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You Say Tomato, I Say Scam

| WY, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(My roommate and I are at a fast food restaurant with two names, depending on which region you live in. They are known for having left and right drive-thru lanes as well as walk up windows. I drive up to the speaker in the left lane that requires the passenger to pay at the window and collect the food, but the driver orders at the speaker. Important to note: their burgers are always pre-made, so when you ask for something to be left off, they just pull it off unless you mention an allergy. Horrible, I know. But they’re open super late, and it’s slim pickings for someone that gets off work at midnight.)

Cashier: “Order when you’re ready.”

Me: “We have two separate orders. For the first one, I have a coupon for [some meal deal], small, Coke to drink, please. No tomato. For the second order, we have the same coupon. Small, cherry Coke.”

Cashier: “All right, I’ll have your totals at the window when I get the coupons. Please pull forward.”

(As I’m pulling up, my roommate turns to me.)

Roommate: “Can I have your tomato for my sandwich?”

Me: “Absolutely, I hate those things. Cancel the no tomato for mine and ask them to put it on yours when we get up there.”

Roommate: *to cashier at the window* “Can you please put her tomato on my sandwich instead of tossing it?”

Cashier: *stares for a moment* “Uh… I’d have to charge you for it.”

(We both just stare at him, hoping he will realize how ridiculous that is…. He does not.)

Roommate: “You’re going to toss it. Instead of tossing it in the trash, toss it on my burger. Why would you charge me for that? I guess I can understand if it’s restaurant policy not to put it on another order or something…”

Cashier: “We don’t have a policy like that. But you’re asking me for extra tomato, I have to charge. You can’t get something extra for nothing.”

Me: “We aren’t asking for extra… Just… forget the no tomato on my order. Leave it on, please.” *to my roommate* “I’ll pass it to you when we drive away, then. This is kind of silly.”

Cashier: *overhearing* “Then I still have to charge you for the extra tomato on her sandwich. That’s how it works.”

Roommate: “Don’t you dare! What are you missing here? Two [meal deals] just as they come, no modifications, please and thanks. That’s it, really.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay!” *rings us up and hands her the bag through the window*

Both: *in unison* “Thanks!”

(Before I pulled off I opened the bag, unwrapped both burgers, and placed my tomato slice on her sandwich. We both smiled at the cashier, who was staring with disbelief, and I drove off.)

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Time For A P Break

| USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I’m trying to set up my online account for the local public transport system via phone, and it isn’t working.)

Me: “Yeah, so I entered my email and the password, and it keeps saying it’s invalid. Am I doing something wrong?”

Employee: “No, that should work, as long as you’re using the information you told me. The email is xxxhamster4, right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s it. And the password is [password].”

Employee: “I don’t know what to tell you. It just doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Well, is there something else I could do? I’m going to be using this card every day; I need to be able to fill it up without going to the main store all the time.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this system is relatively new. It may just be a glitch.”

Me: “Just to be sure, can we maybe double-check that you have my information down right? It’s x-x-x-h-a-m-s-t-e-r-7, with the 7 as a number, not spelled out, and the email address is @[website]—“

Employee: “I think I know what’s wrong. You forgot the ‘p’.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Employee: “The ‘p’. In hamster. No wonder it hasn’t been going through.”

Me: “Um… there isn’t a ‘p’ in hamster.”

Employee: “…oh.”

(Once she corrected the spelling on her end, the account worked perfectly.)

Naming Unconventions

| NSW, Australia | Bizarre/Silly

(About 14 months ago, I changed my entire name (first, middle, and last). At that time, I sent an email out to everyone I interact with on a professional basis to let them know. For the most part, everyone adjusted to it pretty quickly. But there’s one woman I deal with who is our advertising account manager, and who I email and speak to at least once a week, who is still having trouble, often leading to this conversation:)

Account Manager: “Oh, hi, it’s [Account Manager]. Can I speak to [Old Name], please?”

Me: “Hi, [Account Manager]. It’s [New Name]. How can I help?”

Account Manager: “Huh? No, I have [Old Name] as the point of contact. Is she available?”

Me: “…really? [Account Manager], I haven’t been [Old Name] for over a year now.”

Account Manager: “I really need to speak to [Old Name]. Can you take a message?”

(After months of this, during today’s conversation I finally gave up hope of making her understand.)

Me: “[Old Name] no longer works here. She’s been executed by firing squad due to cruel and unusual crimes against humanity. Even whispering [Old Name] is taboo. Now, how can I, [New Name], be of assistance?”

Account Manager: “Oh. Oh. Uh, I’ll update my system.”

(Hopefully, that’s the last time I get called by my old name. She’s a sweet person, really… just dumb as a box of hammers.)

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Still Hoping It Will Just Be An iFad

| Oscoda, MI, USA | Employees, Lazy/Unhelpful, Technology

(While on a trip with my mom and cousin, I go into a secondhand shop in my former hometown. When I still lived near the store, I knew that they only accepted cash, so I am happy to see a sign stating that they now accept credit cards. There is only one employee in the store, an older man. I pick out a few items and take them to the register, but as soon as I take out my card…)

Employee: “Sorry, I can’t take that. I can only take cash.”

Me: “But your sign says…”

Employee: “I know. If my daughter were here she could help, but I dunno how to run this thing.” *he points to an iPad with a card reader plugged into it*

Me: “That’s easy. I can show you, since I don’t have any cash on me.”

Employee: “Naw, I’m never gonna figure it out.”

(I had to go back out to the car and ask my cousin to lend me some money.)

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Tiring Of This Scam

| FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars/Scammers, Transportation

(This happened to my friend, and she still regards it as one of the most satisfying moments of her life. She’s at a mechanic’s she’s been to before, getting a routine oil change.)

Mechanic: “I just don’t know if I feel right letting you drive out of here, ma’am. I have to be honest, these tires are the worst I’ve seen in a long time. That can happen when you go for price over quality.” *he rambles on for a long time about how clearly the wheels are already warping and distending, how the rubber is clearly already cracking and old, and so on and so forth* “…but we can get you a set of good tires today for [high price] installed.”

Friend: “Hmm. Well, I mean, can we schedule it for after you talk to my lawyer?”

Mechanic: “Pardon?”

Friend: “I mean, you sold me these tires yourself last week, soooo…”

(The mechanic went white as a sheet and started stammering about how he was mistaken, then said he was “just pulling her leg.” He comped the oil change and my friend immediately drove to another mechanic to have the tires inspected, just in case… They were brand new, in perfect shape. Guess if you’re going to con someone you should probably be more detail oriented.)