hey, [Coworker]! I thought you didn’t celebrate holidays.”

Coworker: “I don’t, but I’m hungry and these all look so good.”

Me: “They’re very good. [Other Coworker] made the stollen and [Another Coworker] brought in the pasta. I brought the cookies. Almost everyone contributed something.”

Coworker: “Yeah, it’s a good thing they brought food in. Now I can work through lunch and still get paid for it!”

(While working lunches were the norm for our busy department, we took our lunch breaks for the holiday party since we weren’t actually working.)

Me: “Oh, well, glad we could do that for you.”

Keeping Your Work Sharp Over Christmas

| Bletchley, England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work for Royal Mail at Christmas as a casual worker. Due to the sheer number of Amazon parcels to sort (there were hundreds of thousands) my coworkers and I are pulled off sorting to help put packages into trolleys (known as yorks) so that the work can keep flowing.)

Manager: “Right, we need these parcels sorted out as soon as possible so if you lot can get them into the yorks and over to primary sorting that would extremely helpful!”

Coworker #1: “Uh, [Manager], how are we to get them open when the shipping boxes have been sealed with plastic wrap?”

Manager: “Ah, that is why I have these.” *he brandishes four pairs of scissors at us* “These should be able to help you.”

Coworker #2: *in a tone of mock seriousness* “All right, [Manager], put down the scissors. We’ll do the work!”

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