Category: Language & Words

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A Cursory Complaint

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Popular, Technology

(When I am first starting out in IT, I work for a company that puts computers into grocery stores to do money transfers. These are the early machines, with no mouse and you had to tab between fields. The employees are also getting their first exposure to computers, and some of the terminology isn’t known yet. Example: blinky thing = cursor. This poor woman has a very angry person at her window trying to get money, and the system isn’t working.)

User: *talking over the yelling in the background* “Hi, my computer won’t let me pay out the money.”

Me: “Okay, is there an error message?”

User: *still talking over the yelling in the background* “No, it just won’t go through!”

Me: “All right. Where is the cursor?”

User: *nearly crying* “He’s on the other side of the window, and he won’t stop yelling!”

(It took me a second to realize exactly what she had just said.)

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Voicefail

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Coworkers, Language & Words, Technology

Coworker: “So I have this option on my phone that converts all my voicemails to texts. I just got a text voicemail from you that said this: “Hello, my phone died right after I brush you regarding the loan my bone. Please call me. Bye.””

(This is what it was supposed to say: Hello, [Coworker]. It’s [My Name]. I’m calling you regarding the Long Life Bulk. Please call me back. Bye.”)

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Putting You Into A Bit Of A Pickle

| Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m in the walk-in with the host and server who are struggling to find the desserts, thus getting in my way.)

Me: *putting on one glove* “Guys, I need a pickle.”

Server: “Hold on…”

Me: “Could someone just give me a pickle…”

(Silence.)

Me: “Put a pickle in my gloved hand!”

Host: “This is starting to get X-rated. I’m out.”

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The Roshomon Sport

| Canada | Coworkers, Language & Words, Popular

(I am involved in the sport fencing.)

Me: “So, I was fencing—”

Coworker #1: *with a farming background* “You were building a fence?”

Coworker #2: *with a criminal background* “You were selling stolen stuff?!”