(My fiance is twenty years older than me, and we both have red hair. That’s where the similarities stop. I am only five foot tall, he is six-foot-three. We don’t even have the same color eyes. We have gone to a bridal boutique so I can finally pick out a wedding dress. We have my two children from my previous marriage, my mother, his son, and our twins, who are only eighteen months old.)
Me: (kissing him before I head back). Now you two be good for Daddy so mommy can pick out a pretty dress.
Fiance: Take your time. We’ll have fun.
Employee #1: (who knows he is my fiance) Let’s go! I am DYING to get you to try on this one dress. It’s sort of funky, but perfect!
(My entourage follows, everyone is excited. I try on six dresses, and finally choose one that makes me cry. I am openly weeping with joy, as I have never felt beautiful before. I also did not wear a wedding dress when I was previously married.)
Employee #2: (She has been helping out and been sort of strange, asking my step-son if he is excited about getting married.) Are you ok? What’s wrong? Is it the price?
Me: No, I just can’t believe how nice I look. Mom, what do you think?
Mom: It’s gorgeous! You look good.
Me: (fanning self and crying pretty hard) I can’t wait for him to see it! I just wish my Daddy were here! (My father and I were never close, and he passed away over a decade ago.)
(Employee #2 bolts out of the room and leaves my family and Employee #1 behind and dazed. She returns with my fiance in tow, who is arguing that I did not ask for him to come back here to see ANYTHING.)
Employee #2: (proudly) Here he is! And look how pretty your daughter looks!
Me: What the h*** is wrong with you?! That’s my FIANCE!!!
Employee#2: But you called him daddy?
Employee #1: You twit! That’s because he’s the father of the two kids he’s holding!
Employee #2: (throws nearby dress and stool at me) YOU’RE GROSS! He’s old and GROSS! You’re all DISGUSTING!
(Everyone is speechless, but I end up getting a MAJOR discount because of her outburst!)