Too Lazy To Come Up With A Reason

| Coworkers, Lazy/Unhelpful

(It’s close to the end of my shift and a coworker and I are cleaning one of the bread making machines. I’m off tomorrow and looking forward to it. We are allowed to trade days off of switch shifts on occasion with manager approval.)

Coworker: “What days are you off?”

Me: “Tomorrow and Wednesday. Why?”

Coworker: “What time do you come in Thursday?”

Me: “12. What’s up?”

Coworker: “I’m off Wednesday and Thursday. Do you want to trade Tuesday to be off Thursday?”

Me: *thinking about it*

(I don’t really want to but if something important came up and she needed the day off then I was willing to do it.)

Me: “I guess…”

Coworker: “If you don’t want to then it’s fine. I just wanted tomorrow off. I feel like being lazy.”

Me: “So you’re asking me to delay my weekend just because you want to start yours early?”

Coworker: “Pretty much.”

Me: “In that case, no. If it was something important, I would have said yes.”

(At least she was honest!)

On Hold For Nothing

| USA | Money

(I am a PhD student in a program that is fully-funded, which is not at all uncommon in our field of study. This means that none of the PhD students in my program pay any tuition, and they give us a yearly salary for living expenses. Technically, for accounting purposes, we all have “full tuition scholarships,” and then the university has us on the payroll for our living stipends. The coordinator of our program talks to me the day after class registration.)

Coordinator: “I see that you aren’t on the list for dissertations. Did you have a problem registering?”

Me: “I did. But it should be getting taken care of. I had a hold on my student account.”

Coordinator: “Why?”

Me: “Well, I apparently didn’t pay my tuition.”

Coordinator: “What tuition?”

Me: “My tuition of $0.00. Yes, I had to go through the online payment system, put in my credit card and stuff, so that they could process a payment of $0.00. Hopefully, the hold will get lifted today.”

(It did get lifted and then I could register for my classes, but I still had to laugh at the fact that the computer that created holds on student accounts didn’t realize that $0.00 is… well, nothing.)

They Saw The Light

| England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Employees, Liars/Scammers, Technology

(I have been using the same garage for years; they give a good discount and are really flexible. There hasn’t been a problem until today.)

Mechanic: “Well, the car has failed the MOT.”

Me: “Oh great. What for?”

Mechanic: “Well, you had a bulb out on one side. If both sides were out it would be okay, but they need to be the same.”

Me: “Oh, okay, that is easily fixed. I will unplug one of the others.”

Mechanic: “Yeah, you could do that… Oh, it failed on light alignment. They have been fitted really poorly. Did you do it yourself?”

Me: “No, you guys did it.”

Mechanic: “Ah, okay. Give me one second.”

(I wait 15 minutes.)

Mechanic: “If you leave the car here it will be retested within the hour.”

Me: “Okay. How much for the retest?”

Mechanic: “Oh, I, err, don’t worry about that.”

(True to his word, the car was re-tested and even cleaned well before the hour was up and for free. I never got questioned about the lights again.)

Half-Witted By A Half-Dozen

| San Antonio, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I go to the register and ask for a half-dozen doughnuts. The cashier looks at her manager.)

Cashier: “She wants six, right?”

(The poor manager had a look of pure shock on his face and just answered “yes.”)

Overhelp Overkill

| KS, USA | Bosses & Owners, Extra Stupid

(Our store has a team of about 20 people who come in early in the morning to unload the day’s shipment and restock. They work their way around the store like a wave, always within a few aisles of each other. Right before the store opens, we have a meeting.)

Store Manager: “We’ve been getting low survey scores lately, and we think that part of the problem is that the unload team isn’t customer focused. From now on, our policy is that you offer to help every customer you see. I’ll be working with you this morning so I can watch how well you do.”

Unload Team Member #1: “What if someone else has already asked?”

Store Manager: “Unless you were standing right next to them, go ahead and ask again, just in case.”

Unload Team Member #2: “Won’t people get sick of being asked over and over whether they need help?”

Store Manager: “The surveys say this is the kind of service people are looking for when they shop here. You’re just being helpful! What could be wrong with that?”

(About 15 minutes later, a customer wanders into the aisle where Store Manager] is working.)

Store Manager: *loudly, obviously trying to set an example* “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Are you f****** kidding me? You are the sixth person to ask me that already, and I haven’t even been in the store ten minutes yet. In the last aisle, I got asked by three different people! Why can’t you people just leave me the f*** alone and let me do my shopping on my own like an adult? If I hear one more employee asking me if they can help me find something, I’m gonna drop my basket right there in the middle of the aisle and leave. No! No, I do not need help!”

(Oddly, the new policy was never spoken of again.)