Category: Language & Words

Endowed With Knowledge

| WY, USA | Bosses & Owners, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I work as a cashier at a popular craft store in my area. A customer has asked me a question I don’t know the answer to and it just happens that my manager is up front talking to my supervisor. I escort the customer over to ask the manager to help us.)

Me: “Here’s my manager! He’ll be able to help answer your question!”

Supervisor: “Yep, he’s very well endowed!”

(There’s a very long pause as she and everyone else processes what she just said.)

Supervisor: *who is now a bright red* “Oh d***, I meant well INFORMED! WELL INFORMED!” *we’re all laughing at her at this point* “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

(Nope, she’s never gonna live it down!)

The Wambu Method Works

Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Language & Words

(Telemarketers are a pain, especially when they won’t take no for an answer. After getting calls from the same company for about a week and unable to make them stop, I decide to mess with them. The following is roughly what happened:)

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from [some useless article distributer] and I was wondering if you’d be interested in [useless article]?”

Me: “Gue? Canthym ushwess comphrest!”

Caller: “Um, excuse me?”

Me: “Wichten! Wichten wue triggen wears!”

Caller: “Miss, I’m afraid I don’t understand—”

Me: *screaming* “WAMBU!”

Caller: *slams the phone down*

(I haven’t heard from them since.)

Hasn’t Had His Morning Cup Of Joe

| Long Island, NY, USA | Employees, Language & Words

(I am on the phone:)

Person: “Hi, can I talk to Human Resources?”

Me: “Um, we don’t have a Human Resources department in our store.”

Person: “I’d like to speak with Human Resources.”

Me: “We don’t have Human Resources at this store.”

Person: “Oh, well, someone, I think he said his name is Joe, called me and asked if I could come in for a job interview, but it went to my voicemail so I’m calling back.”

Me: “Oh! Okay! Let me get the manager for you. And by the way, the manager’s name is Phil.”

Person: “Did you say his name is Joseph?”

Me: “No, his name is Phil.”

Person: “I hate this phone. His name is Joe?”

Me: “Phil.”

Person: “Joe?”

Me: “Phil!”

Person: “Is it Bill?”

Me: *giving up* “Yes.”

Our Service Plan For Life And Death

| UK | Employees, Language & Words

(I’m the staff member, and the idiot in this story. I am serving a very elderly couple (at least in their 90s) who are both very sweet and understand and appreciate how patient I am with their questions, as technology is not their strong suit. They begin to say their goodbyes.)

Customers: “Thank you very much, young lady; your customer service was brilliant.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Come back anytime with any questions. My name is [My Name] and I’ll always be happy to help.”

Customers: “We definitely will!”

Me: “Okay, guys; enjoy the rest of your days!”

(The look I received made me want to sink into the earth and die! I was so embarrassed! One slip of the tongue and I sounded like Lucifer announcing their deaths! I have yet to see them return.)

Just A Little Nibble Towards Racism

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am working in a haunted house at a popular amusement park. The room I work has two wooden walls with bars. The people working the room run out from the shadows, striking the walls and screaming. We are supposed to be vampires, and are allowed to say anything with a few exceptions. For example, the only people allowed to make any references to eating the guests are the people in the kitchen area. Tonight I am working with a new girl who does not know that.)

New Girl: “JUST A LITTLE NIBBLE!”

Guest #1: “DA F**** SHE JUST SAY?”

Guest #2: “DID SHE JUST SAY ‘JUST A LITTLE N*****?’ OOOH, I AM GONNA KICK SOMEBODY’S A** OVER THIS!”

(The two girls continue on ranting about the racist vampire, my coworker standing with a shocked expression.)

Me: “And now you understand why [Stage Manager] said phrases like that are only allowed in the kitchen.”

New Girl: “Yeah… not saying THAT again.”