Category: Language & Words


Will Score An ‘F’ (Word) In Your Work-Review

| KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I get a call from a manager asking about a customer.)

Manager: “I heard you were rude to a customer.”

Me: “No, I very politely told her to go f*** herself.”


The Cake Is A Thigh

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Coworkers, Health & Body, Language & Words

(Someone left a cake in the break room.)

Coworker #1: “Are you gonna have some cake?”

Coworker #2: “No, I’d better not.”

Coworker #1: “Come on, you know you want it.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, but my butt is saying ‘no.’”

Coworker #1: “No, your butt ain’t saying that. It’s saying ‘eat me’!”

Me: “Ew!”

Coworker #1: *gasp* No! I meant ‘eat it’! Eat the cake! Eat the cake!”


If You Don’t Like The Sign, Get The F*** Out Of The Way

| OR, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I am in a fast food restaurant and I notice a sign posted behind the register.)

Sign: “If you don’t know what you want to order, please kindly get the f*** out of the way for those that do.”

Me: *chuckles* “Nice sign.”

Employee: “Huh? Oh, yeah. One of our regulars chewed out another customer after she stood at the register trying to decide what she wanted. My boss thought it was a hoot and had a sign made.”

Me: “And he didn’t get in trouble for putting curse words on a sign?”

Employee: “A few customers have complained, but most get a laugh out of it, so he hasn’t taken it down yet.”


Even The Dog Would Have Got It By Now

| LaMarque, TX, USA | Language & Words

(I am the customer and I have to set-up an appointment for my new dog to get spayed, micro-chipped, and caught up on current vaccinations. In order to set-up the appointment, the clerk needs my dog’s name and other information.)

Clerk #1: “What is your dog’s name?”

Me: “Patience.”

Clerk #1: “Payton?”

Me: “No, Patience.”

Clerk #1: “Patient?”


Clerk #1: *still confused* “Can you give me a sentence with it?”

Me: “Okay, you know how when you talk to someone and you have PATIENCE with them?”

Clerk #2: *towards [Clerk #1]* “It’s what he is having with you right now.”

(Clerk #2, Clerk #3, I, and the other ten customers begin to laugh hysterically.)

Clerk #1: *embarrassed* “OH!, PATIENCE! Oh, my god, I’m so sorry.”

Me: “It’s all right.”


Hannibal: The Restaurant

| Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

(I work at a pretty nice restaurant in an upscale area of town. I’ve waited tables A LOT, but I also have pretty bad anxiety. This night, I am particularly frazzled. I have just served a large table their meals, and am coming back for the first check in.)

What I meant to say: “How’s everything tasting tonight?” OR “How are we doing?”

What I actually said: “How is everyone tasting tonight?”