Category: Liars/Scammers

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You Can Throw That Scam Right Out Of The Window

| Sheffield, England, UK | Liars/Scammers

Windows Scam Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from Microsoft Tech Support about a virus on your computer.”

Me: *knowing this scam, I play along* “Which one?”

Windows Scam Caller: “On your Windows computer.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Windows Scam Caller: “The one running Windows.”

Me: “There’s more than one computer, so which one?”

Windows Scam Caller: *long pause*

Me: “Hello?”

Windows Scam Caller: *big sigh*

Me: “If you’re going to try and scam people, at least make an effort lying; I tripped you up with two words.”

Windows Scam Caller: “F*** you.” *slams the phone down*

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Ratcheting Up The Sales

| Chicago, IL, USA | Coworkers, Liars/Scammers

(I work in a hardware department. A particular coworker is horrible in customer service; they only focus on making the sale, instead of doing any kind of repairs or exchanges for our lifetime warranty products. We have recently had a strict policy update specifically with broken ratchets. We must give the customer a refurbished ratchet or fix their broken one. We can no longer give new ones, unless the customer complains to a manager and is only exchanged as a last resort. The following conversation takes place one afternoon when the sales floor is constantly busy, and I am working with that coworker and another that’s on the sales floor currently.)

Customer: *walks in, turns to coworker* “I need these exchanged.”

Coworker #1: “Sure thing.” *to me* “Hey, [My Name], can you take care of this guy?”

Me: “I’m still with my customer. He went to get something else to add to his order. I can’t get off this screen.”

Coworker #1: *to me* “Okay.” *to customer* “He’ll be right with you.”

Me: “Wait, why can’t you take care of him? The ratchets are right down here next to me.”

Coworker #1: “That’s why. I have to help that person over there by the tractors.”

(Coworker #1 walks off to the tractors area, where a guy seems to be just barely looking at them.)

Me: “I’m sorry about her. Someone will be with you in a few minutes.”

(The customer proceeds to get irate about how long it’s taking for a simple exchange that my coworker could’ve done. While he’s complaining to a manager, a customer calls me over to the tractors as well. We get through most of it when my manager tells me that because we only have one, that I PERSONALLY have to fix his other ratchet. I tell her I’m with a customer, and that I can’t walk away from them. My manager proceeds to shoo me off to work on the ratchet. I reluctantly go to the back, and it’s taking longer than usual because while I’m usually awesome at repairing them, the first part with the ball and grease is tricky with the smaller ratchets. I eventually come out with the fixed ratchet.)

Me: *to Coworker #2* “Where’s that one customer waiting on his ratchet?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, [Manager] just gave them a new one. I think she said you were taking too long.”

Me: “No one bothered to tell me this?! I had a customer in tractors!”

Coworker #1: *walks up* “Was it that guy with the blue shirt? I took care of him for ya.”

Me: “Are you freaking kidding me?! Did you put it on your name or mine?”

Coworker #1: “Mine.”

(I walk in the back, and demand the manager put the sale on my account as I was helping them first. We are commission based and losing that sale means losing $50. Turns out coworker had sold them accessories as well, and it was actually about a $70 commission. I get it fixed, and walk back out to the sales floor.)

Me: *to Coworker #1* “You’re never doing that again, and I’m never helping YOUR customers again.”

Coworker #2: *later on in the shift* “Yeah, I can’t stand that. She only wants the sale. Good on you for sticking up for yourself.”

(I later found out that Coworker #1 stole my customer because the one she tried helping at first didn’t buy anything. I was glad to hear that a few months later she got canned for something pretty serious.)

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Clearing The House Of Scams

| CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers

(I receive a call on my cell phone.)

Caller: “Hello! This is [Name] with Publisher’s Clearing House, and we’re calling to tell you that you have won a large sum.”

(I immediately know this is a scam, so I decide to mess with him.)

Me: *pretending I’m really excited* “OH, my GOD, REALLY?!”

Caller: “Yes, you have won a large sum, and in order to collect it—”

Me: “HONEY!” *I call out like I’m doing it across the house, even though my wife is right next to me* “Honey, all our money problems are over! I won something from PCH!” *talking to the person on the phone* “Thank you! Thank you! You know, it’s really amazing, isn’t it, that I won this money even though you have to enter all the drawings and I never did?”

Caller: *silence*

Me: *still feigning excitement* “You see, my mom was always the one to enter the drawings, and she never won a thing, so isn’t it incredible that I’ve NEVER spent a dime entering anything and I win the money? Isn’t that just AMAZING?” *I lower my voice to one of mocking consideration* “You know, it’s almost like this isn’t really a call from Publisher’s Clearing House, but instead someone trying to scam me out of—”

Caller: *click*

(I haven’t heard from them since.)

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