Category: Liars/Scammers

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Five Months Versus Five Hours

| NJ, USA | Lazy/Unhelpful, Liars/Scammers

(Our company recently moved a few towns over; the corporate office and warehouse section are now in different buildings. While the office was set up well in advance, the warehouse had issues with some of the electrical work: namely, it wasn’t done! This occurs on a conference call with me, in the warehouse, my supervisor, in the office, and the electrician which was contracted by the owner of the warehouse we’re leasing.)

Electrician: “Look, I understand there were some issues, but there’s really only so much we can do. We already took care of most of the work.”

Me: “No, you REALLY didn’t. You hooked up the charger for the forklift. That’s it. You did not run the set of outlets on the other wall, you didn’t run the set on the central pillar we asked for, and half our banks of overhead lighting are still being controlled by the motion sensors on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL that was just put up.”

Supervisor: “This is totally unacceptable. You were given this contract three months before we moved in, and it’s been two months since THAT point. How in the hell are you five months behind on this?”

Electrician: “It’s not as easy as you’re making it sound, you know. I’ve had a couple of guys out sick.”

Supervisor: “For FIVE MONTHS?”

Electrician: “No, just at the times we could make it over to you.”

Me: “Are you actually saying you’re prioritizing other jobs before something that’s five months old?”

Electrician: “Only ones that have been around longer, or emergency work. We’ve only got non-emergency scheduling two days a week anyway. I’d like to see you guys do better.”

(We did: we had the leaser cancel the contract with the electrician due to lack of service. Then we called up the electricians who were servicing our old building as well as our new office. They were there two days later, and the entire project was done in under five hours, INCLUDING their lunch break!)

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An Interview Boo-Boo

| Birmingham, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Job Seekers, Liars/Scammers

(This was back when I was searching for a job. I’d signed up to a job seeking site and as a result a company had called me offering an interview for a position. I got past the initial interview process and was offered a chance to shadow a team the next day with a promise of a final interview at the end of the day if I’m interested in joining up.)

Supervisor: “Hey, [My Name]! You may not remember me. We both worked on [university radio station] a few years ago. As soon as I saw your name I knew I wanted you to follow my team.”

(I’d seen him maybe twice while I volunteered at my university’s station and his enthusiasm was a bit creepy but I dismissed it.)

Supervisor: “Right! Time to get on the bus!”

(I’m a little confused as I wasn’t 100% on what the position was but I’d been led to believe it was office based and wondered why we were getting on a bus but thought it best just to go with it for now.)

Supervisor: *as he points out which bus we need to get* “You may want to invest in a bus pass. You’ll be getting a lot of buses for this job but today, a day ticket will do.”

(So we all follow him on and after being on the bus for about ten minutes.)

Supervisor: “Oh, s***! We got the wrong bus! We were supposed to turn down that street! Quick press the button! Press the button!”

(We all pile off and start to head back the way the bus had come.)

Me: *noticing that I’m the only one wearing non-flat shoes* “Well how long are we going to have to walk? Not too long, I hope.”

Supervisor: “Two minutes tops.”

(Twenty minutes later we arrive at a small local shopping-centre where the most high-end shop is a pound store.)

Supervisor: *when we get to an empty kiosk area* “All right, team! To work!”

Me: “So, what am I supposed to do?”

Supervisor: “Watch the magic happen.”

(So I sit there for approximately four hours watching this group of five people try and sign up strangers to give a weekly donation via direct debit to the charity du jour and if they sign someone up, they tell the supervisor who puts a tick next to their name on a tally sheet. They’re allowed to take a five minute toilet break every couple hours but they’re staggered, except the supervisor, who disappears for half an hour and comes back with a sandwich.)

Supervisor: “Right, [My Name], it’s time to hear about your career prospects.”

Me: “What about the others?”

Supervisor: “What about them?”

Me: “Don’t they have to get their sign ups verified by you?”

Supervisor: “Oh, they won’t sign anyone up.”

(He then spends about half an hour explaining how, within a year of starting with them, I could become a manager like he will in about a month’s time. When we come back, he encourages me to talk to his team before coming to him with my final verdict.)

Supervisor: *at the end* “So, what do you think? Ready to go for that final interview?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: “Don’t be nervous. I think you’re a real contender. You’ve got the right attitude.”

Me: “I mean I’m not interested in working with your company.”

Supervisor: “What?! Why?!”

Me: “You said that if I’m successful I’m expected to start tomorrow morning. No time to seriously consider whether or not this is the right job for me. Second, you had no idea where we were going this morning, and I have blisters because you told us to get on the wrong bus. Your attitude towards your potential customers is completely wrong—”

Supervisor: “It is not!”

Me: “One of your team chased an old lady, who said she wasn’t interested in hearing his talk, to try and force her to listen.”

Supervisor: “Which one? I can fire him.”

