Because Repeating It Over And Over Will Make It Happen

| PA, USA | Bosses & Owners, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I work in a medical office which has an adjoining counseling office. We are owned by a large hospital group that includes dozens of doctors’ offices. One day someone from the counseling office calls and says she had a family emergency and asks if someone could cover the front desk for her for a few hours. Although I don’t typically work the front desk, I often cover others when needed. So, I go over. On this day there is a psychiatrist who comes to see patients there once a week, on loan from the behavioral health office (BHS). When I go to check in his first patient, I realize I don’t have access to his schedule. I call over to behavioral health to have someone check them in. He comes over to me:)

Doctor: “What is taking you so long?”

(I explain the situation and that I had found a workaround but it would take a few extra minutes.)

Doctor: “This can’t happen.”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Regular Worker] had an emergency. It’s a one time situation.”

Doctor: “This can’t happen.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t have access to your schedule.”

Doctor: “This can’t happen.”

Me: “Well, although we share the same computer system, if you don’t regularly work at a particular office, you don’t have access.”

Doctor: “This can’t happen.”

(Now I’m getting pissed.)

Me: *somewhat sarcastically* “You know, you can check in your own patients?”

Doctor: “Well, someone could have at least given you a brief tutorial.”

(Now I’m fuming.)

Me: “Have you not heard a word I said? It’s not that I don’t know how. I have worked for this large hospital system for 20 years. I know what I’m doing. I DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO YOUR SCHEDULE!”

Doctor: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t work at bloody BHS!”

Doctor: “This can’t happen.”


A Spark Of Stupidity

| Northern Ireland, UK | Employees, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I live in a ground floor flat. The flat above mine has the same landlord I do. I walk into my hall to see an absolute torrent of water cascading out of my bathroom ceiling. I panic, hit the main fuse switch and turn all the electrics off, then run upstairs and hammer on the door of the flat above mine to get them out of the shower. Some hours later, the fire brigade have been out and told my landlord that I need an electrician out to sort out the bathroom fixtures… and my landlord has sent out a plumber.)

Plumber: “It turns out your neighbour has a leakage problem in the shower stall. We’ll come out at some point to fix that, but we can’t do it today. We’re on overtime.”

Me: “Sure, whatever. Where’s the electrician?”

Plumber: “You don’t need an electrician.”

Me: “Uh, yeah, I do.”

Plumber: “Look, it wasn’t that much water. Everything’s fine. They won’t send an electrician out just because it’ll make you feel better.”

Me: “…”

(My bathroom had been left in water several inches deep by the time the torrent had stopped, and it had come through the ceiling in two specific places – the light fitting itself, and the pull switch. The whole argument went back and forward and back and forward for ages before I left my dad to argue with him, and switched the main fuse back on. I stand at the door next to the light pull.)

Me: “So, we don’t need an electrician, right?”

Plumber: “I told you already. Everything’s fine.”

Me: “Cool.”

(I pulled the switch to the light that he was standing underneath. It immediately started sparking before I turned it back off again. I didn’t have to say another word; he agreed to get an electrician then and there. When the electrician turned up, I told him what had happened. His words: “People can be really f****** stupid.”)


Keeping On Going To The Beat Of Your Drum

| England, UK | Coworkers, Musical Mayhem

(As part of our training, we have to undergo a three-hour session hosted by an external speaker on conduct, communication, and confidence. The speaker occasionally asks if someone has ever done or seen something and uses it to make an example…)

Speaker: “I mean …okay, does anyone here play a musical instrument?”

(After a few seconds of awkward silence, I stick my hand up.)

Speaker: “Great, and what do you play?”

Me: “I’m learning to play the timbal.”

Speaker: “Ah, the timbal. Uh huh.”

(He pauses.)

Speaker: “What on earth is a timbal?”

Me: “It’s a Brazilian hand drum used in samba reggae.”

Speaker: “It’s a what?”

Me: “It’s a Brazilian hand drum used in samba reggae.”

(After a second or two of stunned silence, the speaker starts to laugh. After about a minute or so of laughter…)

Speaker: “I’m sorry, it’s just, I’ve never had an answer like that before. I was expecting the flute or the piano. What did you say it was called?”

Me: “A timbal.”

(He laughs again and carries on the session. About ten minutes later…)

Speaker: “Has anyone here ever… except you—” *points at me* “—I’m not sure I can handle finding out what else you do in your spare time… has anyone else here ever done tai chi?”

(After the session, my colleagues and I go for lunch and chat about the session.)

Colleague #1: “I thought it was useful.”

Colleague #2: “It had some good tips. How about you, [My Name]? What did you think?”

Me: “Well… I went in there feeling all right, and then he laughed hysterically at my one answer and told me he was scared about what I do in my free time… D’you know, I actually think I might have come out of that feeling less confident than when I went in!”

(The training was actually pretty useful and to be fair to the speaker, he told me to keep on playing drums at the end. Rather unfortunately however, several years on, I only remember that incident from the entire session.)


Should Use The Microsoft Wizard

| MA, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Job Seekers

(I am a writer and content editor for a company. The writing office is fairly small, so everyone can easily talk to each other without leaving their desks.)

Coworker #1: “Whoa!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker #1: “Did you see the email we just got?”

Me: “No, I haven’t checked in the past ten minutes.”

Coworker #2: “Check your email. It has to be seen to be believed.

(I check my email, and in it is a job application. Somehow, this person sent it to the whole office instead of just our boss. The letter starts off fairly normal, stating she went to school for journalism, but by the second sentence the applicant is claiming the reason no one will hire her is because she’s been cursed by a jealous Haitian witch. She lists all the ways the witch has ruined her life, including how she’s using witchcraft to mess with her phone, laptop, and Gmail account, lose her voice, lose her fingers, hands, and arms so she can’t type, and to get people to lie in court about her. I read through the letter it a few times, completely in shock.)

Me: “Good freaking lord.”

Coworker #2: “I’ve seen some weird applicants, but this is beyond insane.”

Coworker #1: “Is she for real? Maybe she made it up to show how creative she can be?”

Me: “If that’s the case, then she’s failed at that, too. Her writing is terrible! She constantly repeats herself, the sentence structure is sloppy, she’s giving us a billion reasons NOT to hire her, and she didn’t even list any references.”

Coworker #1: “Hey, [Boss], did you see this?”

Boss: “I read two sentences and deleted it. I have had more than enough crazy for this week.”

Me: “Yeah, this’ll fill your crazy quota real quick.”

Coworker #1: “Should we call her and find out if she’s for real?”

Me: “That’ll only encourage her. If she calls us, then you can be the one to talk to her. Otherwise, don’t engage the crazy lady.”

(The application went on our “Wall of Shame” to prove it really happened, and we have not heard from the cursed lady since.)


Cheech And Chong Is Never Wrong

| MN, USA | Awesome Workers, Bosses & Owners, Movies & TV

(Our center manager is named Dave.)

Coworker: *answers ringing phone* “Thank you for calling [Center]; how may I help you?”

Corporate Big Wig: “Can I be transferred to Dave, please?”

Coworker: “Dave’s not here, man.”

Corporate Big Wig: “How about [Other Manager]?”

Coworker: “Hold please.”

Other Manager: “This is [Other Manager].”

Corporate Big Wig: “So, you need to drug test the employee who answered the phones just now.”

Other Manager: “What? Why?!”

Corporate Big Wig: “For answering the phone with a Cheech and Chong reference. Then drug test me for getting it.”

(Isn’t it nice when corporate big shots are people, too?)