Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There

| Pembrokeshire, Wales, UK | Funny Names, Liars/Scammers

(We regularly get call centres phoning up wanting to speak to the owner, attempting to sell us broadband/electric/etc. In order to make sure it is legitimate we ask them for the owner’s name, who is female, and if they are right we will pass them on.)

Me: “Hello, [Cafe]. How can I help?”

Call Centre: “Can I speak to the owner?”

Me: “Do you know the name?”

Call Centre: “Bob?”

Me: “Nope.”

Call Centre: “Dave?”

Me: “Nope.”

Call Centre: “Am I close.”

Me: “Not at all.”

Call Centre: “Okay then, bye.”


| Ireland | Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(I am meeting a friend after working out in the gym for coffee. I’m still feeling very warm and tired after showering and changing. I arrive before my friend and decide to order as I wait because I’m thirsty.)

Me: *reading the menu board behind the counter*

Barista #1: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, there. Could I get a medium black iced coffee and a bottle of water, please?”

Barista #1: *smiling* “Sorry, we don’t do iced coffee!”

Me: *thinking she’s new, I point behind her* “I think you do! It’s on your menu board underneath the iced tea.”

Barista #1: *seeing it* “Oh, sorry! Hold on.” *calls another worker over*

Barista #2: “Hi! What’s the problem?”

Barista #1: *still staring at the menu board* “Do we do iced coffee?”

Barista #2: “Yeah, we do! I’ll show you how to do it.” *to me* “What size?”

Me: “Medium and black, please. I’m allergic to milk. Oh, and a water as well! Thanks.”

Barista #2: *makes espresso in full view, adds tap water, and puts it in a clear cup* “Any whipped cream on it?”

Me: *confused* “No thanks…? Just plain, no sugar, no milk.”

Barista #2: “Any syrup in it?”

Me: “Erm, no thanks… Just plain black iced coffee, please…”

Barista #2: “Milk? Sugar?”

Me: *staring at her put a lid on my tepid ice-free ‘iced coffee’* “No thanks?”

Barista #2: “Okay, well here you go! Iced coffee with water!”

Me: *staring at the cup of tepid coffee* “Are you sure this is iced?”

Barista #1: “Oh, yes! I saw her use the cold tap!”

Me: *dumbfounded* “And my water?”

Barista #2: “It’s in it!”

(I was too confused and surprised at their stupidity to do anything other than pay for the drink and leave. I called my friend and had her meet me at a different shop where I stuck to drinking water.)

Unable To Work In A Crunch

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Employees, Food & Drink, Ignoring & Inattentive

(It was a particularly cold day and I had a half hour to spare so I decided to treat myself to a hot chocolate. At the register, there was a sign behind the person taking orders advertising a new “Cookie Cream Crunch” range, with the option of a hot chocolate, a latte, or a frappe.)

Me: “Hi, can I please grab a small Cookie Cream Crunch hot chocolate?”

Cashier: “Sure. So, that’s one small Cookie Cream Crunch latte?”

Me: “…and a little whipped cream on top. Oh, no, sorry. I wanted the hot chocolate.”

Cashier: “Okay, one small hot chocolate?”

Me: “No, a Cookie Cream Crunch hot chocolate, please.”

Cashier: “Okay, no worries.”

(She spends a little while typing in buttons.)

Cashier: “So one small Cookie Cream Crunch latte with a little bit of whipped cream?”

Me: “Sorry, no. I wanted the Cookie Cream Crunch hot chocolate.”

Cashier: “Right, of course, sorry. $4.20, please.”

(I received a plain hot chocolate.)

Got You Out Of A Pickle

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre/Silly, Employees

(I travel a lot and always take my four-year-old with me. She seems to always get free stuff but no one believes me. My girlfriends and I decide to do a weekend in Chicago. After getting to the hotel everyone is starving so we get directions to a simple restaurant within walking distance. An older lady seats us and seems super stressed taking our orders. The waitress sets down the plates.)

Me: “Look, pickles! You love pickles!”

(Two minutes later the waitress plops down a plate of extra pickles. My girlfriends and I mumble “Thank you,” all with open mouths of disbelief. A few minutes after that she comes back with a balloon and apologizes for the string being a bit too long.)

Friend #1: “Wow, when she sat us and was really short with us, I thought this was going to be horrible. She’s super nice!”

(We finish and go back to the hotel where the bell hop walks up to my daughter and hands her a stuffed cow.)


The Job Is Way Too Antsy For Me

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bosses & Owners, Food & Drink

(I’m being trained as a barista at a little family cafe.)

Manager: “So you make the coffee like this, and if they ask for flavouring, what do you do?”

Me: “Well, there’re flavouring things here. Do I use them?”

Manager: “Yep! You use the flavouring pumps. But you should always squirt the flavouring into the cup first, because…”

(She throws a look around and turns back to me conspiratorially.)

Manager: “Sometimes there’re ants in the flavouring. We keep it right next to the window!”

(That job didn’t work out; she sent me home and never invited me back. I can’t help but wonder if the problem was the face that I made.)

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