Category: Liars/Scammers

Found Your (In)Voice

| MI, USA | Liars/Scammers

(As the accounting clerk for my office, I have to watch out for scammers trying to defraud us. One scammer kept sending invoices that claimed to be from the yellow pages, but contained multiple misspellings, and went to a random PO box in Florida. I’d just been shredding them for over a year, but this month I decided to reply. In a formal letter on our letterhead, I wrote:)

Letter: “Neither our facility, nor our parent company, nor any affiliate thereof, requested to be included in your supposed directory. This invoice is illegitimate, and void. Any further attempts to bill us for unrequested services will be referred to the Better Business Bureau and the Federal Trade Commission. Cease and desist immediately. A word of advice: when you try scamming companies, your odds would be much better if you actually got the name of your target right. Not only are you crooks, you’re incompetent crooks. Kindly do the world a favor and go get eaten by an alligator.”

(That felt good.)

A Hot Slice Of Justice Is Required

| CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink, Liars/Scammers, Non-Dialogue

Years ago I worked at a popular chain coffee shop. I was born and raised and still live in one of the most expensive areas in the country. At the time I have gone back to college full-time, so I work full-time as well to try to keep up with my bills. Most of my coworkers are teenagers who live with their parents, with two other exceptions besides me. The company launches a new promotional program for a paid incentive card and offers a competition of sorts to try to sell memberships with cash prizes for the stores that sell the most in the district at the end of the introductory period.

To motivate us the store manager says if we win anything, the staff members will split any cash prize the store earns. My fellow rent-paying coworkers and I knew that money would go far for us, so we all hustled like crazy and sold memberships to as many customers as we could. Our store ends up coming in first in the district.. And then our manager says he has changed his mind about splitting the prize and will use the money to throw a staff pizza party instead.

The three of us who were counting on the cash were understandably pissed off, but given how we were all hand-to-mouth we weren’t about to turn down the free food. We weren’t any less pissed off when a few weeks later, the coworker who picked up the food told us what it had cost. Which made us realize that the manager had not in fact spent even close to the whole prize total on the ‘celebration,’ but pocketed almost half of it for himself.

Taking Telemarketing Into Orbit

| London, England, UK | Liars/Scammers

(I’m at home in the evening when I get a scam call. My boyfriend and I have had a lot of these people calling up about “our past accident,” hoping to get information or money out of us. We’re both major space geeks.)

Scammer: “Hello, good evening madam. How are you?”

Me: “Fine, thanks. How are you?”

Scammer: “I am calling about the accident you had, in a car, some time back?”

Me: “Oh… that! It wasn’t a car. It was a rocket.”

Scammer: “Sorry, madam?”

Me: “Yes, it was a space rocket. We crash-landed over Africa.”

Scammer: *struggling desperately to sound as if this is a normal conversation* “…and how long ago was this?”

Me: “Oooh… maybe ten years?”

Scammer: “And how many people were in the vehicle?”

Me: “Three. There are always three astronauts in a Soyuz capsule.”

(A Soyuz capsule is the small capsule that three astronauts being taken to or from the International Space Station ride in.)

Scammer: “And who was driving?”

Me: “Probably NASA.”

Scammer: *thoroughly confused now* “Your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, astronauts don’t need boyfriends.”

Scammer: *giving up* “…thank you, madam.”

Me: “Byeeeeeeeeee!”

(I had to feel sorry for the poor bugger with a job like that! But my boyfriend, as much a feminist as I am, is totally supportive of the idea of astronauts not requiring boyfriends unless they want them!)

A Serial Basket-Case

| Brisbane, VIC, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers

(Our last manager was pretty lazy and would just dump opened stock into a basket marked $5. Instead of spending time repackaging, he would just throw the packaging out. Regular customers caught on to this and would purposely open items worth hundreds of dollars then would come back the next day to get a bargain out of the $5 basket. After he moves on from the store, I remove the $5 sign and mark everything as half the full price. I make new sign stating that only marked items will be discounted. I also repackage anything that has packaging and tidy the section, replacing the repackaged items. Not long afterwards I see a regular customer entering the store and leaving 10 minutes later. I head to the section and find an empty package hidden amongst the stock. It’s one of the items I had repackaged. The next day the regular customer is back and is at the counter with an item out of its package. The item is worth $350.)

Customer: “I got this from the $5 bin”

Me: “Sorry, we no longer have a $5 bin. It’s now a 50% off bin and only for price-labelled items. This has no labels and I’ve actually got the package right here. It’s $350.”

Customer: “But [ex-Manager] always lets me have things out of that basket for $5; I want to talk to him.”

Me “I’m sorry, he no longer works at this store and I know that this was not in the basket yesterday because I was the one who sorted and priced everything. I did it just before you were in yesterday. ”

Customer: “Well, who’s in charge now? I want to see them.”

Me: “Yeah, that’ll be me.”

Customer: *suddenly sweet* “Oh, so where has [Ex-Manager] gone?”

Me: “He’s now at [Other Location].”

Customer: “I might go and say hello to him, then.”

Me: “You do that. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

(Funny enough, she no longer was a regular after that.)

This Transaction Is Not All Peaches And Cream

| GA, USA | Language & Words, Liars/Scammers

(I am a Caucasian female but am fluent in Punjabi because I grew up in a heavily Indian neighbourhood. I am at a flea market and am looking at some fruit at a cart run by an Indian man.)

Indian Man: *to daughter in Punjabi* “Watch this. I bet I can get this girl to pay $10 for that peach.”

(I try and act like I am not listening to their conversation and inspect the peaches.)

Indian Man: *to me, in English* “Ah, looking at these locally grown peaches, huh? They’re not like the outsourced peaches you would find in grocery stores. These are organic and don’t use child labour like [Popular Fruit Company]. I can sell five to you for $10.”

Me: *in Punjabi* “Thank you, but I think I’ll pass. I don’t buy from people who try to scam me based on how I look.”

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