Category: Time

The Menopause Should Have Given You Pause

| Utah, USA | Employees, Time

(My grandmother has macular degeneration and is partially blind as a result. I often call to schedule her doctor’s appointments for her since she has a hard time dialing the phone.)

Nurse: “Okay, now what is your grandmother’s date of birth?”

Me: “May 25, 1918.”

Nurse: “Alright, now is there any possibility that she’s pregnant?”

Me: “No.”

Nurse: “Are you absolutely sure that you’re grandmother is not pregnant?”

Me: “Well, since she went through menopause in the early 1970s, lost her husband in the late 1980s and just celebrated her 94th birthday, I can say with confidence that she is not pregnant.”

Nurse: *indignantly* “You never said she was in her 90s!”

Whether Sunday Or Monday, It’s Definitely Not A Fun Day

| New York, USA | Employees, Time

(Note: this happens to my friend one Monday evening.)

Friend: “I think I need replacement door hardware for the 400 series [brand].”

Employee: “Uh, what?”

Friend: “My door handle broke, and I need to get a replacement. It’s a [brand] door and the door is hanging over here, but I can’t find a replacement knob anywhere.”

Employee: “The knob broke?”

Friend: “Not the knob itself, but the internal parts. I probably need to replace the whole thing.”

Employee: “Door handles are… uh…”

Friend: “They are right over here, but I don’t see ones that are exactly like the one on this door right here.”

Employee: “Does it matter?”

Friend: “Well, the holes are already in the right place.”

Employee: “Oh yeah, makes sense.” *nodding and looking at floor*

Friend: “Is there someone else here in this department that could help?”

Employee: “No, I’m by myself on Sunday nights. You’ll have to call back Monday morning.”

Friend: “It is Monday, but I’m gathering I need to talk to the day guy.”

Employee: “No. It’s Sunday!”

Friend: “Well, I was at my office today and so were most of the other 200 people I work with, so I’m pretty sure it is Monday.”

Employee: “It’s really Monday?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Employee: “$#&%!” *hustles off*

Wedded Bliss Meets Wednesday’s Boss

| Amsterdam, NY, USA | Bosses & Owners, Time

(I normally work on Wednesdays. However, I have requested next Wednesday off, because it is my parents’ anniversary, and I’m taking them out to eat. All requests for time off must be made before the schedule for the week is completed, and I’ve notified the schedule manager well in advance. Yet, when next week’s schedule is posted, I see that I’ve still been scheduled to work on Wednesday.)

Me: “Hey, [manager], I’m scheduled to work on Wednesday, but I asked for that day off.”

Manager: “Did you ask before the schedule was made?”

Me: “Yes, I asked you on Monday last week.”

Manager: “Oh yeah, I forgot.”

Me: “Oh. Well, can you get someone to cover for me?”

Manager: “Why did you ask for a day off when you knew you had to work?”

Me: “I asked for the day off before the schedule was made up.”

Manager: “But you’re always scheduled for Wednesdays. So you, should know that you have to work on Wednesday.”

(It should be noted that this is my summer job, so I’ve only been working there for four weeks).

Me: “Well, my parents’ anniversary is this Wednesday, and I’ve already made plans. Can I please have it off?”

Manager: “Fine, I can do it this time, but next time, schedule your plans for a different day.”

Me: “Sure, I’ll… schedule my parents’ anniversary for a different day next time.”

Manager: “That’s more like it!”

Cinco De My-Own-Little-World

| Illinois, USA | Coworkers, Language & Words, Time

(This happens on May 5th. We have two employees of Hispanic descent who have the day off. They come in to say hello. I witness this interaction between a couple of coworkers and our off-work employees.)

Coworker #1: “You know, I always thought that Cinco de Mayo was March fifth. Is it really May fifth? I thought I’d ask since you guys would know.”

Coworker #2: “No, it’s May fifth, today. ‘Cinco’ as in five. ‘Mayo’ as in May.”

Off-work Coworkers: *nodding silently in agreement*

Coworker #1: “Well, I just always figured I was right and the rest of the world was wrong!”

The Best-Laid Plans Of Mice And Managers

, | Alabama, USA | Bosses & Owners, Time

(I’m working my first job at a fast food restaurant while still in high school. I’ve made it clear on my application that I can not work Tuesday and Thursday nights due to band rehearsals. Despite this, my manager repeatedly schedules me exclusively for these times, which leads to the following conversation.)

Me: “I need to get my schedule changed for this week, and for next week.”

Manager: “Why? You’ve come to ask me to change your schedule every week for a month. Why can’t you work when you’re scheduled?”

Me: “As I’ve made it clear on my application, and have reminded you since, I can not be here Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I’m in high school, and I have band rehearsal those nights.”

Manager: “What? You never told me that!”

(I point out several notes conspicuously taped to her door and computer.)

Me: “I’ve written you notes, reminding you that I can’t work those days, because you won’t deal with me in person. This needs to stop.”

Manager: “You should have specified!”

(Next, I point at a hand-drawn calendar which I created specifically at her request.)

Me: “You asked me to make you a calendar of dates that I could and couldn’t be here because of this issue. I wrote out a calendar for the entire semester because you asked me to. Why are you scheduling me when I have specifically asked you not to?”

Manager: “I can’t read that d*** thing!”

Me: “I’m really sorry for that, then. What’s wrong with it?”

Manager: “YOU PUT SUNDAY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WEEK! I CLEARLY CAN’T READ THAT PIECE OF S*** CALENDAR!”