Me: “I don’t blame him. Not when you’ve all told me that if you don’t sign people up you don’t get paid.”

Supervisor: “It makes our staff motivated.”

Me: “No, it makes them shell out for travel and give up their time to you for nothing. Do you realise that [Team Member #1] has been working for you for over a week and spent £20 (~$28) on travel but not earned a single penny back.”

Supervisor: “She’s new; she’s not in the swing of it yet. Did you ask [Team Member #2] what he earns? Much better indicator of the job.”

Me: “There’s also the fact that nobody gets a lunch break, which I’m pretty sure is illegal.”

Supervisor: “They can eat and work!”

Me: “Not if you aren’t paying them. Look, I really need a reliable income where I’m working 40+ hours a week and I know I’m getting money that is worth my time. Time which is honestly better spent looking for better jobs than this one. I’m not going for that interview. Not even if you pay me, which I doubt you will. Goodbye.”

Supervisor: *as I walk away* “Yeah, well, I didn’t think you were a good fit for this company anyway!”

(I ran into the ‘new girl’ a couple weeks later, working with a different team. Apparently higher-ups found out about them not getting breaks, and the supervisor’s team was disbanded and reassigned. And despite working for them for three weeks and spending over £60 (~$85) on travel to work for these guys, she still hadn’t earned any money.)

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That’s My Scam Jam

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Liars/Scammers, Technology

(I am at home relaxing when the phone rings. The following ensues. Note that I use a Macintosh, so anyone saying they are from Microsoft is likely a scammer.)

Me: *picking up phone* “Hello?”

Caller: *says something about being from Microsoft and needing an access code, but the quality and background noise is horrible*

Me: “Yes, let me just boot it up.”

Caller: *says something about access code*

Me: “Okay, hold on. Let me boot it up.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(I go to my iPad, find a video of choice, put it on full blast, put it up next to the mic, and play.)

Video: “AAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Me: “Please do not call us again.” *click*

(I had been waiting for this moment for a while.)

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Throwing Fraud Out The Window

| FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers

(My husband and I are relaxing at home one evening on the couch when the phone rings for our rarely-utilized land line. My husband answers.)

Husband: “Hello?… Oh, Microsoft, REALLY?… Wow, a hack on my PC. That’s TERRIBLE.”

(It’s obviously a scam and we both know it. I roll my eyes, but he keeps talking and looking up something on his smartphone.)

Husband: “Yes, I’m at my PC right now; just tell me what to do… Huh? What was that? I can’t hear you! Can you call me back on my cell phone? The reception might be better… Great, it’s [number]. I’ll wait!”

(He hangs up and goes back to watching TV like nothing happened.)

Me: “What number was that?”

Husband: “The local FBI Fraud Hotline.”

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How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 20

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words, Liars/Scammers

(Because our house gets an unusually large number of scam calls and I got very bored with dealing with them the same way, I have developed something of a reputation among my friends for my more… “creative” responses to callers.)

[Call 1:]

Scammer: “Hello, you have been selected to receive free LED bulbs for your low voltage downlights.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have electricity in our house.”

Scammer: “You don’t have electricity?”

Me: “No, we use candles.”

Scammer: “Candles? For what?”

Me: “Oh, you know, lighting, heating, cooking very small meals…”

Scammer: *click*

[Call 2:]

Scammer: “Hello, do you have solar panels on your house?”

Me: “Oh, no, our house is powered by elephants.”

Scammer: “…I’m sorry?”

Me: “Yes, we have two. They take turns walking on a very large treadmill to generate electricity for our house…”

Scammer: “Um, I don’t…”

Me: “We just have to feed them grass and bananas and they generate all the power we need.”

Scammer: *click*

[Call 3:]

Scammer: *with an obvious Indian accent* “Hello, I am calling from Microsoft. You have a virus on your computer.”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s terrible. I’d better check it!” *opens Google Translate and selects English to Hindi, then turns up the speakers*

Scammer: “Are you sitting at your computer now?”

Me: *types “You are a thief” into Google Translate, then clicks the “Listen” button to play the Hindi translation out loud* “Yes, I am. What should I—”

Scammer: “What was that?”

Me: *innocently* “What was what?”

Scammer: “Okay, please press the Windows key.”

Me: *types* “Your family is ashamed” into Google Translate and plays it aloud* “Okay, I’ve pressed—”

Scammer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “What? Nothing? I said I pressed the button.” *translates and plays aloud “You are a liar”*

Scammer: “I am not a liar! Why would you say that?”

Me: “I never called you a liar. What are you talking about?”

Scammer: “Okay… Um, press the—”

Me: *translates and says* “Why are you trying to steal my money?”

Scammer: “F*** you and f*** your mother!” *click*

(They’ve finally stopped calling after several years of almost daily calls, and I kind of miss the entertainment.)

Related:
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 19
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 18
How To Win The War Against Telemarketers, Part 17

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